Exercise

Exercise

The usual way to exercise is to walk, cycle, or even go to the gym! Naturally I am not yet fit, or rich enough, to go there, however exercise is urgently required. I did not bother with the cycling as it meant filling the tyres with air. Had I done that there would have been insufficient energy to get on the beast and ride it. I walked around to the market and browsed for any vegetables that had rolled from the stalls. Typically none had and I had to spend cash later in the day when they were desperate to sell up and go home. I suppose starting work at two in the morning makes you keen to finish twelve hours later! I continued the wandering to the gardens where I sat and attempted to make friends with a robin that kept appearing on the end of the bench. His disgust that I failed to feed him was apparent! Am I getting old? I enjoyed just sitting there in the sunshine, surrounded by greenery, watching the white butterflies butterfyingby, and there appears to be more of them than usual this year, and listening to the birdies sing and the beasties buzzing by.

However this relaxation was necessary as I had been partaking of the hardest exercise known to man, housework! I cleaned the kitchen, scraping the muck off, washing the floor, and various other bits, and discovered just how hard work this is! Know wonder mothers in days of your did not need gyms! The best exercise I know, so tomorrow I may even clean the windows, just before the ambulance comes to collect me. Unless one of girls can spare a few minutes.......

Normal Life

At last a day of (almost) normal life. The weariness had gone when I awoke and as the rain kept popping its head around the door I knew things were heading back to normal. The list of things to do was almost untouched, that's normal, the things that were done were done badly, that's normal, and now, too late, I find urgently required things untouched. A normal day. Tomorrow of course I go back to the driving lessons before failing at the next test. I feel like I have been doing these lessons since that bloke posed on his car. He at least had simple rules, do not go above four miles an hour, have a man lead you waving a red flag, and that was that! It was not until 1931 that the first 'Highway Code' was introduced, and that only because thousands were being killed on the roads! Incredible as it may seem there were more deaths on the roads then than there are now! Tomorrow this may go into reverse.....




I recently found this on the web, I still think it's funny......

Mexican Flu

The TV has been full of this latest flu scare, and understandably so. A flu virus found in pigs has merged with one found in humans, and they adapt constantly (the virus not the humans) and we are left with another deadly disease. Sky News was panicking today about the pandemic that will follow, although that may be less because of the deaths and more because there was no other news! This does worry me mind. I am still fighting the last 'Man Flu' that hangs around. Coughs, pains, strange weariness today, and all the usual stuff, so what chance have I of defeating this latest strain? Pah! They are out to get me you know! I have been right all along! However one off the effects of the bug is to make me feel listless and I lack concentration. So my mind is closed today, I have nothing to say!




Had I something to say it would probably have begun with the sad tale of my nieces wee dog. Lou is a cheery little Rottweiler and happy as Larry when he has a postman to chase. He is of course very happy to stretch out on the occasional chair, called that because occasionally folks can get to sit on it, and rest his ten or more stone bulk. The sad thing is the wee dug has a problem common to such beasts and his back legs are going, which naturally stops him going as he would want to. This annoys him as the postman now rushes past making faces at him knowing the dog will not catch him! What a nasty man he is! From what I can make out it appears Lou may have to face the needle as he cannot go on like this. It is not fair as nothing can be done and he is chewing his own tows down to the bone now. Sad affair so it is.



To lighten things I would mention, if I had enough mental energy, something I found on Internet Explorer. I usually use 'FireFox,' I need the 'spellchecker,' but here I downloaded a couple of these annoying extra bars along the top. One comprised nothing but Jazz Radio Stations and since then I have spent much time misspelling things here listening to 'Radio IO' for the 'Jazz Standards' link. Jolly good I say and well worth a listen if you like proper music that does fill your head with banal, meaningless pop. I use this browser and listen on IE. This makes it easier to change stations, but if you don't want another little bar on top of your page and like music, try this 'Radio IO.' It is the jazz link but you can work your way to all kinds of music if you wish.

