Typical Idiot!

Of course it had to happen! There I was, washing down the skirting board that was last cleaned when Maggie Thatcher was still kicking people out of work, and lo! There was the answer! I had moved the cupboard on which stands the non working printer, and noticed the cable had worked loose.

Now, apart from struggling (still) to fix the 'No Audio Device' problem, I also had to work out why the PC would not accept the 'All in One' Printer existed. This meant a trawl, long and arduous for a non geek, through the HP website. I spent a short eternity downloading drivers that I thought were going to update the thing, no they didn't. On top of which I wandered through the web looking for help. Non came.

Several days later I discover it was the cable coming loose when I had to shift everything to get the PC back in place. This is going in my new book, 'How to be an Idiot.' maybe however I would be better calling it, 'The Diary of an Idiot,' and just putting down the day by day acts of folly that cling so close? You ask why I gave up working on hospital wards do you......?

The Jeremy Kyle Show

Having a tea break between washing down the doors, that required their five yearly cleaning, I browsed the TV channels and came across the 'Jeremy Kyle Show,' and a similar offering on one of the 'Freeview' channels. Now once again I ask, 'What is the point of this?' Here folk were coming on TV to discuss topics of great importance to the nation such as,'You told me to leave and find a man who could make you pregnant,' and 'It's your fault I slept with your sister!' Now maybe it's just me, and possibly over the years I have come to believe that folks problems, if real and not actors, ought to be dealt with quietly. Here we find all sorts of people, well, actually usually the same sort of person if truth be told, appearing on telly to loudly proclaim their stupidity and woefulness!

OK, I accept that many of them are 'intellectually challenged' and come from backgrounds where consideration for themselves and others is not one of the basic precepts taught, but here they are bringing their problems and family disputes onto our screens. While some may be performing for the camera others appear to be very involved. What do they expect to get out of this? Money for appearing? Certainly that brings many on. Fame? Being able to walk around your local 'Lidl' knowing folk are talking about you as a TV star may appeal to some. Is there a genuine desperate appeal for help here from these poor souls? Maybe I should write a book, 'Common Sense for Daftes!'

Indeed there is the possibility that, for some, this is the only way they can work out their difficulties. No-one local can offer common sense or show them a better way to live. Such folk have no 'role models' to copy and learn from, that is if they wish to learn of course. The 'lowest common denominator' television offerings encourage them to think such TV appearances are normal, and there are so many such programmes from home and abroad available. While women's magazines offer countless advice to trauma struck lassies there is little face to face help available anywhere in this nation. Much advice, from what I've read, appears dubious to me and appears not to be directed at the numpties who come on to such shows. Just what d you do if your wife turns out to be sleeping with you dad? How do you deal with a situation in which your son has three children and claims he is gay so will you take his wife? Shooting, I am sorry to say, is not an answer. Local Council By-Laws forbid this. If you have such a difficulty and are not the sharpest tool in the box where do you turn for help? The telly! There you will find your kind of people, with problems you have known all your life, and this will be your help in time of trouble. Jesus wept indeed!

It makes me annoyed that these people can be paraded like a freak show so that others can laugh at them day after day. I can get so angry when I see folk used in this way, and the people who run these shows know exactly what they are doing and are paid very well indeed for mocking the hapless victims. If there was a determined effort to help people sort out their lives it may be acceptable. Quite how building up folks emotions and having a crackhead audience taking sides is going to help I know not! This is naturally, in keeping with the attitudes of the day. 'Bread and Circuses' and the people will be happy. But there is an audience out there more than capable of coping with quality programmes. They should not have to struggle to find them nor discover such quality lurking late at night on obscure channels. A revision of broadcasting is sorely needed in the UK. But I doubt it will ever happen. As long as folk are used and abused, but not wise enough to care or do anything about it, such trash TV will continue.

