Irish Jokes

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed
into a cemetery early this afternoon in Ireland.
Irish search and rescue workers have
recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that
number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Rather typical of the type of Irish jokes we all hear from time to time. Some people get upset by such jokes, although Scots jokes rarely upset me at least if they are funny that is! There are those sensitive folk who think such things racist or unpleasant.Usually I find them to be white, middle class, liberal, females with as much understanding of life as a, well, a white middle class, liberal, female! Rarely do Irishmen get upset! John O'Toole is a good example. This hard working man and I used to slog it out together and on many occasions his humour would show through that beer stained brain of his. "Can't you hear me looking at you?" he said on one occasion, causing us all to wonder if he meant it or not. But not all took his easy going way. Having a female boss is not always the best situation to be in, and Vera was a lovely Irish woman who kept the eedjits in order when the broken leg forced me into the dreadful office. Apart from when I held her hand and told her how I loved her sparkling eyes when she yelled at me we got on well. She did get upset on one occasion however, the drawing of a boat with 'Irish airliner' written beneath. At least I think she was upset for I found myself on a barrage of office desk furniture. Maybe she was just 'touchy' that day?

All nations have neighbours they refer to as 'daft.' In this case I suggest the influx into Britain during the Irish famine in 1842/3 probably is where the Irish began to be regarded as stupid. A great many hungry folks came from outlying country areas, black houses roofed with turf of a type not seen in England (Similar existed in the Scottish highlands), and for the most part speaking Irish Gaelic, it would have been easy to regard them as dumb! Their lack of sophistication, lack of knowledge of the 'modern' towns, and unsure of the ways of the people around them would leave them open to abuse. Today it is a gentle humour, banter in fact, in the 19th century it was more aggressive. The Irish like the Jews arriving in London earlier, were immigrants and that always causes opposition. Muslim and African immigrants today, and in many cases Poles and East Europeans suffer in a similar manner today.

Scots jokes are of a different kind. A look through old copies of 'Punch' magazine show that before the Great War Scots jokes were mostly concerned with drink!

Tam is seen shaking hands with his three friends and is asked
"Tam your no leaving so soon are ye?"
"OH no ahm no leaving yet.
Ahm just shaking hands when I can still recognise ye!"

Many 'Punch' cartoons were of this type. Quite a number featured the 'Gamie' or 'gillie' sarcastically encouraging the hunter, fisherman or golfer on his way round. Later however the idea of the mean Scotsman appeared.

Possibly this was the fault of Aberdeen! (Can anything good come from there?) During the 19th century British towns and cities grew apace and as wealth grew so did civic pride. If Huddersfield built a new town hall Bradford had to build a better one and so on. Aberdeen built Union Street! This long street was created with granite stone, which cost a fortune. The story goes that Aberdeen then became bankrupt and to this day tales of mean Aberdonians abound. I of course cannot tell any, although on my last trip there I noticed the 'Pittodrie Bar' was celebrating their hundredth year. The celebration involved selling beer at the same price as on opening day in 1898! A wonderful idea! I went along and found the place deserted! I was surprised as there were hundreds of men outside. Naturally I asked the barman, as I paid my penny halfpenny for my glass of stout, "Why are they all waiting outside?' He glared at the door and in thon strange dialect murmured "Och min, they will be waiting for 'Happy Hour.'

I reckon Harry Lauder,who was knighted after his many efforts entertaining the troops during the Great War, was responsible for the mean Scotsman. Watching an English singer in an Edinburgh music hall he decided he could do better. He invented the man in a kilt, crooked walking stick and notorious meanness which lasted all his career. He went so far to obtain great publicity in New York in the twenties by tipping the hotel doorman a sixpence! The doorman cried blue murder, as Harry had paid him well to do, and publicity was assured. It is not just 'B' celebs who know how to get noticed!
His act has left all Scotsmen, the most generous folk in the world, with a reputation of miserliness. While some are indeed careful with their money, and with recent news of the Scottish banks being run by money grabbing incompetents who can blame them, all Scots remain the most generous in the world.

er..., must go, I see the landlord has come for the rent and I must stop typing in case he realises I am in.

Early Mornings

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a 2 pint bottle of 1% milk,

a carton of eggs,

a carton of orange juice,

a head of lettuce,

a large jar of coffee and

a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a man standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the checkout girl was ringing up her purchases, the man calmly stated, “You must be single.”

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by his intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the bloke to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”

He replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

This story crossed my mind as I attempted to purchase the 'shop soiled,' 'reduced price,' and 'Basics range' products this morning. It was as I took up position to pack the bag at the checkout when the woman before me spoke as she slowly put three items into her bag. "They say the Arctic ice will all melt by the summer." I looked at the girl behind the desk, and she returned the blank expression. Ignoring the woman as I waited for my selections rejected by decent people to arrive I heard her repeat the point and this time asking me (thrice) what I thought. I was forced to volunteer an answer. "No" I responded in my grumpiest London style 'Go away and leave me alone' voice. She then slowly left continuing to talk to the checkout girl as she moved on. We stared at each other. "I don't think it will melt by summer," she said in a low voice full of wonder. "No, I don't either," I replied courteously. We struggled through the deal and I moved on wondering about the ideas that fill folks minds. I was still full of wondering when I returned ten minutes later having to change the coffee beans I bought for the coffee powder I ought to have got, idiot!

