UK citizenship test Update

Only one person so far has passed the test, (with 100%).
WE are all of to Tristan de Cunha tomorrow (Bring your own food!)

The UK Citizenship Test

The UK Citizenship Test

I came across this today, twenty four questions on UK citizenship. You are given 45 minutes to complete the practice questions (found on the link under the picture of the book) and if you pass the official test you may well become a citizen of the United Kingdom.

I got 13 out of 24 correct and failed!

What is even more worrying is that others who have attempted these questions, and what questions they are, have also failed. In fact not one British citizen has actually passed the test! Who set these questions? Nick Griffin the leader of the British National Party perchance? While some of them make sense we are asked things that most folk will not understand unless they are either involved in that line or just a know-all, and this result proves some folks opinion of me wrong there then! Ridiculous questions and I could think of more relevant ones if asked.

Take the practice test and see if you can become a citizen of the United Kingdom. I fear none will pass!

You Canny Trust the Welsh!

Now, as you know, an Englishwoman has claimed the English invented the Haggis, Scotland's national dish. This imperialist attempts to acquire Scotland by stealth, piece by piece and pudding by pudding, it appears! The fact that her claim is based on a recipe found in an English book from the sixteen hundreds shows the lie. Scots women did not use recipe books, their mothers taught them domestic chores from childhood, as indeed proper mothers have always done! Just because this middle class girl possessed a mother more intent on her career rather than teaching her daughter the important things, like how to cook, make curtains and look after the male of the house, is no reason to imagine folk living in 'Black Hooses' in Scotland were not brought up properly, they were! While herding the cow, and sowing the oats (not like that) the lass of the hoose also ensured the haggis were caught, skinned and cooked without looking at any recipe book. Just as well as nobody taught them to read until the reformation came along!

Anyway we move on to another lesser people attempting to purloin Scots culture - this time the Welsh! These sheep chasing hill dwellers have long been renown for their gathering on hillsides in order to form 'Male Voice Choirs,' - at least that is what they say, and for having more rain fall on them than any other part of the United Kingdom. As the lesser of the Celtic nations, they come just above Cornwall and Brittany, and even then that is better than their Football World Cup record of course, the Welsh are renown for 'hanging on the coat tails of their betters, and by this I mean especially, the Scots. This desperation to be accepted as a proper nation, as opposed to being just a large English county full of biggish hills that have failed to become mountains, and inferior type rugby union players, this desperation has led to them over reach themselves and to go where only the Japanese have gone before - they are making counterfeit WHISKY!

Not only are they calling this cold tea, 'whisky,' but they are actually calling it 'Welsh Whisky' as if this is something to be proud off! Ptah! To make matters worse these purveyors of the dupe liquid (known as Wisgi Cymreig to them, at least to those that actually speak that strange garbled tongue which they claim is Gaelic) these purveyors are charging up to £320 a time for a bottle of the amber fluid! Have they gone mad? (Actually that gives me an idea. Maybe I ought to open a whisky shop?)

Naturally one ought to be happy about such imitation. For one, unlike the Japanese, they did not call it 'Scotch,' nor did they use a name such as 'Queen George IV,' so things could have turned out much worse. Mind you they have forgotten to put the strength of the stuff on the label, did you notice? For another thing there is no doubt the Welsh, like the English wumman, are merely admitting what we all know, that the Scots are indeed superior to those South of the border, or in the case of the Welsh, just 'over the hill!'

Trees

This picture does not do justice to this view, but whenever I cycle past this I am tempted to attempt to picture these trees. Had I been wealthy and owned one of those big wooden glass plate cameras Victorian photographers used then I might do this little view justice. There is just something about this small plantation of very tall trees that grab the attention. Today I attempted a picture, specifically of this broken tree. Either a storm, the hurricane of 87 perhaps or an extremely strong squirrel has broken it about sixty feet up! It lends a little something to the scene. The light falls between the trees giving it a specific ambiance which does not appear elsewhere around here, at least not where I have rambled.

You see, I am back to being amiable. Possibly because I have been so busy doing lots of those things that have lain on the 'To Do' list for so long! I am just too knackered to grumble. I should of course point out that I am by nature not one to grumble generally, as I am sure most folk will have realised by now. It may be true that when there is a situation that demands a comment, judiciously indicated, I may well be the one on whom the duty of indicating the point at issue, but I always do so reluctantly! The Royal Mail manager who repeatedly, and needlessly in my view, referred to me as 'Alex Ferguson,' was just being sarcastic.