Another Day, Another Load of Spam

So I get up this morning and search for emails. I had twelve Spam and one regular email. Four of the spam were for 'male enhancements!' Now if there is something I do not need.....
Later in the day the spam keeps coming. Casino's and enhancements appear to be what sells to others but not round here! There was so many today the 'Mailwasher' marked two I wanted as 'Spam.' Just doing this out of habit I suppose! Someone somewhere is buying this stuff and encouraging the crooks behind it to keep sending these out. Considering the number and the effect it has on the Internet as a whole I wonder why governments do not do more about it? Could it be it might upset one or two 'touchy' countries? Maybe they would lose money, or just not be able to deal with the culprits.

However I continued my 'get fit' regime by painting the hallway, such as it is. Yesterday I had to clean it down and paint all the nooks and crannies, and how many were there? I thought it would take an hour or so, and how wrong was I? So knackered was I watching the Liverpool v Arsenal game saw me wanting sleep long before the end! Today I touched the hall up and finished the kitchenette. If you want exercise, do not bother with the gym, decorate or start the 'Spring Clean,' and all muscles you have ever heard off will begin to tell you of their existence!

To much sitting around has meant what fitness I had, and not a lot at that, has slipped away. To think I used to be always on the go, always the one helping folk move house, always involved in lifting and humping. Not now! I am becoming a useless lump, and if I do not get something soon I will begin to wonder. Sixty five jobs in this town today, and none suitable. I will try for at least one of these but before I do I know the answer. Something will turn up, but I would like an idea soon, like yesterday!

Jake! Where are You?

So the Olympic Torch has moved on to France and Jake appears to have gone with it! The audacity of the Chinese to oppose anyone who speaks against them instead of admitting their wrongs! Internet warriors who are just as effective as the Jade Warriors found on display in museums.

Jake, read what was written for you and think about it. Life is too short to be under the thumb of a political tyranny.

The Olympic Torch has found the going tough in France and the Chinese refused to allow the gathering to proceed as long as pro Tibet banners were seen high above on the Eiffel Tower! Where the Torch is not is unsure, and I wonder if it will be seen anywhere else, except in China and possibly Tibet. What fun that will be for the Chinese authorities. More opportunities to kill and imprison Tibetan monks who oppose the Chinese oppression!

The Olympic Torch running through the streets of competing countries has become the usual forerunner of the Games. This was not the way of the ancient Greeks but an invention by those who choreographed the Games in 1936. Yes indeed Adolf Hitler , probably under Speers influence, introduced the Torch for the Berlin Games. I wonder what those who wish to separate politics from Sport would have said then, or in deed what would their comments have been in 1945? Hitler and Communist China, what is the difference? Totalitarian, inadequate, dangerous and the rest of the world does not stand up to them until too late.

C'mon Jake, excuse Chinese brutality once again!

Olympic Torch in London

This image from the Guardian is typical of what fills the papers this morning. The Police doing what they enjoy most, charging through the streets 'protecting' a target from attack. The Olympic Torch was taken on a 31 mile run through London streets as part of the lead up to the Games in China. Naturally those who are concerned about Chinese brutality in Tibet were going to be there protesting, as indeed were many Chinese students. The students probably under orders, the protesters from choice!

Whether the police action was heavy handed, as it so often is in such circumstances, or not you can decide, but was it right for the Torch to be taken this far when so many organised protesters were waiting? Was it right to give the Chinese such support? I don't think so. The Communist government, Communist in name only, are abusing Muslims in the north of China, Christians throughout China and anyone who dares to oppose the regime. Just because they are a large powerful nation does not give Gordon Brown the right to bow to their pressure and give them implicit support! When it was clear the Torch display would become a farce it should have been halted and a back up plan brought in. The Chinese consideration ought to have been pushed aside for the sake of the UK's image. This morning the image is one of farce!

One name stands out for me in this whole escapade. Dame Kelly Holmes. This women was given support by the while nation as she achieved Olympic gold, yet here she was yesterday, a smug grin on her face, carrying the torch through the streets. The grin was seen when answering questions about the tortured, imprisoned and indeed killed, Tibetans. 'I believe sport and politics should not be mixed she lied.' While what she really meant was, 'I don't care about the dead and imprisoned as long as I can run the race.' The disgraceful attitude of many athletes who attempt to separate sport from politics show they put their selfishness above the suffering of others. But business with China goes ahead I hear you say, indeed, so let's temporarily halt this, and make China sit up! But that would be too much for our economy would it not?

