Idiot!

Technical brilliance just cost me £20.

This wireless mouse, no it does not act like a wireless, this mouse ceased working.  It had fallen upon the floor for no good reason a day or so before and I worried it may be wonky.  However, I changed the battery, I had three lying on the mantlepiece doing nothing, put one in to discover this did not work.

The brute lit up and went off again.  Most annoying.  So I tried the other batteries, same result.  It is either broke or the battery is dead.  I had no more batteries, bar one.  This I took from elsewhere and inserted it into the mouse.  Same result.  Nothing for it but to obtain new batteries anyway and order a working mouse.

Several long days later it arrived, at 7 pm in the evening!  Royal Mail parcels are being delivered at all times, and on a 7 day rota at that.  No wonder smiling posties are hard to find these days.  Long hours, no extra pay, bad management, increased prices and appalling delivery ideas, all this to line the pockets of the few while the service deteriorates.  I support the postmen, not the owners.

Anyway, I got the new mouse, fixed it up with a new battery and put it to work, success! 

I had faith this would work!

However, I then tried one of my new, new batteries straight from the shop in the old, broken mouse.  This is an attempt that must be tried, and of course it worked first time!

So, tech marvel me spent £20 on a new mouse when all I required was a new working battery.  

I do not come from a family of engineers...

Sunny Day

It has been a difficult day.  Everything I do is going wrong.  I was tired last night but still awoke at 5 am.  

I fought this but had to rise at 6:30 in that half asleep way.  Whatever I touch has gone wrong since.  I am on a Browser, I try to click the star to save a link and instead press the 'X' and lose the Browser entirely!  I press the button to 'repost' on Twitter and find instead I am 'reporting a fault.'  I have tried to sort out Christmas cards but they keep going into the wrong envelopes, and then someone puts the wrong thing in with the wrong card!  Don't ask what I do when pouring the tea! 

I have left all this until tomorrow!   

I made my ungainly way downstairs to the basement to check the electric meter, I noticed how clean, neat and organised everything was round the building.  The man came along yesterday, clanging his steel ladders as he clambered up to clear the gutters of almost no dead leaves.  He sorted out the weed growth all around and did an excellent job there.  This is our first response to the inspection last week.  No doubt he will find other things to do also, but he claims he has to check the gutters in all her properties, and there are quite a few.  

I checked the numbers on the dial, stumbled up the narrow, slimy, basement steps, and made my way under a shining blue sky slowly upstairs.  I am just glad I went to the right door!  

Checking the crooks at EON I found I had used almost another 50% of electric in the past month, on heating!  It is time to get out the hot water bottles, make tea, use the rest of the water for the rubber bottle and place this behind my back.  This is cheaper than EON, better for me and cuts down the costs.

I mean I can afford to pay the grossly inflated price, which increases in January thanks to a crooked government, but we are being badly used by energy people.

"Hey Boy!  Tell them I am not going back to PMQs until they stop laughing at me."

Idiot!

Idiot!
I sent some paperwork into the council on Friday morning and returned to my place of obscurity.

Satisfied all was in order I wandered through my day with the usual grace.

Late afternoon, as I was trying to help a friend understand how to work 'Whatsup' on her new mobile, I received a call.  This was the nice lady from the council informing me that she had received my covering letter, but no documents.  The old fool had posted the letter while returning the papers to the desk.  She told me I could send them by email, but as we were struggling with the mobile tech I thought this unwise, and told her I would post them.  The council office is just across the park from here.

So, before 8 am I was up and running, well, hobbling, across the park passing all the other men of a certain age exercising slowly before people are up and about.  This was a day of rest for me, three football games to watch, and all the while across the road in the park a 'Skateboard' exhibition is about to start.  So, noise and crowds of yobs will soon gather and annoy me while I watch a quiet football match at Tynecastle where a mere 18,000 will be drowned out by skateboard activities.

Bah Humbug etc...

Have you noticed how little news there is?  

All appears quiet on the political front.  Sunak is away in Japan trying to increase his riches, Starmer is about but nobody is sure what his beliefs are this week, and nothing of importance is occurring anywhere.

