London Scots

At first sight I thought this would be an interesting look at Scotsmen in London during the Great War.  I was however, immediately disappointed.  The book is based on the work done at the St Columba's Church (Church of Scotland) in Chelsea, a prosperous area and thereby indicates the type of Scots we would be reading about.  

Many Scots followed James VI when he took on the role as James I of England.  They were not all welcomed then as now, but many prospered and fair to say the financial districts saw a great infusion of Scots blood, especially after the Lords were bribed and threatened to sell Scotland to England in 1707.  No money in Edinburgh for 50 years after that so they moved south.  Their Tory, Unionist descendants do similar to this day. 

I had hoped for a more detailed life of Scots at the time of the war but while we are given some information much of the book is based on the 'St Columba's Church Magazine of the time, reports of the London Scottish Rugby Club, the London Scottish Regiment, and similar Caledonian organisations. 

All these represent the middle classes in London, the lower orders not only not invited they could not afford the membership fees of many such glittering organisations.  This does not mean they were bad in themselves, it does indicate a small portion of Scots in London, it is not representative of all.

At the beginning of the war it was realised something needed to be done to aid Scots soldiers passing through.  The church, especially the women, you will know then type yourself, decided to be ready to help.  The various organisations in London aimed at Scots soon merged together, if not into one organisation, at least to work together for efficient aid to soldiers in the field, as well as to those passing through London.  Victoria Station was the main departure point for 'the front' and soon Scots troops were being herded to and from the church for a clean up, feeding, and provisioned as they went home on leave or returned to war.  

Indeed, a great and mighty effort was made by the church people here.  It appears their work became known in the line and soon 'sodgers frae a pairts' were awaiting the call at Victoria to be paraded into the church care.  Thousands from all Scots regiments, and one or two others with them, passed through the doors at Pont Street.  

There can be no doubt that whatever their real belief it is clear many a man was inspired, encouraged and developed a faith, or at least some hope, while worshiping in this church.  Especially those returning from leave.

While the various organisations fed the men in Chelsea, they also provided parcels for the front.  Many items taken for granted back home were much desired 'in the field.'  New socks by the thousand, 'Bovril' type cubes, sweets, soap, toothpaste, (many men had to be taught how to use toothbrushes at the time) and other items requested by the men when home were sent out.  Also on offer were newspapers from home, books and magazines, items designed to take the men's minds of the war while at rest (if they got any).  Vast quantities of such things were collected in a well organised fashion and despatched to regiments and individuals. 

Not just the troops out in the line, but also those who were Prisoners of War (POW), some who were so badly injured they were returned home via Switzerland. 

One small objection is the limited time given to the tales of individuals. Partly this is because little is known, partly because such research, as I can tell you, takes time.  Those mentioned on the memorials in various clubs and organisations get a mention: this one born here, educated there, worked in this bank, enlisted, commissioned and shot July 1917, sums up far too many tales.  I want more details, but this is asking a lot from such a book.  The toll of the war is however, clear throughout.  Many passed through the church care, received the gifts and parcels sent out, and never returned.  As many were from the right background and had attended schools that had Officer Training Cadets these men would soon be at the front in charge of 40 or more men.  As junior officers, 2nd Lieutenant, Lieutenant and Captain, they went first at all times and discovered that such officers had the least chance of survival on the Western Front.  Thus the names mentioned were almost all officers, or privates awaiting their commission.  

One section deals with General, later Field Marshall Douglas Haig.  Coming from a Presbyterian Scots background it is no surprise to find him declared an Elder in St Columba's.  One chapter discusses his faith, was it a 'born again faith' or a nominal one.  Some suggest his faith was based on whether God supported him in the war or not and this may well be the case.  Unlike many, I doubt he struggled through scriptural analysis before deciding to fight the war.  He did support the idea of Chaplains to the forces, mostly because they told the men they were on the side of 'right!'  I am unsure of the theology behind this however.  Clearly Haig was popular at the church, he supported it as expected and received much support from the people himself.  In 1928, when he died his body lay in state at the church before travelling to Edinburgh for burial.

While this is an interesting book with many items worth noting, it is quite disappointing regarding the personal thoughts of the many men who passed through, and clearly while their immediate response was positive there are so many gaps to fill.  Overall the book appears like a collection of end of term reports, quite satisfactory but not giving the whole story.  It has its place but not for everyone.

Duncan I and Afghanistan

 

Duncan I, Donnchad mac Crinain to you, 1001 - 1040, was King of Alba, Scotland to you, from 1034 -1040.  He was given the nickname Ant-Ilgarach, which, as you know, means 'sick.'  This may not be regarding his health, it may refer to his lack of ability, but who actually can be sure? 

His father Crinan was hereditary Lay Abbot of Dunkeld.  A Lay Abbot was one given the position in spite of having no formal religious position.  His mother, Bethóc ingen Maíl Coluim meic, (Of course I cut & Pasted it), was daughter of Malcolm II, a powerful King of Scots.  

Duncan became King on the death of his grandfather Malcolm II and this appears to have been an undisputed enthronement, though some suggest any possible alternatives had been 'removed' by Malcolm before his demise.  Whether Malcolm died in battle or on his death bed is disputed, but had he died in battle would Duncan have reigned?

