Wednesday, 10 July 2013

How to be an Idiot No 153.



So the urge came upon me.  It doesn't happen often.  Suddenly I decided to fix the kitchen sink!  Some time back, in the days of never ending rain, I obtained a tube of sealant for the job.  The sink required urgent repair as the sealant was fast falling apart.  This was a result of the building moving slowly, oh so slowly, over time.  I had replaced the sealant about ten years ago in a similar situation and now I noticed the gaps along the wall, plus the tiles separating from one another by some distance.  I decided to act!  
Some months later I bought the sealant and placed it in the corner so I would not forget.  Cold weather, very cold and lots of it accompanied by freezing rain, distracted my well meant intentions.  Time past, only a few months or so, but today the great day arrived!  I got to work with a will, well a small Stanley knife actually, removing the remnants of the previous badly bodged job.  This went well.  By the time I had finished this small area was covered with foul, used sealant, several tiles that fell down, one breaking as it did so, plus an amazing amount of muck from who knows where!  
Was I dismayed? Well yes actually!
Anyhow I organised the job, took the old tube of sealant still in the sealant gun all those years later from the gun....hold on how does it come out?  
I pushed it, I pulled it, I turned it this way and that.  I twisted that bit, pulled this bit, cursed it a lot, but it would not remove itself.  This is daft thought I as I had this trouble before and in the end it was a simple thing to remove the old tube.  I just couldn't do it!  Pull, push, twist, curse, drop it, start again.  Look at it carefully from all angles, inspect every part, it is simple, it must be that bit, no it isn't, try this, didn't work.  
Isn't it always the way.  Instruction manuals always say 'Place part 'A' in part 'B,' then using Philips screwdriver screw bolt.'  Simple, but you don't have that screwdriver, the part 'A' doesn't fit and Part 'B' is a different shape from the illustration.  Now I had that sort of problem.  
Naturally I threw it down and had tea.
Later, much later, I picked up sealant gun and just pulled and pushed at both ends and the old tube fell out.
Apart from almost breaking my toe I was pleased!   
Insert new tube.  Cut top off.  Place hose bit on end.  Take aim.  Fire!
I slowly began to squeeze the trigger, aiming carefully at the chosen line.
A thickish stream of sealant came out and failed miserably to follow the line which I was taking.  Hold on!
This stuff is grey!
What?  
In my anxiety to purchase the cheapest of the several thousand tubes standing at attention in Wickes I forgot to check the colour!  It was Grey, not white!
Grrrrrrrgnarllsnarlgrrrrrrrrrrr etc.....
Insert new tube, a tube of white sealant, hold on, I don't have one.  
Off to Tesco!  Much closer than Wickes.
One tube of £1:49 sealant, much cheaper than Wickes, later I start again.  This time the job is done, and done very badly indeed!  Technical things, like switching on a light, turning a handle and sweeping a floor, are all a bit much for me.  Inserting a never ending toothpaste like substance into a long slender gap that keeps moving was asking for trouble.  Much later the gap was filled, very badly indeed, so was the sink, the tap and even a gap on the cooker behind me!  How?  
What a mess!  It has revealed a talent unequaled since thon fellow claimed the tower at Pisa would stay straight as a die for ever.  
Tomorrow I do the bath, where, at the moment, only one tile requires replacing.  At the moment......

.

6 comments:

soubriquet said...

I hear you.... I've done the wrong-coloured silicone move myself... Lots of tubes say "colour as nozzle", but I lose the nozzles, when I have twenty or so tubes, so it can be a bit like christmas crackers. You'll get something, but you're never sure what.
Howsomever, you have skilled advisers available on the interwebs, don't be afraid to ask.

For the record, I'd advise staying out of Wickes and Tesco, and B&Q, and going to a builder's or plumbers merchant. Now, most people think that getting served in these places is a bit like being a freemason, secret handshakes, trade jargon etc. Well, of course, there's a technique...
You don't need a trade account, nor do you need a sign-written van, you just walk in and select, or ask for whatever you need, when the bloke asks if it's account, say "cash", and "How much?! Oh, come on, I could buy it from Wickes for that!", and the price magically drops. By anything from 30-60%.
So, what you need is a tube of Everbuild "Forever White" sanitary silicone sealant. And a roll of masking tape, and we'll assume you have some methylated spirits shall we? Yes, the everbuild stuff might cost anything from £3:50 to a fiver, but it's the dogs um.... blox.
And it contains colloidal silver. What? yes, silver, which is a potent antimicrobial and antimould additive. Wickes silicone will have black spots within six months, everbuild will still be white in ten years. Guaranteed.
Clean all surfaces, prior to applying, with meths, that guarantees a good bond. dry the area thoroughly, kitchen paper or clean newspaper. Leave it half an hour to be sure...
Use masking tape to leave a nice straight edge, both on the wall and on the bath. apply silicone as neatly as you can, then, immediately, smooth the joint with a wet finger. Carefully peel away the masking tape, as soon as you've smoothed the joint, pull it away so it can't touch that nice fresh smooth goo. Have a binbag ready to stuff it in, it's messy stuff. Do NOT touch the joint for any reason for several hours, preferably overnight.
Have a pot of tea and celebrate a job well done. You can stick a tile on with silicone too. just a little goop, don't want it oozing out of the edges.
'One-tub-does-it-all' type combined adhesive and grout does neither job well.

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

You are indeed an inspiration unto us all! Methinks England would have never tried invading Scotland if there were more just like you on the other side of the wall at the time. I mean, come on, the amount of damage done to their highly-organized society would have been absolutely devastating!

the fly in the web said...

I used to be a dab hand at caulking the seams of wooden boats...but that was using a trowel.
I can't be let loose with one of those guns where you are supposed to squeeze and aim at the same time.

Adullamite said...

Soub, Ah the joy of masking tape! With doing this sort of thing so rarely I forget such obvious tips. Fool! I will soon be putting this into action.

Jerry, I came here to destroy the imperialists from within.
They will not let me back....

Fly, Me, a trowel, a wooden boat = a sinking.....

Lee said...

You've given me a nudge! I need to do similar to my bathroom sink! I've been meaning to do it for ages and ages, too!

I think the best thing to do is to buy a new tube of sealant. The one I've got here is about as ancient as I am. Say no more!

Adullamite said...

Le,, Check with Soub first!