Computer Slow

 

I asked a 13 years old tech kid for help with a slow computer.  It was driving me mad, especially with football to watch tonight.  He came round, pouted, muttered things, played awful music, and got to work.

A few buttons pushed, lots of things deleted, at least that I know now, and then the case was opened and we found out why things were going so slowly.  

The AI had not been fed properly.  Tsk!  I should have realised...

Meters

 

Another day of joy and laughter has been with us.  From walking across the park to post the paperwork that took me ages to understand, collect together and finish, with the bright sunshine hiding behind the clouds which rushed along pushed by the north wind.  The chill cut through me, yet an Englishman or two was seen in Spring outfit determined to enjoy the sun.  

I finished the paperwork only as a break from attempting to post the gas and electric meter readings.  As you know, our government has amended the 'energy cap' by up to 54% and prices, especially for the poorest, are shooting up.  With April the 1st, 'April Fools Day,' being the date for the increase to begin so we are advised to enter the reading NOW!  

Naturally all the energy companies websites have crashed!

I struggled for a bit with the gas man until I saw a link at the bottom, happily an emergency link had been added.  This I completed and sent of my reading.  In a day or two I will check to ensure it has logged in.

The electric is still not logged in.

I logged on, sought the meter page and was immediately offered another site, another name change for them, another new password and a site that does not work!  

Time after time I went through the process, usually to find I had 'timed out' after 5 seconds, or 'we are unable to complete because....' and so on.Even when I got through to amend the password the thing found a reason not to continue!!! 

I love computers.

My electric company blamed the money man Martin.  They blamed him because he came on TV and radio and the press and offered advice about entering the meter details.  Everyone listened, as he always comes over as wise and honest, and the system crashed.  'Martin is bringing the country down' said their website.  Martin was advising how to deal with money making energy company chancers but that appears to pass them by.  

I have given up for now, I will try after nine this evening, maybe later, and see how that goes.

Everything these days goes through the internet, and many companies and government offices are running on Microsoft XP, some even on Win 95!  There is something to be said for pencil and paper you know.  

 

Work, Work, Work...

As I ambulated towards the museum this morning, not quite awake, it crossed my mind that it would be good to rest my eyes from the laptop.  Staring into this infernal machine leaves them strained in winter light and does them no good in the long term.  Happy was I then to sit and stare for an hour or so in the quiet of the museum.
Lies!  All lies!
To ruin my day I was asked to stare into the museum computer and search for pictures for the upcoming 'Cold War' exhibit.'  This meant scanning fotos already scanned of the nearby RAF base used by the US for many years.  The one major problem with these is the vast number that feature personnel, and important personnel at lunches, dinners, prizegivings.  It also appears few have names to go along with the faces!
Of course I suppose having to proof read a document and having Peggy arrive to do the same and find mistakes I had missed says something, but I will not say it, and that too interfered with damaging my eyes on the screen in front of me.
In between this people kept coming on the phone to book children onto half term events, while doing this the computer closed down and as I logged in I misread the password and closed it down altogether.  This required contact with IT somewhere in Essex to open it up again.
As I returned to work people came into the shop, after them folks visited the museum, then a call to book someone onto a future event and after all this I had killed the computer again!
After an icy stare or two I was instructed in the use of passwords and kicked in the shin in a loving manner and returned to my duties of not finding anything exciting to select.  The computer was still working when I left for home via Tesco.
There I was unlucky enough to miss a loud shouting match at the checkout, I got there too late after dithering over the types of oven chips on show.  I can smell them burning as we speak....

 

The Early (ish) Bird....

Spotted this pigeon earlier today as the sun was attempting to push through the dank Spring cloud cover.  It shoved its way past the cumulus now and then to the delight of those walking the dogs. Actually this chap was walking the dog, the other two broke away full of high spirits from a chap who daily passes by with seven dogs.  Usually the tails are wagging and the smiles are evident as the beasts thoroughly enjoy their trail, noses twitching, through the park.  He was somewhat loud in his rebuke as these two unwillingly returned, tails between their legs, after him yelling at them to "Stay," "Come here," and "Come back here," each time louder and more gruff than before.  I have never seen them do that before, possibly just high spirits and a female dog in sight.   

