Friday, 29 May 2009

True Reports from British life .......!!! BRITISH NEWSPAPERS



True Reports from British life .......!!! BRITISH NEWSPAPERS (it says...)

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.' (The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.. (The
Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'.
(The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. ( Aberdeen Evening Express).

Mrs. Irene Graham of
Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled -'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.''
(
Bournemouth Evening Echo)

5 comments:

Mike Smith said...

I particularly liked the first one!

Mike said...

Nice one Graham. I like them all but the last one made me laugh loudest. Thanks for brightening my Saturday morning.

Unknown said...

Didn't they get the one about the sea rescue backwards? For I would think that teeth would most certainly be willing to go to the rescue of a lobster, but since I am not a marine biologist, I have no idea if lobsters have suicidial tendencies or not.

Adullamite said...

Job done, two happy and one confused.

Strawberry Girl said...

Oi!! I can't stop chucking about the inflatable teeth and the lobster!! :D