Now this woman was serious. I don't believe she said such things for a response, although she may have been lonely and that can inspire desperation in some. I think she believed what she had heard. Possibly had she read it somewhere. a woman's magazine perhaps? Maybe today's 'SPORT' was pushing this idea in an attempt to fill space usually reserved for the awfully interesting goings on among the 'B' celebs of the day? It got me thinking how stupid we are at believing whatever we read. It was of course ever thus!

When the Soviet Union was in full swing there were constant reports of sightings of UFO's in the distant parts. We also hear now and again of young girls who have visions of the Virgin Mary in Latin or Catholic countries. While in the UK there was a time when every week there was someone sighting Elvis Pressley working in a burger bar, usually in Rochdale or Halifax or some other unlikely place. There are always people who take these stories seriously. Conspiracy theories abound re the Kennedy killings, 9/11, the sinking of the 'Titanic,' and every, major event in the world! Is this because we are lacking intelligent leadership from the top, an honest media or are we just stupid? I go for the latter as we have all fallen for something like this, and we keep that info to ourselves in case folk laugh! That seems the best way.

I feel guilty now about the woman in the shop. Maybe she was lonely and just needed to talk to someone. Maybe she is a bit daft, either way I should have been kinder. After all, next time something daft is said it could be me saying it!

Another Rip-Off!

This ad has just fallen into my 'in box' from Thornton's. "Mothers Day gifts! Mothers Day? Another chance to show how much you care, just a few weeks after throwing cash away n your loved one (bet she didn't!) and not long before Easter! Great! Just what I need, another excuse to obtain another letter from the bank for being overdrawn! Woopeedo!

Was it always like this? I am sure we used to just boil eggs and paint them and roll them down hills when young. maybe a thin chocolate egg to go with it. Mum's day was unheard of when I was young I'm sure of it, and later we did not spend that much. Now it's a card and a box of chocs or flowers. (Chocs are cheaper and I use Thornton's for this, and a better idea if you are actually with mum!) This after your woman has emptied your wallet on Valentines night (no wonder Valentine got killed I say!) .

Add to this birthdays and other personal and family drains on your wealth (wealth? Ha!) and one is left wondering what it all means. I know what it means, it means someone (Hallmark, various chocolate sellers and Interflora) are making money even in a recession. Anything can be celebrated this way. Especially where women are concerned. Blackmail comes in here. The lass will say she does not mind, but woe behold whoever forgets her birthday, Valentines card or worse, chocolate egg! Something should be done, I will write to my MP!

Exercise

I noticed I have again touched on 15 stone! This in spite of cycling and walking more in these few sunny days. There is no excuse, I made pancakes the other day, far too many, and my version of flapjacks. Very healthy indeed. However some fool ate them all. I once again begin to look like one of the round toys found in budgies cages. Only push me over and I don't roll back up, I just lie there like a beached whale. Long walks tomorrow, especially as I have sat at the PC since Saturday attempting to rebuild everything, that growling sound was not a grizzly bear that was my patience running out.

Nothing else has happened again! Having my head inside this motherboard means I have seen and heard nothing, barring the driving today that is. How nice to see the sunshine on the fields, how less nice to be asked by the instructor, "Why are we sitting in this field?" At least we missed the cars. I have not even rushed to hear about the great prime minister meeting the great American president. Once again the talk will be of the 'special relationship,' and once again it is total sham! While the US and UK will always work together, the special relationship means little to most Yanks, and the UK are somewhat cynical about the whole idea. Churchill & Roosevelt may well have got on together, they had to at that time, but both nations worked for themselves first. That's life. The good side saw us lead the US to victory in WW1 and it was a British victory - apart from the Soviet effort obviously. Field Marshall Alan Brooke was the man who actually won the war, although Churchill forgot to mention this. The bad side of course saw Bush and Blair through away everything and, like any bank director, walk away as if innocent. Blair still operates as a 'peacemaker' in the middle east for crying out loud! Brown and Obama will work together well, but nobody knows what to do about this recession!

Must close and look for something to complain about.

AAAAAAAAaaaaaarrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!

So after the problem with the sound yesterday I recommenced work on this today. I clicked on something previously downloaded and everything collapsed. The PC would not get past the XP screen. It would not open in safe mode, it would not do anything!!!!!!!

Now I am not one to complain but I finally, after some time possibly days, I lost it and have reinstalled XP. This lost everything that was on the PC was lost, except those I have already downloaded. So I have spent time, too much time, searching for and reinstalling all the lost programmes and muttering somewhat wildly.

Of course the top bit was the Validation by Microsoft of the XP. It failed! Somehow it passed this in days gone by but now it has failed, why? I will tell you why, the E-Bay seller has been using illegal XP on all his PCs. I have since discovered others in the same position as I. Now I have no OS and do not know what to do - although screaming is barred as the noise disturbs the man downstairs and the police as they drive past.

Am I downhearted I ask? Using the cry used during the Great War. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! is the reply.
However, worse things happen at sea.