Who Duncan married is also disputed though he he managed to produce two sons anyway, one later becoming King Malcolm III, King from 1058 - 1093, who became King by the simple expedient of bumping off 'Lulach,' Macbeth's stepson, and after him Donald III 'Donalbane,' Duncan I's other son became King.

Alongside Duncan rode his 'Dux' this was a man called 'Macbeth.'  This implies Malcolm realised the lack of talent in Duncan and ensured a powerful 'Dux' alongside him.  Macbeth certainly considered himself able to rule as we see later. 

In 1039, Duncan advanced into England and laid siege to Durham, not the easiest place to lay siege.  This followed on from the attack on Strathclyde by Earldred, Earl of Northumbria in 1038.  The result was disaster for Duncan and he slogged  home defeated.  

The next year he entered Moray and attacked Macbeth in an effort to ensure his two sons inherited the throne, this too was unfortunate as he was killed in the struggle on the hill and Macbeth became King.  The two sons escaped and later took up the throne in time.  

Any defamation written by English playrights can be burnt at this point. 

Duncan was buried near Elgin but they say he was later placed in Iona.  

 

The similarities beteen Scotland a thousand years ago and Afghanistan today are striking.  England also was a mass of warlords fighting for control, aided or otherwise by Danes who also considered they owned whatever was around.  While some kings were able to dispense justice and develop the economy of their land much time was also spent fighting of enemies both at home and abroad.  Other family lines decided they had a right to the throne, Danes from outside, various English from below, as well as weather, economy problems and ill health all had to be faced just as they do today.  The main difference today is that political weapons remove opponents, not the Claymore.

 

Old Scots Vid

Too lazy busy to post so here is an old video you might like.

A Special Day

Today as you all realise is a special day, St Andrews Day!  Now I will not wax lyrical about Scots superiority as I don't wish for you to feel inferior, even though as non Scots you are, so Iwill pass this day in a simple manner.  
The ticket above celebrates the first ever football international which was played in Glasgow in 1872. This date is so long ago even our friend Mike Smith was not in attendance!  The score between the Scots heroes and the imperialist upper class twits was 0-0.  This shows how good their goalkeeper had been during the game.  Such internationals between the only two nations playing in such organised football matches became an annual event, one year in England the next in the land of the free.  This continued until during the 1970's the glory of the encounter wore off and Scotland began to look at the wider football world and saw meetings with then 'Auld enemy' of little meaning.  Of course some wish to bring back this game but with the wider scope of football today Scots would be better playing European sides and developing young players, especially in what were once called 'B' internationals.  
In spite of much weeping and gnashing of teeth I only managed to attend  two of these games, both at Hampden Park, Glasgow.  The first finished in a 1-1 draw and I was placed high in what we term the 'Rangers End' under cover from the rain and surrounded by drunken wee Glasgow neds.  The result meant we failed to qualify for the European Championships that year and we were somewhat surprised by the wee neds bursting into drunken tears at the end.  The result meant a lot to drunken Rangers fans in those days.  
We left, I say 'we' but I have no memory of whom I attended the game alongside, we left and made our way down the dangerous slippery slopes and turned to our right heading for the bus.  The one little difficulty here was the stream of thousands from the other end who were making their way to the left.  We crossed though this far from merry throng and followed the right crowd in the right direction.  As we got halfway down we passed one of the common sights in Glasgow at the time, one somewhat imbued individual standing facing the masses heading in the direction directly opposite to he himself.  naturally you and I would move to the correct crowd and follow their movement this joker stayed where he was and by swinging his arms and misusing industrial language requested the thousands to move and let him past.  He may still be there, trampled into the tarmac!    
The next time I managed to get a ten shilling ticket was two years later in 1972, the price had not gone up much in one hundred years you notice so I suspect the early one shilling fee was intended to put off the rougher element.  1972 gave us the second only 0-0 draw in one hundred years of football.  I was there - in 1972 that is.  It was not a great game, the loudest cheer came when the Ayrshire Drum Majorettes (aged between 8 and 80) appeared at half time, short skirts and swinging long sticks, marched in time to the music to the far end of the ground, faced the crowd and went down on one knee.  I believe seven at least had heart attacks at that moment.  There was little else to consider.  Of course I was with three others, one, with an English accent that came from being brought up down south, one with an Edinburgh accent wishing England would score and two of us trying to make sure these two did not get too close to Rob Roy MacGregor wearing the 'See You Jimmy' cap and confused drunken expression just in case he lashed out.  The other joy of Hampden in those days was ensuring you stood between the crush barriers.  These tended to collapse with age and with 137,500 tickets handed in (only 135,000 had been printed by the organisers) and you stood where you would survive if one or other went.  
We avoided the crush afterwards by heading into town, amongst the crush.  This meant waiting next to a police horse slavering at both ends with one of Glasgow's finest psychpathic polis sitting upon it.  The joys of football crowds!  Today all has changed.  The slippery slopes have been replaced, seating is compulsory for safety reasons and only 50,000 or so attend.  Some wish to bring back standing at football matches because of a rose tinted view of the past, I say no, not for any crowd over 5000, it is just to dangerous.
So we celebrate St Andrew in the usual Scots way, we mention it and just get on with life.  Not like the drunken Irish who celebrate St Patrick ( a Welshman) who they care little about nor the English who's imperialism wishes to bring back a celebration of St George, a man born in Armenia!  I wonder if they would let him in as a migrant?
Happy St Andrews Day anyway.

