Old Joke

George was admitted to a mental hospital and fell in love with another inmate. George loved the woman so much that when she fell into the pool he jumped in to save her.

Later that day the nurse came into George's padded cell and said, "I have some good news and bad news for you. I spoke to the head psychiatrist and he thinks that your act to save the woman you love from drowning showed that you had good judgement and that you were of sound mind and you will be released from the hospital and can go home. The bad news is that the woman you love has just hung herself in her cell and is now dead."

Upon hearing this George replied, "Oh no she didn't hang herself, I hung her up to dry because she was all wet. When can I leave?"

Now, as you know I never complain, but...

I was watching an old video yesterday, showing Falkirk playing Dundee when both were striving for promotion from the old 1st division. It was a very good game and this surprised me somewhat, especially as the final score was nil - nil. Very enjoyable but as I watched it I was conscious of how mush more irritable I am these days. It seemed to me I was a lot less contentious then and more at ease with the awful world around me. Now I am always grumbling, and usually with good reason. I may be wrong but sometimes it appears there is nothing worthwhile around me, all is sham and emptiness.

Obviously age is one reason for this, as my young friend Mike S. mentioned on his excellent blog, "Auld Reekie Rants,' only yesterday, and his blog is a 'must read' by the way.The music of today is totally mindless, as opposed to the 'world changing' stuff we heard in the sixties. It was 'Make love not war' and 'Peace brother!,' along with 'Get out of Vietnam!' I have to say there was more tea making than love but hey, that's the story of my life! The 'baby boomers' wanted to change the world and we followed the 'spirit of the air' at that time. It was of course a lie, human nature does not change and the 'Hippy' way would not change that' That spirit lies to each generation, and we were fooled just like the rest! But there was a movement away from commercialism and big business, until it became big business and the commercial side took over. The bands tasted fame and fortune and ended up either rich and famous or drugged out of their eyeballs and or working as bus drivers in out of the way places. Today's generation does not feel so gregarious towards others. The world changing is via 'green issues' and that out of fear of no future or trendiness and concern for sex issues, women's rights, gays and Aids. Again often for selfish motives. But are they not just more honest than we, did we not kid ourselves? What changed in the sixties? A more liberal lifestyle, and a more cynical approach, fine in many ways but while there is more 'freedom' how come there is even more in the way of damaged lives? Common sense replaced by political correctness is another aspect of today's world that irks me. For example one council now bans the word 'brainstorming' as this could upset the mentally defective. Such as the one who came up with the proposal I suppose?

The vile seventies removed the best life changing music and allowed 'pap' to reign. West coast music, so full of life and depth was pushed aside instead 'Abba' with their multi coloured lights dancing around them and their fancy costumes brought empty headed meaningless music back to the fore, not that it had really gone away. The development of music in the sixties had changed everything but in the end the public want 'Bread & Circuses' not quality and something meaningful. Trash sells! Thatchers eighties, which brought mass unemployment for many and riches for some, her friends at least, produced a creature with a very different outlook from those brought up in the austerity and 'Build a new Nation' attitude of the fifties. While we 'Never had it so good' (although we never had it at all!), the present generation have always had it and can see no reason not to have more. The music of the eighties, and then the ghastly nineties, reflected nothing innovative but an awful lot of emptiness. Now we have innocuous music, a nation reared on Soap operas and tabloid headlines, who think poverty is not having everything you want!

I just searched the radio channels for some music to hear in the background, and all is 'pap!' However being Saturday I have found some relief in Radio 3 with its Jazz hour or two. That, I really must say is usually good but tonight is a bit dreary, all big band and talk! My luck of course. There is no point in putting the telly on when it is Saturday, not worth while at all. Hold everything, I was wrong! (Copy that for future reference) there is a friendly featuring Liverpool and some foreign Johnny lot in a minute! Phew! Ah a Polish side, this should be OK then.

As Mike pointed out language has changed. Now we all have our 'in speak' in every job or group of people this is normal. However when this involves 'text speak' I am with Mike. What is this all about? My ten year old bra...great niece, forced me onto 'Bebo' because it was her way of communication. Her mother also joins in (whether to watch over her or the other way about I am not sure) and both use text speak! I have to read things three times to work out what they are saying! Well, except when I am rude about 'Jared Leto' their latest hero. (Who is he anyway?) I have become convinced that soon we will return to a use of hieroglyphics as this will be all the brats of the future can understand - pictures and not words! Blogging will be a nightmare then!

But there is hope! 'Stand Free' the Aberdeen Mad football messageboard has a policy of banning text speak. This is to be commended, even if their teams abysmal showing against lower division Peterhead is to be warmly gloated over. Imagine losing four nil - yes 4-0 - to a wee team like that! Ho Ho! Anyway they ban text speak which, while a very good idea, is somewhat diluted by their insistence of speaking the 'Doric!' You see, in the North East of Scotland their version of 'Scots' has grown up with its own influences. Norse words from all those nasty Vikings, Scandinavian influence from the fishing, and general trade with Northern Europe has allowed a different development of language there than say in Edinburgh, where we actually have no accent whatsoever. Friends of mine from Aberdeen talking on the phone to similar folk are totally unintelligible to me.

For instance :
'Fit' is used instead of 'what.'
'Fit's fit and far's the paper?' Means, believe it or not, 'What's what and where is the newspaper?'

'Ftf did that cum fae?' I wonder if you would be so kind as to inform of where that arrived from?

"Yer nae worth yer saat" - You, sir, are ill-deserving of the wages that you command

“Wheeesht min skitterspoot” 'Keep quiet you!'

'Haud yer wheest and stop spikkin keech!' 'Be quite and stop talking rubbish.' I hear this often..

We will not attempt to translate 'dookers!' until I am better informed!

However maybe the 'culture' of the day may not be what makes me grumble. Age may play its part, especially when confronting the emptiness of fashionable life, maybe in the end I am just an old git? Some things never change I suppose.......

Summertime Means Rain!

I am glad I live in the 'driest county' of this country! Had I remained in Edinburgh I would be subject to almost two days rain out of three, but here we have the lowest rainfall in the whole of the UK, or so they say!