Oh yes, last day of the month and I have just searched for and discovered my overdrawn status has been overdrawn again. Another 20 fine looms. Oh yes, and some of the "@# are in the wrong place!!! I canny wait for the driving tomorrow......................

Saturday

This has ruined my evening today. Not that it is at fault itself, but the audio part thereof! Since I last reinstalled XP (don't ask) the sound has been only half as loud as it ought to be. So this afternoon listening to the kickabout in Dundee I had to put the speaker to my ear at important times. I decided enough was enough and scrubbed the drivers and sought to reinstall them. I have no sound whatsoever now! I sought the right drivers, I think, installed and failed. I tried others and failed, all evening I have been failing when I ought to have been failing at something useful!

Ah well, the day started brightly as I cycled past those folk dog walking this morning. How nice to feel my knees ache as I pushed up the hill. Some folks thought the squeaking was the bike! I had hoped this would lead to a day of action and practical purpose. I was wrong! I also note that the folks I bought this from on E-Bay, who were helpful at first, appear to have disappeared. I wonder if they have closed down and reopened under a new name, not that I am suspicious or anything........

Now, what can I break tomorrow?

Friday

Friday Blogging is for the aged, the decrepit, the sick or the loner. That is the impression I get when Friday comes around. Sure the parent or babysitter will be tuned in, although I suggest young babysitters will be tuned in elsewhere via a mobile phone or a 'Bebo' connection. But most folk are just too busy having a life to blog about having a life. Do you remember when we had a life? One day we must blog about that.Anyway that leaves us! While the world fills itself with the delights on offer we are left to pass on to the unheeding masses our vital communications that may not be read until Monday, if at all that is. Does this cruel world not realise what it misses on a Friday night? Can they afford to ignore all those keys that are pressed while they face the real world? Or could this be the reason they are sitting in public houses, theatres, cinemas restaurants and the like? Does the need to keep the nations economy turning drive them out or is it the inane self deluding babble that often results from a keyboard under control of the wrong person make them run to the bright lights?. What are you looking at me for?

Had there been an audience available I would have bored informed you with the state of my knees. I have become so unfit sitting here writing begging letters, not worth the effort I must say no-one answers during a recession, and getting back into the habit of cycling daily is a priority. The bad weather, flu bugs that never die and sloth have all combined to lessen the exercise and my knees are so stiff whenever I wander around the locale. Knee ache makes me wish I could afford the cost of the 'Thai Massage and Takeaway Curry Service.' This is a blow in several ways. However I will await next week when Spring itself is officially unveiled once more and rejoicing can begin! I love the Spring, it is my favourite time of year. It speaks of new life, warmth and gladness and makes me want to break out into poetry. Thankfully I will resist this - for the time being.

The potential audience stuffing 'Tikka Marsala' or 'Chop Suey' down their throat while swallowing industrial quantities of Chardonnay may not be interested in my adventures in 'Tesco' or 'Sainsburys.' Neither am I to be honest. Just another day of looking for 'value' produce and wondering why my idea of 'Men Only' shopping days never took off. I did suggest this in times past in the local paper and received nothing but abuse from women who think their selfish, slow way of trailing around a shop slowly, blocking aisles with their trolleys or gathering in groups to gossip is acceptable.Phone calls and letters to the paper showed a lack of equality in this area. However I continue with my search for a better shopping environment. When confronted with Tracy and her friends behaving like the Chavs they are I may suggest a friendly word like 'GERROUTOFTHEWAYBINT' which doesn't always bring a favourable response. I can confirm that the suggestion at the checkout "Using two hands to pack bags rather than use the other one to talk to Sharon on the phone" would be easier, also brings a breakdown in communication. Picking up a sponge and offering this to them while questioning whether this had fallen out of their skull often goes slightly over their head I find. However, no-one is interested in such things as this on a Friday.

Friday is a time for fun and laughter, a time to let the hair down and a ....O sod that. I'm off to bed. Goodnight.

Brain Training?

According to the BBC News Item, all those folks spending their cash on games designed to improve the brain are wasting their time. 'Which', the consumer organisation, have done a study of these games and concluded that doing a crossword is just as useful if you wish to avoid Alzheimer's or just going 'Ga-Ga' as you get older. Some of you out there, you know who you are, will be happy to here this! No more spending up to a £100 for a game plus console, now all you need do is borrow someones paper and do their crossword for them. They will be pleased.
The main reason they are pushed by celebrities, and they know ways to make money that would embarrass even a banker, is to line their pockets by assuring you that a healthy brain will keep you sane until death. After that you are on your own! They are so clever that they know you will listen to them because they are believable - proof indeed that you need to train your brain and quickly! My mother is 94, she would not know, nor wish to know how to use one of these machines, but her brain is still working OK. She does crosswords and watches quiz shows and then wastes her life watching 'soaps!' Had she avoided the latter she would have worked out how to become rich by now!

