Eye Opener

I still think that 'Specsavers' sponsoring Scottish Referees was one of the great marketing moments in history.  Suggesting referees get themselves down to Specsavers and get glasses is a wonderful thought, and anyone who has been made aware of the Scottish referees bad sight over the years would appreciate this a great deal.  It must be there is a special deal with contact lenses for such men, there are those that certainly require them!
However having broken my 'indoor glasses' a while ago and failed miserably to repair them and now having stood on my outdoor pair I have been forced to join the referees sitting waiting in the local 'Specsavers' to have my eyes examined.
When I first had my eyes tested I think I was 13, just about 20 years ago by my counting, this entailed being dragged by my mother up near Haymarket where I underwent the reading of a chart business and whatever other tests they had at the time.  A pair of reasonable NHS glasses adorned my features and have remained there ever since, not actually the same pair I mean.  Today I was met by one of the attractive young blondes and after a short wait was placed in front of a machine that tested my eyes for a variety of eye problems and also (for a mere £10 more) various diseases.  As the girl had rattled of a long line of unpronounceable diseases and faults and tilted her head and flung her long blonde hair back while looking at me with her big blue eyes as she asked if I would pay the £10 I found myself saying "YES!" before my wallet realised what I was doing.
Having been scrutinised by two young blondes machines she raced me upstairs to Mr Diu who had more machines for my eyes to stare into.  In times past these men would use a hand held light and scrutinise the insides of the eyes, today he did similar while his machine looked for things he could not detect.  Having scribbled his results he showed me on the computer screen just how healthy my eyes were ('for an old man' he implied).  It made me realise that while I am healthy I am not fit!  No serious problems to be found there.  This is a relief in many ways and more so when the check took so little time. 
Back downstairs to my Welsh blonde, poor lass suffers domestic abuse, she was living in Camden in the centre of London and her man made her come all the way out here!  I told her such abuse as moving a young woman into a dead town was worthy of a jail sentence, or at least compensation!
She told me she was not young she was almost 27.
Let that sink in!
She believes she is getting old!
I told her I could not think back that far.  I reckon that takes me to 1978....
While I sat shaking with memories of wasted years she gently took all my money.
Each time she offered an 'advantage' she looked into my eyes and blinked here blue ones and I said "Yes" without really listening.  Her smile added £30 for non glare glass and something else which I was sure was free when I came in, but her smile made me forget.
I left with my receipt awaiting delivery early in the new year, till then I wander the dreich streets with tinted glasses to keep the light from the rain clouds above hurting me.
Mind you, I think next tome I go Matron will have to come with me, it might save me money...