Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Snow is Horrid!


The freezing, gray clouds above me are arriving from the far northern reaches of Russia are bringing cold white lumps of horribleness that are falling everywhere. Snow! Snow that horrible white stuff that brings nothing but cold, wet, misery everywhere.The roads get blocked, trains stop running, aircraft fall from the sky as their wings freeze, and on the ground some nutter is running around saying "Isn't it lovely?"And dancing around in the stuff. Well NO It's NOT actually! It's horrid!!!And I hope you catch pneumonia!

Opposite me the gentle falling white flakes have landed, lying thickly on the ground, but nowhere near as thick as the people who like this stuff and are walking about gleefully slipping over and breaking bits of themselves. These flakes are still landing as I write, and while I write I wear three vests, four shirts, two pullovers, two pairs of trousers, four socks on each foot, my ex army boots, a woolly hat and gloves with the fingers cut out to avoid frostbite! Gallons of hot drinks are poured down my throat but the chill remains, and the cause is Russian snow! Through 'Jack Frost' on the window I can see the park gardeners completing the igloo they will use to survive until going home time. Around them teams of huskies pull people home from Christmas shopping, icicles hanging from frozen blue noses. I am sure I saw David Attenborough chasing a polar bear or a walrus a minute ago. Across the country folk are moving about on ski's and having what they call 'fun?' Are these folk mental?

Cars will be crashing all day, insurance companies rubbing their hands as they refuse to pay out, "Act of God, mate, out of our hands the weather like," they will lie while pocketing a bonus. TV will carry pictures of broken cars, skidding ambulances, grounded rescue helicopters and of course some nutter in a red suit with reindeer in the High Street. SANTA DOESN'T EXIST YOU PLONKER! It's just a Coca Cola advert! On top of this the 'Daily Mail' reader will be complaining the gritters are not out, their road is always last, and it's all the governments fault and they should lower our taxes! Personally I cannot be doing with these Moaning Minnie's. Just get on with it I say!

In Copenhagen the masses are arguing about money halting global warming while they ought to be developing ways of sharing out all that sunshine that is wasted on Africans! Why should the Sahara need all that sunshine when the rest of us are freezing in our homes! How come the Mediterranean gets hours of sunshine day by day and we live under a gray cloud half the time? It's just not fair and it is time those attending (at great expense) Copenhagen's 'Jolly' got their lazy heads around sharing out the sunshine in a more fair manner, e.g. by giving it to us!

Right, until this horrid snow clears up I am going back to bed, If I can thaw out the blankets.

7 comments:

Mike Smith said...

Santa doesn't exist? You mean I've been lying to my grandchildren??

Martyn said...

If Santa doesn't exist then he's done a bloody good job at fooling most of us.

FishHawk said...

What ever happened to that hardy Scottish lad who used to love throwing snowballs at unsuspecting passers-by? Was he just a figment of my imagination?

Mike said...

Ah sunshine.......now you come to mention it :-)

Mulled Vine said...

Just got one thing to say to you:
"Severe weather warning!" :-D

Adullamite said...

Santa does not exist, I am nice and never threw snowballs at anyone, Thailand has far too much sunshine in my view and ought to share it, and the 'severe weather' arrived!

Adullamite said...

Santa does not exist, I am nice and never threw snowballs at anyone, Thailand has far too much sunshine in my view and ought to share it, and the 'severe weather' arrived!