Another Dreich Day, Hooray....

Start the day with a smile they say, and get it over with.  Well I did that this morning.  Rising before the sun by seven thirty I had dumped the rubbish, eaten what is laughingly called breakfast, began to make soup, planned the 'wartime shortbread,', and made a list for a Tesco visit. 
Naturally it all went wrong
Too early to thump around the kitchen without waking neighbours (why are they not at work today I ask?), I noticed rain beginning which by eight was teeming down and remained so for hours, and I became immersed in some rubbish in the online papers and then facebook.  
The soup.  This was simple, add black lentils (I canny spell 'lentilles vertes'), rinse, boil for ten minutes, simmer for thirty five, then add stuff.  The mistake was to put all the lentils in the pot. As they were small I dumped in the whole packet, I did not realise they would swell up so much! I expected some degree but it meant there was insufficient space for the rest of the veg.  Onions and sauces only!  Tasting it much, much, later brought to mind a cartoon from forty years ago, a couple stand by the cooker on which a large pot bubbles, he holds a spoon to his mouth while she intones, "You can add salt if you like, but it won't get your socks any cleaner."  That is what this tasted like.
As I spoiled my lunch I made use of the recipe, using rough, wholemeal bread plain flour as it gives a better result in my opinion, and slid the hastily created biscuit into the oven.  As I toiled at the laptop, the rain hammering on the window drowning out the sound of my chattering teeth, (why is winter always cold?) i noticed a burning smell.  I ran to the soup, which simmered nicely, I opened the oven and stood back from the smoking black object therein.  Still, it will fill a gap I suppose.  Probably the cracks in the walls.
The cold rain kept me indoors, although if it's cold inside it is usually warmer out, and with the use of those woolen gloves with the fingers cut off I listened into Radio four's Agatha Christie tale.  Not a story but a chap following her adventure as she took the train to Baghdad!  A repeat maybe but very interesting.  
Late in the day I managed to spend far too much in Tesco's, and still forgot several things.  The picture above fits well.

The Scottish Independence Referendum is less than a year away.  All the media is London based, even the TV and Radio have a London bias among the staff.  Almost everyday there is a scare story informing Scots of the end of the world if Scotland becomes an independent state.  All arise in Westminster, all are indubitably nonsense.  One even had Rowan Williams the ex-Archbishop of Canterbury talking of the disaster if the union breaks apart.  Tsk!  The real truth is that Westminster NEEDS Scotland.  It needs the money that flows into Osbornes exchequer, England cannot survive without Scotland, that is why in 1707 Scotland was forced needlessly into the union in the first place!  While treating Scotland as a second class citizen who is expected to doff the cap to the mighty at Westminster the powers that be lie in their teeth to pretend they care, some not even being sure where Scotland actually is, it's somewhere beyond Watford is all they know!  The banner was, I am informed, placed on the headquarters of the people demanding a 'NO!' vote in the referendum, and was an excellent way to represent the peoples opinion.
Vote 'Yes!'

Genius

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Now I'm not one to complain, but...

This is the scruffy, unkempt face of the Scotland team manager.  He presented it, along with a smile borrowed from a tired airline steward, to the illiterates that form the Scottish press football corps.  These devious lying cretins arrive with only two thoughts, "How can we make this seem bad no matter how good it appears, and how can we get him to talk about our club, Rangers?"  Today they gathered at Hampden pretending to care about the Scotland side. These worm like creatures would have noticed the three Celtic players but only one Rangers player in the squad.  This would have been alleviated by the three ex- Rangers and only two ex- Celtic players announced.  Of such childish sectarianism does the Glasgow media feed!  What would have missed their attention was the ever increasing number of players born outside of Scotland, some of at least one Scots parent, and others selected simply because they read 'Treasure Island,' as a kid or once ate an oatmeal biscuit without any butter to prove they were a man! And that only last week!


It is gone to far now, this foreign import of 'Scotsmen.'  We have reached a stage, although the media miss this as there is no mileage in it for them nor are they willing to think outside of the OF box, we have reached a stage where a halt has to be called to Leveins choice of foreigner. Do players like Murphy and Lasley not matter?  Are Dundee United players not yet ready? I am sure Levein does not wish to play young men too early, and with this I agree, however they have to start sometime, and if they are true born Scots they must get a look in somewhere, even in a friendly. We have to take a chance and develop young players, even if not ready, and use them for at least half a game.  Instead we bring in those not nearly good enough to ever get a call up for the nation of their birth, and indeed of their choice.  It is true some have done well and I do not suggest they be thrown out now they have played, but we weaken the development of young players without a sixteen team league, and by taking away their opportunities by filling the gap with 'journeymen! If we are to play such talents let them be Scots 'journeymen' I say, not English ones!


