Saturday, 28 May 2011

Strange Week


I canny mind where I found that picture of Bill Bailey but it speaks volumes and makes me laugh!  There have been times this week when I did not laugh however. Take Tuesday, I logged off the internet around four in the afternoon for some reason, I must have been in the shops looking for the reduced price stale bread.  I attempted to log in on my return and nothing happened. Sometimes there is a hindrance logging in, so I waited a moment and tried again, still nothing.  This continued for a couple of hours and (after six when calls are free) I called Pipex. The woman's voice told me that the call would cost 5p a minute (even if it's free after six?) and blethered for a few moments to scrounge more loot out off me.
"Insert your phone number on the keypad."
I did.
"Insert or speak your date of birth."
"02/07/ 93"
"Please repeat that either by voice or on the keypad."
I keyed in the date.
"All our colleagues are busy at the moment, please hold, your call is important to us."
I held.
Music played. A scratched old 78 of some sort.
"Thank you for holding. Our colleagues will be with you shortly. Your call is important to us."
"It's important to ME too girl!" I said to the machine.
Music, "Thank you for holding....."
Tap finger.
"Thank you for holding....."
"Thank you for holding.  You are now in position three in the queue,"she said with a self satisfied smile.
"Thank you for holding....."
"Your call is important....."
"You are now in position two in the queue," she lied.
"Thank you for holding....."
"Thank you for holding....."
"Thank you for holding....."
Brrr brrr. Brrr brrr
"Good evening, welcome to Pipex, my name is something or other. How can I help you?"
 "I cannot connect......."
That's funny, it's gone silent. Has he cut me off?
No! It's my phone handset. The battery has died! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

With internet contact restored the sun shines again. I was quite worried for a moment as I feared that I may have to talk to real people for a change. In fact I actually had to do just that on Thursday as I had to sign on the Dole and receive a visit from one of their employees regarding a query on my doings. The first part occurred in the morning. I entered in the usual manner, in rags, unshaven and unwashed, discovered the new system was in operation and prayed I did not have to deal with the lass who last had a thought about seventeen years ago, and she was wrong that day also!  In fact I was attended to by a delightful, somewhat nervous lassie, although females are often nervous meeting me, we famous folk understand this, and while I attempted not to look anywhere but at her eyes I scrawled my name (an alias) and was thrown out again.
Back home the man who arrived informed me I had been overpaid by £178 or thereabouts. After the ambulance man had removed the defibrillator equipment and given the all clear the chap spoke, clearly and slowly, about the work I had done some months ago. I had of course informed them at the time and their robot had sent me a letter disclosing the change this made to my benefit. This was fine, except the robot had not bothered to alter what I was paid and now I owe them about £20. This I may not even be required to pay.

The rest of the week has been taken up with a drained mind which has been entertained by researching (a rather high faluting way to describe it) names on the local war memorial. This does give an impression for the effect the Great War had on this small town. Now holding 35,000 or so, I wonder what the population would have been in 1914?  Already I have discovered four men dead in the local area, and several more not much further away!  The response of the families involved, especially when an only son, a father, or for one poor lad two sons within a year dying is easy to understand. Today the names stand ignored for the most part on the memorial but some who pass must know they are related to them. I wonder what their thoughts are regarding such men and possible uncles, cousins or indeed fathers?

It is amazing what the loss of football can do to an individual? The great Champions League Final begins shortly.  I had better watch this as in two years time I expect the Heart of Midlothian to be playing in this game.  What? ...................oh!  



Anonymous said...

I'm not buying that birth date.

Mike Smith said...

I knew you were old but I didn't realise you were 9 years old when Hibs last won the Scottish Cup...

FishHawk said...

Is that the Bill Bailey, whom Louie Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald used to sing about? Frankly, it's hard for me to imagine that it is. For who would want him to come home?

Adullamite said...

Leaz, Something amiss?

Mike, I fail to understand......

Fishy, He is an excellent comic, as are the previous two commentators!

Anonymous said...

A pup, you are not!