Farmers constantly appear on local TV News bemoaning the lack of rain yet the following item will feature miserable holiday makers complaining about the weather! Some folks are never happy!

However it has been very warm in recent days and a few days of normal weather will not do us much harm, unless we happen to be postmen or such like. Today I cycled the ageing bike up and down the old rail line. This was enjoyable as with a drizzle doing its best to spoil the day few were around. I managed to enjoy watching the ducks in the stagnant pond, I knew it was stagnant as they wore gas masks, and spend a few minutes listening to the wildlife singing, cawing or chasing each other up and down the trees around. Simple pleasures but I enjoyed them. By the time I reached home via the simpler type of driver (why do they drive vehicles spouting blue smoke?) and avoided those who park lorries at just the wrong spot, the drizzle was attempting to become rain. It has rained on and off, spoiling the golf, if a game so boring can be spoiled, and causing Colin Montgomery to use words only fit for footballer, soldiers and schoolchildren.

But there is a good side to all this bad weather, I am inside!

Another Day Driving

You will notice there is no instructor in this photo. I eventually got him back in the car with the help of two 'white van drivers' and a farmer. It was not easy I must say. Had we not gagged him his screams may have deafened me before I got past that village with the milk float in a shop window - well it was by the time I got through the village. Anyone can mistake the accelerator for the brake surely?

Anyhow I managed to make it back after two hours of country roads, small towns and some villages. The history buff may be one who is able to understand why roads bend in such a twisted way, but I was not able to work that out, especially at left hand turns of 90% on several occasions. However such bends, in spite of those who park just beyond them, are preferable to the small towns filled with heavy traffic and zebra crossings. I never appreciated just how many different directions needed to be observed when going downhill through a busy town centre. I did gleam that many of the country folks are into in breeding, either that or Halstead has been taken over by aliens. Why should so many folks look identical otherwise? It appears they all need to cross the road at the same time also!

Now I wonder just who decided we need to push down the clutch, change gear, brake, accelerate and turn right while avoiding a woman on the...bonnet, oops, she is off now, all at the one and the same time? Surely these people ought to be kept well away from the roads? Especially when I am passing! However I only stalled once today, after enduring a horrid one way system which he deliberately did not mention we would endure. Just as well!

However we survived, the man is now 'Comfortable' as the hospital nurse said, and I will do it all again next week, but I think we had better find a different route. The council up that way may not want any more of those bent road signs.......

Sat Staring at the Wall

Here I am sitting staring at the wall. Saturday afternoon has arrived and I have nothing to say and less to report. Where did the week go? Did anything happen? On Monday I noticed there was a long list written out awaiting my gentle touch, it is still there, waiting.

Actually some things have been done, attendance at the Dole to meet a bullying woman who attempted to give me a positive attitude. "Don't say 'Fail' when a job has turned you down, be positive!" she said. "OK," said I, "I am positive I failed there." She did not respond positively to this in my view. I also reported to the man who signs me on, and mentioned the bully. A somewhat vile grin crossed his face at this, he has known her for many years! His constant chuckling for the next twenty minutes were unnecessary in my view. Whether he accidentally mentioned 'Jackboots' I could not work out.

My main action was the second driving lesson that I undertook on Monday. In 1972 I almost took driving lessons as they were about to increase in price from £2 to £2:50. I did not have the cash, and then no cash and no time. In London I obtained a provisional licence and then discovered I could not afford lessons there although I did have a small Suzuki motorbike for a while. These Japanese things fall apart easily don't they? Anyway, as I could make Marble Arch in twenty mins walking at that time I decided against it. Learning to drive in London did not scare me much, it was just the other cars and those driving them that worried me. Now out here, where in some regards it is still 1964, I find cars are a necessary. Just to get away from the folks around me! It is also a requirement to drive in most jobs these days, merely to get to them. For reasons beyond my limited comprehension there are a vast number of small companies which have decided to base themselves miles from anybody else, either on disused airfields or farm buildings, or deliberately at a distance from human society. Possibly it is cheaper to rent the building but the cost of transport must equalise that!

So I drove along bendy country lanes, failing to work out how to change gear, push down the clutch and brake at the same time whenever a junction came upon us. Two hours of that and I was worn out for the day. The instructor muttered something about being tired out also from his position in the back seat. I should point out he did not intend to sit there but just outside of Thaxted I made a slight mistake and that's where he ended up. I hope that farmer and his tractor got out all right in the end. Do the 'AA' deal with farm machinery?

However, those small intrusions apart nowt else has occurred. I walked up to the far end of town and back down the old railway line passing occasional sweating joggers and lonely women with dogs and suspicious looks,the women not the dogs. I trailed through the shopping centre wondering why women find these places so entrancing. If there were shops selling worthwhile stuff it would be OK, but it is so mundane, and there are at least six charity shops. Now that is fine as that is where I look for books, although the cretins in this backwater tend to read vast quantities of empty headed wimmens fiction and little else. Occasionally I come across a beauty, the last was John van der Kiste's 'Kaiser Wilhelm II' which was a worth while read although a bit too concise I thought. Did he really start the Great War because he was an imperialist bully, or was he just a weak man easily led by his officer corps who, like the French, wanted war? I go for the latter as with or without the Kaiser war was inevitable with the imperial and patriotic pride that coursed through everyone's veins at that time. There are few books available usually, maybe I should try a Rosalind Pincher or a Margaret Atwood and see how I react? I suspect I will be inspired to get a Kalashnikov and run riot through the streets removing those who read such stuff from the world.

I have looked at houses on the web as this is the time to buy one. It's not that I have any money but I foolishly bought a Lottery ticket and am now indulging in those dreams of what it would be like to possess things again. Now I am not claiming to worship Mammon or anything like that but think of the good you could do with all that money - from that island in the Mediterranean that I would buy with it - would be a blessing to many folks. It would of course also be nice not to live off the nation, and be able to pay back what I take out, and that is a guilt trip for some of us, it would of course be good to be rich rather than handsome for a change. What did you say at the back there?

Ah money, that reminds me I had better wander round to the market, it will be closing now and the left overs will be getting sold of cheap and other greedy folk will be picking up all the damaged veg and fruit before I get there. Selfish I calls them! Then I can come back and stare at the wall and try and think of something worth writing.

