Phil the Greek

Since marrying Liz, the one who would be queen, Phil has had his life turned upside down.  Clearly this couple liked one another but her role meant his Naval career would come to an end.  He was born into the Greek royal family in 1921, his mother gave birth on the kitchen table, but the family were forced to flee in the following troubled years. Enlisting in the navy in 1939 Philip served throughout the war in a variety of ships. His background may not have been the cause of his promotions as time past and he did receive a mention in dispatches at least once.  He served in the Mediterranean, the Pacific and off the coast of Britain, none of these postings could be called 'safe.' Incidentally his mother was deaf and used lip reading a lot.  This meant that while watching silent movies she would be laughing out loud at what the actors were actually saying as opposed to the part they were playing!  Phil found the role of consort very difficult.  he was indeed a man of action and must have despaired at role he was called into.  While head of the family he was of little importance royally, this however limited his actions and led to many problems in the early years, possibly the comments made while meeting people down the years are caused by this frustrating situation?  Here are some of his famous 'gaffes.'


Aboriginal leader William Brin, Queensland, 2002: “Do you still throw spears at each other?”


British student in China, 1986: “If you stay here much longer, you’ll go home with slitty eyes."



"Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut." to a 13-year-old whilst visiting a space shuttle.




"People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.” 2000.


With Cayman Islanders: “Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?”


With a Scottish driving instructor, 1995: “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?”


When offered wine in Rome in 2000, he snapped: “I don’t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!”


At Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme, 2006. “Young people are the same as they always were. Just as ignorant.”


“I’d like to go to Russia very much, although the bastards murdered half my family.” 1967.


To Simon Kelner, republican editor of The Independent, at Windsor Castle reception: “What are you doing here?” “I was invited, sir.” Philip: “Well, you didn’t have to come.”

President of Nigeria, who was in national dress, 2003: “You look like you’re ready for bed!”

His description of Beijing, during a visit there in 1986: “Ghastly.”

To Atul Patel at reception for influential Indians, 2009: “There’s a lot of your family in tonight.”

On the Duke of York’s house, 1986: “It looks like a tart’s bedroom.”

At party in 2004: “Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!”

With a woman solicitor, 1987: “I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.”

On the 1981 recession: “A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone’s working too much. Now everybody’s got more leisure time they’re complaining they’re unemployed. People don’t seem to make up their minds what they want.”

When accepting a figurine from a woman during a visit to Kenya he asked: "You are a woman aren't you?"

Duke of Edinburgh


.

Footballs Intellectuals

'It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there.' - Jack Charlton

'We keep kicking ourselves in the foot.' - Ray Wilkins

'I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.' - Glenn Hoddle

'Of the nine red cards this season we probably deserved half of them.' - Arsene Wenger

'It wasn't going to be our day on the night.' - Bryan Robson

'Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl,except, of course, for those of us who are goldfish.' - Graham Taylor

'If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen.' - Terry Venables

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.' - Lee Hendrie

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.' - Ian Rush
Interviewer: 'Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?'
David Beckham: 'Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side.'

'If you're 0-0 down, there's no-one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright.' - Robbie Earle

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.' - Steve Lomas

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.' - Barry Venison

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - David Beckham

'The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European.' - Phil Neville

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.' - Mitchell Thomas

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.' - David Beckham

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.' - Graeme Le Saux

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.' - Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.' - Johnny Giles

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.' - Thierry Henry

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.' - Ronnie Whelan

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - Neville Southall

'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.' - Paul Gascoigne

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.' - Alan Shearer

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.' - Peter Shilton

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.' - Stan Collymore

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George Ndah had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.' - Ade Akinbiyi

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.' - Ian Wright

'It was a big relief off my shoulder.' - Paul Gascoigne

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - Ugo Ehiogu

'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.' - Ian Wright

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.' - Jonathan Woodgate

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.' - Stuart Pearce

'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.'- David Beckham

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.'- Les Ferdinand

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.' - Richard Rufus

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.' - Gary Lineker

'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.' - Vinny Jones

'He's 31 this year: last year he was 30.' - David Coleman

'The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties.' - Martin Tyler

'The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory.' David Coleman

'Peru score their third, and It's 3-1 to Scotland.' David Coleman

'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.' - David Coleman

'Ian Rush is deadly 10 times out of 10, but that wasn't one of them.' - Peter Jones

'Neil Sullivan has stopped absolutely everything have thrown at him...Wimbledon 1, Manchester United 1.' - Mike Ingham

'Emile Zola has scored again for Chelsea.' - Radio 5 live

'This will be their 19th consecutive game without a win unless they can get an equaliser.' - Alan Green