The brain is a fantastic creation. Some years ago I worked in a hospital that specialised in neurology and neurosurgery - brain operations and nerve diseases to you. Obviously I was low down the importance scale, but not too far down for passing doctors to look in my ear and whisper, "I can't see your problem," as they passed by. Why one of them hung the sign, 'Out of order please do not use,' on my jacket button one day was never explained. However reading the books and relevant notes when possible, it was interesting to see just how powerful the brain actually is, and how little of this machine we actually use! Operations led to the destruction of many brain cells, and often patients had to relearn how to read - by using the other side of their brain! The damaged brain showed awful results in some cases, and years of care were needed for some. They often were the lucky ones. I came across this site tonight and it looks a great read. Once we have worked our way through that we will not need Carol Vorderman making money out of us to keep the 'little gray cells' alive.

Wednesday Fun

So I went driving, at 9 am this morning! An hour before I get up!

He has a sick sense of humour this man!

Anyway arriving back I came upstairs and gave thanks I was still alive.He informed me he does this every time he gets home, and now I understand why!

Behind me, slumped on the couch, Michael, my Guardian Angel, grasped a brandy bottle in his hand.

"Here, you don't drink," I reminded him.

"I do now," he muttered between gulps."I never used to till you came along with this driving malarkey!"

He lay back, feet on the small table in front of him muttering things in an unknown language.

I er, didn't like to ask..........

Certainly it was an interesting day. Straight along the old Roman Road into big town and round every roundabout in the place. "I thought you and roundabouts needed tightening up," he muttered. By the fifteenth I needed straightening out and muttered quite a bit myself!

His instructions were clear.

"Left here"

"Right"

"Left, then right at the next," He did not mention there was only 20 feet between them and it meant changing lanes in heavy traffic.

"Right here, middle lane, then signal left, mind the kerb"

"30 speed limit here not 50, left at the lights"

"I think it may be you as the gears usually go into the right slot when everyone else does it"

"Right at this one, then left, mind that silver CAAAAR"

"What silver car? Where"

"40 limit, that is a limit, not a suggestion"

"I know he has stopped, that's because it's your right of way and he doesn't trust you"

"Don't stop the lights are green, left, BRAKE!!!"

"Left, and never mind why I am using a rosary"

"Pedestrian crossiiiiiNNNGG!! Yes I braked. It's OK, she's just a chav, she will roll off at the next roundabout, the pram will follow"

"That's fourth gear that's why we are juddering like a lifeboat in a gale"

"Good stop, I can walk to the pavement from here!"

Now my mate Michael has finished the bottle, but strangely it still appears full. He mutters something about a rest and disappears leaving me to burn my dinner. I wonder if he will do what he said last time and ask for the big boss's help come the actual test?

What's that burning? Ah I know, dinners ready.

Brain Strain

I had to go into the big town today for an assessment test for the job in the dole office. The recession is bringing 250 a week to sign on round here alone and the biggest job creation is the fourteen places on offer at the dole office! How sad is that? This, however, was a strain all round. A strain to work out bus timetables, a strain enduring the test and those also taking it, and a great strain enduring both literate and numeric testing. The latter was easier than the first surprisingly. In fact the bus journey was so enjoyable I almost forgot to get off at the terminus. Sitting at the back happily taking in the scenery, scenery I miss when driving with both sweaty hands on the steering wheel, and in a bus devoid of the worst thing about 'public transport,' the 'public!' Only a few dozy folks used this service and I was glad.

The town hall where we took the test stood in Victorian grandeur, full of pomp and full also of pictures of past grandees who I suggest were well pleased with themselves. Large windows, thirty foot high, with stained glass decoration celebrating the towns history and glorifying the rich personage who donated them let light into the halls. Everything was in tip top condition and well cared for. The excellent Great War Memorial, glass fronted and gilt framed, contained hundreds of names of those who did not return. Along the street a huge dark angel with massive wings stands as a memorial to their sacrifice, on one one side a mourning maid, on the other a downcast knight. I can only guess what the remnants who returned would have been thinking when that was revealed! Outside the building itself the main street was a dump! Dirty down at heel shops, not helped by winter weather and the colossal amount of traffic passing by! The Roman history is clearly seen in the towns layout, and this does not make for good road traffic management. A historical town, with a flourishing tourist trade but very dingy and disappointing today. The newly upgraded building clearly serves its purpose but I wonder if the council who use it serve theirs?

The literate test was simple - just find fifteen faults. I only found fourteen, and that by repeating one! The maths was actually easier and I am maths dumb. However I guessed rather than calculated, using the well worn 'common sense method rather than a calculator, when doing the percentages. It was all too much and I still had one to do at the end. However they marked them then and there, it was a quite simple set up, and at the end I discovered I had passed and now await a proper interview which surely I must fail! if not then I can only suggest the standards are slipping! Roll on to the next fortnight! I am glad that the time is earlier than today's mind. On the way home the bus, which takes just over an hour, picked up kids from the college who sat near me! here was I tired from a day of thinking surrounded by horrible youths - and most of them female! naturally this meant horrid music when the phones rang, and they rang! I know what they are doing tonight, when mum is picking them up, why his back hurts and he can't work and lot's of other things I could have ended with a rusty bayonet! But it could have been worse.....

Good job I'm not one to complain.

Cheap Books Rule......up to a point!