Tomorrow I expect to pay for my exertions today. The hard work, (Oh yes it was!) the cycling up the old railway, the long walk, head down, through the busy streets looking for dropped coins, and the decision to eat less in an effort to halt the weight once again reaching fifteen and a half stones will catch up with me tomorrow. I expect weariness, stiffness, and possibly even a small girning as my legs give way when I fall down the stairs looking for the mail!





What is it about Jose Mourinho that fascinates Sky Sports News so much? At each and every opportunity they will present him to us as if he is a celebrity worth knowing about. We are told he wants the England job, the Manchester United job, any job as long as it is in England! That is where the money is and that is where he can make a name for himself. Jose has always known how to please the media and has them hanging on his eyelash at all times. They laugh at his jokes, love his answers to meaningless questions and fill countless hours of TV and radio and print millions of words about the man that treats them as if they were important themselves. Ah, maybe we have found out why he is once again on our screens. But in my view he is not a 'football man!' To me Jose likes to beat the other man rather than win a football match, victory is all but the 'game' is nothing! His idea of football is to use gamesmanship at all times, play for dreary one nil wins, and spend far too long selling himself on the telly. His Porto side won the 'Uefa Cup' by falling down and playing dead, stifling the game and general time wasting tactics and unsporting behaviour. All teams can use these tactics, but he appears to know no other.

( However, the sixty five million Celtic fans who were at the game did, according to the Celtic myth, behave very well and were loved by one and all!)

The Ashes.
Who cares?

The Niceness Wore Off Today!

Indeed for the last few days life has been good, my moods have been positive and life's little trauma's were kept in their place. I wandered abroad with a benevolent smile on my fat puss and carried with me an aura of freedom from concern. There were of course difficulties, as there is in everyday experience but those I sailed through wafting a perfume of peace and love (Hippy style) to one and all. Not even the queue in Tesco on a Saturday morning could make me bring out the hatchet and place it where it was required. First off all on the two women who thought that splitting the goods in two, and then arguing over who ought to pay for what, should be discussed, at great length, at the checkout. Nor did the old man who took for ever to produce his cash, gave no thought to putting his good in the bag, and instead spent half a lifetime placing his change where it should be, then began, slowly oh so slowly, to bag up, not even he made me buy a combine harvester and test out its various capacities on him! Certainly the lass at the checkout and I did discuss whether he actually had died while standing there or not. I am still unsure as to whether his was thoughtlessness or a mental problem, it certainly was not conducive to fun.

So I have been beaming at children and leering at their mothers smiling at their mothers, I have been allowing others to go first, accepting delays, and failing to swear when caught out in the sudden rain showers. I have even walked and cycled in an effort once again to find fitness, (and when I am fit I will even put some air into the tyres), breathing fresh, warm, air and enjoying the opportunity to awaken in the morning with knees that require two members of the 'Thai Massage and takeaway Curry House' to make usable again.

However today normality returned.

Maybe it was the coffee, strong and dark like I like my women, maybe it was tiredness, maybe it was just me leaking out again (I often do that these days) but something niggled me and I wanted to spit! It was a small thing in itself but I have spent much of the day carrying an imaginary baseball bat in the hope, which cannot be fulfilled, of meeting someone who annoyed me. Instead of allowing this to pass I have allowed it to fester and ruin the day, which was a bit boring anyway, and in spite of watching Houston Dynamos beat DC United 4-3, (a good (proper football) match at that) I still feel miffed. So if you hear of a smart ass, who pushed his luck too far with one comment to many, being found abandoned in a skip somewhere, possibly laid up in one or two different hospitals, or floating down some river trussed up and heading for the open sea, don't mention my name, I have an alibi.

I was on here talking to you while wearing a self satisfied smug grin!

The Best Sight an Englishman Will Ever See!

What could be more heart warming to anyone, especially an Englishman, than the sight of God's own country looming up ahead? The nation that has produced more genius's than any other, the most humble people on earth, those most friendly and generous of people - the Scots, await all who enter here!

Just think what is left behind! Miserable grumbling people. Back to back red brick houses full of people with their hands deep in their pockets. A land overcrowded with dole scroungers on one street (Liverpool) and 'Daily Mail' Fascists on the next (any suburb). A capital city in which the word 'Smile' has been outlawed, honesty is banned and the sun is not allowed to shine.