Maybe Levein is right when he says his job is to Progress into tournaments."  Maybe he is more intent on succeeding here and moving to a better job afterwards down in England, or even juts doing enough to keep his job as manager of the Scotland side.  We all know how trustworthy the SFA are.  Once the press turn against the manager he is out, unless he has Ibrox connections. I have nothing against the chancers players myself, it is just that they are NOT Scotsmen, had no thought for the most part concerning Scotland, and only heard of it when that ageing granny said "Wee," and "Scunner!"  Now they have the chance all players wish for, to play at International level.  Who can blame them?  However I could never put on an England shirt, how can they turn on their nation so easily?  Have they no pride except when lying about '66?  The idea of allowing sons of nationals born abroad is indeed a good one, however where it falls down is when the slightest connection allows you to play thus hindering the development of young home grown players.  This may keep a manager in a job, it may even bring success, but it is NOT right!


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Monday Evening

My day was cheered when I came across an old news item concerning my secondary school.  Stupid people claim, for reasons I have never understood, that schooldays are the 'Happiest days of your life!'  I never found this to be the case, nor have many others.  Education I could stomach, well some of it but certainly not the bit concerning 'sums,'  but being locked into Stalagluft XVII I could have done without.  However trawling through the web for some other reason that slips my mind I came across the story of the school fire! This school was begun in 1960 and by 1964 I was frogmarched into it by the city authorities. In the year of our Lord 2010 those same city authorities closed the school and moved the terrorists further down the road and into a new prison camp school building. Naturally this was done as the school closed for the holidays at the beginning of July with the intention of beginning the new school year in the new premises. Now consider, you literary lot, that the area behind the school was the district in which the book of the film 'Trainspotting' began life then you will gather that the residents are not the most intellectual that the 'Athens of the North' has bred.  Within a week or two the school was burning to the ground and the noble gentlemen of the 'fire and rescue service' were attempting to do their duty while also attempting to help the police discover which of the wretches were cutting the hoses as they worked!  Only one feeble 14 year old laddie was held, the other thousand ex-pupils escaped!  I write this to indicate my sadness - at not being there to light a match!




I also had nothing else to write, so that somewhat smug report from last year will have to do.



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Wha's like us? A study in humility

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The Scotland Yard Store Wha's Like us? As the average Englishman moves about the home he calls his castle, watch him enjoy a typical English breakfast of toast and marmalade invented by Mrs Keiller of Dundee, Scotland; see him slipping into his national costume, a soiled raincoat, patented by Charles MacIntosh, a Glasgow druggist; and follow his footsteps over the linoleum flooring invented in Kirkcaldy, Scotland. On The Road Out he goes - along the English lane surfaced by John MacAdam of Ayr, Scotland (known as the MacAdamised road), smoking an English cigarette, first manufactured by Robert Croag of Perthshire, Scotland. He hops aboard an English bus, which is using tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop, of Dreghorn, Scotland and later completes his journey by rail. (A reminder the James Watt of Greenock, Scotland invented the Steam Engine).  At the office he is presented with the morning mail containing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers of Dundee, Scotland; and periodically during the day, he reaches for the telephone, invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born of Scottish parents. At home in the evening, our English cousins wife is preparing his national dish of roast beef of old England - prime Aberdeen Angus, raised in Aberdeenshire, Scotland. This sets the patriotic heart beating a little faster, and he enters the dining room whistling "Ye Mariners of England" written and composed by Thomas Campbell of Glasgow, Scotland. After dinner there follows a scene typical of English domestic bliss. Young Albert is packed off to Boys Brigade, founded by Sir William Smith of Glasgow, Scotland; Ted goes to the Scouts, the present Chief of which is Sir Charles MacLean of Duart, Scotland; and little Ethel plays on her bicycle, invented by Kirkpatrick MacMillan, a blacksmith of Dumfries, Scotland. Mother, in the kitchen, bleaches clothes with bleach invented by James McGregor of Glasgow, Scotland. dad listens to the news on the television, invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland, and hears an item about the United States Navy, founded by John Paul Jones, of Kirkbean, Scotland. Maybe, just maybe, he will remember that the radar with which the U.S. and other fleets are equipped was invented by Sir Robert A. Watson Watt, of Brechin, Scotland.  Once the children come home, Dad supervises the homework, using logarithms invented by John Napier of Edinburgh. The English course contains familiar books such as "Treasure Island" by Robert Louis Stevenson, and "Robinson Crusoe", based on the life of Alex Selkirk, of, Lower Largo, Fife, Scotland. If by now he has been reminded too much of Scotland, he may in desperation pick up the bible - here at last to have something without Scottish associations; but he is disillusioned - the first man mentioned in the bible is a Scot, James VI, who authorised its translation. Its hopeless. Nowhere he can turn to escape the efficiency and ingenuity of the Scots. He could take a drink - but we supply the best in the world. He could stick his head in the oven - but the coal gas was discovered by William Murdoch of Ayr, Scotland. He could take rifle and blow his brains out, but. of course the breach loading rifle was invented by a Scot. Anyway, if he survived, injured, he would simple find himself on an operating table, injected with Penicillin, discovered by Alexander Flaming of Darvel, Scotland; given an anaesthetic discovered by James Young Simpson of Bathgate, Scotland; and operated on be antiseptic surgery pioneered at Glasgow Royal Infirmary. On coming out of the anaesthetic, he would probable take no comfort in learning from his surgeon that he was as safe as the Bank of England, founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland. Poor fellows only hope would be to receive a transfusion of good SCOTs blood which would entitle him to ask "Wha's like us? Gie few and thur aw deed!" More detail here And here p.s. it is a known fact that the vast majority of clever Americans have Scots blood flowing through their brains.

