Sunday Laffs.

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I was going to mention that the 'wee team' (Hibernian) lost 4-1 away to Kilmarnock. However I would not be so cruel as to include this in a post headed 'Sunday Laffs,' would I? What? ...oh!

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A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. 

They arrived at the gates of heaven at the same moment. 

They spend the day in orientation, and as they're getting their heavenly vestments, the Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like everyone else, and the lawyer gets much finer apparel, made of gold thread, and Gucci shoes. 

Then, they get to see where they're going to live?. 

The Pope gets what everyone else gets, a replica of a Holiday Inn room, and the lawyer gets an 18 room mansion with servants and a swimming pool.

At dinnertime, the Pope receives the standard meal, a Manischewitz kosher TV dinner,and the lawyer receives a fine and tasty meal, served on silver platters.

By this time, the lawyer is beginning to suspect that an error has been made, so he asks one of the angels in charge, "Has there been some kind of mistake? This guy was the Pope, and he gets what everyone else gets, and I'm just a lawyer and I'm getting the finest of everything?"

The angel replied, "No mistake, sir. We've had lots of Popes here, but you're the first lawyer we've ever had."

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The Archbishop of Canterbury and the Royal Commission for Political correctness announced today the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as "English Weather".

Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population, it is now to be referred to as: "Muslim Weather" (Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite)

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One night, President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too luxurious. 

When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president's Secret Service if he could speak to the First Lady in private.

They obliged and Michelle had a short conversation with the owner.

Following their conversation President Obama asked Michelle why the owner was so interested in speaking to her.
Michelle said that when she was a teenager the owner was madly in love with her.

President Obama then said, "So, if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant."

To which Michelle replied, "No, if I had married him he would now be President!"

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A 50 yr plus woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.


Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?, What's the matter with you?"


The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old".


The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 year old ass?"


"Your name never came up!!!" she replied.

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Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."


She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"


He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

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