The rest of the whole wide world flocks to Scotland because of the hills, the fishing, the whisky, the history, the ancestors (was the Garden of Eden in Edinburgh I ask?) and the people! The come from the States, Germany, Africa and the Far East, all seeking to wash away the world and spend a few days where life is better and everything is right!

(Please do not read Mikes post after reading this!)

Friday Evening

I thought, being Friday evening, and not in the mood to complain or rant about things, I thought a nice photo to finish the week was in order. This one, of St Ives beach, I obtained, as you can see, from the excellent 'FreeFoto.com' site, which I heartily recommend! While some of you take wonderful pics, and are appreciative of others efforts, this man manages to wander the world and find some lovely stuff which lie all around us. I say 'lovely,' and some would dispute a bus can be lovely, however the photographer recognises that the blogger and many members of the public need pictures of the everyday alongside those special photographs that represent a special part of our lives. A huge selection available to bloggers as long as you include the link to FreeFoto.com and do not claim them as your own or amend them. Seems fair enough.

I hope your evening is as interesting as mine has been.

The Adams Platoon 1942

Before the King sent a personal request to my dad he enrolled in what became known as 'Dad's Army.' This was the volunteer defence force that was intended to supplement the British Army if the German Army invaded. Many of these noble and determined men were of course ex - servicemen and this showed through at times. A little known fact is the practise attack on a South Coast harbour conducted by the regular army. This small town was defended by 'Dad's Army' and they wiped out the invading regulars in short order. The defences learnt at Ypres and the Somme were not easily forgotten twenty years on. While some of these chaps were too young for the 'first lot' as it was referred to, they prepared for 'call up' in such a force as this. A glance at the pic shows a variety of types representing Edinburgh's finest in 1942. Dad was 'called up' by that note from the monarch but at 34 was too old for the front line. He was posted to an artillery battalion and spent much of the war training so far behind the lines he nearly came upon the enemy from the rear!

The television show 'Dad's Army,' became a hit soon after first appearing in the early seventies. It was a gentle mocking of the bumbling men who often filled the roles, from the pretentious, self important banker who became the Captain and leader, to the Lance Corporal who had seen service in the Sudan so many years before. His bumbling behaviour was based on a true character. However as I looked at this lot I realised that not all platoons were guided by the decrepit ex-servicemen from the past. This lot had a Lance Corporal who may well have seen action in the last war, and did not look the type to gently molly coddle his men.

"Look into my eyes......"

Edinburgh View

This is an example of the view from the window in Edinburgh. Looking north towards the Forth and over to Burntisland on the Fife side. The picture does not really show it but the sky at night there is always worth looking at. (Click on the picture as it enlarges the image.) That is one of the things I missed most about Edinburgh. The twinkling lights from the towns over the Forth, and the dark blue sky, occasionally black, but at this time of the year, never dark and dreary! Simple joys for simple folks.

Cruel Women!

Searching through the old albums for pictures to scan in I came across this. Here is my poor brother in law, soon after he married my sister in 1961, trapped in the kitchen with a small portion of the work she had designated as his! The honeyed words, the gentle promises, the bright future living 'happily ever after,' that he had been led to believe lay before him, revealed as a chain to the kitchen sink! He would have been better joining the army!

Never trust a woman!

The Great War and World War Two

Some of my less intellectually developed readers have defamed my person with regards to the Great War. The idea that I was in the trenches during 194-1918 and as a result of the conflict endured what has come to be known as 'Shell-shock' is an idea I wish to refute! In spite of now being, er..over twenty one, I can assure the more enlightened among you, (and by this I mean you! er, No Fishy or Mike, not you!), that at no time did I serve His Majesty's Forces during that war. I should add here that the later conflict, (the second which the United States population ignored while shooting Indians, Mexicans and any Black men who came past), was indeed another that I was born too late to join. Scurrilous rumours from those propping up the bar in one of Midlothian's less well respected taverns or running around the Ozark Mountains hiding from Brown Bears can be discounted.