Christian Registrar Wins Equality

A registrar of many years standing was abused and mistreated by those around her because she refused to participate in 'Gay Marriage' ceremonies. "An employment tribunal found that the council showed no respect for Ms Ladele’s rights “by virtue of her orthodox Christian beliefs”.
She was 'treated like a pariah by those around her' and all because she refused to bow to the pressure from the 'Homosexual Mafia.'

This must be the first time in years that the 'gay lobby' has been unable to force its prejudice onto an employment tribunal. A victory for common sense and justice but one which has brought the homosexual groups, and there are lots of them it seems, out complaining about 'discrimination!' It appears they can discriminate against others but that's OK. You will remember that a while back a vicar in Wiltshire (?) pointed out that homosexuals could be healed and the chief constable no less wanted to charge him with 'homophobia!' What a strange world we now live in.

In the late sixties homosexual behaviour was no longer criminalised. What folks got up to in their own home was their affair. Today it has been turned on its head. Now we are forced to accept homosexual behaviour as 'normal' and to disagree makes an individual a criminal! Yet the public as a whole do not see the absurdity in this. Folks private life ought to be their own affair, but so are their religious beliefs. If one is allowed why not the other? The reason for objection is the Christian (and other religions) indicating that lesbian and gay acts are unnatural and abnormal. The response is one of hate from gay rights organisations. No democratic right to a differing opinion, just loud condemnation of those who dare to disagree. It is noticeable that this story appears in the 'Times,' but does not appear to have reached the BBC as yet, I wonder why?

Are homosexuals born this way or does life change them as time passes? Yes and no is the answer. I am convinced that many are indeed born with this unfortunate slant, but most are drawn into it by something in their upbringing. Abuse, strident mother, incidents when young, who can tell how folk react to difficult situations as a child. Nonetheless the Christian view is that this is wrong as it destroys the individual and Jesus wants this changed. he came to bring life and why should someone lose out because of their individual perversion, and lets face it, we all have or are tempted to one or two are we not? There is no difference between the adulterer or the homosexual, the thief or the liar, all are sinners just like you and me. Jesus, whether you like it or not wants to bring us life, and will insist we walk his way to get it! He condemns none, neither should we, but neither should we accept that which destroys as normal!

BBC Breakfast TV

Maybe it's just me, but I have this daft notion that BBC Breakfast TV in the morning should be bringing us 'news!' I am happy when the ITV breakfast programme shoves tales of rape and hospital blunders, soap opera stars failed marriages and mediocre celebs lifestyles down our throat as I expect this from them and don't tune in. However I expect the best journalists in the world to be trailing the news that is happening world wide, not bringing us tales of rape, and hospitals, celebs and other puerile garbage! Yet it seems this is all we are capable of watching in the morning, or is it just that the 'public service broadcaster,' paid for by my licence fee, is concerned only with ratings and not 'news!'

For a long time now I have listened to the BBC World Service, not officially available in the UK, for proper news. Here we can be informed, properly, about what is going on in the world. I accept that even here they have dumbed down with far too many 'light' stories and the blight of the BBC, 'trailers!' However at least we can understand the world and have some clear idea of what is happening out there. Today the BBC business man is pretending he is an Air Traffic Controller, which is interesting in itself but has little to do with the business news. A wee girl, again, complaining about 'road rage,' and yet more stories about someones health problems! I'm sorry, I realise these are important at one level but I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! Sure they have a place, but the main news must be Iran and Israel playing at sabre rattling. I would have thought that the possibility of Israel attacking Iran slightly more important on the world stage than a lass being shouted at by a 'white van driver?' There is the possibility that one day Sian Williams (who I am happy to have do my ironing for me if she wishes) will announce a hold up in some maternity ward, a film star abusing staff at an airport, and a one line note on World War Three beginning, and unthinkingly add " and now the weather....."

I realise that the majority of the nation want dumb stuff, that is what ITV and Sky are for, but some of us want a bit more, as long as the like of Sian are on show anyway. Even there most women watching are just complaining (out of jealousy) about her outfit, not what she is saying.

Hooray! VCR Works!

My technical ability has come to the fore once more. Yes indeed, these paws which can break any device known to man has for once got a technical object into working order.
This is indeed an event! It has taken so long to get this thing working again, just, that folks no longer know what it is! Kids think video belongs in the Victorian age and only folk born before colour television remember what a VCR is.

However tonight I got out an old video of Hearts v Rangers (bad referee, bad pitch and jammy goal) which followed this up with a couple of old Open University programmes and a documentary on the real 'Dambusters.' How delightful and very relaxing to watch programmes with some interest instead of the constant diet of 'pap' which fills the screen these days. If this old boy keeps going (the VCR not me) then I will be able to fill up the time with some of the programmes from the past that lie there staring me in the face. (I really should move them) Mostly old football videos Scotsport and Sportscene (or Rangers and Celtic as they are better named) from the eighties and nineties. Lots of documentaries on interesting things like war and history. You now there is nothing more relaxing while stuffing your dinner down your throat than to watch a few thousand daft lugs blown each other apart in the cause of peace. Great viewing. The alternative is to watch some soap opera in which one woman is dumped by nasty man, another uses someones husband, the bad boy steals from the hero, and several other slag one another off for no good reason!
And they wonder why the nations youth behave as they do?

Anyway, tomorrow I look at the other broken things, the washing machine, the...hold on, lets not be daft. I think I will hold where I am at the moment and let the rest wait until I am ready. The vision of gallons of soapy water soaking through the floorboards is not one I wish to endure.

Tennis!

Quite what folks get out of watching tennis for hour after hour I do not really know. The sight of two big black Yankee women slugging it out yesterday was so irksome to me I went looking for a woman who wanted to talk about her baby! What a waste of grass tennis is.

Today I actually found myself watching the Men's Final. The last time I did this I think Rod Laver won and that was before I was born! However, in between writing begging letters today, and in between the stoppages for rain, I actually got hooked for a while on these two 'stars' of the game.