Recent days have been a bovver.  The PC smoking has ruined my life.  This laptop is slow, so veeeeerrrrrry slow, and it keeps doing things it ought not do!  Using this daft 'Touch Pad' causes trouble. The curser takes on a mind of its own, it races up and down unbidden, the pages change of their own accord, pictures disappear and the browser separates into differing browsers by itself!  I slammed it shut the other night as it was taking hours to change and I was most indignant with it.  I yelled at the world, got no reply, but yelled anyway.  The yelling began all over again when I went downstairs yesterday morning and discovered ANOTHER puncture in the rear tyre.  It had appeared OK when I got home yet here it was flat as my singing voice. It's a disgrace the way I am treated by technology!  And 'tyre' is spelled 'tyre,' not 'tire.'  Will someone tell this dumb American spellchecker! Don't they have schools in the US?

Sporting Life

Life did improve during lunch time however.  The Heart of Midlothian, Edinburgh's finest and Scotia's Darling's, once more walked, at half pace, all over the wee team from Leith, Hibernian.  This time we merely scored two goals to their nil, but we don't need to do much to prove our superiority over them again do we?  I wish them well in their fight against relegation to the lower division.  Maybe Rangers liquidation will secure their place for another season?   The marvelous Craig Beattie (pictured) scored the first goal from 'Man of the Match' Ian Black's wonderful pass.  Suso Santana rubbed salt into Hibernian's wound (snigger) with an even better goal in the last minute.  What fun!


A few hours later and more good news as the other half of the evil empire called the Old Firm (That's Rangers and Celtic to you) were defeated by Kilmarnock in the League Cup Final by one goal to nil.  A deserved victory for a team supposed to crumble in such an atmosphere.  Sadly the joy felt by Killie was ruined when the father of Laim kelly, a Kilmarnock player, suffered a heart attack at the end of the game. This follows on from the incident at the Tottenham Hotspurs v Bolton Wanderers game yesterday when a Bolton player, Fabrice Muamba, suffered a Heart attack on the pitch during the game.  The shock of his collapse causing  the match to be abandoned.  Both men appear to be in a critical condition. 
 Football knows its place at such times.

The afternoon saw the clearing of the skies later in the day, an end to the rain that had washed the pigeon off the lamppost, and left behind the first decent sunset for some time.  How nice to watch the sun descend slowly and brightly, causing alarms to go off all over the antipodes shortly afterwards, and leave us one of those wonderful skies.  Good morning Australia!

I hope this week brings good things, and no cardiac arrests, to one and all.

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Friday Mix

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Did the economy collapse again? Everyone is saying there's no more Jobs.

The media has been full of adulation for this man Jobs.  I find myself a bit underwhelmed. He may have been bright, inventive and very clever at getting his creations sold worldwide, but was he that important?  Did people see his 'Mac' and 'iPod' as earth changing, or did his fans see him as the good one and Bill Gates as the bad perhaps?  Gates certainly has not made friends by his attitudes and behaviour, but was Jobs any better? Gates at least is known to have given away masses of money, Jobs appears to have kept his £8 billion. This man has been almost worshipped in the media, several articles in all papers and histories of his life, his work and so on and on.  He died from a horrible disease, and that is terrible, his active m,ind created some interesting machines (which I have never used) but does the hero worship not reveal the empty part of us that needs a God to look up to?  Clever he may be, but surely the coverage is overblown?

   

This is the 'Swan' tavern.  You can tell that by the name 'Swan' written on the front.  I had a look through the web but in spite of this pub standing here since at least 1560, and some similar creation probably dates back for a thousand or two years before this, I could find no relevant information regarding this pubs history,  except a list of names of landlords for some years back.  How sad I thought.  Mind you it is some years since swans were found around here, ugly ducklings yes, swans no!

Intellectual Political debate in the USA reaches new heights! 

Is that you Max?...... Jerry?

I bet he's from the South!

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Dave

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Guardian

I wonder if Dave is all right in the head? Not only has he constantly put his foot in it, the other day he claimed Oxford University only contained one black man while in fact there were many, but he continues with the Libyan escapade. Bombing Gaddafi when you think he is about to fall sounds a great idea. However when the man remains in place and the dubious opposition groups continue to look rudderless and incompetent things are beginning to go wrong for you. I reckon you jumped on a bandwagon and have landed yourself with another Iraq! Maybe spending less time on PR and more time on professional politics, like employing senior MPs in your cabinet instead of thrusting young self seeking gormless millionaires, would help? In fact I correct myself, some of them are older gormless self seeking millionaires! You are sinking my boy! 