However the question, "Why pay more attention to the 'Great War" as opposed to the Second World War needs an answer. I grew up in the aftermath of the Second World War and this filled my young mind at all times. Every adult you met had been in the forces, those who had not would have been too old, or in jobs that stopped their enlistment, such as mining, munitions or black market spivs! (I believe Mike can give more info on spivs....) When I started school in 1956 we ran around chanting:-

"We won the war
in nineteen forty four"

That in itself shows the effect the war had on the United Kingdom! The games we played were often war winning games, the comics we read were full of 'Mosquito' pilots, or brave commandoes fighting over France. On the wireless comedians, amongst others, frequently made mention, not just off the war itself, in which they had all served in one degree or another, but to the troops still stationed in Germany. When TV came along this was also the case, although by the late fifties the other aspect that dominated this era was more important, the economic upturn!

The early century had seen a huge patriotic attitude within the UK. At the turn of the century the Boer War brought crowds into the streets celebrating the relief of Mafaking, and Ladysmith. Places few had any hope of ever seeing for themselves! Such 'Jingoism' remained when the Germans united and under the weak boastful Kaiser William attempted to match Britain's greatness. Sabre rattling, 'Dreadnought' building and crass stupidity combined to bring about the Greta War of 1914. By the end false patriotism was removed, the victory won by our men was rewarded, not with "Homes fit for heroes," but by lies, unemployment and soon afterwards an American led recession. (Now where have I read that before?) Only the inadequacy of Adolf Hitler and the rise of totalitarian states brought about the end of that recession, and then followed another fifty or so million deaths! The people of the UK had seen fifty years of conflict and wanted a new life! The failings in 1918 were not going to be repeated and, in spite of the bankrupt nation, the Labour government did indeed begin to make a 'New Jerusalem' in the United Kingdom. People had had enough war, in the fifties folk wanted to move into the new housing estates, make the most of the wealth from the full employment that arose, and start lives in a peaceful free society. War, and the Great War itself, were put behind them and most attempted to forget and enjoy a new life.

While the last war still filled the minds of those who endured it, books, films, and TV programmes still went over our marvellous victory. A victory when the nation had stood together in the face of a Nazi invasion, stood alone and was willing to fight alone, a victory that could not be forgotten but was better to watch on TV rather than endure. The nation, home from work, with the tea on the table could cope with this as all around wealth gradually came into the warm, well lit, airy homes. The kids grew up free from fear (although not from the bully boys down the road) and with a standard of health their parents and grandparents could only dream about.

However, the society changes in the sixties when "Make love not war," echoed around (But more like "Make tea not war" where I was concerned! Thanks for nothing Valerie!) saw the end of the new Jerusalem and the entrance of what enduring peace always brings, liberty that becomes licence! The greed of the seventies, both managers and Unions, who's mismanagement of the world led to the Thatcherism selfishness of the eighties also saw people beginning to wonder what the 'Great War' was all about?

I started to read about this strange foreign land in which millions died in mud filled trenches as "Lions led by Donkeys," and discovered this was not the case! As with all war 'spin' is more important than reality. The desire to forget war had led to us forgetting the men who fought the first war, and often the second also, as their story was less urgent than the fear of Hitler and the opportunities that arose later. We knew many men who wandered about with shrapnel or bullets or some iron object deep within their bodies from the first war, some living happily into their nineties! Many men walked about Edinburgh on crutches having lost a leg between 14 and 18, yet it meant little as they were 'just there' and part of the landscape. However by the eighties and into the nineties they were dying off and then people began an interest in their war.

Today I have read dozens of books on the subject and watched probably all the film available at one time or another. Dozens of books are published annually on the war, either regarding an individual, a regiment, a ship, or a battle, and innumerable websites are available for those seeking information on those who served. For instance the Heart of Midlothian, like all Scots football clubs, saw the men leave to fight in a greater game, seven Hearts players did not return and many more could never play the game again! This Hearts site tells more on them.

The more we learn about the Great War the more we can see one of the greatest period of change in the century. Society began to lose the class differences, and while these remain they are nothing compared to the attitudes of 1914. The world sped up, aircraft became common, skirts became shorter, a more liberal but not necessarily happier society appeared. Political 'spin' saw Prim Minister Lloyd George, terrified of the reaction to the dead, encourage his friends in the press to blame the generals for the seven hundred and fifty thousand war dead in Britain, most of whom remain in the battlefields where they fell. Such propaganda was powerful and even today General Haig is seen not as the man who won the war, which he did and was respected for at the time, but as a 'butcher' and a 'bungler.' In fact he lost less men than anyone else, was always open to new ideas and while full of failures remained the best man for the job! However a politician cares only for his self preservation.