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Freedom!

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                        This belongs to Day by Day Photos a photographic site you must see!

Today there is much rejoicing in the streets of Raith, and many other parts of Scotland. The Scots election last night saw the Scottish National Party take an overall majority into the Scottish Parliament and take total control as the Scots Government. The Conservative Party of course failed once again. This party has been in the wilderness since the days when Margaret Thatcher's racist policies saw deprivation kill Scotland's once proud manufacturing base, hundreds of thousands without work, and those on the Dole informed that they were 'scroungers.'  Council houses sold off cheaply to residents, then resold for a fat profit and lost to those in need. Absurd policies which gave no thought to human need. The Liberal Democrats have been vanquished after Nick Clegg their leader took his party into a coalition with the Conservative Party in England. This party is now in deep crisis. However the Labour Party, once the natural party for many Scots, handled the entire election badly. Ignoring Scotland's requirements and concentrating only on the English needs their vote fell dramatically. A shocking state for this party, reflecting the failure to consider what the people want and following out of touch leadership.

So now the SNP lead Scotland for the next four years. Already many are looking towards the day of the next referendum in Scotland, asking if the nation ought to be independent once again from the English neighbours. It is at times like this that I find living in England an irritation!  I joined the SNP in 1968 when I was just sweet sixteen. We traipsed the streets putting leaflets through folks doors, debating with all the intellectual ability a 16 year possess, almost nil I can confirm, and touched on the major element in the Scots psyche - England!  In 1707, much against the wishes off the people, England forced Scotland into a Union, not just of 'crowns' but politically also, and moved the parliament to Westminster. Some Lords were happy while the nation seethed. During the following three hundred years it quickly became apparent that Scotland was not considered of much worth in England. An attempt was made to change the name to North Britain! When this failed the English just resorted to their Edward the First manner and called the Island 'England!  By 1968 we were all aware of the manner in which Scotland was constantly downgraded by England, no matter which party was in power. I recall the Wilson government making the entire nation a business productivity zone, and excepted Edinburgh and Leith from this! This was around 64-66 time. Incredible! We all found TV was English based and Scotland was almost forgotten. Major Scots stories were shown in Scotland, in what the BBC still refers to as a 'region,' but rarely mentioned on 'National' News. Scots tennis players were 'British' at Wimbledon until they lost, and promptly became Scots. Some believe this to be a myth but I can tell you it is true. The constant lack of regard for Scotland encouraged a proud nation to rise again, and it did!  Following on from Winnie Ewings election to Westminster in 1967 a stimulus was created and during those 1968 local elections some 368 council seats were won by the SNP, often much to the surprise of some candidates!  I recall however one seat in Inverness was won by a Communist Party member, his leader appeared on telly informing the world that "The Scots people had realised that Communism was the answer and soon they would rule Scotland."  He ignored mention of the SNP.

The emotion of those days I can look at with different eyes today. Long since I have realised that England was not Scotland's main problem, it is not nations but people that matter. The people in this case being English and let's be honest for the most part did not notice they treated Scotland badly, they just didn't notice it at all. Scotland was 'Up there,' a place for holidays and a nation to play football against once a year. When pushed most admired the Scots, it was just that they were involved in their own lives and didn't notice. In fact East Anglia usually doesn't notice much let's be frank! Many Scots delight in the union,and I do not refer to Rangers fans with a misunderstanding of Irish history here, many would rather the union worked as they consider the United Kingdom stronger than a single entity, and I agree with them. The time when Britain stood alone against the Nazi threat may well be the only time that 'Great Britain' really was 'Great' and indeed 'United.'  I think Churchill never used the term 'England,' a term constantly used during the Great War, but he referred to Britain at all times. How sad that the opportunity to make the nation great was lost by English indifference and indeed at times contempt. The saga regarding the return of the 'Stone of Destiny,' showed English contempt for Scots feeling. Actually come to think of it I mind how in 1953 this contempt was made very clear by the erection in the Craigmiller district of Edinburgh of a pillar box. With Elizabeth crowned as Queen of the 'United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland' the Post Office erected new pillar boxes when required baring the slogan 'ER II.' It does not take much knowledge to note that Scotland has never had a queen called 'Elizabeth.' Clearly this was unacceptable and something had to be done. This new council housing estate soon rocked to an explosion caused by a stick of gelignite shoved through the slit. This was done in such a manner to ensure no mail was damaged and nobody was hurt. The investigation that followed could not find a perpetrator.  I suggest knocking on Wendy Wood's door that day may have been helpful to their enquiries.  What am I trying to say here? I am attempting to say that Scottish Nationalism would not be noticed if England had treated the Scots as partners and not part of 'Greater England. Now we do not know where this will lead, and emotionally I am with Scotland.

