Showing posts with label Man Flu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Man Flu. Show all posts

Thursday 22 December 2011

Guardian Angel




Crossing the park for the first time this week I asked him about it, "So, where were you?"
"I was here all along."
"Were you? Were you here, while I suffered full blown 'Man Flu' and you did nothing about it?"
"I wouldn't say I did nothing about it, you did stock up on all essentials, Isobrofen, Conovia, food....." At that point I interrupted him, "I had to rush out early for bread and milk and failing lottery ticket on Wednesday, in spite of my condition" I sniveled.
"Yes, but you did need the air and you really didn't need the Lottery ticket did you? 'My God shall supply all your need' it says somewhere doesn't it?" He gave his smug smile and ducked as I sneezed loudly enough to frighten the pigeons from the tree they were settling into.
"Not that one no!" I muttered through a much deepened voice. "I needed one that would give me millions, not one that would be added to the recycling."
"My God shall supply all your needs, it says somewhere," he repeated with a smug grin.
"So where was the 'daily bread' on Wednesday then?"
"In the shop, and a shop placed as close as you asked for it to be in 1992, remember?"
"What?"
"You asked the Father for a new home, with all amenities close by, shops, road and rail links, buses and a view North, remember?  The accommodation you had was not good enough for you then. Yet even today you are not happy."
His smug expression was beginning to annoy.
"I canny mind all I asked, and I do remember asking to NEVER have another bout of 'man Flu,' and never having to go to Sainburys for bread when sick! So why did this one arrive unwanted and unasked for?" 
"That has not been given me, but working in the snow last week when feeling the early signs of a bug might give an indication."  The smug grin became a leer I thought.
"Listen," I said pointing my grubby paws at him, "You are employed as my Guardian Angel, you are meant to stop me suffering like this!" 
"Oh, where did you read that?  It is not in the good book, is it? There is one lying on your table, I note it hasn't been opened for a week or two, maybe it is worth a peek?"
I aimed a lick at him, "I have been to sick to read!"  
"No point in kicking something that you will not hit eh?" he smarmily grinned. "Reading the book might have helped there also."
I decided to ignore him and cough my way through the town.  It was crowded with people coughing their way through the town! A couple of stalls had arrived early, people shoved past one another full of the Christmas spirit, well dressed men and half dressed women made for places of refreshment, cars parked where they ought not, and the supermarkets were crowded with coughing people grumbling that everyone was coughing and spluttering and shoving them in similar fashion to the way they were behaving. The rain drizzled and the sky darkened as a line of cars left the supermarket car park at a stately two miles an hour, shoving themselves into the traffic on the main road they trundled along joyful that Christmas was upon them. 
"I still don't see why I should be sick this week?" I grumbled as I wandered home. 
"Everyone else has it, why not you," Harold the angel asked.
"Several reasons, 1, because I hate it, 2, because I am me, 3, three because it is awful."
"Hmmm, indeed it is hateful, although I have never experienced it myself, " he grinned in that annoying manner of his, "however being 'you' may not be reason enough not to endure hardship, others suffer, why not you?"
"But if the Father loves me why do I suffer?"
"He loves everyone, and his Son gave himself for them all remember. Even if they reject him on that day he will allow them to go, but he really hates the thought of it. he wants them all, even you!  Many of his children suffer real pain, long lasting and painful, yet still keep the faith, how come you grumble"
"Aye, right enough, I can appreciate their suffering when I endure this, it does make me wonder how folks in some parts of the world cope with their pains. At least I have cold cures, for what they are worth, chemists nearby, and the NHS.  I should be more grateful. I ought to be more grateful for his coming into the world by Mary the virgin for folks like me, doesn't appear to have got him far these days."
"Read the book man!  It says 'he will look on the suffering of his soul and be satisfied,' and he will be too. Stop girning and read the book again. Time you spent giving thanks and less grumbling about 'suffering' and not having enough. 
Back home I emptied several waste baskets of used tissue paper opened the windows, cleared the mess, made the dinner and found life returning slowly. Grateful I am not struck down with anything really serious, long lasting and painful. Grateful also a better life is possible, if I take it.......


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Monday 19 December 2011

Suffering



Struggling as I am with this debilitating plague, I managed to discover just how many other men endure their illness so stoically.  This company at least has made an attempt to make a killing aid their fellow man but producing medicinal products specially designed for such a time.  Sadly I am too weak and ravaged by aches to make it to Sainsburys however I will stock up for next time.  Instead I will continue to indulge the enormous number of cups of tea that are keeping my weakened body alive and then I will return to bed again.  Just for you girls here is a shot of me suffering patiently....