Busy Saturday

The problem with having a busy day when you are laz...used to not being busy is that while lots has been achieved exhaustion sets in! Being unemployed, and unwanted it appears, the physical fitness disappears. While recently I have been getting half an hour on the bike and walking much more, my knees ache from the activity and something always interferes. Well that's my view anyway, no matter what the rest say! So today, after I had struggled along on tyres that desperately need inflation but had to wait as I thought rain clouds were forming so rushed out, I then finished those jobs that have been requiring attention for some time. Funny how rusty sinks get when you don't clean them too often. Anyway I shopped and then cooked. This some people think of as a joy, they must be mad! Cooking is awful! That is why it should be left to the women, it takes forever and keeps them out of the way! However not having one, they tend to runaway for some reason, I have been forced to chop vegetables for hours today. Onions (tears), potatoes, carrots, a big purple thing, green leaves,and then mix them, first of all into 'Flanders Stew, and then into what I laughingly call soup. This has been referred to as 'primordial soup' by some, but possibly because that stuff had been lying for a while.... I have spent hours at this and what do I get out of it, apart from 'E-Coli? three lunches and six soups. It would have been more 'Flanders Stew' lunches but I had a bit more than I ought tonight, just a bit. The sooner I get a proper (easy) job the better!



Today, in between onion peeling, I also managed to obtain more driving lessons. After the stupidity of forgetting to use the mirrors during the test (What cars where?). I have another test booked for the first of June. Fail this one, and they have changed it to make it harder, then it can be forgotten. I just cannot afford it now, not that I could before of course. 'Capital One Card' must love me! The cash flow here is so bad the Chancellor has asked me for advice on his budget. Unfortunately I think he listened to me.

A Problem Solved

I had cause to drag my weary bloated body outside into the sunshine today. From the north facing window I laughed at the English attitude of wearing shorts and T-shirts simply because the sun is shining. The cold biting wind howling up the street appears to go through them and they don't notice this! I have to laugh. However I put on my cap and jacket and made my way to the computer shop. I ignored the dank, cheap looking PC shop round the corner, the one with the dubious employees, and went to a safe reputable company. I was after a filter. I was assured by one of said company talking on local radio yesterday that this was the answer to my problem. The problem was that I could not use the PC and phone at the same time, one or the other was OK but not both together at it ought to be on broadband.

The shop was expensive, and the man there as cheerful and helpful as I would be had I spent the night sleeping rough in a railway station in mid January! So I disturbed you fixing someones machine, no doubt at great expense, and you had to sell me £4:95 worth of filter, which cost the company 66pence I presume, so sorry! As I questioned why it was different from the one I had in my hand you could have explained they came in a variety of shapes rather than be dumbfounded as I clearly was. Sorry I asked! However, in spite of my ignorant doubts and much confusion, it works! Now I can use both PC and phone at the same time. Nobody calls of course! I will set up the ansafone tomorrow and discover just how few people actually call! Not counting spam and bailiffs.

On the way back I wandered around by what we here call a river. Now having been brought up overlooking the Firth of Forth, which is well over a mile wide directly in front of me, I have to call this burbling stream of six to ten feet wide, a river? Tsk! Certainly during winter it helpfully bursts its banks and floods those houses thoughtfully built in the flood plain, but really to me it remains a wee burn, not a river like they ought to be. Still, as the sun shone and I began to sweat a little, I got a couple of snaps of the water, managing to avoid the plastic bottles, 'Costa Coffee' cups and floating bodies that pass by. Once again i could listen to the birdies sing in the trees, the water gurgling by and the splash as another urchin falls in when mum sits there smoking funny cigarettes. All part of life's rich panoply I guess. Crivvens it was warm when I got back mind. I was sweating like a pig, and here I was with my cap on and the jacket, cold in winter air, proving heavy and clammy in the sun. T- shirt tomorrow!

Saturn

Now here's a thing, an item in the 'Daily Mail' worth reading! Yes indeed here is a novelty! However the fact that this paper is not objecting to some misdemeanour of the Labour government must not detract from the fact that these pictures are worth looking at. Instead of whining about some nasty politically correct behaviour they have decided to show us something interesting. Here we have pictures of Saturn that far distant planet with the rings around it. Brilliant! The pictures come from Nasa's 'Cassini' spacecraft which has been flying around the planet for a couple of years now. The spacecraft took five years to reach Saturn, photographing the planets it passed on the way like some demented tourist, and will go around the planet another sixty times. Lucky spacecraft!