Now I like Josephus! He may have a tendency to exaggerate, he may be slightly proud, he may even be wrong, but I like him. His books give you the 'feeling' for biblical days and show just how difficult life was at that time. There are huge swathes of the world that fare no better today! There is however always a problem with cheap books. Either they are stained, marked or, as in this case, out of copyright productions. This edition was translated by one William Whiston in 1737! Not only am I reliably informed that he is none to accurate his English idiom is so out of date as to be unreadable to the modern eye! Having been brought up on the 'Authorised Version' I find it easier to read than someone born in the last forty years would, even so at times it made no sense whatsoever.

Josephus, as you know, was a Jew charged with defending Galilee from the invading Roman army led by Vespasian. He claims to have been a moderate and unwilling to oppose the might of Rome, but he would wouldn't he? He managed to surrender himself to Vespasian and claiming the gift of prophecy foretold that the general would become Emperor! A year later Nero was removed and after a short debate, at the point of a sword, Vespasian was indeed declared Emperor of Rome! Josephus was released and became a friend to Titus, the son, now also called Caesar, who took over the army from his father. Josephus took their side and attempted to persuade the zealots in Jerusalem to surrender. This made him an enemy to the Jews, a problem he was left with for life. However once all was settled he took up residence in Rome and granted a pension he settled down to write the story of the war appropriately named, The Jewish War,' and later wrote the Antiquities. The whole idea of the book was to explain the Jewish nation to the Greek world. (Yes I know Rome dominated but they all spoke Greek and the Jews referred to them all as Greek, and anyway it doesn't matter now!) Antiquities is basically the history found in the Old Testament paraphrased for the Roman world. He continues right up to the days of the war giving us the only real information from that time. Tacitus and Philo wrote also but Tacitus work is incomplete and as I have not read the other you can google that yourself! Apparently he diverges from Flavius Josephus, but with historians what's new?

While the speeches are put into the mouths of the speaker, Thucydides style, he certainly had some actual information of the history of the times from official records. Our author therefore becomes one of the most important historical evidences for the time as few others wrote so much about the Roman army organisation, the people and actions of the time in regions far from Rome. Rome of course was all that really interested the Roman historians! I suspect his reams of interest in the palace intrigues had more to do with the readers desire for 'soap opera' tales. They sold well then as they do now. In spite of his failings a read of this book, (those well versed in the O.T. need only start in the days after Alexander arrives), a read of this book gives a 'feel' for the world before and after Jesus, who gets a passing mention as does John the Baptist. One thing is clear the number of 'messiahs,' prophets, leaders, who came and went, each gathering a crowd around them, puts the reaction of the authorities to Jesus in their place. We can understand their fear and we can understand why most people of the day probably had little contact with the real Messiah at any time, there were so many! Just like today I suppose!

Saturday Weather

Ah Saturday! A day to get away from the stress of the work week and enjoy the world around us!

Not much change for me then.

However, today the sun shone, the sky was blue and, dressed appropriately I entered the outside world. Immediately I almost froze to death! Someone forgot to turn the heat up! Why O why does the sun shine so brightly yet not give off any heat? Is it because the energy folk have turned it down in an attempt to save money for their shareholders? However I wondered along part of the old railway enjoying the Finches singing in the trees. How lovely to see the little birds singing as they chase among the branches, often stopping to drop little messages on you as you pass. A blackbird sang to me as I walked so I sang back to it. A little woman walking her dog accelerated somewhat as I responded to the bird, and I thought she was moving rather to quickly for someone her age.

When in lived in London I used to fantasise about walking through the country.Being surrounded by houses and streets gets to you after a while. One job took me on a hundred mile drive and yet we never left the built up area. The driver was worn out at the end of that particular route. I was OK. Out here I am close to the countryside and that need for greenery has lessened. I can actually drive through the country once a week, and sometimes catch glimpses of it over the tightly gripped steering wheel.

As I turned back at the far end of the line I saw high above the industrial estate, a flock of pigeons hurrying around in a large flock.They were concerned about the sparrowhawk, or was it possibly a Kestrel, not far off. That hunter was itself accompanied by a large black crow. The pair reminded me of a Spitfire chasing a Messerschmidt, the two of them circled around, a mere foot from each other, until the dangerous had been escorted out of the area. he was very lucky as usually there are a large number of crows (or could they be rooks) in that area. For him this could have been very dangerous! The Saturday hordes, intent on saving their cash in these recession hit days, carried on regardless of the trauma overhead.

Later I noticed it was after five in the evening and the light was still good. Almost like Spring! So I wandered around, looking for left over veg from the emptying market place, and returned home disappointed with my meagre finds. Ah me, another week at the soup kitchen then.

However as I got home I managed to note the pic above. It does not convey how pink the sky was at the time but the idea was there. The best time of the year is when the nights get shorter and the days longer. The girls wear less to attract the men they fancy - and then walk with their noses in the air if you look at them, especially if you are not the one they fancy. Some indeed react very strangely if you suggest ways in which they could pass their time, at least that one near the robins nest down the old railway reacted somewhat strangely to my suggestion today, I am not sure whether there was the need for all that screaming as she ran off myself.....