The UK is such a civilised country, always willing to stand up for the downtrodden and help those in need. As long as it does not cost us too much money or stops us enjoying our little pleasures. What will we sacrifice for the sake of others?

SNOW!

SNOW! It's disgusting! I knew it was a clod north wind blowing. I knew the freezing blast coming through the gaps in the windows contained some rain. But I remained surprised when I awoke this morning to see the field covered in this white stuff and more daintily falling!

It's horrible! The government should do something about this! Snow should remain up north and far from me! How could they let this happen - and in April at that! The traffic is stuttering along on the motorways, except when it is slithering off them. Runways are closed at Heathrow - more bags to be lost then? The entire world is covered in clouds bearing more of this horrid stuff. The suits at the gas board are jumping up and down at the prospect of everyone switching on their heating. Council employees are grumbling at having to start up the gritting lorries and earn their triple overtime - poor dears!

I want to move to the Mediterranean! I want a place in Cyprus, or Malta or Crete! I was born to be warm! Now I have to dig out my granddads 'long johns' and sit here wrapped around a hot water bottle just to make it through the day.

I want to hear the blue tits and green finches at the nut holders. I want blue sky and sunshine. I want to see daffodils and bluebells breaking through and folks tending the gardens once again. I don't want to see whitened fields and gray clouds. I don't want cold wind from the north pole travelling through Norway and Iceland and ending up my trouser leg. I don't want to see kiddies laughing and joking as they play in the snow - throwing snowballs (Full of stones!) at innocent passers by.

I WANT SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Police Box

This Police Box pictured here stands somewhere in Edinburgh. I came across it on a site full of Glasgow Police Box's. A great site!
These blue boxes used to be found everywhere and were first erected in 1928, soon spreading throughout the nation. They were much used by the bobby on the beat to keep in touch with his station, report any action, long before personal wireless and sat navs, beat up recalcitrant prisoners and have a fly smoke. Policemen were six feet two at least until Thatcher decided to lower the height restriction, thus enabling an increase in police numbers. My dad was refused entry after the war because he was nearly an inch too short! This was a pity as he would have been an ideal 'Dixon of Dock Green,' helping old ladies across the road and smacking neds around the head in those happier pre-PC days!
The box contained little bar a chair and a desk, a duster or two and a feeble electric fire. The light on the top would flash to inform the bobby that he was to contact the station. This he did via the phone linked direct to his home base.

The phone was also used by the public. Until the sixties (remember them?) the majority did not have phones or cars, and all the other trappings of a wealthy society. Trappings which today include obesity, tabloid celebrities and puerile television! The public could call for 'Fire, Police or Ambulance via the Police Box if there was no public phone box nearby. However while this must have been abused by passing drunks on occasion it was often misused by little boys from the school nearby. My school was one such! Personally I never got involved with such activities but at least one lad was renown for his larks. On more than one occasion we learned the police had received a call the 'The skools on fire!' from a lying fun filled brat. Our information came from the class door opening and the boys name being called out in stern tones. 'You, Headmasters office now!' I saw him lurking in 'The Goblet' one evening when I was about 19 although we didn't speak. Next I heard of him was his death being announced in the columns of the 'Evening News.' My mother, like women in that city, keeping note of everyone we knew via the 'Births, Marriage and Deaths' notices of said paper. No reason given for the death, so an early drug death is what comes to mind. He must have been 21.

Using the Police Box as 'The Tardis' in 'Dr Who' may well have been a brainwave in the early sixties, but how many brats understand the significance today? The 'Time and Relative Dimension In Space' machine is certainly a useful way to improve upon the Police Box of yesterday. None are used by our 'Boys in Blue' today as the radio controlled, fast car approach is a wonderful help in reducing the crime that we see all around us, if they turn up that is. Other disused police boxes have been removed and sold to those who like such things in their (large) gardens for use a sheds, many have become coffee stalls, one called 'Coppuchino,' and it must be said, considerably cheaper than Starbucks I would assume. I bet the service is cheerier!