There is something compelling about space. We all wish to believe that there are little green men wandering around desperate to meet us, and some claim to have met these creatures. I confess to a cynical approach to these accounts, especially from women who go into far to much detail as to what the wee green men were interested in. However there are billions of stars and planets out there, some say they are as far as 13 billion light years away even! Now that is far! However as the light has only just reached us it may be these galaxies are in fact no longer in existence? It may well be one day they may appear to fall from the sky? I believe there is life of a sort out there Jim, but "Not as we know it."

Click the link and see more great pictures of Saturn, it is worth a look!

What's Wrong With Words?

Now I am getting annoyed, and you know I am always so placid usually, but irked I am becoming. Once again I am plagued with folk making me their 'friend' but not bothering to read my page then expecting me to read theirs or, worse, just click their 'Adsense.' Sorry no can do folks. I do not need yet another smartie telling me how to make money with blogs, I have my own financial advisor (who has yet to pay for the stuff I put on his second blog by the way!) and have no interest in reading your adverts. So please sling your collective hooks!

However the thing that annoys me most this bright sunny evening (and one does not say that too often) is a blog with nothing but videos on each post! Now a blog specialising in photography is a good thing,(and we all know one lass who is very good at the pictures don't we?), there are some wonderful pictures to be seen on the web and each opens up doors into new worlds - usually! However a blog that just gives videos is lazy! I have posted three I think, and each one important and relevant to my minds eye but I think the purpose of a blog is to say something for yourself, not let others do this for you. There is no requirement to be articulate, as you will have noticed, you just have to speak for yourself! Say what you think whatever the purpose of your blog is and say it yourself! It can be humorous, worthy or just howling at the moon, a fine way to spend the night I can tell ye, as long as it is your own thoughts and ideas. Posting videos of favoured sites may be good if done occasionally but not all the time! The one that turned up today made me pine for some of my favourite blogs. These are enjoyable, well written and honest. Whether personal, with a specific purpose in mind, humorous or just filing in the day I enjoy them. They take me into other worlds and bring new friends into my life. A video however interesting cannot do this and one after another just means I pass on to other places. Just think what you have lost? On the other hand we shall forget that last bit shall we?




Now the intellect of the general run of Glaswegians has always, in my humble view, been low. The nature of the beast has been revealed to us far too often for anyone in Scotland to misunderstand their limited appreciation of life and all it has. So when it was announced that the 'Old Firm,' that is the Rangers and Celtic football clubs, have another possible chance to move into the English money spinning league we all had our opinions as to whether this is a good thing or not. Now consider this. Rangers are a club that at the end of the 19th century realised that their main income source came from those around them, many of whom worked in the shipyards of Govan. Many of these had emigrated from Belfast and other Northern Ireland towns and brought with them their 'Protestant, 'Orange Order' bigotry. No Roman Catholic was allowed to work in the shipyards then. By playing on this and ensuring they were the only side in the area (they helped Partick Thistle move to northern Glasgow for this purpose) they became known as the 'protestant team in Glasgow. Meanwhile on the other side of Glasgow a new team had been created by an RC Priest and became known as the Catholic club, Celtic FC. While Rangers played on the 'orangemen' Celtic played on their Irish roots. The 'Home rule' debate at the turn of the century almost led to civil war which was only averted by the coming of the 'Great War' in 1914, exacerbated the problem and polarised feelings between the clubs.

Today this polarisation has once again been encouraged by the recent troubles. Rangers fans waving 'Union Flags' at their games, something no other Scots football club would do, only Scots flags would be flown at them! Indeed so desperate to be seen as linked to Westminster some Rangers fans refer to themselves as 'British' and not 'Scots' and even go so far as to wear 'England' shirts! Of course the rise once again of Scottish Nationalism has also increased their desire for the Union. This leaves them ignoring a thousand years of English oppression to give support to a Northern Irish cause to which they have no connection. Such treasonable actions rightly being denounced by true Scots. Celtic fans in the mean time have flourished as Scots and Irish, or 'Plastic Paddies' as the term goes. many believe in Scotland yet when push comes to shove support Ireland first. Neither club grace Scotland with this bigotry and both have worked together so many times while encouraging hatred between their fans to ensure a more committed support which brings in the cash. The less intelligent, found often in the west of Scotland, rally blindly to their cause.