With US know how removed the French and British fighter bombers are insufficient for the job. With much of the struggle now in town there is limited openings for the aiming of bombs. If you drop one n town you injure the civilians you entered this folly to protect, or at least that is the reason given. Obama made a wise decision, will you Dave? Talk now centres on supplying material to the rebels, although I thought we would not do this? Talk is also mentioning 'men on the ground,' possibly those men you sent redundancy notices to while on the front line in Afghanistan Dave. No ships, no planes, pilots running out, and the remainder overstretched. Sounds right for 3 Para and the rest to invade Dave. 


By the way, how many black Caribbean types from UK areas went to Eton?

AmitBhawani

I received an e-mail from a chap I have not heard off for three years. I was a bit surprised by his phrase, "Here is the link I told you about" as we have not spoken for a while, and thought I had accidentally deleted a previous e-mail, my mouse double clicks often. I clicked the link (subject was 'Ryanair' a notorious cheap airline) and have been struggling for three days to clear the brutes. thousands of files were infected. I knew there was a doubt but, but....but....  
Still most of it is fixed now, as far as I can see.  However as I run the various software to fight it each one takes well over an hour to run! Much time wasted. It was so bad that at one point I thought I might have to leave here and actually speak to real people! Phew, that was close. 


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Man's Knowledge

Man's knowledge is a wonderful thing! Man can invent computers so powerful they make mistakes faster than a thousand George Dubyah Bush speeches can ever dream of doing. However wise men also know why they go wrong. Dan at Oddness blog has shown that I was right in fearing there was a problem posting on Blogger. It is refreshing to find such helpful folk on the Blog Cosmos. I post this detritus in the happy knowledge that when I post I can expect it to end up more convoluted than it began.

At the top there is the latest 'IBM Electronic Calculator,' that is helping "...business, industry and the Armed Forces get the answers...fast." I would have thought business and industry were one and the same myself, but maybe not in the eyes of a New York marketing executive in July 1951. A very good month for the world I must humbly tell you as a whispered aside. The lady wearing enough skirt to supply several wardrobes to the youthful slappers filling the high street today does not convince me she actually knows how to work the lumbering machine, however I am sure her men were willing to keep her in chewing gum and stockings.

Computers, or in reality fancy calculating machines were first brought into action during the war. Tony Sale developed the Colossus machine to help break the German codes in 1943. The Yanks of course claimed they developed one first, don't they always, but their machine, also built in 1943 was primarily designed to aid artillery calculations. It was known as ENIAC. These two machines took up huge rooms and several members of staff to do their work, the IBM calculator of a few years later looks small in comparison. The things they can do nowadays!

The calculator I have, and use to do the simplest sums, is slightly larger than credit card size, costs almost nothing and are manufactured by the million for dumb folk like me. Man's knowledge is wonderful indeed. What will they think of next? A 'Biro' that does not leave blue ink stains in your pocket, a CD case that you can open, a remote control that does not disappear when you look for it perhaps. We can only live in hope.

ID ten Error

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
' No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote it down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like the little brat.

Wasted Week

Nothing has happened!
With the holiday weekend distorting the whole week, and the return of the bug leaving me feeble, and who noticed the difference I ask, the PC needing reinstalled, and that leaving problems, nothing has happened this week.
The long weekend throws everything out. I still think this is Thursday but it is in fact Friday! Maybe of course that has more to do with age than anything else.
The bug began early and I had the usual symptoms, although some have suffered worse recently. Still it is a nuisance, why me? I suppose it helps the diet, not eating much, but I do little exercise and I notice the stiffness whenever I stand up!
The PC had to be reinstalled. This means that while it is much more stable now I have no sound. This appears to be a common problem with XP installs. I await a response from the service man - probably, 'Here we go again!.' Amazing the difference sound makes. Not just because it makes a sound but the atmosphere at a football match is entirely different when seen in silence. I find if someone speaks to e when I do not have my glasses on I can't hear them right! In the same way I cannot follow a game when totally silent, much easier with crowd noise.
Another problem is the 'all in one' printer/scanner. It copies things OK, but refuses to accept it is connected. I cannot scan or print! This I discovered after writing a letter yesterday and then having to write it by hand afterwards. I could not read what I wrote, how will they? Use of the keyboard has left my poor writing illegible!
I wonder what will go wrong next?
Shall I go job hunting? Great, except when I log in I struggle to get connection!
I could not get connected yesterday morning at all, similar in afternoon. Just managed, after many attempts, to connect in evening. Real pain that. I did contact Pipex this morning by e-mail, I wonder if I will get a reply? I didn't last time. I am scared to log out now, but being on a cheaper tariff than before means going over it costs money!
Shall I go out, it's raining. Ah still Easter week then!
Just like being in Edinburgh this weather.
But I don't have the pleasure of the view over the Forth towards Burntisland. That I miss.