  


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Sunday 18 December 2011

Man Flu Again



Will the horrid Lurgi never leave me? For weeks now I have suffered the effects of the dreaded bug!  It leaves for a day or two, then returns and hits me where it hurts, everywhere!  It is not fair I say!  Weary as I was I awake this morning and discovered the cough from yesterday had added throat pains to itself, this has magnified as the day has gone on, and the weariness has increased in spite of my desire to rise and be about my business. Instead I have been forced to sit here and watch football matches all day!  The tablets will run out soon at this rate, yet the aches and pains remain.  Food may become unavailable, yet I am too unfit to do anything about this. My survival may be at stake, yet no compassion is forthcoming!  However I am not one to complain so I will just get on with life, such as it is a the moment, and bear the suffering without a murmur, as always.  I suspect wandering about on Friday, in and out into the sleety snow, has done this.  I wonder if I can sue them for compensation.....?


For surly women who whine constantly about things of no important may need to read this scientific document indicating the prevalence of 'Man Flu' in our society.  Read this and learn how to ease your men's suffering girls!   


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Thursday 17 March 2011

Sympathy

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Naturally I have had little sympathy during my 'Man Flu' experience. Although I found this site very helpful with that :- Man Flu   Only today I was forced, against my better wishes, to visit the dole office and pretend I was seeking work. Sympathy extended to such things as being told to "Breathe in the other direction," and "Don't e-mail me, I might catch a virus." A resounding "Bye" and a waving of papers in my direction ended my short visit. Good job I am not one to complain. 

The answer to unemployment is to start your own business. Great idea, but when this is put forward people tend to forget to mention how many such starter jobs fail within three years, if indeed they last that long. The answer is for bigger companies to be encouraged to employ folk. There appears to be nothing around that will let that happen. Two and a half million unemployed yet no jobs being created, bar short term ones in the east end for the Olympics in 2012.  Are you as excited as I about these games? I am as excited as Matt in the Daily Telegraph!  



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Thursday 9 April 2009

Hot Toddy


One of the benefits of suffering, with no sympathy from womankind, is the option to turn to a hot toddy! So to relieve the aches, the temperature changes, the throat and the cough problems I shuffled along to Sainsburys and infected a few dozen staff and customers, although they only realise this now of course. I left with my whisky, jar of overpriced honey (funny how the booze is always on offer and the food keeps rising in price) and knowing they would not supply hot water to go with this I wended my way home. This of course is a wonderful way in which to deal with 'Man Flu,' and please not 'Man Flu' is of course very different from the sniffle which affects women. 'Man Flu' is a disease, not a minor chill caught listening to other folks conversations at keyholes, or standing in draughts gossipping about things that do not concern you. 'Man Flu' originates with a virus of astonishing power, if it affected woman it would of course cause certain death, however men are built with a more sturdy frame and will, with difficulty, fight of the brute. As science has yet to find a cure for this terror we must resort to time honoured answers, 'Hot Toddy' is one of the most effective.

Now as you know I am not one to complain, and I have enjoyed constant drinking of these toddies and the pleasure it has brought me, however I decided to fore go these today and return to the real world and I am surprised. I am surprised to notice lots of spiders crawling up and down the window and my hands shaking somewhat. Maybe I need another toddy.......?

Monday 30 March 2009

Deaths Door


Sniff, urfgh,drink water, aaaaaaaaagh, cough, hack, drink water, sleep, uuurrgh, sneeze, hot, drink water, cold, aaaaarrgh, sleep, throat, paracetamol, tissues, ooooooooooooooooooooh, drink water, headache, die, light, dark, sleep, sniffle, eat, drink water, sniff, cough, aaaaaaaaaaargh, all this water keeps me on the run anyway.........hot toddy, aaaahhhhh!

Sunday 29 March 2009

Man Flu



I hate the world!
I am cold.
I sniffle,
I shiver.
My throat hurts.
Nothing tastes.
I am uncomfortable.
Paracetamol is expensive.
My mind is dull.
Nothing satisfies.
Everyone hates me
(well that's not because of the cold of course!)
Nothing worth watching on telly.
I canny write poor posts even.
My knees hurt.
I'm broke.
I'm still cold!
Good job I'm not one to complain!