Authors Pictures on Blogs

Why do folk insist on putting their picture on a blog? Now I am not talking here of the postage stamp size pic at the top. These are usually too small to take note off and usually inoffensive. What I mean are those photographs some insist on placing right in your face. Usually these are too large, and worse, too ugly! Most often it is some male attempting to convince us he is handsome, or macho, or has some deep personality trait he wishes to show has damaged his outlook on life! There can be no doubt such pictures are a mistake.

Can I suggest to those tempted to post such frightful representations of themselves that they defer the idea until consultation with an adult has taken place.? What to you appears 'cool,' or even 'macho' appears to normal folk like an extra from a Hollywood disaster film has discovered the gift of writing. The image, so deeply felt, that you endeavour to project does not arrive at the target as intended! If you must post such close ups, or even head and shoulders shots, either don't do it, or, em...don't do it!

Thanks.

Sarah Called

She called to say that claiming women nag is a stereotype! She went on to indicate this should not happen! Apparently I have no right to say such things. She was so upset she actually created a blog just so she could log on and tell me. Sweet eh?

Unfortunately, there was a slight problem in that she spoiled her argument somewhat by adding "Women only nag when they have to!" See the problem? Bet she doesn't, even yet. The thing is dear, who gives you the right to nag 'when you have to?' Who decides 'when?' I know who does, you do! Get it now?

No, didn't think you would. You see, the thing is, when your mind is so self absorbed, and you care only for your opinions, you miss out so much. The main problem wee girls have today is the mouth opens long before the brain, and all too often that does not arrive. I suggest you put aside the girlie magazines (no dear, not that type) and go out into the real world with your mind open and your mouth closed. Ask grown up women what life is like, preferably not middle class ones, they are a wee bit like you see. Learn about things, get out of the rut you are in. Make friends.

Oh, and don't watch 'Eastenders.' It makes you think mouthing off is clever. Try smiling instead.

Virus

Where do virii come from? Why do they exist? Why do they come to me? How I suffer! Never complaining, always cheerful, just getting on with it. Aye right!
I am sick of this one, and it seems to go on for ever.

But where do they come from? Why do they exist?
Those little bugs, so complicated, so cleverly designed, cause so much damage. Look at the cold or flu virus, tremendously well made. The picture of the cold virus shows how complicated it is.

Now if God created them, what purpose do they serve? If they evolved, to what end? I just do not understand their purpose, but I know the damage they cause. if there is one thing I would like to do it is either lose them all, or adapt them to some useful purpose.

The Madeleine McCann Saga

This saga continues. Today the Daily Mirror tells us a German reporter asked the McCanns if they were involved in the disappearance? The paper implies we ought to be shocked by such a direct, and obvious, question. The Mirror forgets to point out that an ex Mirror reporter now works as PR for the McCanns. But surely such questions ought to be asked of a couple who seem to think we ought to drop everything and run after the child they have lost? maybe if we asked direct and probing questions we could get further than jumping on the bandwagon search they have instituted with their media savvy friends and family.

From the picture of the premises it seems a long way to go from young children. What if the kid choked or fell out the bed and broke something? What if fire broke out? How long does it take for a fire to fill an average room? Two minutes? Three minutes? It is hard enough to get out of a house on fire normally, let alone when you are dining at such a distance.

Are we being too hard on the parents? I suppose if they admitted they were at fault, and then sought the return of the kid in the same way others do, then we would emphasise their mistake, and let it rest with the proper authorities. However, when they demand we run after their bandwagon. When football players are blackmailed into wearing yellow armbands, and cup finals are shown videos of the child to keep the campaign public, then I think we are right to ask questions. We are now part of the bandwagon, and we must know the facts. I am as yet unconvinced that the full facts have been revealed.

Normally a mother in such circumstances would generate sympathy, unless she had run down to the shops for a bottle of beer and lived in a rough area of course. Then the Mirror and Sun would call her heartless and demand action! Junkies would naturally become outcasts, but not these two it seems.

The child herself? If, and I mean, 'if,' she has genuinely been taken by the bad guys then I fear she will never return. She could be anywhere. paedophiles may have taken and abused her, possibly even raping her to death, or maybe killed her to dispose of the evidence. It is possible she is alive, confused, and hopefully, being cared for. best not to even consider what kind of life she may end up with.