Life Goes On.....

So, deciding that the laptop needed replacing I considered my options. Dig out the old PC that lies gathering dust awaiting repair maybe? Well I asked my postman mate who is famed for his ability at fixing PCs to fix it for me, and when I mentioned the fault his eyes widened, he mumbled some excuse and avoided me for weeks. I saw him recently and informed him I needed this PC fixed urgently and, as you might expect, one week later I heard he had obtained a transfer to the Shetland Isles! Whether this was because of his personal life, his desire for a closer look at the 'Northern Lights,' or his unwillingness to tend to my needs I am unsure.

The second option entailed the computer shops around here. One being a small dingy place run by what I guess is an old lag who learned about computers during his time inside. No doubt he would do a good job, but what would this cost, and where is my watch gone anyway? Along the road lies a more reliable company, well established and growing in size, however I may be cheaper buying a new BMW Series 7 like the owners rather than pay what they will charge. So, without complaining I obtained a PC on E-Bay for £140. At last a superior machine which will help in so many ways to make my life worthwhile.

Naturally it has failed to work properly!

I set the thing up and immediately it worked. I happily added those things that took up so much needless space on the old machine and sat back to enjoy – except for the floppy disk that would not work. It keep saying 'insert disk in 'A,' ' after I had inserted disk in 'A.' I have a lot of floppy disks and I want to know what is on them! At this moment I am still being held in suspense! A few days later I played a disk on the CD-Rom and it stopped for no reason. However I did download some stuff onto disk and all seemed well again. The PC mind is clearly female! Then while playing Simon and Garfunkel the CD-Rom stopped playing a second time and promptly disappeared! Maybe it was the wrong CD?

However the service chap has been helpful, and among other things has sent an installation disk for me to reinstall XP pro. Not having a clue I just stuck it in and let it run and hoped. To my surprise the CD worked, and it installed, I thought. It made no difference, except the CD reappeared – and the sound disappeared! The floppy remains dead. No doubt the proper tech engineer would uninstall the XP first and reinstall properly, but I am wavering about this as my tech ability is akin to Britney Spears ability to keep out of the news, none whatsoever! I now sit here downloading billions of different views in the 'Easy way to fix it' type message. I cannot say I am encouraged.

On top of this my exercise programme, cycling, stretching, walking and complaining is now hindered by the rain which has escaped from the north of Scotland and is depositing itself down here in England's driest county. The farmers who have desired rain for the crops growth will no doubt appear on telly tomorrow complaining the rain has damaged the farms. As a professional complainer one must admire farmers who can complain far more resolutely than even a taxi drivers can!

Now this weather is not too much of a hazard as I am knackered from walking too far after too little exercise and that is not a good idea. However, encouraged by some famous pop star, of whom I had never heard, speaking of coming down from 15 ½ stone to 13 ½ like I want to, I am encouraged to continue. Tomorrow, if dry enough, I will attempt to cycle up the old railway, then continue the fruitless job search. Ah the job search, how do you find work for a 56 year old, no-nothing idiot? The folk at the job shop have given up! The lottery fails me, and God is not indicating anything obvious – except get up and look, but where boss? Hmmmm, I think I need my lunch, then I will consider this again – unless I fall asleep.

Spend,Spend, Spend, what you don't have....

“Life! Don't ask me about life!” So said the depressed robot in “the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy.” I know what he meant. The laptop has been slowly falling apart in recent times, just like me, and last week I decided something had to be done. The old PC that has been lying here, deceased, for some time could be repaired, but that would cost near £150 or so, what with parts and labour.' The choices around here are slim and the postie who repaired PCs has had himself transferred to the Shetland Isles! All that just to avoid fixing the PC! So last week I came to a decision, I either had the old one fixed and spent money I did not in fact possess, or I bought a new one, hopefully cheaper, with money I did not possess. To the latter I sped like a man heading for his execution! I landed up on E-Bay and after a few days pondering spent £140
( plus P&P) on a new PC. Gulp!