Has all crime ceased?

Have the Tories turned honest?

Tsk!

Ah well, at least the football is good!

Idiot of the Week No 104.

Being an idiot is easy.

I have, unlike some, never required to take lessons on such a subject.  Indeed, many have claimed I could make a fortune by teaching ‘Idiocy’ to the masses.  Adding only that if anyone came to such teaching then those individuals would already have qualified in ‘Idiocy’ anyway. 

That made me think.

Now I have not reached the level of the American couple who asked me the way to Princes Street in Edinburgh many years ago.  I pointed to my feet and said, “You are standing on it.”

They were indeed, outside ‘Binns’ as was and at the beginning of the most famous street in the world.  To be extra helpful I indicated the castle, soaring high above, and avoided any remarks that may offend.  I got no tip.

Stupidity has been a hallmark of my life. 

In the museum I made it to the kitchen early on, filled the kettle, placed cups etc in position awaiting my friend and colleague as she arrived, returned to my position and opened the doors. 

Shortly afterwards the cleaners, making their way home, came past laughing and pointing at me.

It appears that I had left the kettle lid ‘up.’  This meant the kettle boiled and did not switch off.  The small kitchen was saturated in moisture as a result.  Words were exchanged by the non-tea or coffee drinkers as to one individual’s mental health.

The other day I accidentally bought a book through Amazon.

I tracked my package through the system, happily noting the imminent arrival this morning.  Just after 12:30 I raced downstairs slowly and retrieved my package as it hung through the letterbox.  Our front door is upside down!  This means the letterbox is quite high and wee Sue struggles to reach it.   I obtained my package, but once again the Wednesday delivery of ‘Private Eye’ failed, and hastened upstairs to rip open and read.

As I did so I realised I had read one book about Clement Attlee, and this book was about him, some time before.  I had checked my shelves and had no such book but it was in my mind.  I looked at the cover, the drawing of the greatest ever Labour leader reflected his quiet but efficient manner.  How I wished one such as he was around today.

I then thought the book looked familiar and once again checking the shelves I found that my idiocy had worked a treat!  Yes indeed, that very book I had in my hands was already on the shelf exactly where it ought to be!  Not only that the first copy I reckon was bought on the cheap, this one full price.  

I might not bother getting out of bed tomorrow…

Sunday Wander...

Church today was enjoyable, other than falling over young Alfie and almost breaking both our necks. The young ladies rushed to save me, an action which upset the 9 year old as they ignored him while ensuring I was still active.  Quite right too! 
Having made the decision to walk, either walk or fix the bike first, I hobbled down the road in a bright warm sun.  This brought out the motorbikes and Sunday drivers off for a drive, enabled those of us with a warm coat to wear  over our jackets, and the footballers to break sweat, and very occasionally, bones!

  
The under 16's here are pursuing their football dream of glory, even if they only make it to the smaller leagues, and if not enjoying themselves as they labour on the sloping pitch.  How I wished to change places with the goalkeeper!  Alas I merely wandered home and watched the professionals fail to play any better than these lads were doing this afternoon.  

Boris is quiet this weekend, he must be up to something!

Idiot!

Idiocy rules in this house, I made a post in a hurry this morning while waiting on the football, and now the football is struggling I realise I posted on the wrong place.  This post ought to be here but instead it is found here!   Photo Page 

Stupid boy!

Old Photos

Stupidity runs in our family.  I fear for my idiot nephew if he has inherited the genes that have caused s much distress in this world.  I mean I sat for some time tonight fretting that I could not get BBC Scotland to work properly on my laptop.  There are two options and neither worked.  It took me some time to realise that what I was looking for was not taking place.  I wanted the Scotland v Hungary match live and I was indeed in the right place for this it is just that this is Monday night and the game takes place on Tuesday!
This is not the first time I have not realised what day it is.  Indeed the clocks went forward on Sunday and as I awoke I heard the man on the radio give the time, I therefore rose and some time later realised all the clocks were an hour behind.  It took about an hour before I realised the clocks had gone forward and I didn't know.
I wonder if matron will keep me in this week...?  