Courage

Soldiers are not unused to acts of courage. War gives ample opportunity for bravery, and many unknown hero's have fallen in wars throughout time. The companionship engendered in a fighting unit often brings out the best in men. Soldiers in all wars may enlist for patriotism or their nations need, some join for the money or adventure, but the tight knit unit often brings out a self giving attitude that cannot be replicated in 'civvy street.' No wonder so many servicemen fail to find the end of their time comfortable!

Here we read in the Telegraph of one such act of courage and outstanding bravery, a selfless act that saved another's life at the risk of his own. Lance Corporal Matt Croucher while serving in Afghanistan came upon a grenade released by a tripwire while on a night time mission. At his warning his colleagues took cover, although one man froze. Croucher then lay on the bomb using his backpack to suppress the explosion! The pack flew away,and Croucher survived! Atheists use the word 'miracle' at this point. His mates crowded round him as he was alive but concussed and with a nose bleed. The lance corporal stated 'It took 30 seconds before I realised I was definitely not dead."

He is not the first soldier to throw himself on a live grenade and save the men around him, but he may well be the first to survive! If anyone wants to know the meaning of words like 'courage,' or 'hero,' and 'self giving,' surely it is found here with this man! It appears he may be recommended for the Victoria Cross, the UK's highest award 'For Valour.' I think he may well deserve that.

Perseverance Award

Sicarii, that wise and thoughtful writer, has been kind enough to present me with this 'Perseverance Award!' This surprised me as I thought 'Perseverance' was an English knight from medieval times who was knocked off at Bannockburn. But it appears I was wrong! Once I had looked up a dictionary, and accompanying thesaurus, I realised it meant viz :-

WordNet - Cite This Source - Share This

perseverance
noun
1.	persistent determination [syn: doggedness]
2.	the act of persisting or persevering; continuing or repeating behavior; "his perseveration continued to the point where it was no longer appropriate"

I think the last line sums things up perfectly! I am sure you will agree!

I will save this award, and at the appropriate time, following the description given by 'WordNet,' pass it on to the appropriate person. You know who you are!

Clean Hospitals

Once again we here a fuss about clean hospitals. Everybody shouts and complains demanding spotless hospitals. Now I agree but there are one or two things to remember here. In the eighties the Thatcher government decided to stop spending on the NHS. Her mad idea was to copy the American way and use insurance to cover health needs. As always she was too busy worshipping Mammon to notice that this is a system that has failed America! Not that noticing the fact would have changed her mind of course. One of her ideas was to cut down the numbers working in the NHS, still the biggest single employer in the UK. To this end the domestic work was privatised and put out to tender. The NHS bosses were instructed to accept the lowest bid! There was to be little consideration of whether the work could be done or not. This led to poor cleaning and care of hospital buildings, and a rise in the number of illegal immigrants operating as cleaners on exceedingly poor wages. I came across many at that time in London. It took some time for this system to be changed. However hospital costs continue to rise, and all those involved are at fault. Politically it became a game. The Tories wanting to sell it off and Labour claiming to keep free health care for all. Both lied and distorted facts to get elected, both failed the NHS.
Today this nonsense continues and we have seen the introduction of 'Deep Cleaning' of all hospitals in an effort to kill of the 'Superbugs' that infest such places. Yeah, that will work! When I first started in the Royal Infirmary in 1974 I was told that I was more in danger of catching something here than anywhere else, why? Because it is a hospital and it is full of bugs! What else can you expect in a place full of sick folk? As I recall I realise our domestic lass did catch a kidney disease, possibly from the hospital, maybe not. At that time we realised this was just part of life and accepted this. Why is this not the case today?
Today's spoilt generation has been led to believe that it can have whatever it wants. It demands that a hospital should heal their sickness and not pass on MRSA bugs to them. Any failure in this leads to a demand for compensation and yet more money is lost to the NHS and placed in the hands of the grasping public. A society that is afraid to let the kids play outside because of 'bad men' or too much traffic, or even worse, rain, cannot be expected to accept the very real dangers of hospitals, dear me no!
It is of course important for the NHS to ensure that hospitals are clean, and every effort ought to be made to ensure this happens, but the daft idea of bringing back 'Matrons' in the vain hope this will succeed has me laughing. Many Matrons were inefficient, and they did not do any cleaning, oh dearie me no! But bringing in more staff to clean the place will help so we can ask why is this not done? Cost dear folks, is the answer. Wages cost money. Those that run the place today will ensure that bureaucrats can continue to 'empire build' in their ivory towers, but they will not place sufficient domestics on the wards to keep the dirt down. Reduce the number of girls sitting around gossiping and having long lunches in Health Authorities and put the money into the hospitals! That is the answer, there is no other. It will never happen mind.

