Some people find it hard to be an idiot. They strive to achieve such a level and feel emotionally drained at being nothing more than a success. I understand how they feel. I have discovered that being an idiot is not just a talent one is born with, one has to practice this also. I can assure my reading public, if you exist, that this practice is something I have become good at.
My idiot exercises take place from the moment I rise and find myself standing at the wrong side of the bed, it usually takes a few moments before realising the window is not the door. Exercise continues with loading up a owl of cereal and pouring milk all over it, and not realising until too late the milk went off yesterday. The lumps at it landed ought to have made this clear, but the real idiot will not be looking as he pours anyway. Before he leaves for work, if he manages to obtain and keep employment one must ask if the idiocy is actually fully attuned, the idiot will manage to lose at least one shoe, leave the gas on, and at the very least, forget to lock the door. Failure to do one of these actions would ensure you fail the idiot exam. However, I prefer to avoid those particular actions and specialise in practising leaving without my keys thus forcing me to stand outside for a considerable time, often in the rain, until rescue arrives.
This is a star idiot action!
However, now we must conclude for today as I have forgotten the rest of my teaching. So please continue chatting amongst yourselves while no-one is listening to you, missing buses, tripping over your feet when greeting important people and walking out of shops genuinely forgetting to pay.
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