Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...'
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...'
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'
A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, ‘I’m going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really heavy'
‘You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'
A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said, ‘Well don't go there anymore’
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'
A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, ‘I’m going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really heavy'
‘You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'
A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said, ‘Well don't go there anymore’
7 comments:
BOO! HISS!
These are funny. Really. In a Henny Youngman sort of way. Is the picture at the top somehow connected?
I have a feeling this is something I should already know, would know, if I were born elsewhere. The guy's a nancy Scot, right?
Or is nancy only applicable to the English?
Help me out here.
Now, take my wife. Please.
I won't say I was an ugly child, but my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.
Where did you GET these?
I'm guessing there IS a connection to the fez guy in the picture.
Ah. I should have read the title. Tommy, not nancy. Tommy Cooper. Pro golfer, right?
Graham, TC was one of my favourite comedians. He could make me laugh without saying anything, sadly missed so thanks for reminding me of his humour.
BTW I can't seem to find a contact email for you, I wanted to let you know about the change on My Thai Friend. Look at the link on this post and you will see she has moved :-)
Nancy Cooper? Who she?
An American footballer perhaps?
Tommy Cooper? Are you sure? My Father in law's favourite and I feel sure I know his jokes off by heart. Some of those are new to me - thankfully. :)
These are so funny, made me laugh before breakfast (and that's unheard of!!) Always loved Tommy Cooper, thanks for adding this!
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