'Martin O'Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin.'- Mike Ingham

'Such a positive move by Uruguay - bringing 2 players off and putting 2 players on.' - John Helm

'It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the scoreline on Saturday.'- Radio 5 live

'The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee.' - Mike Ingham

'Poland nil, England nil, though England are now looking the better value for their nil.' - Barry Davies

'West Germany's Briegel hasn't been able to get past anyone yet - that's his trademark.' - John Helm

'You don't score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals.' - Alan Green

'It's headed away by John Clark, using his head.' - Derek Rae

'Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.' - John Greig

'And with just 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0.' - Ian Darke

'The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.'- John Helm

'I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.' - Archie MacPherson

'McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the referee.' - Martin Tyler

'It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road.' - Alan Green

'Lukic saved with his foot, which is all part of the goalkeeper's arm.' - Barry Davies

'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.' - David Acfield

'Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras.' - Peter Jones

'Forest have now lost six matches without winning.' - David Coleman

'When a player gets to 30, so does his body.' - Glen Hoddle

'I was a young lad when I was growing up.' - David O'Leary

'Home advantage gives you an advantage.' - Bobby Robson

'It's the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result.' - Graham Taylor

'We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.' - Ruud Gullit

'The philosophy of a lot of European teams, even in home matches, is not to give a goal away.' - Alex Ferguson

'In a year's time, he's a year older.' - Bobby Robson

'The first 90 minutes are the most important.' - Bobby Robson

'Shearer could be at 100% fitness, but not peak fitness.' - Graham Taylor

'As I've said before and I've said it in the past...' - Kenny Dalglish

'He was a player that hasn't had to use his legs even when he was nineteen years of age because his first two yards were in his head.' - Glenn Hoddle

'I've seen them on television on a Sunday morning most days of the week.' - Jack Charlton

'People always remember the second half.' - Graham Taylor

'If they hadn't scored, we would've won.' - Howard Wilkinson

'Paolo Di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.' - Bryan Robson

(I'm still sick!)

Feeling Tetchy?

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”

-Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”

-Clarence Darrow

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”

-Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

-Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”

-Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.”

-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.”

-Winston Churchill’s response to George Bernard Shaw

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”

-Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”

-John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”

-Irvin S. Cobb

“He had delusions of adequacy.”

-Walter Kerr

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

-Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”

-Mae West

Did Someone Say....?

Did you ever say things like this.....?
Michael Owen England Footballer :
"I was really surprised when the FA knocked on my doorbell".

"None of Croatia players would get into the current England team".

Better make it six, I can't eat eight."
Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." Alan Minter, Boxer

"Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier." Anonymous Traffic Report

"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather." Arab News report

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." Barbara Boxer, Senator

"After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought" Bobby Robson

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.

"We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes."
David Coleman, Sportscaster

"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people"
David Coleman, Sportscaster

"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
Decca Records Rejecting the Beatles, in 1962

Friday

I was given this award by the Channel of Healing very nice it is too! Not often I get rewarded now is it! I do often get given things mind, folks round here are very helpful, you recall that only the other day I had a note, attached to a brick flung through my window - the note read, "Your window is broken!" Not everybody would take the time to do that, but lots of folk here put themselves out in this way I find.

The north wind doth blow today and it is rattling the windows so to help forget the weather I have stole....acquired some jokes that may, or may not, waste some time for you today.

In a recent poll the British population were asked if Polish immigrants were a problem.

23% said ''Yes its a serious problem''.
77% said ''Czesk bardzo mi milu gdzie d jest toaldta''.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman:
"Where's the self-help section?"
She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

f(x)=6x+3 walks into a bar, goes up to the barman and asks “
Can I have a couple of sandwiches please?”
The barman replies: “Sorry mate, we don’t cater for functions”

I’ve told my wife I want a wooden leg for Christmas.
It’s not my main present; it’s more of a stocking filler.

Q: What do you call an Essex girl with half a brain ?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do Essex girl braincells die ?
A: Alone.

Q: Why should Essex girls not be given coffee breaks ?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

*None. "We'll document it in the manual."
*None. It's a hardware problem.
*1.000000001.
*Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
*Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
*Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...
*Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
*Only one, but she's not available till the year 2000.
*"The change is 90% complete."
*"It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working."
*Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.