Since Monday I have been striving to fill the thing with all the necessary bits, not an easy task, especially when I have forgotten so many of them, and now the installation of the programmes was harder than I remembered! However most things, bar the 'floppy' drive actually work, and the other wrongs will work themselves out – maybe. I did e-mail the chaps at the other end and fixed one wee problem, however when I mailed asking about the floppy drive I have, as yet, received no reply. Typical! However once again I can waste time spewing my spleen on the blog, send unwanted e-mails to others, (just leave your address and my junk will follow) and even look for work! I managed to transport several things over from old machine but the links have not arrived. Thousands of them, gathered over time, full of important info – gone! Never mind eh? Not the greatest PC you will find but hopefully will do the job! If only I could do a job also....

One important announcement however.

There are reports of a lorry carrying cheese overturning on the M6 and shedding its load…

Police are warning motorists to drive Caerphilly

Pipex!

They done it again! That is the third time the service has disappeared! It has happened once in three years, and probably because it was the busy time of day, and yet three times now it has just died, why? Have they no care for those of us who cannot function without the web? Do you think they do it for spite? I do!

So I have been calmly sitting on the floor all morning, staring into space while some tech geek spills coffee all over the servers in some chap part of the world. I say 'calmly' because after two bottles of valium and half a bottle of Tesco Congac I found myself very calm indeed, even now I feel serene. That said I can't actually feel anything, my legs, my head, my fingers and I notice lots of strange evil creature crawling across the window pane.......

I think it's time to sue Pipex for what they are doing to me.....

Typical!

After mentioning how useful the web is for a wide variety of functions, it went down this morning! When I got up I stared outside at the bright morning enjoying the sight. How I hate the dark days, the cold, the rain, the snow, all horror stuff that drives me mad! Why am I not rich enough to live in Crete or some such place where the sun shines? However, once I breathed in the cold, sorry fresh, morning air I looked up the usual suspects on the web, read the football reports, removed the spam, and passed on useful e-mails. I then got on with my day.

Later I returned to the web but nothing happened! The machine went through all the correct moves but the response from the ISP was dead! Dead! Nothing,no connection! Dead! I stared into space for a while as I went through the difficult problem of coming to terms with this. No connection meant no football messageboards, no spam or proper e-mail. It meant I could not read any more papers, find the news, search the blogs or indeed get in touch with the world! I was trapped!

I kept calm, after I stopped crying, got up off my knees and calmly switched it all off as clearly it was a temporary fault at their end. Wiping away the tears I contemplated what could be done without the internet. Much indeed! Computers are the most wonderful of things, as this laptop would be if the CD actually connected to the rest of the thing (I accidentally deleted the relevant folder), and the screen and dial up worked. Like everything here it is broken, I mean, look at me, you call this fit? I continued with my duties, offering prayers every few seconds. A few days ago the same thing happened,and then the lass at the Service desk spoke of an outage,almost as if I ought to know why it had all collapsed! I phoned again, my fingers trembling as I dialled, well, pushed buttons. The message at the other end kindly gave me the new number from the 1st of February then informed me, with a smile, that "..our offices are closed!" CLOSED!!!! What sort of service is that? Who can I shout at when the service is down if the office is 'closed!?'

I realised this was a judgement because I had not gone to that church I had planned on visiting this morning. It had to be, even though I was far to knackered for some reason to go anywhere. Why am I always tired anyway? There is a Church of Scotland service broadcast live from the village of Luss which I had intended to watch. Not the greatest, but I thought worth a go today.

I roamed around contemplating life without this wonderful window on the world. We can live without it but we are now dependent on it. This is not a bad thing, it is only a machine, and useful for many things, but when it goes down we are often helpless. I sat on the tarmac at Edinburgh International Airport (which I still call Turnhouse) while the captain informed us that the Scots air traffic computer had 'crashed.' We discussed whether this was the appropriate choice of words for the moment! Another question concerned the aircraft already in the air, "Would they have to stay up there all day," someone asked? Eventually someone unplugged the machine and then put the plug back in, we soon set off. But it was close! I knew I could live without this machine, but I would lose so much. E-mail, the blogs I have come to enjoy, and the folk connected to them, research, surfing for the sake of it, Scots football, people! So much that I can contact easily that otherwise would cost time and expense. Which reminds me, time to consider selling books on E-Bay!