Wasted Week

Nothing has happened!
With the holiday weekend distorting the whole week, and the return of the bug leaving me feeble, and who noticed the difference I ask, the PC needing reinstalled, and that leaving problems, nothing has happened this week.
The long weekend throws everything out. I still think this is Thursday but it is in fact Friday! Maybe of course that has more to do with age than anything else.
The bug began early and I had the usual symptoms, although some have suffered worse recently. Still it is a nuisance, why me? I suppose it helps the diet, not eating much, but I do little exercise and I notice the stiffness whenever I stand up!
The PC had to be reinstalled. This means that while it is much more stable now I have no sound. This appears to be a common problem with XP installs. I await a response from the service man - probably, 'Here we go again!.' Amazing the difference sound makes. Not just because it makes a sound but the atmosphere at a football match is entirely different when seen in silence. I find if someone speaks to e when I do not have my glasses on I can't hear them right! In the same way I cannot follow a game when totally silent, much easier with crowd noise.
Another problem is the 'all in one' printer/scanner. It copies things OK, but refuses to accept it is connected. I cannot scan or print! This I discovered after writing a letter yesterday and then having to write it by hand afterwards. I could not read what I wrote, how will they? Use of the keyboard has left my poor writing illegible!
I wonder what will go wrong next?
Shall I go job hunting? Great, except when I log in I struggle to get connection!
I could not get connected yesterday morning at all, similar in afternoon. Just managed, after many attempts, to connect in evening. Real pain that. I did contact Pipex this morning by e-mail, I wonder if I will get a reply? I didn't last time. I am scared to log out now, but being on a cheaper tariff than before means going over it costs money!
Shall I go out, it's raining. Ah still Easter week then!
Just like being in Edinburgh this weather.
But I don't have the pleasure of the view over the Forth towards Burntisland. That I miss.

The English, Arrogant or just Self Deluded?

From Dan Warren on the BBC site, 9th January 2003

January is a bleak, depressing month, brightened only by the occasional snowball fight and the fact there are no wasps.
But if you are an English football fan, there is at least some reason to continue living.
The recent steady flow of talented young stars has turned into an veritable torrent, with a new teenage hero seemingly unearthed every week.
A brace by 19-year-old Michael Tonge against Liverpool on Wednesday, while 20-year-old Neil Mellor was scoring at the other end, added two more names to this term's astounding production line of promise.
And future England manager Alan Shearer must be rubbing his sensible hands together in glee at the pot of gold maturing before his very eyes.

Goalkeepers

Chris Kirkland, 21 now, will be the world's finest goalkeeper by 2008, especially after another five years of shot-stopping practice at the back of Liverpool's attack-shy team.
Leeds' Paul Robinson, 23, is unlikely to be far behind his Liverpool rival and the two of them are likely to vie, Shilton-Clemence style, for the number one jersey for many years.