The women in the crowd, and this is a women's game, not that they play it well but they certainly like watching the men play it well, the women were getting very excited and taking sides as their man first looked a dead cert winner, then found himself on the ropes. Some of them have not been that excited since their man bought that new car - which they have commandeered! It was actually a very good match. It had folks on the edge of their seats, unsure who would win to the very last ball - if that makes sense - and for many the best game they will ever see. I actually enjoyed what I saw of it, and felt the best man lost. Not that he was the better player, just that the Spaniard looked a right miserable git, and I hate folk like that.........

The Nights are Drawing in!

I just realised that it got quite dark in here last night. I thought this was because of the cloud cover but tonight the sky is clear and it has become dim indeed indoors. There is no doubt about it, the nights are drawing in already!

June the 21st is in my book the best day of the year as the light lasts longer than at any other time. However it also means that from then on the daylight lasts that little bit less, and tonight I see a murkiness that will gradually deepen until late December.

How depressing this is.

Two nights ago the sun shone through the trees brighter than the street lamp and it's awful orange glow. Tonight the sun has gone and the light stands alone, apart from the beasties that flutter around all night. The sky itself remains a deep blue but indoors a gloom covers everything, and no, I don't mean me. A light needs to be switched on, this costs money, the atmosphere changes, sometimes for the better, and it's harder to see the keyboard in the dark! Never mind, I suppose it will soon be Spring again!

Fifty Seven Today

Despair, despondency, gloom, melancholy, hopelessness, dejection. All these burden me this morning. I awake to skies covered in gray clouds, a slow dismal rain edging down painfully from above. A listlessness that once I thought fit only for Grandpa Broon in the Sunday Post grips me. Sluggishly I wander through from the west wing and ponder the day ahead.

Today I will note how not only are the policemen younger than they once were, so are grandmothers, although round here that may not mean too much of course. The traffic will be faster than yesterday, the pop music will be totally unintelligible and the stuff the kids talk about will be less so. However, once again that may not mean too much. Rude cards may arrive later, you know, the ones with a picture of a hill covered in little animals and the question, 'Which one are you?' on the front. Inside it reads, 'Your the one that's over the hill!' As she pushes the cards through the letterbox I will hear the postgirl muttering, 'Next time its one from the queen!' Although of course she has never liked me since she rejected my advances and I remarked 'Well your mother liked it!' Had there been a cake I suspect someone would organise the local firemen to turn out 'just in case.' And they are much younger than me also!

I look at the list of things to do, job hunt, exercise, lumbago ointment, and begin to despair again. I would say, 'I am not old, just mature.' But far too many folk have disagreed with me too often on that point to bother trying it. So I will sit here and wonder where all those years have gone. When was 1978 and that good thing happened? The things I wanted to do, the places to visit, the hope. The energy I had in my thirties, he future I planned, where did it all go and how did I end up here in the back of beyond......?

Who said 'Rejoice in all situations, I say again, rejoice?' Well you can get stuffed! If you want me I will be howling at the moon.

1st July 1916

On the first day of July at seven thirty precisely thousands of British soldiers got up out of their trenches to begin the 'big push' that they hoped would soon end the war. Nine out of ten of these battalions were 'Kitchener's New Army' battalions. There were fears they would not be good enough for the 'Territorials' so Kitchener had to call them the 'New Army.' Most had volunteered in the heady emotional days of 1914 desperate not to miss the excitement of a short European war. By now they realised just how 'real' war differed from the imaginary.

For over a week the guns had been shelling the enemy trenches. More than a million and a half shells had headed towards the Germans and hopes among many were high, success in some minds appeared inevitable. The long blister educing marches, the combat training, learning how to dig trenches, understanding the army and its many peculiar ways, and most of all quickly understanding that the British soldier is better than any other at moaning about his lot, yet just gets on and does it well! All this had been suffered over the past year or so, and now it was going to be put into practice. Few had any experience of trench life let alone war. Most were enthusiastic about the adventure but apprehensive about how they would behave in action. All feared the bullet with 'their name on it.'

As the shelling stopped they stood in the trenches crowded together as they had been all night, many sleeping standing up. With the taste of strong army rum in their mouths, expect for the chap lying on the ground being kicked by the Sergeant Major for drinking too much and having passed out, the watched the sun rise in the blue sky and listened for the sudden silence. At seven twenty eight the mines dug under the German front line exploded. There was a sudden trembling under the feet, the earth began to shake quite violently in some places and then, erupting like a volcano and spewing earth, and sometimes men, hundreds of feet into the air the result of sixty thousand pounds of amonal explosive appeared. The noise was deafening and high above spotter aircraft were thrown about as the air swept past them. Two minutes later the men attacked.

Now a great deal of planning had gone into this operation. The French being 'bled dry' by Von Falkheneins army at Verdun were desperate for a united Anglo-French attack to relieve pressure on them. Haig had insisted on attacking at Ypres over well known ground, but Joffre the French commander wanted an attack in the Somme region. Haig had no choice but to agree, reluctantly, to attack over what he saw as difficult ground. The plans were laid and much effort was put into training the men involved. They listened eagerly as this was the reason for their enrolment and they were not intending to fail. Morale was high.

In 1914 many had derided the 'sportsmen' of the land for not rushing to the colours when war was declared. Many wrote indignant letters to the press demanding 'sport' should be stopped and all players enlisted. Women, with no idea about war other than a romantic one, gave out white feathers in the street in an attempt to embarrass men into enlisting. Football players in particular were subjected to abuse with many demanding the League was stopped until wars end. In November 1914 the Heart of Midlothian first team squad enlisted. This brought to an end the debate about football and sport in general being played during the war. The announcement of their joining the colours brought others from Raith Rovers, Falkirk and Hibernian to join them, along with over a thousand other citizens. The Mossend 'Cowpunchers' as Mosend Burnvale F.C. were known enlisted en masse. Many of them destined never to return. They took their place with the rest on this fateful day.