After a short eternity the Internet came back. I ran downstairs and standing in the middle of the road shouted "Hallelujah!!!!" A Sainsburys van driver was clearly not impressed! I of course have not done much with this since. Other things to do, football to watch, letters to write, books to read, lunch to burn and so on. However I will look up those pictures of the Battle of Cambrai, and send those e-mail, and write this blog and so on, I will, honest. At least Sicarii understands how I feel. although I suspect most women will fail to. Typical!

Saturday

Once again the sun is shining and the sky is blue, once again the birdies sing just loud enough not to be drowned out by the noise of passing traffic. Once again a Saturday feeling is upon me, quite why I cannot say as too many days are like this. However I will be forced to watch one or two English cup ties on telly, I have already visited the market for the fruit and veg which makes up so much of my diet, and once more I am confronted with a long list of 'things to do' which has grown since I started noting these things on Monday. I suppose I had better do some of them now.....

I write this hoping to delay the need to write the FIVE job applications sitting beside me. No doubt some think I ought to be jumping for joy at the opportunities, as sometimes there is no employment opening anywhere to be found, but as I know before I start I will get nowhere I find a real lack of enthusiasm within. The letters will be drawn out of me from somewhere, the right things said, the CV e-mailed or posted, and they will disappear into the ether. Now it is not that I don't want to work, although I have enjoyed much of this time, but I feel guilty taking the dole, and would like to do something useful. Being a numpty makes this difficult. Time, once again, to survey my abilities and.... get depressed I suppose!

Success has been achieved in one area, the broken ansafone now works! After much wrestling and throwing it around I reset the thing simply by pulling out the plug! A clever person would have done this days ago! Now to try this tactic on the washing machine. No, that did not work! Ah well. It is probable it will not work on the VCR either then, nor the tiles that have fallen of the bathroom wall.

As I write this I am struck by the worldwide audience. Folk who have read my blog have been reading thousands of miles apart. Now this may not appear anything but obvious, however when I returned to London in 1975 there were few who could have imagined sitting here in North Essex and reading blogs posted in Singapore, the USA, Saudi Arabia and even down the road! To my little mind this is fantastic! A friend obtained the Internet in London around 94/5 and one night we went from a look into a Chinese University to a similar institution in Virginia! Fantastic stuff, not because of the content but the possibility of trawling the world for information, fun and the blogs I come across. My dad was born in 1908 and had he lived would have been in his hundredth year. When he was born man had just learned to fly, by the time he died we had just landed on the moon! Radio and television were unheard of as he grew up, and even when he joined the army - the only way bar the navy to see the world in 1925 - only the very rich had cars or telephones! In his mind there was a kind of magic that these inventions appeared and spread so that we had radio and television in our, comfortable corporation house, something his young mind could not have imagined. Our house is of course a flat in what we call a 'stair.' The 195 version of a tenement. Three bedrooms in exchange for the one bedroom and no bath tenement his mother brought them up in.

We take for granted these things today, computers on the desk, mobile phones in the pocket, cars a necessity in many areas ad flying regularly around the world,just for shopping trips! Even in the sixties flying was only for the wealthy. The Beatles flew B.O.A.C. to the States but most folk still sailed as it was cheaper. By the end of the sixties half the nation spent their holidays in Spain! I had a holiday in Hounslow I recall... The world is indeed getting smaller. However I for one am grateful for this invention. There is great benefit from all the learning available on the myriad sites I peruse, almost everything I question has a site somewhere. The football facts I crave, most important you understand, is greatly helped by the messageboards, even the Hibs Mad one. Newspapers, and the 'Daily Record,' can be read online, even videos of news, football and music can be found. Friends, virtual or not, can be found in every part of the world, and there are quite a few I can call friends who I will never meet but have made an impact through their writings. That's a result I say.

Oh dear. The football will be on soon, and I have done nothing about these jobs. The 'things to do' list is crying out for attention, lunch is required, and I am sitting here turning into an old woman. How sick is that?

How to be an Idiot. No. 65

This lesson in idiocy is a simple one.