However reality must be considered here. The world wide recession, let's not argue about who started this, this recession is not over and will cut deep for some time. The planet is over crowded and the birthrate is not slowing down. Global warming is real, no matter what daft folk say, and at any time glacial melting could raise the sea levels fifteen to twenty feet. Not much problem here but swamping some nations. Food resources are running out and already some Malthusian answers have been muttered in dark corners, the fat rich may not notice but the skinny poor certainly will. It may well be two or three years before Scotland considers a referendum on independence, but the world situation may be a very different place in that short time.  I hate to be a Jeremiah on peoples joy (actually I would love to be a Jeremiah, what a man!) but reality is the Scots strong point. Emotion is great but reality will win the day. Those who voted SNP this time may not the next, and during a referendum many more will vote than did last night. How Alex Salmond, probably the only proper politician in the parliament at the moment, how he deals with the economy will be the major point of his rule. Careful judgement might well see folks willing to separate themselves from the 'UK,' and this would be a very interesting time indeed.

This is a little rushed, and while I wish Scotland to be a strong independent nation again, I fear for it with so few powerful men to lead. Alongside Salmond there is who? Opposing him there is nobody. We need to raise some powerful leaders in Scotland and in very short time. 

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IT’S A PURE DEAD GIVE-AWAY THAT YOU’RE SCOTS IF.

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Blatantly stolen from here - The Ben Lomand Free Press

1. You consider scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine as  good weather.

2. The only sausage you like is square                                                                  3. You have been forced to do Scottish country dancing every  year at secondary school.

4. You have a wide vocabulary of Scottish words such as numpty,  aye, aye right, auldjin, baltic…

5. You destroyed your teeth when you were young using  Buchanan’s toffee, Wham bars, Penny Dainties, MB Bars, Cola Cubes etc

6. You have an enormous feeling of dread whenever Scotland play a ‘numpty’ team like the Faroe Islands.

7. You happily engage in a conversation about the weather with someone you’ve never met before.

8. Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia , Deacon Blue and Big Country, you still love it when you’re  in a club abroad and they play something Scottish.

9. You used to watch Glen Michael’s Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his side kick Lamp Paladin.

10. You got Oor Wullie and The Broons annuals at Xmas.

11. You can tell where another Scot is from by their accent – “Awright, pal, gonnae gies a wee swatch oa yur Sun ? Cheers, magic  pal.” Or “Fit ya bin up tae ? Fair few quines in the nicht, eh ?”, etc

12. You see cops and hear someone shout ‘Errapolis’.

13. You have participated in or watched people having a ‘square go’.

14. You know that when someone asks you what school you went to they only want to know if you are catholic or protestant.

15. You have eaten lots and lots of random Scottish food like mince ‘n tatties, Tunnock’s Caramel Logs/wafers and teacakes, oat cakes, haggis, Cullen  skink, Lees Macaroon Bars, etc.

16. A jakey has asked you for money.

17. You think nothing of waiting expectantly for your 1p change from a shop keeper.

18. You know the right response to ‘Ye dancing ?’ is ‘Y’askin?’ followed by ‘Ahm askin’ and finally ‘Then ahm dancin’.

19. Whenever you see sawdust it reminds you of pools of vomit as that’s what the jannies used to chuck on it at school.

20. You lose all respect for a groom who doesn’t wear a kilt.

21. You don’t do shopping… you ‘go the messages’.

22. You’re sitting on the train or bus and a drunk man sits next to you telling you a joke – and asking ‘Ahm no annoying ye ahm a?’ and you respond ‘Naw, not at a’, yer fine. This is ma stoap, but’.

23. You can have an entire phone conversation using only the words ‘awright’, ‘aye’ and ‘naw’.

24. You have experienced peer pressure to have an alcoholic drink when out – regardless of the circumstances.

25. You know that ye cannae fling yer pieces oot a 20 storey flat, and

that seven hundred hungry weans’ll testify tae that.   Furthermore

you’re sure that if it’s butter, cheese or jeely, or if  the breid is plain or pan, the odds against it reaching earth are 99  tae wan.

26. You know that going to a party at a friend’s house involves bringing your own drink.

27. Your holiday abroad is ruined if you hear there is a heatwave in Scotland while you’re away.

28. Your national team goes 2-0 up again the Czechs in a qualifier in Prague and your mate says we’ll end up losing 3-2 here  and you think “Probably”.

29. You can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and Auchtermuchty.

30. Your favourite pizza is deep fried and battered from the chippy.

31. You’re used to 4 seasons in one day.

32 You can’t pass a chip shop or kebab shop, without drooling, when your drunk.

33. You can fall about drunk without spilling your drink.

34. You measure distance in minutes.

35. You can understand Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like them in your own family

36. You go to Saltcoats because you think it’s like being at the ocean

37. You can make a whole sentence out of just swear words.

38. You know what haggis is made with and still eat it.

39. Somebody you know used a football schedule to plan their wedding day date.

40. You’ve been at a wedding where the footie results were read out.

41. You aren’t surprised to find curries, pizzas, kebabs, Irn Bru, nappies and fags all for sale in one shop                                                                                                        42. Your seaside holiday home has Calor gas under it.