The problem, as any general will tell you, with plans is a simple one, they always fall apart the minute the battle begins. The end of the shelling followed by the mines erupting indicated to the surviving Germans, hidden deep underground in well constructed shelters, that the attack was on. The two minutes between the mines going off was sufficient for them to place the machine guns at the ready and prepare for defence. As the men clambered out of their trenches and made their way through their own wire the defenders sent up coloured rockets asking for artillery aid. The attackers then found themselves subject to intense machine gun, rifle and artillery barrage. From all sides the seemingly destroyed enemy were firing at them. Those that made it to the enemy wire found that most of it had remained intact, the shells that had fallen were either dud or incapable of cutting wire. The tac-tac of machine guns, the crack of falling shells mixed with the screams of the wounded and shouting men. Confusion reigned everywhere.

In the southern attack some distance was achieved and enemy trenches captured and held, however further north little advance was made. The footballers of George McCrae's battalion,* the 16th Royal Scots, did manage to find a place in the enemy line they held on to. This small group comprising the four regiments in the brigade and stragglers from elsewhere, fought a lonely hard battle yet managed to keep the ground taken. Others continued the advance and reached the target of Contalmaison only to be taken prisoner. One of the few successful advance in that part of the line. Possibly the furthest advance of any brigade that day. Their division, the 34th, suffered over eighty percent casualties on the first of July. The Tyneside Irish being wiped out! Making the footballers effort all the more remarkable.

Just under sixty thousand casualties fell that day, almost twenty thousand dead. Three Hearts players died, and several were severely injured. The nation suffered it greatest ever defeat at that time. The Heart of Midlothian never recovered from the effects of the war on their playing staff and the potential Championship side were regarded by the whole of Scotland as winners in a differing sense after the war. Those who demanded others 'go,' rarely went themselves, few made much effort to aid the returning wounded, and some would say in that respect life for those who served has not changed all that much, has it?



Jack Alexander's excellent book 'McCrae's Battalion' tells the story of these men. It covers the Edinburgh story leading up to and through the war, and what happens to the survivors. For those interested in the Great War, Edinburgh or the Heart of Midlothian this book is a 'must read!'

The N.H.S. is 60 Years Old Today

Celebrate! The National Health Service is sixty years old today. The much maligned service, without which thousands among us would be either crippled or dead, was the greatest innovation of the Labour government of 1945. Opposed by those who could afford to pay and coasting much more at the time than expected, surely this fantastic service has been the greatest boon to the nation since the war?

Over the years we have come to take it for granted. We expect to be healed, no matter what is wrong with us. We cannot understand when the NHS fails. We have come to expect too much and we carelessly abuse it too often. However, the health of the nation changed after the war. Free powdered milk for mothers, free prescriptions and the ability of many to obtain glasses and dentists that once were beyond them is a joy we cannot now relate to. However it was not unknown in the twenties and thirties for newly weds to be given a gift, of a trip to the dentist to have all their teeth out and false ones fitted. This was so they could avoid painful and expensive dentist trips in the future! Unthinkable today - even allowing for the lack of NHS dentists in some places. While prescription costs have risen, and attitudes change overall the free inoculations for kids and inexpensive ones for adults, have kept us healthy, apart of course from our disgustingly bad eating, smoking and drinking habits. Drug abuse comes under another category - stupidity!

In spite of the rising costs, in spite of what the Tory press call the 'Postcode Lottery,' in spite of Thatchers disgusting attempt to introduce an American style system that only the lower middle class could support, and in spite of many failures the National Health Service remains the envy of the world. Only the greed of the insurance companies and the medical world stop it being introduced into the USA, and in the early fifties there was an attempt to do just that. Somehow it could not progress although I cannot remember the president who attempted this. We should spend less time complaining about the NHS and more time being grateful to live at a time that such medical care is available for us today!

Sunshine

Today, after I had spent a while on what is laughably called my 'Get Fit' routine, I wandered across to the public gardens to sit in the sunshine and read my book. Some selfish, thoughtless pair of individuals had taken my usual bench, as if it was there for anybody to use, and were wasting their time instead of doing something useful for society. I do not understand how some folks get away with it, I really don't!

Anyway as I was lounging here in the sun I decided to sneak a pic of a wonderful scene. Behind me in the bright green conifer some small bird was chirping, and little ants were meandering across the bench, and me, searching for fodder. For once the squirrels kept their distance and only a pair of blackbirds came near. The benches to my right each contained one person intent on pretending no-one else lived in this overcrowded world. Indeed each and every person you meet in the gardens works on the basis that greeting a passerby , especially a male, could lead to leprosy or the plague being passed on.naturally with such nervous folks around I always say 'hello,' and leer kindly.

The quietness of the great green slab in front was broken only by the two distant dim (well they appear to be students) figures soaking up the sun and recovering from a needless hangover. And quiet it was today. usually there are a crowd of neds lying around noisily, and even the kiddies were further away in the shade of the trees behind the empty tennis courts. Only the occasional few minutes girning was heard when the brats ran off in my direction and whined when brought back by the brutal mother in charge. The rest of the place stayed quiet.

In the far distance, not visible in the picture stands the war memorial. Thirty or so feet high it contains the names of over two hundred souls lost in the great war and those who died in the second. In such situation as today's I often compare the tall structure and it's imposing silence with the sights and sounds that greeted those who's lives are commemorated there. Clerks and shopkeepers, factory hands, skilled and unskilled, volunteers and conscripted, how they would have liked to be sitting here in the gardens instead of lying under some strange foreign soil. Most with little real idea of where they actually were when they met their end! The sun drenched grass with the distant sound of a child's laughter contrasts with the muddy brown shell holes of Picardy. In summer they too would have been bothered by bees and other beasties crawling all over them as they stood on sentry duty and stared into a bleak empty nothingness. Rats of course would have bothered them less than the lice that never seemed to leave them and which took up so much of their free time burning off with cigarettes and pipes. Their lives, ended by loud callous shell fire or rattling machine gun, amid noise and confusion is forgotten by most who sit there in the sun.

Of course, whatever the rights and wrongs of the wars and how they came about, without those men we could not sit here in the silence. Political mistakes and selfish ambition, Empire building and jealousy of another's possession, madness and folly all combined over the years to leave us with a twentieth century of pain and woe. Was it all necessary? No. Could it have been avoided? Yes. But if so another war would have taken its place. Human nature is like that. The men looking down from those great slabs full of names can be happy that this gardens pleasure is one folk can enjoy because of their sacrifice. Had they not fallen the jackboot would sooner or later remove such pleasures from most of us. They did not die in vain.