Here in this picture we see the result of such 'loyalty,' and the effects it has on the befuddled Glasgow brain. Here we have a TV company in a pub asking Rangers fans to hold up a card showing either a Scots flag or an English one, to indicate where they wish to see their team play. "Do you want to see Rangers play in the Scottish Premier League or the English Premier League?" The answer from this Rangers man's drink sozzled brain is to wear an English football shirt, something no Scotsman could ever do, and wave the card featuring the Scots flag! The sad fact is the wee laddie will not see the irony (look 'irony' up in a dictionary Yanks) in this! This guy also has the right to vote you realise!

Nothingness

That is the inside of my head today, nothingness! Nothing has occurred as far as I can see. All the items listed to be done have been checked, the exercise walk (my knees ache so that happened), the posting of the packet up north (the receipt is there so that happened), The form given by the dole office has been sent off, (either that or it has walked as it is not here), the dinner was cooked and eaten (the stomach pump is here so that happened), yet I seem to have done nothing. My head had not concentrated on anything constructive all say. When I was walking in the sunshine (sunshine!) my mind was not with me, it was everywhere but somewhere useful. I sit here to do something constructive and an hour later I am still playing 'TechTris' (don't ask I've lost the link!). This is the third or fourth day this has happened and I am getting annoyed now. I was going to get annoyed earlier but I forgot.

I remember this however.
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

Sometimes you just feel down don't you. Virus's (or is it Virii?) make you feel low, circumstances, nourishment, and being a miserable git all combine to let things feel worse than they are. Indeed all around the world folk are in a very bad way. Starvation, natural disasters and events cause grief and folks everywhere are worse of than yourself, like the suicidal twin who killed her sister by mistake. There again there is the old man we call 'Spiderman,' it's not that he has special super powers, he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath.Time for cocoa I think....

Another Spring Morning

Another chance to wander through the park and enjoy the aroma of wet vegetation. Another chance to watch gray clouds scud by. Another chance to watch drookit squirrels chase one another through soggy wet leaves and frighten the birds happily ensconced there. Another day in which to wonder why the shoes on the feet are on the feet considering the holes in the soles of each one. Still, you can tell it is Spring as the weather is warmer and the people passing by are wearing thin shirts and Spring fashions. Naturally they are soaking wet but being English they have not realised it yet!

Back to Work Tuesday

The world returns to normal as folk head back to work, well most of them. Many kids are still of school and of those that have gone back many have skipped it anyway. The world turns once again, well not here, the 'Man Flu' still left me woozy this morning, will these bugs never end? So I sat here and 'rested' instead of following the usual course. The cloud cover remained, the sun occasionally shone through, but I just let my head throb and my mind wander. It didn't go far!
Tomorrow I will return to the job hunt, finish the jobs that lie abandoned, and go back to bed several times. (Actually I will not do the latter. I just say that to upset them who are working.)

Easter Monday Holiday

Yes indeed it is a holiday.
You can tell by the mist and the occasional rain.

Easter Morning

Saturday Evening

This is a Saturday Evening Post.........

Good Friday

This morning I awoke at five thirty and noticing the sun was rising, the sky blue and the streets empty I decided to get on the bike and saunter along the road. The thing is my knee problem has meant I walk at a slight angle and this has resulted in my other knee developing muscle trouble. The bad weather has limited my walking and cycling and now I have resumed the muscles are clamming up. After sitting for a while I really struggle to get going. So the opportunity to exercise and loosen up was not to be missed. A long straight, gentle, run down Stane Street and round the old haunts eased me into the day.

After dumping the bike I walked around in an attempt to avoid stiffness. This was excellent as the birds were singing in the trees and all around fabulous bird song was heard. Small birds, unseen high in the trees sang out so loud they must have been heard miles away. A thrush watched as another small bird fought to bring a worm out of the ground, and somewhere what sounded like a grouse or something of that kind, called from the wooded gardens of the big houses. As there was little traffic the natural sounds could be appreciated more. However I suspect the birds and squirrels and other beasties helping themselves to the chips and half eaten burgers left by the cretins who drop the stuff as they wend their way home from the towns pubs appreciate their breakfast more than I enjoyed their sound.