First decide there is too much 'stuff' on the PC, and then remove it.
Use all the usual tools, 'Ad-Aware,' 'AVG' and the like, then progress to a little function called 'Find Junk Files.' A useful tool for removing dead links and,would you believe, junk files.
Simply run these programmes and delete.
Easy.

The important thing of course, especially with the 'Find Junk Files' operation, is to fail to check just what exactly is being deleted! It is clearly displayed in front of you, and a check is recommended, but of course you need not bother because, 'They are all junk surely?' is the grand attitude!
At least that as my attitude.

Now the CD Rom will not play, the 'My Documents' and 'My Pictures,' files will open but fail to display, and I await with trepidation whatever else will malfunction during the course of the day.

SPAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's with this outburst of SPAM?

Yesterday I had fourteen 'Penis enlargement' spam alone! FOURTEEN! There were Six more waiting this morning! All this in twenty four hours? Why? it shows how little these folk know of me, when she was around she often referred to me as 'Animal,' and it was not because of my monkey like looks.
There were several offering 'Replica Watches,' or bizarrely, 'Replica handbags?' Who buys replica handbags for crying out loud? One or two offered nothing but made up nonsense stories just to see if the address was live. But why now? It has been down to two or three a day until recently, now it seems an attack of spam is doing the rounds.

Now 'junk mail' through the door is a good advert for a commercial enterprise. Much as we hate it, the 'junk mail' sells! It is one of the cheapest and most convenient forms of advertising. Let us admit it, folk somewhere want the stuff on offer. However laws ensure we know who is sending the 'junk' to us, and where we can contact them, such info must be included on all leaflets in the UK. This is not so with 'spam.' If it was merely commercial enterprises it would not be so bad, but most of it is porn and much of the rest is dubious also. Companies selling medicines show the failings of the US medical system, the 'penis extension' adverts show the insecurity of far too many men, and the complaints of too many women. By the way, you don't need to extend it, just try 'loving' the bitch! It will make things better quicker. It is not just insecurity in men, it is lack of knowledge of the woman! 'Love her' and things improve for you both. (Didn't stop mine running off but that's another story) Anyway I am annoyed by these this morning. Here are a couple of things to help fight Spam. I suppose we ought to make more use of those that fight the stuff before spam blocks the Internet altogether.

http://www.spamcop.net/

http://www.spam.cl.cam.ac.uk/spam/

http://www.mailwasher.net/

Phone and Broadband Troubles

Terrible fear gripped me the last few days. The phone, which I hardly ever use, started crackling.This was not just a nuisance on the few calls I made but the Broadband connection failed regularly. The answer was to log on to BT and report the fault, simple really. However anyone with experience of BT and their ability to delay a repair will understand my fear. A fear based, not on the time and the nuisance value, but on the fear that without the connection to the outer world I might have to get a life!

Yes indeed,without this small, black, broken box of tricks I may indeed end up actually speaking to people. This could be life changing! Lack of phone calls I could endure.I use an ansafone anyway as there are so many folk out there who want to sell me double glazing or a new broadband/phone connection. Some sell insurance and some sell kitchens but whatever, they get the same answer. Some indeed reject the answer, and the manner in which it is put , however, the Christian can always use a simple and useful, time consuming trick with such folk, tell them about Jesus. Many here the news for the first time, and not at any time will they call you back, even though they have your number! Evangelism and and end to nuisance calls in one go. Lazy folk use the ansafone, as they never leave a message.

However living without the web? I would be seeing spiders within a week! On the occasions I have had to return to Edinburgh to visit my aged mother I find my fingers running over imaginary keyboards. Looking at the TV and I see a monitor, and with the bilge she watches I can tell you a Google search box is a more inviting sight! The PC is the way I keep in touch with my football team, this way I get up to date info from those in the know, the fans. I can, thanks to linking to Chinese systems, get live football, sometimes involving the Hearts. Through this black box I can read Blogs from a wide variety of interesting people, papers worldwide can be read online, I can send E-Cards on birthdays thereby saving cash, when rich I can shop for books and other things. Information on any subject under the sun can be found - sometimes accurately! Churches worldwide can be contacted in a flash, friends can be acquired,or lost, commerce can take place,and most importantly, I can sit here and tell the world where they are wrong, not that the world listens to me of course. I can spout any rubbish I like and only a few ever bother to disagree - and I ignore them.