I would appreciate if the British police gave some understanding of their thought on this case. Somehow, I do not see them as being as understanding as the tabloid press. A healthy policeman's cynicism surely would have many questions requiring an answer.

Education

Isn't education great!

I love it! In fact I love it so much I have several books lying here, each one packed with subjects that will broaden my outlook, help me understand the world and its many ways, and, possibly, make me a better person. I can see them all over the house. They lie on the couch, pile high in the bathroom (the best place to sit and read I find), take up space on the bed and of course surround me on my desk. There are big thick tomes full of academic ponderings, thin easy to read types, books that will reward honest endeavour, books that require cassette tapes to accompany them to ensure you get the sounds right, books that help explain what other books are blethering on about - dictionaries and word guide books for instance. Some books teach much about history, some languages, others practical skills like photography, some how to communicate better. In fact, if you make the effort, it is possible to find books that educate on every subject under the sun, and beyond that even! Fantastic! What a world of learning we have at our fingertips.

Of course I sit here now staring into space and asking myself, if these books are so effective, and if education is so great, why have I not opened them? I'll let you know after I've had another coffee and a game or two of 'Tetris.'

Summer Birdsong

Cycled out into the mist this morning. Quite thick in places but soon burning up as the sun decided to rise. Came along a pathway lined with aged trees and bushes on one side. I had to pullover and sit there listening to the birds singing. A thrush was high in a tree overhead and difficult to spot. However I found him and watched him call for a while. Was he calling his mate, or maybe hers? He was too big to be new born anyhow. Flapping among the branches indicated a wood pigeon chasing off a rival, leaves and feathers falling as he made off over the school field. One of the birds then set to 'cooing,' possibly praising her brave mate. A young tit appeared, nipping quickly among the branches, feeding on whatever he found. A blackbirds sang high in another tree, possibly they are old oak trees but I am not sure. In and out of the branches birds flitted singing brightly, while in the distance the crows cawed to one another raucously.

A wonderful enjoyable short period of time. Listening to birdsong and watching them go about their business. If it becomes possible to add to these sights and sounds the fragrance of newly cut grass and of a wide variety of flowers and blossom, it is possible to imagine in some small way what heaven must be like. There will be no bad smell there, no rotten decomposing matter, just the best that we have here magnified multitudinous - if that is a word! Sunshine, birdsong, fragrance, how I love these small things. This year more than I have ever done, I appreciate them.

Summer Weather

The thing that pleases me about summer weather is walking through the Public Gardens and enjoying the trees, plants and shrubs. I don't think I have enjoyed it so much before. Maybe because I was always working and on my day off either too busy or too knackered! However, sitting there reading my book, listening to the birds singing and watching the never ceasing work rate of the squirrels is strangely enjoyable. That is the third time I have used 'enjoy.' The fact that the sun is warm, when it gets through the clouds that is, does help.

However, when it rains, I do not find myself any less happy, mostly because I am inside and not out there being soaked through. The English are a funny lot in summer rain. For two days it pelted down. The park opposite was an inch deep in places, yet some Englishmen were wandering around in T-shirts, and two that I saw were wearing shorts! Now if it had been warm at the time I would have understood, but it was cold, very cold. Still these chumps wandered about as though in Majorca. Being daft comes naturally to the English.

I wonder if Blackberry Juniper would allow her man such an experience? I somehow doubt it, being quite a wise nag...er, I mean, caring woman.

Missing Child

The media storm over this missing child worries me. Now I am all in favour of parents being concerned for missing children, and hope that the child is found. However, I feel she is now, sadly, gone for ever.

The media coverage and the fact that an ex reporter from a tabloid paper is now giving advice to the family, is disturbing. Why? because we have gone overboard on one child while ignoring all the others who have gone missing.
Worldwide Unicef claims around 1.2 million children are trafficked each year. How come this is rarely mentioned? The reason is simple. Most of them are in Africa or South East Asia. One white middle class British child is worth more than thousands of little black ones from the third world. They do not sell papers, they do not make parents in the west identify with them. They are worth less.