Defence

History has shown that every successful England international team has contained brothers, and Rio and Anton Ferdinand will form the bedrock of Shearer's defence.
Rio will be the team's veteran at 29, but Anton will possess the same assured approach and, let us hope, the same "funky" goalscoring celebrations.
Blackburn's Martin Taylor will be there to mop up when the siblings' rivalry causes them to lose concentration.
Ashley Cole and Shaun Wright-Phillips will be devastating wing-backs, whose surging runs will leave Italians crying into their capuccinos and Germans blubbing in their bratwursts.

Midfield

This is where England excel, with the maverick talents of Joe Cole and David Dunn backed by the steel and vision of Steven Gerrard.
With Dunn (28 in 2008) and Cole (26 in 2008) possessing maturity and talent, all England need is for Gerrard (27) to end his current run of form which is, unfortunately, rubbish.
All three will be at their peak, and the onlooking David Beckham, who will probably retire from football at 30 to pursue a rock career, will smile in the stands as his successors shine.

Forwards

Rooney is but part of England's talent avalanche
England will have so much talent up front it will be embarrassing, and other teams may concede games before kick-off to avoid the humiliation on the pitch.
The original odd couple will spearhead the attack - Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen.
Off the field, the pair will fight like dogs, but on the field they will combine to create flowing football poetry which will reduce even the most toughened defenders to mere shells of men.
And to keep them alert, the likes of Liverpool's Neil Mellor, Aston Villa's Darius Vassell, Leeds' James Milner and West Ham's Jermaine Defoe will all be in the prime of their careers.


This array of 'stars, who do they play in their first game then, hmmm?

Worker Dead at Desk for Five Days

This rings true with some of the places I've worked in.......

Larry at War

Discovered this on the bookshelf last night, under a pile of dust. Long time since I acquired this book, but well worth it. Larry, or Terence Parkes was regarded by the late Alan Coren as "The only great silent comedian still in business." He was of course right! Larry's cartoons and almost all without words. Occasionally a man might arrive home and find a note on the kitchen table, "Gone berserk, your dinners on the ceiling," it reads. But his cartoons do not have the punch line written below as is normal, the normally speak for themselves. The book was published in 1995, long after the war had finished, although the 'SUN' may not yet have realised this. Far too young to serve in the war, but old enough to forever be affected by it this is Larry's view, and it is worth a look. Available in a charity shop somewhere near you!

I am Looking out the Window...

It's a slow day. I have the fingers twitching desperate to write something and there is nothing within. I could mention the snow drifting past while the sky appears to be filled with sunshine and light blue. I could mention giving up attempting to find sound on this PC since reinstalling XP. A description of how I made the soup might be possible, but I don't want to bring that up again. A rant concerning the emptiness of Easter television, but what else do we expect from the dumbed down telly people? The only programme I really enjoyed was on BBC4, a music prog covering Notre Dame Cathedrals efforts in developing 'Plainsong.' While having no knowledge of the Latin used I still enjoy the sound of such music. Lovely stuff, and well presented I thought. I could mention the thin layer of dust that covers everything here, except in the kitchen of course, the mice have scattered that. I could, if pushed, discuss the latest bank statement although my tears may cause this keyboard to short circuit. For another rant I may mention 'Slam' next door. I found three letters downstairs on Saturday, one of which was for the folks round the back. I left it there intending to pass it on to them the next time I went out. I did not go out after that and forgot it. Sunday morning, as the snow began to lie, I noticed it lying outside and went down to retrieve it. 'Slam,' had found it downstairs, realised it was not for us and just chucked it out the door! What is the matter with folk? But I will not mention this as it just peeves me. I'm tempted to buy a cheap 'digital camera' that I cannot afford so I can sell books on E-bay. Should I mention this? Not sure if I should as the books I want to make money out of are not selling on E-Bay! One went for £1 and the other did not sell! I am looking for £15-20 for them! Another idea bites the dust so I will avoid bringing it up. Hmmmm looks like we are back to soup again, and that reminds me it is time for my 'Flanders Stew. And that, as you know, is something, like a smile from my youngest great niece, that brings a lump to my throat.

What I think of the 'Easter Bunny!'

Easter Morning

'Without the taking of blood there is no remission of sins.'