I had to look out a photo for a friend, OK for an acquaintance, and found several somewhat dingy pictures taken at the beach one pink sky night many years ago.  I wonder if I used the 'Zorki 4' but I suspect this was the 'Zenit 'E'' that my brother gave me.  A wonderful camera which was dying long before I got my mitts on it.  However it gave me much fun and sometimes properly exposed pictures, and the results of our time at the seaside was good considering the pinkish twilight.  

Browsing old photos can be a daunting experience.  While many good memories and people appear there are also many faces, some long forgotten, who bring memories not always pleasant back to mind.  Long lost loves, I have hundreds, good people who have moved or passed on, good places now altered for ever and bad places that still haunt the mind.  One unfortunate aspect is the undeniable fact that this shows me forty years have passed and I have wasted much of that time, this is one of the problems of getting old.

 
Another problem is the old albums as they fall apart.  Glue used on pics dies and photos fall out, those plastic covers on some albums, the covers that are supposed to keep the pictures there for ever have faded and come lose and whenever the album is lifted several minutes pass as a search under the furniture for fallen pictures ensues.  Of course once they are all digitalised this will not be a problem, unless the 'delete' button is hit by mistake.
Right, now I have left a morose emotion in your head I will retire to contemplate my naval while seeking sleep.  I need sleep for my mind requires much input from nourishment and sleep these days.  

On Being an Idiot Still...

Drowsiness filled my head this morning.  Struggling out of the grimy ex-army blankets I made my way through to the trough for breakfast.  Considering it too difficult to negotiate cooking anything when my mind was absent I fed myself some form of cereal that was lying about the kitchen, some of it remaining in the bag. 
Bleary eyed I switched on my life the laptop and sought the football pages of the online papers.  There was none to be found as the season is over - eventually!  I checked my friends blogs to entice the intellect to warm up then checked the hundreds of replies to my latest blog. 
Both were erudite and interesting as always and were placed onto the site.
I then spilled cereal over the desk checked my blog where something was not right.  It was apparent to me there was a problem and this problem was solved accidentally - I accidentally deleted the last post!
Stupid boy!
All those letters look the same when the mind is not there. 
Alas two sensible replies are lost (actually I still have them but the post has gone), thank you young ladies for the comment.

The brute was also running slowly today and after trying a quick scan, Malawares and hitting it knowingly with a hammer I ran a lengthy 'Boot scan' once again and as last time the nasty downloader was found hidden in the 'Recovered items' section of Windows Live Mail.  Quite what this section is for I know not but the four relevant dates have been deleted.  The downloader comes through a junk email and hides there for a while and opens out whenever it chooses.  
That's the second time he has done this.  His judgement will come.
Thankfully I fixed that I hope and luckily I had nothing else to do bar fall asleep.  This is just as well as after clearing up yesterday I was knackered, and fitness is not my strong point just now.  However the sun will shine tomorrow for a change and I will possibly but probably not get the bike out.

How to be an Idiot Vol: 3 Chapter 227.

As I sat recovering in the 'Coffee Point' awaiting my host bring the 'Americana' to revive me I sadly cogitated on the inherent stupidity I carry with me always.  You see I splashed out £35 pounds on a small Android with keyboard to act as a mini laptop when away.  I managed to download Facebook and one or two other things and then stupidity came to the fore.  You see when I logged on all I got was the 'Try Again' message as the password would not work.  This was because the week before I had to change the password and could not work out what I had changed it to.  As only one email was working and I could not get into it without the password that I had forgotten I was stuck!    
I could write on WORD as I downloaded this, FB did allow me to read but not write as I could not log in to log in!  I bought this thing as it had a keyboard attached as opposed to fidgeting with one on screen and allow as well before I left.  How frustrating, I could have blogged but without pictures and bored you each night.  It may be years before I need the thing again!      

Back to work with sixty delightful children and teachers coming through the shop.  Not much else happened but as Xmas approaches we will see folks wander around the shop more.  I was glad to get home early as I begun repairing all the broken bits at home.  Some have lain broken for a while and in the next few days they will be repaired, painted, touched up and just as bad as they are now.  But it's a beginning.

