07 01 Wake wearily to Gregorian chant from the CD in the too, too loud alarm clock radio.
07.02 Switch it off.
07.34 Get out of bed.
07.45 Drink large coffee in one big gulp.
07.59 Wake up.
08.00 Switch on TV for news.
08.01 Switch off rubbish news about bulimic girls and actors traumas.
08.02 Switch on PC.
08.05 PC finishes loading and check e-mails from my friends.
08.06 Begin checking Spam.
08.17 Clear Spam.
08.18 Begin reading the online papers.
08.24 Begin reading blogs
10.00 E-mail Blackberry Juniper. Remind her she is at work, I’m not.
10.01 Rude reply from Blackberry Juniper
10.02 Begin housework.
10.06 Finish housework
10.07 Coffee break. Read book on addiction. Like it. I may buy several more.
10.55 Job hunting begins.
11.28 Enter deep depression, gloom hangs high overhead, inadequacy knocks on the door, failure is written in large letters in my head, woe and thrice woe. The futures bright - but not here.....
11.29 Lie on floor staring at the ceiling, mind blank, and future blanker.
14.03 Inform Blackberry Juniper I am still free and she is at work.
14.04 Decide to finish my first novel.
14.23 Return said novel to charity shop where I bought it.
14.25 Walk through town hoping the pretty girls will throw themselves at me.
14.43 Decide 'Specsavers' has lots of potential female customers.
14.45 Wander into public gardens.
14.46 Find first crying child and Mum ignoring the beast at entrance.
14.47 Find first dosser at first bench.
14.48 Find first polystyrene milk shake/coffee cup spoiling plant life.
14.51 Find first student couple groping in the bushes. Must bring camera next time.
14.53 Find first squirrel to feed. No nuts, (not the squirrel, nor me), I forgot to bring them again!
14.54 Squirrels throw stones at me in disappointment. Tough lot round here!
15.07 Knees aching I wander towards home, I stand at roadside waiting for traffic to stop so I can cross.
15.21 I cross.
15.32 Home. Check e-mails. Blackberry Juniper still rude.
15.32 Check Spam
15.56 Clear Spam.
15.57 Coffee break.
16.45 End coffee break and resume work search.
16.46 Go back to lying on floor staring at ceiling.
17.12 Consider having a bath, wonder if the horse trough will be empty.
17.19 Read last Blackberry Juniper funny and entertaining e-mail and go back on the floor and continue ceiling watch.
18.15 Get off floor to eat what passes for nourishment around here.
18.32 Wish I’d stayed on floor.
19.40 Look for TV football. Find none, (verbal joke ‘What was she doing there?)
19.46 Switch on TV. Soap opera, turn channel, soap opera, turn channel, soap opera, turn
channel, cowboy film, turn channel, Dumbed down news broadcast, groan, search all available channels, go back to lying on floor.
20.22 Read blogs.Laugh, cry, get entertained, even educated, become jealous as they are all better written, wittier, and put together so well. Humph!
23.05 Go to bed.
9 comments:
Try fitting in "Reading the Bible" in there somehow, bro. :)
God bless!
And it all started with a Gregorian chant. Perhaps switching to hip-hop might improve your disposition?
You've missed out 'collect my pension from the post office...'
They don't come much funnier than your blog. Work would shorten your post but make your day a whole more boring. Hope you'll have some boring days soon.
Your life is a bit more exciting than mine.
I missed out:
8.15 Read rude comments on last post!
That is the funniest post I have read - hilarious! I Laughed, cried, was entertained, even educated and then become jealous as its all better written, wittier, and put together so well. Humph!
Ever thought about getting up off the floor and writing something you can sell?
Lilly I love you!
At last an intelligent comment!
What? At last an intelligent comment? Maybe the English do have a point?
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