I have spent my life reading about war and now I am sure much of the reading done today is because we find it easy to cope with a situation in the past once it is over and done with, rather than attempt to comprehend the society around us today. That is too difficult, and the results too demanding. Writing when half asleep is also demanding and maybe I ought to have prepared this better? However that may be I am off into the past again. I am looking through photo albums my dad collected during his time in China and Poona in the twenties and thirties. No war then, however I have some of the stuff he possessed from his WW2 service also. That needs collating although at his age (34) he was never likely to be near any real action. He was not daft you know!

Harry Patch

Harry Patch died last night aged 111.

He was the last surviving British soldier who fought in the trenches during the Great War.
Only one serviceman remains, an Englishman who served with the Royal Navy and now lives in Australia. All other members of the British force have now passed away. A handful from Canada and elsewhere live on but soon will join their comrades.

Patch served at Pilckem Ridge, near Ypres in 1917, the Battle of Paschendale, the battle that made the Flanders mud the living image of the war. Nearly half a million men from both sides fell into the mud during this tremendous, and possibly needless some say, fight. Patch was lucky, the three mates in his Lewis gun team were hit and killed by a chance shrapnel shell, (a shell that explodes in the air above the troops and discharges around a hundred bullet like rounds) while he himself received only a portion of the shell in his groin. While it was painful to remove it meant he survived the war.

Like many others who lived on he never forgot those comrades who fell.

Those living at that time, including the children born then, are now passing away. That generation, their ideals, their hopes, their understanding of life, is passing from us. In some ways it was better and in some their ideas were wrong. The fact remains that they endured a cataclysmic war that few today can begin to comprehend. This left it's effects with them till their dying day and has impressed itself unknowingly upon us also. Let us develop the good things and remove the bad, preferably without any major conflict such as that generation endured.

Puzzle

Walking along Silverknowes we came across this!
Not only did we wonder what it was but who did this and why?
Originally the iron bar curved over and met the broken stub on the left of the picture, and after many years has fallen into disuse, but disuse from what? We could not work out any purpose as the tide does not come in very close and it can have no relation to the many ancient war material whose remains appear every now and again. So what was it for?

Now the question is who grabbed this with both hands and bent it this way? Just what sort of individual would wish to tie a knot in an iron bar? I suspect one of those psychiatric patients, usually referred to as 'artists' may well have been involved. Possibly this was the only place for an exhibition?

Answers please on a postcard, and don't forget the stamp this time!

Silverknowes

On Saturday after going to see my mother for the last time, my brother and I drove through Leith, getting lost in Newhaven which no longer is a through road, it was in 1975, and ended up in Granton passing the new creation that arises there. At Gypsy Brae we walked along the front enjoying the view over to Fife, the seabirds yelling and the dogs running around having the time of their lives. Unlike the people who would have to dry the creatures out when they got back home. My little camera is not much use for the wide expanse that lay in front of us there but the shot over Cramond towards the Forth bridge was not too bad.

The time in Edinburgh was a mixture of sadness and enjoyment. My mums passing was sad, an end of an era indeed, and a loss of a 'home,' a home that has existed for 56 years! How strange this will be. It was however, thanks to the prayers of the saints, a good time with the family over all. We got on well, even though my brother and I took three days to work out how to switch off the heating, spent many minutes attempting, with a match, to light the gas and discovered it lit via the electric push button, and when in the car constantly argued over whether to go right or left, this way or that, and always took the wrong option whatever we decided. That explains getting lost in Newhaven and ending in someones driveway!

I have several of the older photo albums and intend to put some on the web so have started to scan them in. The memories and the stories that we find there amaze me. Add to this listening to those outside the family speak of my mother and I am much more impressed by her than I was before. How little we know of our own family! Because I grew up with her there I could not see her as others did, and I have a new respect for both her and my dad, especially considering what they endured for us! I feel even more guilt now!

Now I am totally knackered! I am in the middle of writing to many folk I met there and already have blisters on two fingers. I write this with my toes! Praise the Lord for e-mails! had I to use stamps this would cost a fortune writing to people. Worse still if they don't reply! I had to apologise to several fat women for not recognising them a the slim young lassies I once knew, my how they change. All look like their mothers now! Ah well, it's nice to be back to the routine, grumbling, worrying, complaining, noting the worlds idiocy and reading your own good writings. Thanks for the kind words.