43. You know that Irn Bru is an infallible hangover cure.

44. You understand all the above and are going to send it to your pals.

45. and, finally, you are 100 per cent Scottish if you have ever used these terms – “How’s it hingin’?”, “clatty”, “boggin”,  “cludgie”, “dreich”, “bampot”, “bawheid”, “baw bag” and “dubble  nugget”.

.

Scots

A Scotsman wanted to impress his girlfriend so he took her for a ride in a taxi. 

The trouble was, she was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eyes on the meter.

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman went into a bar. 

The Englishman stood a round of drinks, the Irishman stood a round of drinks and the Scotsman stood around.

How do you know if a Scotsman is left-handed?
He keeps all his money in his right-hand pocket.

Did you hear about the Scottish kamikaze pilot?
He crashed his plane in his brother's scrapyard.

Young Jock MacTavish got down on his knees to propose to her when a 10p piece dropped out of his pocket and rolled under the sofa. In the 20 minutes it took him to find it she had lost interest. Two robbers broke onto a lodging house in Glasgow. They were discovered and a tremendous fight broke out. Bleeding and covered in bruises they finally managed to escape through a window. Well, we didn't do too badly said one, 'we came out with twenty pounds.' 'Thats true,' said the other, 'but we went in with sixty pounds.'

It was a bitterly cold day on the golf course and the caddy was expecting a large tip from his rich Scottish client. As they neared the clubhouse, the caddy heard the words he was longing to hear, 'This is for a hot glass of whisky.' He held out his hand and a sugar cube was placed in it.

What do you call 2 scotsmen hanging from a washing line?
A pair of tights.

McDougal bought two tickets for the lottery. He won five million pounds.
"How do you feel about your big win?" asked a newspaper reporter.
"Disappointed," said McDougal, "My other ticket didn't win anything."

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a canoe?
A canoe sometimes tips.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went out for a night on the town.

The Englishman spent £30, the Irishman spent £20 and the Scotsman spent a very enjoyable evening.

The MacTavish brothers decided that one of their number would go to America and make his fortune, coming back to share with the rest of them. The youngest, Ian, was chosen for this task. Off he went, and he worked hard in America, and earned himself a fortune over a few years, and wired his brothers that he'd be returning with it. When he came back to Scotland he got off the boat, and looked around for his brothers, but could not see anyone who looked familiar. Finally, a group of bearded strangers approached. "Ho, Ian, are ye not knowing yer own brothers?" asked the first one. Then Ian realized his brothers had grown beards.
"Fer heaven's sake, laddies, what would ye be growin' them beards for, now?" he asked.
"We had to, lad, ye took the razor wi' ye!"

A Scottish gift: "It's nae use to me, ye're welcome to it."

An Australian entered a bar and stood beside a Scotsman.
"Where are you from, pal?" asked the Scotsman, after they'd chatted for a while.
"I'm from the finest country in the whole wide world," said the Australian.
"Are you?" said the other. "You have a damn funny accent for a Scotsman."

My wife was the last of 5 Scottish sisters to marry, the confetti was filthy.

Wee Hughie was in the garden filling in a hole when his English neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the mad man was up to, he politely asked, 'What are you doing there, Hughie?'
'My goldfish died,' replied Wee Hughie tearfully without looking up, 'and I've just buried him.'
The English neighbour was very concerned. 'That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?'
Wee Hughie patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, 'That's because he's inside your cat.'

Irish Jokes

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed
into a cemetery early this afternoon in Ireland.
Irish search and rescue workers have
recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that
number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Rather typical of the type of Irish jokes we all hear from time to time. Some people get upset by such jokes, although Scots jokes rarely upset me at least if they are funny that is! There are those sensitive folk who think such things racist or unpleasant.Usually I find them to be white, middle class, liberal, females with as much understanding of life as a, well, a white middle class, liberal, female! Rarely do Irishmen get upset! John O'Toole is a good example. This hard working man and I used to slog it out together and on many occasions his humour would show through that beer stained brain of his. "Can't you hear me looking at you?" he said on one occasion, causing us all to wonder if he meant it or not. But not all took his easy going way. Having a female boss is not always the best situation to be in, and Vera was a lovely Irish woman who kept the eedjits in order when the broken leg forced me into the dreadful office. Apart from when I held her hand and told her how I loved her sparkling eyes when she yelled at me we got on well. She did get upset on one occasion however, the drawing of a boat with 'Irish airliner' written beneath. At least I think she was upset for I found myself on a barrage of office desk furniture. Maybe she was just 'touchy' that day?

All nations have neighbours they refer to as 'daft.' In this case I suggest the influx into Britain during the Irish famine in 1842/3 probably is where the Irish began to be regarded as stupid. A great many hungry folks came from outlying country areas, black houses roofed with turf of a type not seen in England (Similar existed in the Scottish highlands), and for the most part speaking Irish Gaelic, it would have been easy to regard them as dumb! Their lack of sophistication, lack of knowledge of the 'modern' towns, and unsure of the ways of the people around them would leave them open to abuse. Today it is a gentle humour, banter in fact, in the 19th century it was more aggressive. The Irish like the Jews arriving in London earlier, were immigrants and that always causes opposition. Muslim and African immigrants today, and in many cases Poles and East Europeans suffer in a similar manner today.

