Saturday night and nothing to say. However these are worth a smile.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather-who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.”
-Author Unknown“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.”
-Dave Barry“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’”
“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.”
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God…. I could be eating a slow learner.”
“If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”
“Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.”
“Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Parliament.. But I repeat myself.”
“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan.”
-A. Whitney Brown
Do you know why they call it “PMS”? Because “Mad Cow Disease” was taken.
-Unknown, presumed deceased