Edinburgh

Off to Edinburgh until Wednesday when
normal (normal?) service will be resumed.
Would you believe it's raining!

Quiet Thursday

A quiet day today.
I have nothing to say as my mind is befuddled. The irksome 'cold' bug that never seems to leave my side dulled the remains of my brain last night and left it sluggish this morning. Exercise (Ha!) did not alter this, neither did what passes for nourishment in this house. My mind has rarely got into gear although one or two necessary jobs got accomplished. Much of the time has been spent looking at the e-mail waiting for someone to send something. It was that sort of sluggishness! There were lots of mail in the 'Mailwasher' and much of it wanted to extend bits of me or supply me with 'Canadian Meds.' Funny how so many different addresses offer me the exact same substances! All I need to complete the set is the Nigerian prince who wishes my help in removing $24 million dollars from Nigeria.

It is late, my brain has not got over the shock of buying a pair of comfortable 'insoles' for the shoes that have a hard interior and getting them home to find they come in packets of one! I just couldn't be fagged to do anything about this so fell asleep instead. I also have the desire to write much humorous, intriguing and bum clenchingly funny stuff, but have not got the energy mental or otherwise. So instead here is a picture of Gladstone!

Wednesday

A day to relax!

Indeed a day to relax as all those difficult jobs and problems have been overcome. Prayer works indeed! From the moment the answer to the printer problem slapped me in the face before I was awake, I should wake any time soon, to the death certificate arriving, (a nurse misunderstood the situation and they were very apologetic and kind to my niece when she arrived with a shotgun this morning), to the funeral being fixed for 2:30 Monday afternoon all the major problems have been sorted. Well done those who prayed and wished us well. One or two smaller problems arise but this is too be expected. Imagine having to have a woman minister as the real one is on holiday? Tsk! What would Thomas Chalmers and John Knox say to this?

Solemn though death is it can lead to humorous situations. When my father died many years ago young pat, somewhat inebriated attempted to offer condolences whilst crouching in front of my mother. Her attempt to stifle the giggles as he swayed this way and that while blethering incoherently ended any tension the day had for her. A good man in the church in London died. Our car was held up at traffic lights and, being late in the day, the gate to the cemetery had been shut. Knowing there was another entrance some eight cars raced there and entered Kensal Green Cemetery and began a race. We raced along to the middle, stopped amid rising dust from the gravel pathway, and stood peering in various directions into the gloom searching for the event! More driving, and not at hearse speed, another stop, more peering and slamming car doors as we moved on again, far too fast in the situation. More screeching brakes, more dust, and this time success. The, by now, sweaty occupants suddenly became sedate, solemn participants and slowly made our solemn way to the graveside. The dust was still hanging in the air when we returned to the cars!

Ah well, now I just have to fly up Friday evening, and the cost is greater than I thought, and meet the family and some I will not recognise unless they carry name tags! Next Wednesday, when I return, I will return to cynicism, sarcasm, complaining, objectionable behaviour, and being a wimp yelling at the world. I may even have a rant about airports, rain, Edinburgh, family, and something or other I bet!

But let's face it, that is what makes me so lovable doesn't it?

They Have Lost Her

When my mother died early on Saturday morning she had not been in the hospital for twelve hours. Under Scots law this means a death certificate cannot be issued. I am assuming a report is made as we were then told that this would be passed to the Procurator Fiscals office (Google it!) and then a decision would be made whether a Post Mortem was required or if the certificate could be issued.

This would be passed to my niece, she would then discuss with the undertaker the arrangements, and an attempt would be made to fit in with the minister and the crematorium. Naturally, being our family, things are going wrong. For one they have lost her! The paperwork (a yellow form) has not appeared in the Procurator Fiscals office. They have looked and found none. My niece has not thought of phoning the hospital and enquiring from that end, as some ward clerk is probably still sitting on it, and so we await developments again tomorrow morning. Add to this the minister leaving on Saturday for two weeks holiday! While he is willing to fit in as much as he can, including Saturday morning, it would be difficult to find a place for refreshments afterwards and anyway I for one think this would be a bit of a rush and am opposed to rushing this!