Scots jokes are of a different kind. A look through old copies of 'Punch' magazine show that before the Great War Scots jokes were mostly concerned with drink!

Tam is seen shaking hands with his three friends and is asked
"Tam your no leaving so soon are ye?"
"OH no ahm no leaving yet.
Ahm just shaking hands when I can still recognise ye!"

Many 'Punch' cartoons were of this type. Quite a number featured the 'Gamie' or 'gillie' sarcastically encouraging the hunter, fisherman or golfer on his way round. Later however the idea of the mean Scotsman appeared.

Possibly this was the fault of Aberdeen! (Can anything good come from there?) During the 19th century British towns and cities grew apace and as wealth grew so did civic pride. If Huddersfield built a new town hall Bradford had to build a better one and so on. Aberdeen built Union Street! This long street was created with granite stone, which cost a fortune. The story goes that Aberdeen then became bankrupt and to this day tales of mean Aberdonians abound. I of course cannot tell any, although on my last trip there I noticed the 'Pittodrie Bar' was celebrating their hundredth year. The celebration involved selling beer at the same price as on opening day in 1898! A wonderful idea! I went along and found the place deserted! I was surprised as there were hundreds of men outside. Naturally I asked the barman, as I paid my penny halfpenny for my glass of stout, "Why are they all waiting outside?' He glared at the door and in thon strange dialect murmured "Och min, they will be waiting for 'Happy Hour.'

I reckon Harry Lauder,who was knighted after his many efforts entertaining the troops during the Great War, was responsible for the mean Scotsman. Watching an English singer in an Edinburgh music hall he decided he could do better. He invented the man in a kilt, crooked walking stick and notorious meanness which lasted all his career. He went so far to obtain great publicity in New York in the twenties by tipping the hotel doorman a sixpence! The doorman cried blue murder, as Harry had paid him well to do, and publicity was assured. It is not just 'B' celebs who know how to get noticed!
His act has left all Scotsmen, the most generous folk in the world, with a reputation of miserliness. While some are indeed careful with their money, and with recent news of the Scottish banks being run by money grabbing incompetents who can blame them, all Scots remain the most generous in the world.

er..., must go, I see the landlord has come for the rent and I must stop typing in case he realises I am in.

How to know you are a Scot.

Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind, is your idea of good weather.

You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at primary school.

You have a wide knowledge of local words, and know: Numpty is an idiot, Aye is yes, Aye right is No, Auldjin is someone over 40, and Baltic is cold.

You used to love destroying your teeth with - Penny Dainties, Wham Bars, Cola Cubes, and Soor Plooms.(And still do!)

You always greet people by talking about the weather.

Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia, Deacon Blue, Big Country, etc, you still love it when they are played in a club abroad. (in fact you’ll probably ask the DJ to play it)

You have an enormous feeling of dread, even when Scotland play a diddy team.

You are proud that Scotland has the highest number of alcohol and smoking deaths in Europe.

You used to watch Glen Michael’s Cartoon Cavalcade on a Sunday Afternoon with his lamp Paladdin.

You got Oor Wullie and The Broons books Every Christmas.

You only enjoy Weir’s Way on the telly, when you are pissed.

You are able to recognise the regional dialect, (Glasgow) ‘Awright pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper nat, Cheers, magic pal. (Aberdeen) Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin up tae? fair few quines in the night, min. (Inverness) Ah-eee right enuffff! How’s you keeeepeeeen?

You have witnessed a ‘Square Go’

You know that when you are asked which School you attended they really mean, ‘Are you Catholic or Proddy?’

You have eaten the following: Mince and Tatties, Cullen Skink, Tunnock’s Teacakes, Snowballs and Caramel Wafers, Porridge, Macaroon Bar, Baxters Soup, Scotch Pie, Oatcakes. (Yum!)

A Jakey has ask you for 10p for a cuppa tea.

You wait at the shop counter for 1p change. You know that the right response to ‘you dancing?’ is ‘you askin?’ followed by ‘am askin’ and finally ‘then am dancin’.

You don’t do shopping, you ‘go for the messages.’

You’re on a bus and the drunk picks you to sit next to.

You are able to conduct a 20 minute phone call using three words only,-- Awright, aye, and naw.

When you refuse the offer of a drink, you hear, ‘ You no well?’

You have heard the following:

You canny fling pieces oot a 20 storey flat,
700 hungry weans’ll testify to that,
If its butter, cheese or jelly,
If the breed is plain or pan,
The chances o’ it reachin earth,
Are ninety nine tae wan.

You know that going to a party means bringin a Kerry oot.

Your holiday in Benidorm is ruined when you hear there is a heatwave back home.

Scotland go 2-0 up against the French, and you immediately think, getting beat 3-2 was ‘no a bad result’.

You can pronounce: McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and Kirkcaldy.

You are used to four seasons in one day. (winter, winter, autumn, winter)

You can fall when drunk and not spill your drink.