It Never Ends

Inevitably after sunshine come mist!  It has taken all morning to disperse.  It was almost like being in Edinburgh once again!  This morning I had intended to return to the cemetery and grab some early morning pictures but the mist hindered this so I did nothing whatsoever, although I was supposed to do several things.  
The problem you see was the pictures on the WW2 memorial they were too big! The wee camera pictures come out at around a 1000k, the fancy new camera bought at a quarter of the original price come out at around 6-7000k each!  This means I ran out of space quickly.  Bah!  I discovered this when I had almost completed upgrading the original photos.  I could not work out why I had used 95% of the space when I had 27 pictures and around 90 men there and the WW1 memorial had 61 photos and over 200 men!  Technology is too much for my dim mind.  
So once again I had to slog it down the road, this time in bright and indeed hot sunshine, with weary knees and a lack of food inside me, I forgot to eat properly last night again.  When the mist cleared off I went seeking out the stones from last week.  They were still there I noted.  It would have annoyed me had they moved during the previous days.  
So now I have to once again go through the site removing and adding for the umpteenth time.  Oh joy! Sometimes I wish I had not started this.  Bah!

In other news the election continues....yaaaawn..... 

Day Out

So my day of rest (most days) was ruined by visiting the Record Office.  The 10:26 bus left right on time at 10:32 but made it to the bus station dead on time.  Then the problems began.  Do I walk to the right along the long canal path or go through town and cut through the big shop?  Town it is, this is quicker and I always go for the quick route.  
Once through the big shop, past the unsmiling painted faces at the perfume counter, avoiding 'women's shows' and squirming at the prices on the men's jackets I came out almost on top of the path by the canal.  My poor knees and I limped along the path past the huge shopping centre, over the bridge and then the doubts began.  Once I had gone miles along I found a board with a map and details on it.  No one had told me that while the River Cam runs through Chelmsford the River Chelmer does also!  No-one told me that turning left took me to nowhere and turning right took me to the Record Office!  My knees muttered loudly under their breath as they took me all the way back, over the bridge and to a place where I could cut through to the back entrance of the said Record Office.  If I have not lost several pounds in weight by tomorrow I will wish to know why!

Passing through town I stopped of for a moment in the cathedral.  This is a nice place to sit and ponder, unless some event is going on, and I always stop of for a moment.  Much altered in recent years it has not replaced the Victorian stained glass windows and here is one of St Cedd, the first Bishop of the East Saxons.  Not that I can remember much about him, nor that he would look anything like the Victorian ideal, indeed he would not have fitted in well with them I doubt, but he was a strong efficient man in his day.  The sun was not bright enough to reveal the depth of colour in the window.

I spent hours in the Records Office, mostly looking through incident reports of WW2 bombs and V1 and the like that fell in this district.  These reveal the confusion when an explosion of some kind occurs in the dark 'over there somewhere.'  This has to be investigated, damage or casualties reported, and few if any of these men were professional.  However they dealt with bomb damage, individuals made homeless or wounded, and a hundred other events including being shot at by passing German aircraft.  
I was left with something of the lifestyle the man in the street endured as each day he risked passing aircraft, bullets and bombs while going about his everyday business.  These were the men at home, often with family members away on service, 'carrying on' and 'muddling through' while this great event erupted around them.  We are lucky we do not have that situation daily as they had.  
Naturally the bits I really wished to read about came late on when I had lost my mind by reading all the comments and struggling through a mass of carbon backed paper.  I will haven to go back next week and look at some of these again.  

Naturally the bus home met with the 'rush hour,' streams of red lights ahead of us, yellow ones to either side, and roundabout after roundabout hindering our advance to home.  Now home, fed badly and watered just as badly I ache all over, await the pains in the knee keeping me awake, and worse still there is no football on the TV!  
Bah!
  
  .

Stupid Week.

Stupid week continues apace.  It never seems to end and I suspect it will continue on, possibly for ever! I indicated to a woman at the museum this morning that she was incorrect in saying that her relative was on the war memorial.  Her insistence almost convinced me but I remained adamant that I was right, I mean I usually take the correct opinion do I not......what? Oh!