Wandering down I took a few pictures of the old houses that reflect the wealth that was once found down that way. While one or two pubs still exist all the shops have been turned into homes and the once bustling bakery. These houses still cost a fortune as the middle classes spend over the odds for listed buildings that enable them to live amongst 'their people' even if the buildings themselves, while romantic, are somewhat uncongenial. In fact this road is very busy and the traffic passing by not only shakes the buildings but leaves them covered in black filth. This does not deter as they are mixing with the folks who matter! My pictures are not that special, if you like that sort of thing try A Changing Life, a laid back relaxing blog, or My Thai Friend, some good pics and reading there.

As I passed I found a damaged female blackbird sitting in the road. I attempted to pick it up and place it in the park itself as there was not much else I could do for the beast. However it flapped away from me and I was just upsetting her more. She must have hit one of the few passing cars and appears to have damaged herself underneath, possibly just her leg, and hopefully this will heal with time. Had I caught her, apart from putting the bird in the park to avoid traffic, I have no idea what I could have done.

Good Friday, the day we remember Jesus went to the cross for us. The world continues on its way, ignoring him for the most part. It was ever thus. Jesus chose to reveal himself to the world through his people, and the church spread throughout the world not by spectacular events, which fade, but by a changed people. If Jesus people lived the way he told them to it would spread further today. Jesus reaches folks one at a time as they respond to his actions on the cross.

Hot Toddy

One of the benefits of suffering, with no sympathy from womankind, is the option to turn to a hot toddy! So to relieve the aches, the temperature changes, the throat and the cough problems I shuffled along to Sainsburys and infected a few dozen staff and customers, although they only realise this now of course. I left with my whisky, jar of overpriced honey (funny how the booze is always on offer and the food keeps rising in price) and knowing they would not supply hot water to go with this I wended my way home. This of course is a wonderful way in which to deal with 'Man Flu,' and please not 'Man Flu' is of course very different from the sniffle which affects women. 'Man Flu' is a disease, not a minor chill caught listening to other folks conversations at keyholes, or standing in draughts gossipping about things that do not concern you. 'Man Flu' originates with a virus of astonishing power, if it affected woman it would of course cause certain death, however men are built with a more sturdy frame and will, with difficulty, fight of the brute. As science has yet to find a cure for this terror we must resort to time honoured answers, 'Hot Toddy' is one of the most effective.

Now as you know I am not one to complain, and I have enjoyed constant drinking of these toddies and the pleasure it has brought me, however I decided to fore go these today and return to the real world and I am surprised. I am surprised to notice lots of spiders crawling up and down the window and my hands shaking somewhat. Maybe I need another toddy.......?

Tony Makes His Move

As you know there is a position arising for 'President of the EU.' Tony Blair has made it clear he wishes to accept this post, although it may not yet be offered to him, and today there is a report on one of his moves in this direction. The Independent newspaper covers a story in which Tony is stating the Pope has it wrong about homosexuals. Now I find this fascination for a couple of reasons.

The first is of course his political nous in realising that by making it clear his attitude is 'Politically Correct' he immediately gains much support from the powers behind the throne. Looking to the fashion of the day and jumping on any bandwagon going is Tony's way! He realises that by opposing the Roman Catholic Church, and the Pope in particular, he has swung a large number of the right people in his direction. The left leaning members will see this as a brave and timely action, and note how he has allowed homosexuality to be regarded as normal in the UK, alongside the encouraging of abortion also. Definitely PC in many minds, and brave enough to oppose the Pope also. Tony is half way there to be President, and we know how much he likes the presidential style. His wife, known as 'Cherie Booth' at 'work,' but 'Mrs Cherie Blair' when making money on the back of his name and position, will obviously be pleased with the money this brings in. There is nothing so admirable as a 'socialist' on the make!

