Last evening, at the time folk call to sell you things, the phone rang. I put on my 'Disturb me if you dare' voice and answered. "Yes!"
"Is that Mr Adullamite"
"What do you want?" I grunted Neanderthal like.
They then asked me about someone in another flat. I growled that I knew nothing and that they left years ago. They caller rang off. Dialling 1471 I discovered they had 'withheld their number.'
It got me asking questions.
Who was this woman calling from some what I took to be a call centre of some sort? How did she know to ask me? My number is in the phone book, but how did she get my name? And what did she want the lass for? Questions as yet unanswered.
I was so upset by this that I fell asleep. I am sensitive remember.....
As we headed up the road the other day, to pass by the Ferrari's and Maserati's that gleam even in the dull, dreich, dismal day the instructor asked a simple, yet profound question. "Why is there 24/7 'Tanning Salons?' Do women wake up at two in the morning and find an urge to rush off and get a quick tan?" I had no answer. Apart from those that may offer, 'other services,' and considering those that just allow someone to sit under a row of glass tubes and turn needlessly brown, where do their customers come from? In the UK anyone suddenly turning into a Pakistani is usually regarded as a bit daft. Those that genuinely travel abroad in warmer climes can remain happily tanned but the type of lass, and some laddies, who find the need to darken their skin do make me wonder. There used to be an advert for a soft drink called 'Tango.' This featured a fat orange man who became a children's favourite. Those, like Jimmy Calderwood the Aberdeen manager, who appear to spend half their life under these things are quickly dubbed 'Tangoman!'Maybe he attends such paces in the dead of night?
Can I just point out to Andy Williams, and all those other happy go lucky Christmas songsters that this is NOT the 'happiest Tome of the Year!' Apart from statistics which show that more marriages break up at this time, and more family arguments are generated by the closeness of ones loved ones I need t point out one or two little faults in their songs. For one thing it is not a 'White Christmas,' and for most of us it never is. (May the good Lord be praised for that! Snow is cold, wet, slippery, causes accidents, this leaves pain and anguish, and snow also leaves lots of slush everywhere!) Also there are no 'sleigh bells a ringing' as there are NO reindeer are flying! Santa Claus (that's Father Christmas to the middle classes) does NOT exist! Now I agree Christmas pudding, a big dinner (cooked by a woman - that's what they were made for!) a nice bottle of wine, and a present or two are jolly, but this is NOT Christmas! As for a dirty big pine tree sitting in the living room! Well you can copy the fairy on top as far as that is concerned!
There is no doubt that human nature being what it is we need a mid winter festival. It ought to fall on December 21st, the shortest day of the year here, and indicate that from now on we can expect longer days and the promise of Spring! Woo hooooo! By adding Jesus to it someone lessened his arrival and with the gifts turned it into one big commercial trap! 'Peace on earth?' Not in the, nearly bare, Woolworth's shop this afternoon. 'Happiest Time of the Year?' Not judging by the British faces I saw today. Certainly friends were greeted warmly, and not everyone was as miserable as those that blog, er..let's move on.... However the songs do not reflect Christmas as it is, instead we have a meaningless fantasy land that leaves behind an emptiness. No wonder more suicides occur round this time! There is a life out there in the real Jesus, born in Spring when the weather was warm and the shops were empty, and he lasts longer than a few presents do.
I've had all the songs today. Listening to Gold Radio, which allows me some decent 'pop' music - from the 60's - and fills in the rest of the time with the 'bubblegum' stuff the wee girls ran out to buy! They have played all the usual, and some unusual Christmas songs, but there is no doubt which is the best of them all. The only Christmas song that we need! This one!