Hot Water Bottle

 

Love Hot Water Bottles

These chilly Spring days mean I have a choice at night to either put the heating on for a while and increase British Gas or Eon's profits, or place a hot water bottle in my bed.  I choose the latter.  For some years now I have realised that a hot water bottle, a rubber one obviously, behind your back is the quickest and easiest way to heat the body and save cash.   

When young, we used stoneware bottles like the one in the picture, there were two in the house, of different types, but both could be heard throughout the area when they accidentally fell onto the floor, which was common.  The rubber one, I have two though one is hiding somewhere, which are sufficient to keep me warm sitting in bed in the evening, unless the temperature drops too far.

The past couple of days have seen a strong, very strong, wind coming from the south.  This brings warm air and sand from the Sahara region, which I am grateful for, not all like the sad however.  The nights have been warmer indeed, and today heading for Kirk I was fair blown along by the storm force winds. No sand blown in my face though.  it's always good to remember, old fashioned technology still works, is cheap, and does not break down requiring a 14 year old geek to fix, at high price.   

Maybe I ought to write this with my fountain pen or pencil, while listening to my phonograph, and check the sundial to see what the time is, better than trusting Microsoft.... 

 

Mr Putin and Hot Water Bottles

 

With that nice Mr Putin sabre rattling along the Ukraine border, well I suppose as he has the Crimea he is actually sabre rattling inside Ukraine, I have come up with a winning idea to end his power, this is based on his gas pipeline.

Hot Water Bottles!

This excellent article in the 'Low Tech Magazine,' leads me to believe by artful use of these devices we can save the world. All we need to do is give every citizen two Rubber Hot Water Bottles and immediately see the gas and electric bills come hurtling down.  A hot bottle at the back, one at the feet, a cup of tea and a wee blanket over the knees and the majority of the citizens (or 'subjects of Her Majesty' if you are a royalist) will find the cold weather no longer a problem.  Their heating bills will end, their various body ailments will resolve themselves quicker, and the only cost will be heating the kettle to fill the bottles.  That will not cost much, though the water companies might become confused if they find more money coming in, this may lead to them investing in infrastructure rather than pouring sewage into the local rivers and beaches.  

By using an old kettle alongside the one for making tea it would be possible to keep reusing the water also, this too would save money.  Kerchiiing!

Of course the bottles will have to come from China, this may upset the balance of payments but I doubt anyone would notice as under this government Brexit has already destroyed the economy, apart from the bit where Tory donors have made a killing.  

A slight problem may also be the ship loads of containers required being held up at Felixstowe.  

For a start the ship will have to wait outside for many days before unloading, then there is the paperwork, much of which being in Chinese will be easier to understand than the paperwork written hastily by a tired civil servant somewhere in Whitehall, more probably at home while fighting the children, the dog, the cat, the wife).  Several long days, not counting weekends, Covid staff shortages, shortage of lorries, trains delayed by staff shortages, and computer failure later the bottles may well be on their way.

Councils, the NHS, and friends of Boris will be willing to help ensure the right people get the bottles.  The Councils and the NHS will be diligent in their operation, quite what will happen to the  containers sent to Tory donors in Norfolk and Suffolk where the rich live might not make the BBC news.  

This is such a good idea that already I am looking forward to my knighthood, or even better, seat in the House of Lords.  A Peerage would be the least of my rewards, especially as I have given the Boris Party £50 as a bribe donation to ensure this project goes through.  

All around the nation will be warm, and as I sit dozing at £350 a day on the red benches, I will be comforted by the many letters, e-mails, newspaper columns and TV and Radio personalities congratulating me on my winning idea!  Warm tinglng toes around the nation everywhere, except gas and electric energy companies of course, they might be shivering a wee bit.

Tsk!

 

FreeImages

 

Instructed to 'get some fresh air' to remove sluggishness I opened the windows.  This, I expected, to bring a fresh cleansing breeze through the house.  However, with a west wind all that was brought was the colossul amount of pollution that London, further to the west, emits.  Clearly congestion is not easing in the big city.  

Instead, I forced myself for a walk, masked but not from Covid, just to keep warm, and wandered across the park, into town and spent money in 'Poundland.'  Such a useful shop, I am so glad they do gift cards, it saves money at Christmas, but it was sad to see the shelves half empty.  I am not sure if this is caused by a lack of goods coming from China, though as most of their stock begins there that is likely, or whether they are considering closing down.  Imagine 'Poundland' going bust?