Strange how we fail to realise how our wrongs must be atoned for. Much better to push them aside and 'hope' they will be forgotten, letting all fear of judgement be pushed away and considered unreal. Deep in our hearts we do know right from wrong, and our conscience, however stunted, does not let us rest. Preferring eggs and shopping we increasingly ignore Easter, seeing it as no more than a minor Christmas. This way we miss out on the God who desperately wants to give us life abundant! The empty tomb reveals the depth of love, the distance God himself travels to bring us to himself. What sort of God is this that knowing our nature takes our pains just because he wants each and every one of us?

'Jesus died for our sins and rose for our justification.'

A Mixed Saturday

Getting up early this morning I decided to wander around Sainsburys for the weekly fruit and veg. I knew that with it being a holiday weekend, and with snowflakes attempting to fall, that the market stalls would not turn out today. Naturally, as I left the store, I could see the usual veg man trying to erect his stall in spite of the wind fighting valiantly against him.
I then attended to the clean up and washing and all the other things that must be done on a holiday weekend when some folks are enjoying a break and I am plodding around looking for Somerfields own brand washing powder. Well it is actually a kind of purple liquid but you know what I mean.
Smugly satisfied with myself I then turned to the main project of the day, attempting to complete the reinstalling of XP that I began yesterday. All day I spent downloading, installing, scratching my head, installing, querying, and installing till the candle was near the end of its life. Naturally my work had not been completed, I still had to connect to the web and reinstall OE. Today that was accomplished, and some hours later Outlook Express finally allowed me to use it. It is one of the wonders of this computer world that instructions for a wide variety of computer hard and software come incomplete! However I had wisely kept the secret hidden away and, once I remembered this, Success was achieved.
The word success does not include sound of course. No sound whatsoever can be obtained at the moment. 'No audio device' it claims, although I do get a buzz every so often - not like that - so something makes a noise. Oh yes, and the 'floppy' still wants a disk inserted in 'A.' So that is lost also.
However I managed to make an almost uneatable soup out off a wide variety of near penicillin veg that I had lying around. That I used tonight to take away the taste of the 'Flanders Curry' that I had for lunch, with oatcakes. The dole office have never suggested I take up cooking for a living, which is just as well. I once fed beautiful young lass who worked for the environment folk at the council. She closed down my kitchen! While doing this I listened to Sky Sports as the season begins to draw to an end. My ears were anxious to hear the good news of our mighty hammering of Falkirk at Tynecastle today - it never happened. It seems instead we had a dreary nil-nil draw which does not suit us at all. There will now be a moment for sympathy.

Thank you.

An unusual thing did occur tonight mind, I laughed at 'You've been Framed!' One of the sequences had me in tears of laughter and that has not happened for a long time, tears of woe and despair oh yes, but laughter - no! Mind you some folks blogs have come close to it in recent days. Usually deliberately!

But as I looked out of the window I realised just how much I love Spring. The birdies flit cheerily through the trees, singing happily while they begin the breeding season, maybe that's why? The chaffinches and robins, dunnocks and blackbirds pour out their song brightening the dawn. One advantage when I was a postman was to hear the dawn chorus beginning as I cycled to work, marvelous that was. High overhead a kestrel may circle or hover while seeking out the tiny speck that is a mouse or vole far below. Wood pigeons coo irritatingly loudly outside folks windows long before the alarm clock has threatened them into life. Massed ranks of rooks or crows,(who knows the difference?) caw loudly high in the trees, and somewhere a thrush takes time off from listening intently for the worm and instead sings beautifully while announcing that this is his patch so clear off. Among the trees covered in budding leaves are masses of bluebells showing through the darkening floor. Daffodils can be seen in many places, and snowdrops and little blue flowers begin to appear. Lovely, just lovely. The sight cheers the heart, a lightness within accompanies the lightening of the skies above, and the sun climbing higher each day, ensuring the sky is that little bit deeper blue, and the whole world appears a better place. No wonder folk in Norway and Finland who suffer six months darkness each year go bananas! That is enough to turn anyone into a Viking invader!