Euro 2008

Well it's nearly over! Soon I will be able to get to my bed without worrying about extra time and penalty kicks keeping me awake. Last night Spain reached the final of this tournament by beating the Russians by three goals to nil, and well deserved it in the end. Hopefully the somewhat boring, but effective, Germans will be trounced by the fast moving Spanish. Most folks appear to agree that Spain produces the best league in the world, the best players in the world and the best failures in the world! For far too long this country has failed to succeed in such tournaments, at times making Scotland's achievement look great! Now however they have an excellent opportunity to bring home a trophy that such a footballing nation deserves. Few will begrudge them their success.

Euro 2008 has so far been a rousing success. The attitudes have on the whole been very good. Most sides have attempted to play football and not just win at all costs. The refs have been far better than in previous tournaments, and there has been some exciting and dramatic results. Turkey winning by three goals to two after being two down must be one of those! Altogether there can be few complaints about the tournament as a whole.

It is a shame that the same cannot be said for the commentary inflicted on the UK populace. In any contest between ITV and BBC it is inevitable that the Beeb will come out on top. So much so that this Sunday ITV have decided not to show the game live! An admission that the vast majority of football fans will be watching BBC. The question here is will ITV therefore improve their football offerings? I doubt it. The same bland muppets in the studio, the same advert dominated coverage, the same appalling Clive Tyldesley. It would not take much to improve this but they seem happy with tabloid coverage and small audience following. After the last World Cup it was clear they were well behind the BBC and Tyldesley was one of the major reasons for this. He is still here, are they mad or on a suicide mission? Only John Diamond and David Pleat showed any understanding of either the game being watched or the folks tuning in. Well done to them.

The BBC are indeed much more professional. Fair to say they do not have the constant breaks for bad adverts, but they have now inserted trailers for their own 'upcoming' coverage of sporting events which are just as irritating and needless. However the stuffed dummies in the studio are far better than those provided, at great expense, by ITV. Hansen, in spite of being a 'Tomb Tabard' has covered the games reasonably well. Even Alan Shearer, a man with all the personality drained out of him, has almost made a joke on occasion, and the much derided Linekar has never seemed to fail in my eyes. 'The boy done good' as they say.

However there is one real cause for complaint throughout the tournament. England! From the first John Motson has attempted to bring 'England' into everything. The Turkish winger, brought u in Leytonstone, was mentioned so often because he had an English connection. Any excuse, the club an individual played for, any link to a Premiership club in the tabloids, the place he bought his shirts, anything was used constantly to bring England into the tournament the failed dismally to reach. The fact that Russia and Croatia had made it through to the next round showed that 'England had lost to quality sides.' No England were crap and got stuffed by quality sides John! And as for Clive and his hero worship of Ronaldo, well how many times were Man U mentioned during Portugal's games? More than Portugal were I imagine. Tyldseley only knows two sides, Man U and Engerland, no-one else counts. Now had this been broadcast in England it could be ignored, however this stuff was sent throughout the United Kingdom, so Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish were forced to suffer the insufferable English self praise.

I suppose I could write to the self obsessed 'Equalities' minister Harriet Harman and demand action and ask that in future Scotland, Wales, and Northern Irish connections should be shoved down folks throats also but she will probably be doing her hair or counting the number of women in her department. I wonder, if she finds there are more women than men, more whites than blacks or browns, will she replace them with men, black or otherwise? I suspect not.

AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggghhhh!

There is NO football on the telly tonight! Because the majority of Euro 2008 has taken place and we await the last three games there will be nothing to watch now. I expect to be seeing spiders crawling up the wall by 8:30 tonight.

Even worse! Not only is there no football and the TV companies are returning to their usual diet of mindless drivel and unspeakable 'pap' but the BBC have now added Wimbledon to the list! Tennis! Yes Tennis! That middle class lawn game that was surely only invented to make Basketball look interesting? It failed there also didn't it! Why oh why with all the resources available to them do the BBC let the football go to ITV and Sky yet insist on spending our money on two weeks of monotony?

I'll tell you why, women! In spite of the feminist lies that fill the world today the fact is women are not naturally team motivated. While men will join with folk known and unknown and support a football or other team through thick and thin (mostly thin down Gorgie way) women tend to go for the one to one option. This is why activities (I cannot call this 'sport') is such a big draw for the girls. Of course they are lusting uncontrollably after some swarthy, tanned, French, Romanian, Australian or Yank nancy boy as they rush about the court swearing at the umpire and acting like the spoilt brats they are, but they are attracted by the single opponent idea. This is also why so many women spoil acres of really good country by insisting on playing Golf there. Would they be so happy to just walk around the woods like men do, and I have noticed some funny men walking around the woods in my time I can tell you, or do they really have the need to hit a wee ball into a far of hole?

You see it is true that while men gather at a football match, a proper sport, they together support 'our' team. Women at football, rugby or whatever, if not there just to pick up a man as most of the young ones are, support 'their baby.' A far more insular thing. They do have a liking for cricket because while this game is a 'team' game it is in reality just between two men. The bowler, the one who throws the ball, and the batsman, the one who tries to hit it with a big stick. So while eleven run about the pitch most in fact do nothing whatsoever. This makes it a great pastime for those who wish to keep themselves in a state of fitness well into their fifties and beyond.

Of course as Tennis is so female dominated, the women play less games than the men and yet get paid the same amount of cash. How sexist is this? As they play less games they can also add to this the doubles and mixed doubles which men at the top cannot find time or energy for. The top lassies therefore take far more money for far less effort from the tournament than the best men can possibly do. Blatant sexism but for crying out loud do not point out facts to these whining self seeking bitches, in this fascist world facts are not wanted, just 'chip on the shoulder' emotion. Being female dominated also means that the Beeb must hold onto it or the women who run the Corporation will stamp their foot and go blue in their faces. They will also talk for hours about such crime, and who would want to endure that? Not those who should no better at the multi national (yet will not give Scotland it's due respect) BBC.