Mild Weather

At last the weather has become milder, and we can sleep in a single pair of pyjamas, with woollen gloves, hat and thick bedsox. During the day it s possible to walk easier as the single overcoat is enough. Pavements clear of snow, ice and drunks are negotiated in simple fashion and without the fear of calling an ambulance. The sky, at times, was blue and even the sun was noticed glistening against the naked trees. Birds sang in the trees and paired of thinking it was that time of year again. People almost smiled in the shops, but not all of the shops of course. The park was full of happy people - HOLD IT! That is the spoiler! The schools are on holiday! The park is full - of adolescents! That is where the noise has come from today. Skateboards and their occupants, temporary for the most part it appeared to me, crashed and banged around the skatepark. Girls screamed as macho youths chased them, and beer and drugs were taken by those determined to prove they were 'grown up.' The girls in the bushes will be asking questions later.

Now there is a reason to rant. The park full of teenagers. The mild nights allow them to hang out here, disturbing us, not their parents. Oh for a Kalashnikov at times like this. As Spring heads in our direction the nights lighten, the air is warmer, and these brats fill the park all night screaming, whistling, shouting, banging things and running over the skatepark humps in supermarket trolleys. On occasion the set fire to it or pour acid on it to deter its use! How lovely!
There had been a small structure placed there for them to gather in, that was burnt to the ground also. Violence and senseless destruction fills the thoughts of many. Yet if I so much as stick a rusty bayonet in any one of them there is an outcry from their mothers! A simple swing of a shovel and a head rolling over the skatepark brings the 'Serious Crime Squad' running, how come? Surely improving society is the aim of all decent folks? Ah well, back to annoying the man downstairs instead!

I admire Tristram!
I like his style.

Trottersville

Irked

I am not one for noise. For years I have suffered noisy neighbours, sometimes they were just going about their business and sometimes it was 'Boom Boom Boom' type music. I have been grateful these last few years that those days were over, indeed it is usually very quiet here. Imagine therefore my surprise this morning when I open a letter from the council regarding a music noise complaint. Imagine my stunned expression (on the other hand maybe not) when I realised someone had complained about me! ME? Who, what why where??????? 'Music noise complaint?' Radio 3 tinkles in the background most days with occasional 'Gold Radio' playing music from the Neolithic days of my youth so how come a complaint? I admit to playing some music occasionally loudly - about once every three or four months and then only a couple of tracks. It gets too loud for me after that! However nobody knocked to complain. No knock on the door.
Now only two people can hear my music, one next door and the man downstairs. Yet none have mentioned anything. It must be the quiet chap downstairs, the one who works nights. So I wonder why not knock on the door? Why not say something? I was puzzled to begin with and now I find myself annoyed!
After suffering the years of noise in the past I am always conscious of the noise reaching other flats, especially when I had six straight months of hassle here some time ago. Yet in spite of my care he complains. I am irked, irked I tell you! I should add he is very quiet. For the first couple of months he was here I used to lie on the floor and listen - just to see if he was alive! There was no sound! Usually there is a radio/TV or something, but no, nothing! Does he just sit there staring into space? Is he a plant for some alien world seeking to make a home here? Could he be contacting Russia because he is a spy lying low?
I will of course be my usual 'loving' self. I will continue to take great care re noise, but I am still irked. ME, making too much noise!Ridiculous! I am now officially irked.

It's a Funny Old World

With the UK approaching two million unemployed and a worldwide recession hitting home so hard that even the Japanese are laying of their loyal workers, I begin to wonder what we are going to do? The 'Mini' factory in Oxford has laid of hundreds of workers and BMW get the blame.This German car company is feeling the pinch and needs to tighten its belt. One suggestion made was to lower the price of their expensive cars and therefore sell more. This was rejected! Some companies near here have been offering a 'Two for one deal!' Buy a 'Transit Van' and get a smaller van free! Buy a 'Ford Mondeo' and get a 'Ford Ka' free! Amazing deals to move the cars off the forecourt and keep business turning over. Not the sort of thing a prestigious company like BMW would accept. The prestige of the car and the concerns of the shareholders mean folk loose their jobs. Strange priorities. The nation in general is holding on to its cash of course. Prices are falling and waiting for bargains is the watchword. I hope when the price reaches its lowest level these folks still have a job to pay for any bargain that arrives. Not increasing debt makes sense, but waiting too long for a cheaper price can reflect an attitude of avarice, not wisdom.

Wandering through the market today while gleaning fallen fruit and veg I was struck by how wealthy this struggling nation actually is. People still appear more worried about weight problems rather than starvation, the well clothed will no doubt go home to their 'Sky TV' packages complain about the price and order another DVD from the Video shop. All around the sky is falling in yet we do not appear to notice this - yet! Of course during Thatcher recessions we also found many getting rich, mostly in the south east. This time while they grab what is available I am not so sure they will get away with this today. Even the financial wizards will be more circumspect when they cherry pick the best. Especially as the big guns are being caught out almost every day. I wonder who is next?

Looking for work I am amazed at others occupations and how they make money out of the sad and bewildered. Do we need a 'Life Coach' for instance? It appeals doesn't it, listen to them and they will tell you how to live. I wonder? Is this not what parents were intended for? Family and friends perhaps? What if the 'Life Coach' is a bit of a mental case herself? And they mostly appear to be women aiming at women. The question then is why are women so confused and indeed desperate for coaching? We all need advice ('Emigrate' it says on the window of the Citizens Advice Bureau) but I wonder about these folk.