Admittedly, being Easter, the weather would turn a tad chilly. There is a slightly cold front moving from the north, starting at the north pole and passing through Iceland picking up snow and ice on its way. Kind hearted as it is the front is leaving Spring snow all across the highlands and down the east coast of England. Some of it has been plastering itself against my window all afternoon! To be honest it is bright and sunny at the moment but I can see in the distance another huge dark gray cloud heading towards us. From the light blue sky above small sleet like flakes are drifting by, doing their best to grow up into snowflakes. Now in my humble opinion, if the ice flows are melting, glaciers shrinking, and the Maldives and other places beginning to flood maybe it would be a better idea to keep all this white stuff up there in the north where it belongs? Could we not persuade the weather folk to do something about this?
Clouds have always fascinated me in some ways and I can see why Constable put them in his pictures so often. I doubt he realised just how large a cloud could be. In the far distant past I flew home to Edinburgh and the whole journey was above cloud. Later that night the weather forecast showed the size of the cloud. The picture revealed one single cloud that stretched for thousands of miles from the Arctic to the Mediterranean, and from the Atlantic to the centre of Asia. What a size! Add to this the variation in the clouds, what the meteorologist will understand from them, and what they comprise, it just leaves me wondering in the same way I do when confronted by other elements of creation such as the sea, or mountains. Fascinating. Wonderful stuff, but I would really rather get sunburned somewhere in the Mediterranean!

I am however suffering that guilt that turns up every so often. The guilt caused by talking to my mother! My Mum is a wonderful person and does so well for someone who is 93. However while I want to keep in contact I really find less and less to share with her. My conversation is limited at the best of times, and she is trapped indoors too much at this time of year, and after discussing the weather, the 9 year old, what she eats, and nothing else really there is nothing to say. Women need to converse in a way men don't, and all to often this is plain boring, and add to that my life being very different for the family up north, and indeed everyone else on the planet, it is a very trying time. Until my sister died things were OK, she would call and talk for hours about nothing, and she was just around the corner, not 400 miles away! It is so frustrating, and made worse by here deafness. I am not going to spend all night shouting down a phone!
So nearly every time I call I end up full of guilt, and angry! I want to do more, and I don't want to spend time talking about her dinner for an hour-again! Excuse me, I am just off to gas myself!

Good Friday

What sort of God are you, that sacrifices yourself, for people like us?

'This is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us,
and gave himself for us, while we were yet sinners.'

Dumb Answers

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester .

BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don't know. White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...? Contestant: Strong. White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? Contestant: Louis. White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France .
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party? Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name? Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then..

RTE RADIO 2FM ( IRELAND ) Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ..? Caller: Mohicans.

QUIZMANIA
Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'.
Contestant: Grandfather.
Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.
Contestant: Panda.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY
Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er . . . Leslie: He makes bread . . . Contestant: Er . . . Leslie: He makes cakes . . Contestant: Kipling Street ?

MAGIC 52 ( NORTHEAST ENGLAND )
Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant: Erm . . .
Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?

SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
Contestant: Six.
Tufnell: Higher!
Contestant: Five.

FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV) Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT. Team: Chedpit.

LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona .
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
Contestant: 23.

NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM )
Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest ?
Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland , is it?

THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT )
Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'.
Contestant: Ghana .
Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean .
Contestant: New Zealand .

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Question: What is the world's largest continent? Contestant: The Pacific

ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta.

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er .... er ... three?

NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
Contestant: Jelly.

RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2) Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory? Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?

BLIND DATE (ITV)
Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Boy: Charlotte Bronte.

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller: Japan .
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er ... Mexico ?

DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)
Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
Contestant: Enid Blyton

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE ) Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
Contestant: Basketball.

NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ
Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor ?

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland ?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er . . . Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . . Contestant: Blimey? Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . . Contestant: (Silence) Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . . Contestant: Walked?

NATIONAL LOTTERY
Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea:a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel , c) North Sea?
Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, it's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea .

THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes? Contestant: Jewish. Presenter: That's close enough.

BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1
Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm . .
Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
Contestant: Shark.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.