Two whole weeks of this. Grunting and sweating and middle class anxiety over who will win, and why has Britain (meaning England) not produced a winner since Fred Perry the shirt maker? Who cares really? Roll on the football season.

Churchill by Roy Jenkins

I've just finished 912 pages of Churchill and what a good read it was! Too often this man is regarded as 'The Greatest Briton,' and in some respects this is correct. For quite clearly without his pugnacious attitude in 1940 the world would be a very different place.

Churchill never failed to live up to his aristocratic background. A descendant of another of the UK's victorious generals he was born into the high life at Blenheim Palace in 1874, when he arrived as his mother visited the relatives there. Educated at Harrow, a place he visited annually in later years, he soon set off on an adventurous life.

From India to South Africa he acted as a man in a hurry for fame, which his escape from Boers imprisonment brought him and soon worked himself into a political career. His party was the Liberals, something folk tend to forget these days as his later fame came with the Conservative party. Churchill was of course more interested in the use of power rather than the clinging to party dogma. When elevated to office he , along wit Lloyd George, introduced pensions, Labour exchanges and several welfare supports that we now take for granted. Churchill may have been a 'Toff' but he was not one to enjoy the poorer sections suffering and always wished to improve their lot. If only he had been around when Thatcher reigned, her hard heart would not have been allowed to destroy so many jobs without replacing them!

In spite of his mistaken Dardanelles policy during the Great War, a policy he never thought a mistake, and after his short time in the front line trenches with the Royal Scots Fusiliers, he was once again brought back into front line government. By the early thirties he entered his 'wilderness years,' caused mostly by his opposition to India leaving the Empire. Churchill was a man steeped in history and, rather like Thatcher, he had his own, somewhat romantic, view of that. His opposition during the India debate meant he was without power and much support for several years. How this must have hurt. His books, dictated to a secretary who had to endure late hours and often difficult circumstances, did bring in money to keep him in the style he demanded however.

When war erupted in 1939 it was no surprise Chamberlain brought him back into the cabinet. Once again he returned to the Admiralty and his great, and often absurd, opinions stimulated the Navy. By 1940 he became a some what unwanted Prime Minister. He was a maverick, he had the Dardanelles campaign behind him and many feared he could lead us into disaster. However those who lived through those days testify to the power of his broadcast speeches which nerved the nation against Hitlers expected invasion. His 'Fight them on the beaches,' speech will always be regarded as one of the most powerful in UK history. His love of words, and ability in speech making came to the fore throughout the war, even though many did not realise that an actor often stepped in to read his words on the BBC.

By 1945 he had realised the world was a different place and the growth of the superpowers and the danger of atomic war began to frighten him. One of his main motives in holding onto power during the 50's was the danger of a 'Third World War.' Thankfully this never arrived, in spite, in his view, of Eisenhower's lack of 'imagination' concerning the possible dangers. The remaining years of Churchill's life read like a sad story. Without power and his sick body ageing rapidly he travelled from one place to another enjoying what was on offer and desperately missing the one thing he needed. The desire to be at the centre of the action is one shared by all top politicians and without that power they have nothing in their lives. Power is indeed a drug!

There can be however no doubt that he was the greatest Prime Minister of the 20th century, none came up to his level. No other PM saved his nation, and indeed Europe, some would say the world, during their time. No single man has affected so many people with his fighting spirit and rhetorical flourish. For a man with no religious belief, a vague notion of a supreme power was all he appeared to possess, he did have care for his fellow man, and did seek to alleviate the lot of the poorest around him, as long as he kept his special place at the top!

Greatest Briton? Who can say. However Alanbrooke, war time Chief of the Imperial General Staff, summed him up after musing on the inconsiderate treatment Winston constantly handed out to those around him. Alanbrooke was aware of his faults but said we could not have won without him and he was a 'Great Man!' This excellent book, spoiled only by Jenkins needless use of foreign phrases and 'big words' which he includes from snobbishness and nothing else, reveals him as such, and with all his faults that remains true.

Flanders Stew

Now I am not one to complain, as you know, but one thing that is somewhat irritating about television is the preponderance of 'cooking' programmes. Every channel has someone showing you 'New ways with fish,' or yet another fantastic recipe made from a turnip, a bag of crisps and two tomatoes. Apparently famous cooks travel the world to show how folks in exotic places dine, sometimes showing the locals how to cook their own dinners! Some even go to the extent of gathering a crowd of middle class 'ne'er do wells' who will have one show off cook amongst them make their dinner so they can criticise the chef while they stuff their fat faces. Just how disgusting is that? The sight of these cretins waxing lyrical about their free offerings while in thirty seven countries there were food riots among those who could no longer afford rice or flour turns my stomach more than a Jeremy Kyle offering .

However I have to sit back and consider my fifteen and a half stone of wobbly fat,(overweight the doctor calls it, not obese), and wonder how I can complain about others while clearly taking more than my fair share at the same time. Hypocrite!

This brings me round to 'Flanders Stew.' This is a recipe I made myself, at least no-one has yet sued me for plagiarism. It came from the desire to eat something each day while not spending either time or money on the object. So I came up with this, which if enough ingredients are entered into the pot can suffice for four, five or even six days, or at least until the ambulance arrives and drops you off at the E-Coli hospital.

The ingredients vary. This is because they depend on whatever is within reach. So if the fridge, cupboard, and pocket is empty then there is little to put in. However if there has been a good day at the market and plenty of fruit and veg has fallen off the stands and rolled into the gutter then you can expect a bumper pot of 'Flanders Stew.' That is if you get there before that greedy fat woman with the brolly. Bitch!

First off chop an onion or two and start burning them in the pot. Then get your hands on mince! Preferably lamb mince as it is cheaper in Sainsburys when you go in at seven in the morning and they want rid of last nights left overs. Add this to those browning things that were once onions. Together this will turn into a brownish sludge, this is fine and you are heading in the right direction. Depending on whether you have forgotten to lower the heat it may also smell like a burnt out stolen Ford Escort. At this point add (at least half if not ALL of) a jar of 'Pataks Madras Curry Paste.' This is wonderful for taking away the taste and later when doing the washing up it also clears the drains very well. Ah curry, the United Kingdoms favourite traditional foodstuff. It's what makes Britain great!