There is another small point that comes to mind here. The bible, the book Christians must base their opinions upon, tells us clearly that homosexuality is wrong, the RC church call it a clear 'sin!' To decide that 'times have changed' means we can alter biblical truths appears somewhat arrogant or not thought out properly, especially from one who has only recently had the courage to stand up and be admitted to the church he now wishes to instruct. How many have joined the church, any church, and decided to amend those bits they did not like? Far too many in truth, and we have all been there I can assure you. However the bible is not just a rule book. This is Gods Revelation to man and as such contains eternal truths not passing fashions. Covering several thousand years, and informing us, as Thucydides knew two thousand five hundred years ago, that human nature does not change,and if you claim to belong to a religion you must obey what it says, especially when ignorant it seems of its main teachings. Now I realise the Roman church has many faults and that this pope speaks for no Christians in reality, however, he has at least studied the biblical approach. Maybe Tony should do the same?

I wonder if the pope will reply to his man? If so he could ask tony why he went into Iraq? he could point out the dead children, thousands who died from the effect of bomb and shell strewn over the land. He could explain why hundreds of British troops die both there and in Afghanistan because he and George W Bush wanted the oil and invented tales of WMD. There are lots of questions the pope could ask Tony, I hope he asks them!

Half Hangit Maggie

'Half Hangit Maggie' was the term given to one Margaret Dickson in the 1720's.
As a young lass in 1723, possibly only eighteen years of age, she was deserted, or dumped, by her husband and moved from the fish selling in Mussleburgh to the border town of Kelso. Here she found employment in an Inn and settled for a while. However a woman's needs are manifold and she fulfilled hers with the son of the Inn and fell pregnant. Divorce was not an option, so pregnancy at that time was unwise. To avoid being thrown out she concealed the growing bump although surely someone must have noticed? Such anxiety must have contributed to the child dying shortly after birth. Maggie attempted to hide the child's body by drowning it in the River Tweed but could not bring herself to do so and hide the corpse by the river bank.

Once discovered it did not take long to trace this child to Maggie and she was taken for trial in Edinburgh where she was sentenced to hang. Today I fear she would be given counselling and if thought cruelly guilty possibly an 'Anti Social Behaviour Order' or maybe a fine. On the 2nd of September 1724, the family alongside the Edinburgh mob attended the gibbet in the Grassmarket. There the lassie was hanged for the correct length of time, and to ensure completion the executioner pulled down on her legs to ensure she was dead. How often he must have done this, and one is left wondering what such an occupation did to his soul? In recent years hanging was confined to murder but until the early eighteen hundreds many were hanged for minor thefts and even debt! What went through the minds of men employed in such work?

In the seventeen hundreds anatomical research in Scotland was limited to freshly hung criminals and as Maggie was taken down and placed in the coffin her family provided there arose a stramash as medical students attempted to obtain her body for dissection. I suppose a twenty two year old female body was worth further inspection, even after death! The crowd intervened and the trainee doctors were disappointed, however some report damage to the coffin because of the struggle. I suspect coffins were somewhat 'cheap and cheerful' (Is this the right phrase?) at that time. There is a reasonable distance to walk on the journey to Inveresk churchyard, where she was to be interred, and the mourners were glad to stop for refreshment at Peffermill. Passing workmen heard noises coming from the coffin and were, not unnaturally, intrigued! The lid was opened and Maggie, somewhat confused sat up. The reaction of those around her does not appear to have been recorded however some astonishment may have occurred! Blood was taken by a phlebotomist, 'blood letting' being seen as a regular cure at the time, and under orders of the local magistrate she was taken into Mussleburgh where she spent the night. For a few days the lass was somewhat delirious and confused and complained of a painful neck, no surprise there! However Margaret managed to visit the church on the Sabbath where a large crowd attended, less to worship than to 'see the show!'

Here the difference between Scots law, very influenced by Calvinistic biblical interpretation, comes ahead of English law which is influenced by, well, Englishmen! Under English law she would have been strung up again with no hesitation having been condemned to 'Hang by the neck until dead.' However Scots law states that once the condemned has been hanged they are declared dead in law, even if they survive. This result is seen as 'Gods will' and the survivor is allowed their liberty once more. In England you had to survive hanging three times before 'Gods will' is known! Such death, being death, also leads to the annulment of marriage, (Don't try this at home folks!) and no doubt many other legal niceties. This being the case, and her celebrity riding high, her husband reappeared and married her once again a short time later. (Girlies may now show some indication of their contempt for men!)