Anyway after she left I realised I was wrong.  I was doing things alphabetically but putting 'M' after 'N,' Thus ensuring that her man was not there.  It is clear   the dementia has either started or I am suffering one of those bugs again. The lady however will be returning with info regarding here ancestor and offering them to the museum for the exhibition later this year.  However there are in fact two persons with the same name, only one of which was put on the memorial, which one I wonder?

  

Stupid week continued when I took for ever to count £30 cash.  One of those women who must be obeyed was muttering things as I did this, you know how they go on, I was just trying to find my mind but am failing terribly there. Can it be age, I'm only 24.

The lass I practiced my stupidity on discussed a lot of things with me while she browsed our bookshelves, one was telling her eight year old how lucky he was when watching adverts for hungry children.  Poor wee lad is too young to appreciate what he was looking at but will learn in time.  It made me remember how lucky I am to have what I possess.  The good Lord could have had me born in India, Africa, Syria or Vietnam.  I could have endured war, hunger or a variety serious wrongs, but most of my woes come from me, not others.  Jesus called to me when I cared nothing for him, cared for me when my life was in danger and has provided all that I have now, yet I still remain ready to grumble? One visitor today could not speak or walk properly, a young lad who had suffered terrible damage, possibly from assault, and is lucky to be able to still get around.  How many of those like that I saw in the NHS who are dead today?  

Of course I will still find something to moan about.

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A Glare in the Sun.

The cat interrupted the daydream to inform me with a look to sling my hook and quick.  Sitting dozily at the gate ensuring the home is protected, enjoying the sun and awaiting feeding time the last thing a cat needs is some prat with a camera.  There is no preening oneself while the photographer positions himself, no licking of hair to get it just right, no posing on a wall or sitting just right, just a slight turn of the head and a glare.  Cats as you know can glare very well.   At least the beast has some sun in which to dwell.  Facial expressions in people can be revealing however in animals they speak volumes. Dogs, those big lumps that take up lots of room and eat everything and require you to walk ten miles a day with them can say much with a look.  Cats however say much, much more.  They need nothing except your constant attention, food and you getting out of their way.  You have to think if their is a dog in the house, the cat does the thinking for you, the response required from you is mere obedience. 

I have spent the day indoors looking for dead soldiers again.  Some fool found a war memorial from a village nearby last night and realised he had no knowledge of the folks involved and sat up till near midnight scouring the web for little return.  The day has followed on from that very well!  It is just typical that none of the names match those already researched.  Bah!  It is fun mind but annoying when nothing else is found.  At least on this one I discovered a dead Brigadier General (acting) who along with his Major was hit by a stray shell. Some sixty or more such generals perished this way.  

My eyes hurt from the bleary light, even when the sun brightened the day staring at the screen did not improve my 20:20 vision, especially as my vision is more bleary:bleary.  My mind however has been enabling me to forget an enormous amount, so I had to go back to the shop for what I forgot yesterday. While I found myself talking to myself about things I had no connection with I almost forgot the soup burbling away on the cooker but saved that before the burning started.  Later discussing with myself the future football I managed to knock everything down as I went to eat my dinner, put my dinner on my seat as I cleared the mess and then sat on my dinner.
The air, as they say, was blue!

I have now retreated to the west wing in an effort to overcome all this debacle and hope to recover my struggling brain by reclining gracefully.
Did I switch the oven off....?   

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Idiots...

Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in 
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter 
into the Emergency room right away.


Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting
it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river,
a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned
out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.


Idiot # 3 - A true story out of San Francisco:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to 
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police 
before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America 
and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling  errors that 
he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not 
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit 
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip
or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested
a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.


Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he
sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he
received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this 
time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.


Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the
cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he
didn't believe him.

At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, agreed that the man was
in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from
the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the
name and address of the robber that he got off the license.                           

They arrested the robber two hours later.


Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.


Idiot # 7 Arkansas:
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made
of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.


Idiot # 8 Ann Arbor:
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. 

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