Thoughts For Friday

"I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"
- P G Pridmore

A friend is someone who's there when he needs you"
- Anon

"I'm gonna live forever, or die trying."
- Joseph Heller (Catch 22)

"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law."
- Hubert Humphrey



"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"
- Anon

"I can see clearly now, the brain has gone"
- Anon

"I am nobody
Nobody is perfect
Therefore, I must be perfect!"
- Anon

"Some people say that one's personality is reflected off of their car... Well, I have no car."
- Anon

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do."
Ronald Reagan

Words mean So Much

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." That was one of the common things we used to say as kids, usually after someone calling us names had just hurt us! Words, as you know, mean so much. usually it is not the words themselves but the way we use them. In the UK it used to be common to describe any Asian who was seen as 'Paki.' Paki as in short for Pakistan. In Edinburgh in the seventies it caused no offence, except to that nice Mr Kyaham who insisted he was "Indian and no bloody Paki!" No-one of Pakistan descent worried about it. later of course it was used in a derogatory fashion by neo right wing groups and fell out of use. 'Jock' is a term for Scotsmen, and I think should always be viewed as complimentary. After all, what can be better than saying "I am a Scotsman?" However on occasion even that word can be used to hurt and insult rather than compliment.

Words are often misunderstood. When she asks "Does my bum look big in this" and you honestly answer that it does, she will deliberately use that as an excuse to remain stonily silent for several hours. Women seem to specialise in misunderstanding words in such situations. A "Yes" often appears to mean "no" and if you misunderstand and accept at face value here word all sorts of trouble can arise. Possibly women and words needs to be for another time?

Politicians and words are marvellous, the emphasis on the 'lous' part. If they lose a vote they will claim they have actually got everybody on their side! In 1968 I remember a Communist being elected in a council seat I think in Inverness. "This is a sign that the people are turning to us," said the leader of the Scottish Communists, ignoring the Scottish Nationalist Party winning 368 seats on the same night! To reach the top in politics it is advisable to avoid truth and stick to being devious. No one wants an honest politician anyway, they might expect it back from the citizens. That would never do!

One day every idle word we utter will be brought back to us,as I discovered when I found some things I wrote a hundred years ago. How frightening is that? Did I really think those thoughts and say those words? What else have I said in all these years I have drifted through life? The mind boggles at the cobblers I have come out with! Anyway I found some folks who may also regret the words they have used, but at least they give us a laugh.

Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country - Ian Rush

I never criticise referees and I'm not going to change a habit for that prat. - Ron Atkinson

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

"As God once said, and I think rightly..."
- Margaret Thatcher.




Think before you speak, you know it makes sense.....

Dictionary of Cynical Quotations

Some years ago, when visiting my Spiritual Mentor and his family, they presented me with a copy of this book,'Dictionary of Cynical Quotations.' What me, cynical? I had never realised how cynical I had become. naturally I reacted in the correct manner - and blamed them!

But in the United Kingdom today we have a cynical approach. Much comedy is based in a cynicism, and not just with today's life, it has been created here over many years. The improvement in the condition of folks in the UK in the nineteenth century, and it was an improvement, came along with a strong sentimental streak. This was destroyed by the Great War, as indeed were many other 'myths' of daily life. The 'British' had developed a black and ironic humour, much used in such times to keep folk going, and one of the blessings this country possesses. It was much needed during the period between the wars when the 'homes built for heroes' never arrived and when work disappeared. The depression and poor housing, the Jarrow Crusade' and soup kitchens, all these have left a mindset in the UK that will never disappear. Add to this a second war and the time is right for sarcasm to arise!

As wealth grew apace during the years of peace (peace? 50 million or more dead since 1945 in various wars! Peace eh?) the inevitable happened. We have become fat and empty of values. I wonder if this is why a cynical attitude arose, and grew in the years of Margaret Thatchers rule? Possibly it was the 'British' personality added to the cruel Tory attitude of the eighties in which people were less important than money! Since the war and attitude, of hidden by various domestic squabbles, existed in which, generally, the 'service' element existed. This was by the late seventies seen as corrupt, and they have a point, and needed radical change. The change reawakened the lust for Mammon that lies within us all, cynicism thrived, especially with politicians and 'leading people.'

The 'Cynics' originated in ancient Greece, the word coming from the word KYNICOS, the adjective for dog. Cynics, it appears took the dog as a kind of badge! Diogenes was a leader among them who rejected the world's view, and often in somewhat crude ways! Their story is quite interesting if you wish to strain your mind trying to understand them, but worth a go one quiet rain filled day. Anyway I was given this book as I appear to have a cynical view on the world, and I thought I was loving and kind.

However I recommend cynicism, especially when listening to politicians, news reports on the telly, and indeed anywhere else, and when reading adverts that offer to make you rich or beautiful or famous for £19.99! Cynicism has a value. But it can be misused, we can disbelieve facts when they are presented out of habit. Use it wisely.