Naturally stories grow around such celebrities. Some say she had become a 'good friend' of the man who made the rope used for the hanging, although this sounds rather typical of the normal Edinburgh folks reaction to such a situation. Some Scots can develop a certain cynicism as the years pass by would you believe? Maggie continued to live, some say for another forty years and is reported to have been around in 1753. Her occupation is unclear, some say she sold salt around Edinburgh and others report the lass as running a tavern somewhere. However she filled her years she had a certain celebrity becoming known as 'Half hangit Maggie!'

How to be an Idiot No. 67

An excellent way to prove your idiot status is the misuse of the shopping talent.
The best example is to find yourself in a state of financial embarrassment then break the printer! A complete idiot first takes too long to replace the ink cartridge, then when that is done, notice the other cartridge is giving problems. With skill this can easily be turned into a right disaster. After vain attempts at electronic engineering, using pliers, screwdrivers, curses and an extremely heavy hand, the experienced idiot will soon be found sitting, head in hands, on the floor gurgling away and vowing to visit the man who developed computers for home use. This by the way would not be a 'social' visit.

As time passes and what little money is available drifts of into the debt pile the proper idiot will then decide a new printer is required. Whatever the financial situation, one must be procured as this machine is part of the finding employment and paying the debts. A trip around local merchants ensues. e.g Tesco and Argos. Tesco are selling a HP F4280 and one or two others for around £30. This looks good. However the idiot is no fool. Jumping in to obtain one of these machines may lead to more debt which cannot be afforded so maybe, just maybe a way to fix the other may be found.

Time passes. The Dole office assessment arrives and is passed. The dole office interview arrives and is, er, we wait and see, and wait, and wait.... eventually an answer. Several forms to fill out and join the waiting list! After this long delay they insist I must hurry as any delay may hinder employment! I consider just sending them a roll of red tape! However I fill in the forms, discover I must send copies of other forms and have no way of copying them as the printer is broken! After an idiot long delay I decide I must buy the cheap one I saw before. Off to Tesco I go, and of course the special price has long gone, as indeed have the printers. There are a couple available starting at around £58. I go home. I scour the Argos catalogue, and decide on the cheap 'Canon' all in one printer. Naturally while in Argos my eye is caught by an HP model which costs just under £50. Knowing HP I decide to go for it.

Here it is installed, working quite happily, copying my documents, which have now been posted safely, and while not as robust as the previous HP model, Chinese workmanship is not what it was, I am reasonably content, until this goes wrong. As pupil Idiots you will of course appreciate that I have paid £50 for the model I could have got for £30 a short while ago. And I wonder why I am now taking money out of the credit card so I can pay off the credit card?

This Sunday

Much of my day, when I was not wasting it doing nothing profitable, was spent it reading this book. So far it has been most enjoyable. Info on the early church development is worth reading. It takes us near the beginning and those who came immediately afterwards have a lot to tell us. That is when we can find them! Why did they not write down more I ask? How thoughtless of them. History is a fantastic subject.

Diverse Police

This is an ideal 'Daily Mail' story, this time involving the Scottish Police. You will recall that it is not that long ago that the new Commissioner (head man) of the London Metropolitan police stopped a police station flying a flag for the 'lesbian & Gay' mob. This following on from the Lothian and Borders Head office at Fettes in Edinburgh also flying such a flag. Today we have the announcement of a new booklet (costing £5000) telling the policeman on duty to be nice!
Various friendly terms for women are found everywhere, in Scotland they are usually addressed as 'hen.' In the north of England 'Pet,' or 'Love' might be used. This booklet informs officers not to use such terms to lassies, I suppose they may feel 'vulnerable' or perhaps 'patronised.' Any who object to such terms in fact should be referred to as 'stupid,' 'self obsessed,' or just 'bitch,' in my view, or at least according to my experience of such females. 'Get a life' is also useful when addressing them. I am left with an image of a bobby on the beat confronted by a drunken slapper cursing him and being sick on his shoes while he endeavours to find a word to address her by without upsetting her human rights. 'Slut' maybe? The Essex Police spent a great deal of money putting the slogan 'Taking the lead in making the county safer' on their vehicles. What do they really need apart from 'Police,' or maybe 'We know where you live!'? Police constables earn between £22 - 35,000 a year yet a 'Diversity and Ethnicity Officer' post ranged from £35- 40,000 a year. Shome mishtake shurely?