But it does not stop there. This site, controlled by the police, informs us that 77,000 children go missing annually in the UK, 9000 in Scotland alone. While most will return how many disappear and for what reason? Adolescents have always ran away, sometimes to seek their fortune, often because of family problems. Just as often caused by themselves! Where do they go? Clearly they have no understanding of the dangers they face out there, clearly some will end up dead.

http://missingkids.co.uk/missingkids/servlet/NewsEventServlet?LanguageCountry=en_GB&PageId=0

This child has however a great publicity campaign on her side. An aunt persuaded Celtic and Aberdeen players to wear yellow armbands during their recent game. Videos are shown at the English cup final, thousands of posters are downloaded from, I understand, a dedicated website, TalkTalk add a message to every e-mail, and on and on. On one side I feel this is an excellent effort by dedicated family members, on the other, it is an imposition of their grief, and a demand is made for us to join in. It is impossible for most folk not to be concerned for this pretty little girl. It is however also possible to wonder what would happen if a working class parent, let alone one on benefits, were found failing to guard their child. Would we be so concerned? Indeed, if another big story came along after the first week, would we still hear from them? I wonder......

I wonder also about the emotional blackmail we, as a nation, are now under. It is a sad reflection on society today that if the nation mourns, or is concerned we must all join in. If we do not the nation is horrified, and we are blackballed. Another Princess Diana situation arises. far too often we are forced to join the nations emotions together. Not from concern, but form peer pressure. This is wrong and must be opposed. Nothing wrong in the nation being aroused by sympathy, and in this case we are, but something wrong in the insistence on obeying the nations mood.

This mood reflects the spiritual emptiness that is found at the heart of western society. The need for God, has been largely filled with empty celebrity. It was ever thus. We need a cause, as a nation we need a war to bind us together against the foe, as individuals the need is satisfied, but only partly, by a football team or a lover, a job or a political party. All too often, the UK, once so tight lipped, allows itself an orgy of emotion, the first big outlet was Diana, this weeks is Mandy. The child suffers and we use her as much as the kidnappers. What they do I do not wish to contemplate, our national emotion is fulfilling our needs, not caring for her.

Nagging women, or is it Woman?

Why do women nag? It appears that no matter what part of the world a person visits, you will find a nagging woman! Of course, you will also find she has no reason to nag? There never is. How can a woman nag when she is surrounded by men? Men are the most reasonable of souls. Men tolerate the most unreasonable girls, the most thoughtless behaviour, the needless routine questions about their appearance ('what haircut?'), and an an inability to be anywhere on time.
Yet women complain? Why?

One example of this is Blackberry Juniper. She ignores me for what seems like years, spends all her time concentrating on her man, never phones, never calls, never e-mails, yet complains when she is not mentioned on these ramblings! Now she has been mentioned in the past, but has not noticed. Did I complain? Did I hold my breath until I went blue in the face? NO! I did what all men would do in the circumstances, I just got on with watching the football. Now there's another thing! Watching football. How many women will complain that it's '...always the same...' then go of and watch some soap opera? Tell me the changes in any soap opera over the last ten years? You can't because there has not been any changes! This one is still the baddie, that one the womaniser, she still the bitch, that one the tart! IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME RUBBISH!!!!!

Yet the women who watch it week by week don't notice. Why? Yet, if you wear the same shirt to work you wore yesterday they ask why? I have known men forced to change ties because 'You wore that one last time you went there.' A toilet seat being up becomes war at home, while hoovering when the cup final is on is OK??????????

No excuse to nag exists, yet women do. The toilet seat, the shirt, the ignoring the hair ('what hair?'), forgetting a birthday ('you're 48, I thought it was tactful to forget...oh 45, sorry.'), the anniversary slipped the mind ('I thought I would take you out on Saturday, honest'). If a man so much as throws a paper on the floor, in his house, she tells him to put it where it belongs ( he would like to!), he opens the window she wants it shut, she panics because the child needs a new school bag and he is not panicking also, so she complains, long and loud. If she e-mails, and he does not respond within her time frame (which changes constantly) he is nagged, constantly. Forgetting to mention a woman on here (and I am always pointing out their foibles her ooh missus) and sly comments will pass, like. MENTION ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blackberry Juniper is of course a sweet young thing. Good looking, attractive, highly intelligent, capable of doing anything she chooses, wise (usually) hard working, good humoured, and on top of this a best selling novelist (tomorrow). Bet she nags me soon mind.........