Add to this basic substance, and 'basic' is the word, all sorts of things. Mushrooms take up a lot of space so are good, Barlotti beans also, as do Red Kidney beans, I have been known to throw in those strange blackened objects, long and short ones, found at the back of the fridge, some with mushrooms growing on them and chuck them in. It's best not to wonder what they may have been I find. Aduki beans are OK but a bit small as are lentils but remember to take all these things out of the tins first and not to misinterpret the 'Stand in boiling water' instructions sometimes found on the sides of them. I also dump a lot of frozen mixed veg just to give it that something nothing else can give. I can tell you nothing else does!

This usually fills the pot which then gets stirred, the heat set appropriately and I light the blue touch paper and retire to a safe distance. After a while it begins to burn through the pan and the strange rubberish odour that comes from the cooker tells you that it is ready. This is eaten, yes e-a-t-e-n, alongside chips, potatoes, pasta, bread, nan, oatmeal biscuits or whatever comes to hand. But be careful to look where your hand is before you start to eat I suggest. I also suggest using good quality plates for this as those plastic ones or cheap Chinese types tend to melt rather easily.

The name 'Flanders Stew' by the way comes from 'Flanders' and 'Stew.' 'Flanders' is that part of Belgium where the British Army spent most of the Great War holding back the German hordes. As the word 'Flanders' is derived from 'Flooded Country' it was no surprise that when great rainstorms arrived at the 1917 battle (known as Paschendalle) to find the land flooded. The huge barrage of artillery shells broke up what land was not already broken. What streams and irrigation channels remained dissolved into a muddy morass and two armies fought over this mess until the British had pushed the enemy far enough back to believe some sort of victory had been achieved. This was not an encounter anyone involved would ever forget!

The word 'Stew' comes from 'Stew' a method of cooking meat.

I found that cooking my stew left me with a substance that would have been readily recognised by those men who fought in Flanders. The flavour of my stew is similar to the flavour of the mud in which they ate their luncheon. Hence 'Flanders Stew.'

Tomorrow I will tell you, if you really wish to know, how I make potato soup!

Glass of Water

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'

'What?'

'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'

'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'

Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'

'WHAT?'

'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'

' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'

Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'

'WHAT!'

'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

I've got nothing to say.

Now the nasty folk among you will probably be muttering praises at this moment in time, and one or two will be feeling a slight shock at this news. But I have indeed nothing to say.

I have looked at the world around me, considered the weather, the news, the furniture, the records and all things that ought to be bursting into my mind, and I have found nothing worth posting. I could once again mention my aching knees, caused by the long walk to the far away Tesco's. Quite how I imagine this will aid my fitness regime when I come back aching, worn out and end up with stiff knees for days, I do not know but there it is. The walk in the sun, with the passing clouds lowering the temperature needlessly, was indeed enjoyable. The pathway past the old oak trees especially jolly when the birds are gathered in the branches singing away. I stood and attempted to find one such which had a particularly lovely song today, but when I stood still he shut up, and once I moved on he began again, spoilsport. The bird at the checkout didn't give the impression she ever sang sweetly that's for sure.

However you don't want to know about my knees and would rather read something of importance, something interesting, and something humorous. Looks therefore like you are dwelling in a world of fantasy folks. I suppose I could discuss my habit of taping radio programmes and playing them back to myself when I attempt to enter slumberland. This is a habit I started many years ago and remains with me today. So many radio progs are broadcast at the wrong time. The idea, especially on Radio 4, appears to be that folk can stop work whenever they wish and listen in. This is not so! It may be for the middle aged, middle class females who have never worked in their lives, yet spend all day on the radio telling us about their hardship (and earning vast sums of cash while doing so) but it is not like that for normal folk, like me! Anyway, I am going through a few that have been used but I have not heard, usually because I fell asleep and missed the lot! I am amazed at some of the subjects covered by the radio. Politics, Army spies in the days of the Cold War, humour made out of quotes, humour from silly games, the Black Death alone gave me five fifteen minute programmes that was very enjoyable, although I would not like to pass it on as it were. I have a few still to listen too but who knows what I have taped there, especially as my memory is so bad I forget what I have just written sometimes,especially as my memory is so bad I forget what I have just written sometimes.

So having nothing to say I will wander off and consider cleaning that cupboard under the sink. I usually make a point of cleaning this every five or six years and judging by the pong that time may soon be up. This will help my knees readjust, the smell to ease, the neighbours to stop complaining, and will stop me looking up jobs on the web as I will not have time before I eat some foul tasting evening meal. I cannot guarantee this will be foul tasting but going on previous experience I think it's a sure bet.

I remember now that I was going to comment on my time in 'The Goblet.' You see I had this dream I was back there, sitting in my usual seat opposite the bar, with Gordon Brown and his mates in the seat immediately to the left of the door. Naturally we did not realise that Gordon Brown was Gordon Brown in those days, when there he was just one of 'those student types.' However there he certainly attended and when the pubs closed at ten, as they did then, he would wander back to his shared flat at type away till all hours working himself into a future. His mates just worked themselves onto the floor. At the appropriate time I will drop him a note and let him know I still have the photographs. If that is not worth a lifetimes tax refund I don't know what is! Drop me a line Gordon pal. However I will not mention this as the dream started well and appeared to be going fabulously especially when Lady Muck and her daughter wandered in. There immediately was a lightening of the atmosphere, a brightening in every ones eye and a lifting all round of spirits, although that was quite common in that place, being a pub and all. Just then a fat ageing bloke wandered in also, he looked the type we need in such places as he wore a stained Heart of Midlothian polo shirt, a Hearts scarf round his neck, and carried a bundle of books which he offered for sale at an 'advantageous price,' or so he said. Looking at the bright young things he cried 'Drinks all round' and the two molls immediately rushed to his side, along with all the contents of the hostelry. Pints were pulled, whiskies were poured and the glamour girls beamed happily. 'That will be £478 please,' muttered the barmaid, 'Who's paying?' 'Adullamite is,' muttered Mike from the middle of a pint glass.
I then woke up in a very cold sweat.

Therefore I am not going to mention this dream as it has made me weak at my aching knees........