How about 'Aromatherapy?' Would inhaling nice smells change your world? certainly it makes the place smell nice and is no new idea. In medieval times flowers were strewn on church floors so they were crushed by those walking over them. The idea was to hide the odour of the flock who rarely washed no matter what class they came from! I would suggest a sweet fragrance encourages a happier atmosphere but how do people make money out of this? Therapies? What regulation is there on these folk that wish to 'Balance your system?' Does that mean they will fix the stereo as well as make me relax I wonder? It seems to me all around folk are confused and looking for a life that brings happiness and fixes all their problems. No wonder those 'wild west' films so often had quack doctors offering their potions there is indeed 'a sucker born every minute.' Of course some say this is where Coca Cola came from, that small chemist developing a drink to cure all sorts of problems and selling it on for a small fortune. Those who developed it sold it for a big fortune of course!

Strange folk exist at the highest levels. In spite of Alexander the Greta struggling to win in Afghanistan, the British failing in the 19th century and the Russians in the 1980's here we are losing men daily in a vain fight against the Taliban there. The US President has now decided to follow the military will and engage in a 'surge' there. I see he is making it clear he does this unwillingly so when it fails he can avoid blame. Wise man! Some 17,000 US troops are on the way in what must be the last push against their foe. If this fails and the allies (Yes we are their also, along with many others) lose we must leave. Staying would only leave us like the Russians, defeated and despairing! You cannot win in Afghanistan! Bush and his cronies have a lot to answer for. Thousands dead, indeed thousands of his own men dead, all for oil and a revenge on Al Queda! Or so they say. I sometimes wonder what Bush really thought he was doing. Did he actually believe Iraq needed dealt with? Did he not realise what would happen? If he did he was more incompetent than we thought. However politics is a dirty game and much more lies beneath the surface of that one.

That excellent American historian Barbra Tuchman wrote 'The March of Folly,' in which she took four wars and points out how they began by misunderstanding the facts, the opposition and went on to lead to many deaths. Such a shame so many leaders have never read the book.

It's Just Not Cricket!

Now cricket is one of those strange English games that mean little to anyone with half a brain. Naturally it appeals to the average Englishman. We Scots have of course played this game to some effect but it has never got into the national psyche as it has the English and some other parts of the Empire (God bless the king!). In Scotland we would never stand outside a TV shop window watching cricket in the way we would look for the football results. In 1969 however when wandering through the City of London I came upon a surprising scene. Just outside the Leadenhall market there was a crowd of about thirty or more standing looking at an office window. There were so many people that while some stood in the gutter of a very busy road a policeman was on guard to ensure a passageway through the crowd was kept clear for folk to pass by! This was lunchtime in the city, a very crowded place, and here were people standing watching this window because someone had placed a TV there showing a cricket match! The England side were playing a 'test Match' against some visiting side and the English risked their lives to watch it! This would never have happened in Edinburgh! I was genuinely shocked! So why am I insulting your limited intelligence with this subject. Could it be something in the way our sins will be found out?

You see cricket has been played for many years in two simple forms. In one, often boring to the uneducated form, it lasts for up to five days, weather permitting of course. The other, a more recent invention, comprises a short 'one day' game, the kind played by many clubs throughout England every weekend. Folks got along quite happily for years with this, and for the most part there were little complaints. There were often complaints from me when men went on (and on) about the result of such encounters. Just how the game gets under their skin I have no idea, but I knew when it was getting under mine! During the days of the 'Raj' the Indian sub continent took up the game and today it has become the most important sport in that part of the world. The top stars have 'pop star' adulation at home and acclaim world wide. While the crowds at an English game were for the most part somewhat reserved in Asia they were far from this! Huge crowds, high temperatures, hard pitches and deafening noise accompanies the games. Losing is a sin, and victory is all important. The beer carrying Englishman wobbling down the stairs with a tray full of pints, often dressed in funny clothes for reasons I do not understand, gently supports his side, yelling the occasional funny remark - he thinks - and applauding the good play when it arrives. In the warmth of the southern hemisphere the noise never abates, the crowds screaming their support and informing the opposition of their opinion at all times, sometimes helpfully with stones! A 'Test Match' in any such city brings the whole place to a halt no matter what!

A change occurred in recent days, possibly to gain money from the TV companies, maybe just to try out a new innovation. This was called 20/20 Cricket. The game would be played in the evening, under floodlights and consisted of a mere 20 overs (Google it!) a side. This produced a fast action packed game far removed from the rather staid five day encounter. The crowds loved it! Quickly this has become a regular part of the cricket world, so much so that an American (isn't it always?) decided he could cash in - sorry, help develop the game further. This man, Sir Allen Stanford, (How come a Yank is a 'Sir?') his pockets bulging with cash decided on a televised tournament of 20/20 Cricket with huge financial rewards for the players involved. Normally these men make comparatively little cash in comparison with football players, and while in India they became wealthy the temptation to finance beyond their wildest dreams took hold with many of the top players. Several of the best from England joined the Australians, West Indians, and those from all the Indian sub continent and accepted the invitation to play in the new series. Money talked, and it is reported it affected the players so badly that at one point some had spent two hours discussing how to just celebrate receiving the cash! "The love of money is the root of all evil," the man said, you can add 'All that glistens is not gold!'

