Making Money

In a vain attempt to pay the bills and clear some of the ever increasing debts, I decided to search E-Bay. I came across an advert for this stereoscope outfit and discovered it sold for £25! Woohoo I thought, I have one of these wasting away in a cupboard. It was given by the lovely lass and once looked at it became forgotten. However it was clear there are collectors out there willing to part with cash for such as this, so I placed an ad!

Naturally having the competence of George Dubyah Bush I placed it in the wrong category! So once again I have listed the thing and once again I read 'No Bids' each time I log on. How is it I ask, that 12 year olds can sit at a PC and become millionaires within months while whatever venture I engage it comes to nought? I had a Wodehouse book for sale but could get nothing for it, unfortunately even though it is a classic and in short supply there was a slight damage and therefore collectors were not interested. Another dream of £20 failed to come to fruition.

On 'YOUGOV' the research folk site I have received £50 in times past for filling in the surveys. Now when I am desperate for the cash I notice I stand on £49.70! That is 30p away from getting the cash! 30p!!!!! It could take to next month before I get the next 50p survey, and then another month before the cash arrives! I could be suffering malnutrition by then! I really do not get how some folks find money at every turn. You know the ones, leave a shoelace and a box of matches lying around and next thing you hear they have used these morsels to set themselves up in business and now have forty stores nationwide, a Greek island for the weekends, and several million spare in the bank. Now I don't live for money, I just want to pay my way by doing something useful and having enough to spare for other things. Looks like I need to go back to writing that book, 'How to be an Idiot.' Hold on, I've lost that file! Typical!

I am in two minds as to whether it is worth attempting to sell the aged 'Delta Airlines' toilet bag, possibly from the 60's. I cannot afford to keep E-Bay in business while I head for bankruptcy! The overdraft is near its end, and if I cross the line the bank will send me a letter stating, "You are overdrawn on your overdraft, so we will increase you poverty by fining you £25." Only a banker can see nothing wrong in asking for more money from someone who has no money! As the £25 takes me further over the line next month I get another letter charging me money I do not posses for paying the charge on money I do not possess and increasing my lack of money possession not only by the £25 for overdrawing the overdraft but also adds,"The cost of each letter we write to you is £25!" I might just wander in to the bank dressed as a slave, chains and all and surrender myself! It would be cheaper than paying bank charges! (which I note have increased by £2 again! This (free) letter informed me this was because of the benefit (we wanted?) of mobile insurance and car insurance. Neither of which I need. Now I am a peaceable man, except when violent, and I am close to visiting the chairman of said bank, unless he has been ousted by the recent changes, and inserting the said letters into his wallet! Free of charge!

Anyhow a quick check, how I need a quick cheque, shows that I have £29.39 in the AdSense account. This does not pay out under £100 at a time. When it does I should get around £60, but with the credit crunch changing things all the time I reckon I will have around 47 pence awaiting me when it arrives. The Amazon account is just as bad - totally unused so far! Now I am content in that the good Lord has never failed me and I know something is just around the corner. As I said I don't live for money, but I do wish I could find a way to create some! Another five jobs to apply for and this mean another five failures! None are any good, all have fifty already applying for them, and two at least are somewhat dodgy!

I think it's time I went with a beat up old guitar and stood outside the shops doing my Bob Dylan impersonation. I certainly have the voice for it, or so I have been told - many times! In fact when I think of it, my dads last big gift to me was a reel to reel tape recorder back in 1968. I still have it somewhere in a cupboard, along with several very bad tapes made around that time. The shock I received when hearing my voice for the first time was bad enough, the greater shock came when I heard this awful voice singing so very badly - it was me! The dreams of rock stardom were put in the bottom drawer and locked away for ever. I should have known mind, after all, when in primary school and the school choir came along, the singing voices went to the front and the non singing were placed at the back of the crowd and told to mime. I was placed at the back and told not to mime! I thought it was just the doddery old teacher up till I heard my voice!