Him and Her

Him and her have been my 'spiritual mentors' for a wee while now, since about 1971. They, and theirs, have been like a second family to me, and in turn I have been like a pain in the backside to them - constantly! I know this because in many different ways they have commented on it - and quite often at that. They now live by the seaside, surrounded by friends and running a huge successful church. This church, as you would expect, is full of loving kind people, who never argue, always consider the other better than themselves, submit to church authority, and generously give of their vast wealth.

There may be one or two slight exaggerations in that statement!

Now there has only been one wee problem with this couple - her! When he and I have sat down together to do something important, like watch Scotland beat England at rugby, she will interfere by asking questions. "Why has he fallen down?" Or, "Why not wait till the rain stops?" And so on. She has been very good in the kitchen - it is after all what women were made for, but never on any account ask her to buy bread or sandals. I may return to this point one day, but only when he is unlikely to be reading here. In between asking all the usual needless questions women her age ask, like "What do you eat?" (answer, "Food!") and showing photographs she has taken in one of their many jaunts abroad (always fotos of people you will never, ever meet, and always with full description of where they live, what they do and what their shoe size is), on top off all this she has decided to use up as much N.H.S. resources as she can. This is not really because she is sick, but being from Aberdeen and earning just enough to pay National Insurance she wants her monies worth!

So to this end she has decided to have a serious problem in the kidneys, and I think this offal! This means she will soon have to learn how to inject some horrid stuff into herself, I am looking away now, several times. The NHS folk appear slow in informing the woman as to when this will start, and it needs to begin soon, so can I ask you believers out there, yes you, if you could offer up a word to for her? We don't ask for her to jump the queue, we just want to know when and where etc. Without this she is devoid of energy, although she can still talk, and finds it frustrating when she cannot harangue the grandchildren in the accustomed manner.

This appeal is not made on behalf of the lass herself, but for him. Just so he does not have to listen to her moaning on and on about it. The poor man is worn out! Thanks.