Without this box I would instead be forced to watch TV, or read the papers, or worse still, I may have to go out there and communicate with real people! This would be a disaster - I have forgotten how! However the blessings were not taken from me, BT and their marvellous engineers, in whom I never lost faith, fixed the problem, at least it works now. The phone line sounds clear, the PC works without failing every few minutes, and I smile a lot.

Well, at least I got the windows open and the curtains drawn back for a few hours, so it's not all bad eh?

How to be an Idiot

First, buy glasses. The old pair are of course broken by being dropped carelessly on a hard floor. Take a trip to the cheape...er best optician in town. Be open to the suggestion of having 'Varifocal' lenses. Pay large sums for what seems a good idea. At first sight it works! Hooray!
Within a week you realise, it doesn't! Booooo!

Buy a laptop! Super idea. Great for trips up north to Edinburgh, and using back there. Discover modem don't work. New modem sent, no instructions on how to fix it. Discover old modem works on Com 6, but new one uses com 5! Why? Don't know, but doesn't work either. E-mail tech. 'Use the disk to put it right.' OK. Disk says, 'use DOS.' DOS says, 'Insert diskette.'
THERE IS NO DISKETTE! So that don't work. Explain why to tech. 'Use disk,' they say.
%$"@!#* say I.
Like a weegie it still don't work......

So, the bath is separating from the tiles on the wall. Simple. Buy some of that white stuff in a tube, and apply. Well, first buy the gun to actually get the stuff out of the tube, then apply. When finished going around the bath, putting the loose tiles back, and breaking in...or two, leave it to slowly begin setting while I do the same in the kitchen. Return to the bath to smooth it all out and tidy the work. Find it has already dried hard! No-one mentioned it was quick drying! Oh, we will fix that....tomorrow......

Get Freeview TV. Buy box. Spend hours fixing the 'simple' cables. Discover it doesn't work!
Decide a new ariel is needed. Rush to Argos. The slowest moving company in the world. Watch headless chickens run around in the back shop, while NONE attend to the ever growing mass of people rushing to the collection point at the bodyless instructions behest. Hours later, receive new ariel. Spend afternoon building it, then rebuilding it properly. Doesn't work! It does not pick up the digital signal! Visit Tesco. Buy cheap indoor ariel, which works. Also buy connector box to bring Tv, Freeview box and VCR onto one control point. Video does not work! Wrong box.
Burst into tears.........

Support the Heart of Midlothian. Wait forty to fifty years for success. Be inspired when George Burley is brought in buy new Lithuanian multi millionaire, and success dawns! Burley sacked when top of the league and many points clear. New man, Rix, brought in amidst recriminations and crocodile tears. Rix lets slip the fact that Vlad insists on picking team. Outcry! Again world about to collapse. Remain in second spot even now, awaiting the defeat of Hibernian in the semi final of the cup, glory is just around the corner. We know what that means eh!

Just back from Tesco. No need to buy anything till Monday. Then I will do the main shop. Great, Saturday with the shops full makes for no pleasure whatsoever!
Discover I have forgotten the bread!
Burst into tears again........

How to be an idiot? Easy, very easy.....

Communications

How wonderful are communications today?
We take them for granted that we can see football matches and parliament at work, that news worldwide reaches us within minutes of the happening, and that our leisure time is filled with gutrenchingly bad reality program's. But we can't have everything we want can we?
How things have changed since the two channel black and white sets that dominated until the mid seventies!
Thirty years ago the telephone was a big black thing. Well, actually red ones were becoming available, and we had the 60's 'trimfone' that soon fell out of favour. Often because the starlings soon picked up the sound and irritated folks by imitating the ringtone!
But now everyone has a mobile! This is a good thing in that I use mine for emergencies, others use theirs for work, and kids can send each other pics of things mum and dad must never see! Well, I think in spite of that, they are still a good idea.
Even fifteen years ago the idea of a computer in every other house was laughed at. Now people carry them around and work on trains, at cafe's, at football matches and up mountains!

Some say these things are a blight. Maybe so, but they are more of a blessing to us all. Certainly they can be abused, but no more than anything else, and we need not abuse them need we? I am grateful for them all, especially 'Freeview' TV that enables me to see documetaries instead of 'pap!' And brings me up to date with news and football latest.
What more could you want?