Tonight I attempted to book a flight on Easyjet and with each touch of the keyboard the costs rose even more than I had expected. That is irrelevant as it just has to be done. However, as I planned how to rob the bank or mug old ladies to pay for this I had a problem. The printer, which printed OK the other day, has once again refused to print! I suspect the PC and the printer are not talking to each other. However this means too much work for tonight and I have done what I can.

When my sister informed me that she was missing we considered whether she really had gone missing. It crossed our minds that maybe, just maybe, she had got out of bed the other morning and found another woman to whom she could chat. Possibly the wrong lass has been declared dead and my mum is now sitting amongst a pile of empty cups chatting happily to a woman she has never met before. It was her way. The fact that four days have past would not be noticed by a couple of Edinburgh's finest would it?

Another Monday

Not far from here is an Anglican Church which has these bells atop the building. I passed that way yesterday and thought them striking (gettit?) This church is one of many in England that were built less for the glory of God than for the glory of the benefactor who built it. If I remember correctly a woman of standing, that means 'rich,' decided she wanted this church built to her plans. This was sometime in the late Victorian days and the town already possessed one large 12th century Anglican building and not far down the road another was to be found. However this structure was designed to be quite large and for some reason it was not completed as she had planned. To the side stands a large buttress designed for a far greater edifice than this. Whether the money ran out or she died is not clear, but her plan did not reach the conclusion she desired. The bells can be heard whenever a couple get married there, whether this is a joyful sound or a warning is not clear from here. Today this is the towns Anglo Catholic Church, the other being more main line as far as I can tell. Where is this leading you ask? Nowhere. It's just as I passed by I was intrigued by the bells standing clear against the blue sky and decided to snap them.

Such small enjoyments helped when writing to the council re the noise nuisance. At least I will not be arrested because of that letter, unlike the one I was mentally writing on Saturday! Tsk! Why can people not make noise when I want them too and not at their own selfish pleasure! Tsk!

Strange and Annoying Day

Being informed of my mothers death first thing did leave me full of thoughts. Some were good and some bad. She had been a marvellous mother who put her children first all her life. I am not convinced she got nearly as much back from any of us, especially me! At 94 years of age this is not an unexpected event, although as she was so well for her age it was not expected this week! However I spent the morning pondering, as you do, not really thinking and awaiting instructions from Edinburgh as to what to do as there is a problem, isn't there always. Under Scot law a death certificate cannot be given as she was in the hospital for less than twelve hours. Dying quietly in the early Saturday morning meant nothing can be done until Monday, and then only when the Procurator Fiscal gives the go ahead. That of course could take days! There again my sister and my niece, who went through this a few years ago when her mother died, are well capable of dealing with all arrangements.

My ponderings were disturbed by those Christians yesterday. In the park opposite they had a little outreach programme. Fun and games for the young of the town. Naturally, after I had several times complained about noise nuisance from such activities, they built a stage that pointed straight at this building. A distance of 100 or less yards enabled me to hear everything, at over 100 decibels, of the music that was mostly 'rap,' and 'rap' with a capital 'C' at that! I have as yet been unable to finish my e-mail to the council, the wording so far would get me at least six months, and it must be said, would embarrass a football player. Quite why this was aimed in my direction I do not know but I spent much time chasing my coffee cup across the desk as the beat moved it half an inch with each blow! "Come to Jesus," shouted the man. He has no idea how near his words became, "Come to....oh, hullo Jesus! Why have I got an axe in my head?"

As I tired in the afternoon, and my thoughts became strained I wondered the use of an axe in such situations would be classed as murder, or manslaughter under diminished responsibility? Billy Graham yesterday has no idea how providential the intervention of my guardian angel was. I still have no idea where all the 'blunt instruments' have gone. From 11a.m. till after four this went on and I could well have done without it. There again as is the way I feel bad about being here and wish I was up north again. Strange how it is better to be useless up north instead of useless down here.

I did get a surprise when checking travel prices however. I once travelled by rail regularly from Kings Cross to Waverley. A grand journey especially with a cut price First Class ticket where one can avoid the plebs! Yesterday I discovered the basic price for Standard Class (What we used to call Second Class!) is well over £200 return! The First Class, (What we used to call unatainable) is over £300 and the National Express company has recently claimed they are losing money running the service! This line has now become Nationalised, as indeed they all should, but prices like this on an enjoyable run are far too expensive. The Easyjet return from Stanstead will cost me less than £200 if I book early, and just over a hundred depending on my return date. No wonder I didn't get home often!