God Has Chosen Me,and I Have Let it Pass Me By

It was there once.
Jesus held out tome the promise of a new life.
His power was available.
The Holy Spirit was there willing to make me a new person.
Willing to change my life for the better. To enable me to do great things for God.

I missed it.

The power was there. He wanted so much to make me new.
I found it ‘inconvenient’ and now am left, bereft.

I have once again tried to reach him, to let him in.
Once again I am aware of holding back, not opening up.
I remember the word concerning the water flowing from the temple.
How I was seen to stand in it up to my ankles, and say ‘it’s not convenient.’
How I stopped the Holy Spirit working.
I said, once again, I want to let you in.

Then as I sat down here I had the ‘sense’ that it was too late.
I had missed it.
The chance has gone.
Gods will has passed.
I am bereft.

What now?