Tonight, in the midst of the 'credit crunch,' with financial fraud appearing in several places it has been announced that the company owned by Stanford has been charged with fraud! The small matter of $8 billion worth of fraud! Throughout the cricket world men are now sitting with broken dreams. The future that looked so good has ended. The trust we all put in cash has failed them, just as it has failed the world economy. "Man does not live by bread alone!" Now we all would like a million from a game or two of cricket and money is not wrong in itself, however the raised hopes, the jobs for the 'small people' lost around these tournaments, and the heartache that will follow is indeed cruel to ponder. Something ironic in all this in my view. Maybe living in my poverty and still being happy is better than watching the pot of gold slip out of the hands - just as the ball usually slips out of the English players hands!

Independent

New York Times

A Drive in the Country

Because I gave him the test date my driving instructor decided to find a variety of roads to wander over today. It was brilliant sunshine for a while and this brought out the motorist. All the roads were busy and we kept getting held up by learner drivers still thirty hours behind me according to how slow they were taking the bends. And bends there were! While the US and some other countries makes long straight roads, the UK has miles of bendy twisted roads that have evolved over eons. Quite how the A1071 from Sudbury to Ipswich twisted so much we pondered today but could not work it out. When the Romans arrived the strengthened the roads and ensured they travelled in a straight line from start to finish, 'Stane Street' is one such and lies outside my window. These roads were already ancient tracks by that time however why did our road take so many turns? Ancient forest covered this land for thousands of years and in the last thousand kings used the area for hunting and for much of that time the trees remained untouched. Having your head lopped of stopped some folks from knocking them down. Small local tracks in areas where people should not have been living may have been interconnected over time and now give us a busy road full of lorries, vans and learner drivers. The added bonus of two dirty big agricultural vehicles blocking the road helped cheer those behind me as they fumed at my habit of sticking to the speed limit!
Even his devious plan of returning along the A12 did not put me off, although the police car that ran along beside me was unhelpful I thought. I noticed that my hand were somewhat sweaty as I grasped the wheel doing 80 as we overtook the lumbering lorries. I was reminded that 70 is the limit once or twice... A good day, apart from stalling three times, almost running into someone at a crossing and failing to find the gears once or twice - in the fast lane! I wonder if I should go on with this....

Several Things Niggle

A 13 year old boy has become a father with the aid of a 15 year old girl. In itself this is not unusual, it happens too often in the UK and elsewhere in this world, and does not mean disaster for the three of them. However the accompanying press coverage is more likely to mean disaster! While the Independent gave us an intelligent article on this the media in general are determined to milk this, as indeed are the grandparents, for all this is worth. In my view the children ought never to have been named yet not only are they on the front of the 'Sun' a video of them has been released. Time such abuse of daft kids was stopped, whether the relatives agree or not! Their names ought never to have been released. I just hope they can survive.


Ah nothing like a picture of dead bodies somewhere in Africa to make us turn off! Yet another war, more corrupt leaders, more aid, more men in suits talking and nothing being done, and all too soon it is all forgotten.
This picture shows the dead from the conflict in Darfur. You remember this? It was all the rage a while ago yet it still continues, rape, murder, shootings,bombings from the air, denials and lies. Just another war somewhere in Africa. The trouble in the Democratic Congo also continues and is under reported in the UK, unless people from there want to become immigrants, illegal or otherwise in this country of course. I just thought I would remind you that no matter how hard our lives are, at least we still have them, and most of us are free from the fears these folk endure, and will endure for some time to come!

However in spite of this, when watching the 'African Nations Football' last year I was impressed with Africa. In the early 19th century most folk only knew of the outskirts of the continent, if that is they knew anything about Africa! At the end of the century the middle of 'Darkest Africa' was being changed by a wide variety of colonial rulers. These brought many benefits, much conflict and usually regarded the locals as mere savages. However when watching the football I was impressed by how many players now earn thousands of pounds a week in Europe? In the 70's such players were laughed at as coming from 'third world football nations.' Not now! Growing up in Edinburgh we were always conscious of students at the universities from Africa and elsewhere. In recent years I have met brain surgeons from the Sudan and Ghana, Nigerians who study 'advanced mathematics,' for reasons no sane person could understand, and there are many politicians and businessmen at all levels who make this world a better place. Sure the leaders are often still far too corrupt, (unlike the bankers who run our economy) although there may be some improvement there, sure there are huge difficulties, many caused by abuses during the 'Cold War.' Sure there is famine and aids and other problems. However Africa has progressed in leaps and bounds during the last two hundred years to head for the level that the UK and Europe required over two thousand years to reach! There is much to appreciate and applaud in this continent in spite of the problems.

I came across this...

But I cannot remember where!
This annoys me as I think I would like to go
into business selling this type of thing.
There is a sucker born every minute they tell me.....

Valentines Day

I have stopped bothering about this these days.

I've had this attitude ever since I buried the bitch in the back garden.....