Essex

Essex as a county is often treated with a great deal of disrespect. The image is one of the 'Essex girl' A lass who's ambition is to appear topless in 'The Sun' or reach the dizzy heights of being a high class 'model.' After that she will write her autobiography which, one day, she will actually get round to reading. The 'Essex Boy' of course has developed into a full blown 'Chav' these days. Burberry baseball cap, baggy trousers, and lots of cheap Argos jewellery. A shaven head and a gold ear ring helps to seal the image. Scars are worth extra points, and of course an ASBODagenham way.

However, while such folk do exist, and they do, believe me, they do, not all of Essex lives up to the stereotype. On the contrary, it is a place awash with cash! Many a pop star or movie hero will find a thatched or imitation Tudor eight bedroom house with several acres of garden to keep the residuum from the door. The election shows just how many Conservative voters can be found in this part of the world. Small country towns and villages are predominately Tory, and after the recent elections the county is almost all blue! Some areas remain, like Colchester, Liberal Democrat, and a few stay red for Labour, like Harlow. However, for the most part Essex is a moneyed place. The working class also tend to be Conservative in their outlook, lorry and taxi drivers have always been of course, the 'What's mine I keep' people. No concern for others, money first, until they can no longer work of course, then it is as many benefits as possible. many in Essex share this outlook. The 'Daily Mail' and 'Express' must do well here.

Essex is also a delightful place to visit. Historic castles, green and pleasant land, seaside, estuaries, bird sanctuaries and occasional sunshine. Narrow country lanes attract many motor cyclists in the warmer months, around nineteen died last year because of carelessness. But others stop to admire the churches which, in some cases, have stood on that spot for nearly a thousand years. All the requirements an individual needs for a few days out. On top of this Essex is one of the safest counties in England. Put aside the stereotype, leave that along the Thames coast, and let it remain there. or two will make you a hero down

Bank Holiday Monday

It was obvious this was a bank holiday Monday. The minute I woke I could here the rain outside.
The few cars that passed swished through the wet roads, and rain drops thudded slowly, but steadily, on the ledge outside. However, those walking the dogs in the park found the weather, while wet, quite warm. Summer type rain may come straight down but can be actually quite refreshing. Not sure the dog walkers early in the day thought this way mind.

Swifs

I saw the first swift of the year yesterday evening. A sure sign of summer approaching. Wonderful to see. Swifts, or bluebird's as we used to call them up north, are great birds to see. They spend their time flying around, sometimes high in the sky chasing one another, and then racing past the window at high speed. At all times screeching loudly and enjoying the moment. For a year or two they had a nest in the extractor fan outlet. Unfortunately the landlords man must have blocked their entrance in some way when he painted the outside of the building. Pity, but there were several places in the roof that allowed starlings also to make nests. These too appear to have been closed off.

Long bright days, except for the cloud that covers us at the moment, and swifts high in the sky. beasties crawling and flying around, birds sweetly singing in the trees, the fragrance of blossom. Simple things, but something that makes life so much better.

Elections in Essex & Scotland

O.K. it's bore time. Let's talk elections.

In Essex there is little surprise that the area has a blue tinge. In this town alone 42 out of 60 seats are Conservative. Service cut backs ahead I think. What services you cry? Ah yes, possibly another late night bus withdrawn, if it still runs. East Anglia has turned blue, but there is no surprise in this. For the most part the moneyed classes predominate, and while an occasional swing to another comes from time to time, most are happier with the party that worships cash as opposed to people. In one area they attempted to modernise using the equipment used in Scotland. It failed! Isn't progress wonderful? The Scots vote meant nothing to these folks of course. Too them Scotland is another county of England. But they do resent having to pay for it. In fact, Scotland has of course carried England for years, but facts do not stop race hatred do they? Some even demand an independent English parliament, ignoring the fact that Westminster has only ever considered itself English for three hundred years. Again such facts do not fit in this part of the world.

Scotland has given the SNP the best chance it has ever had for showing what it can do. It is not enough to demand independence, a party must be able to govern, and govern well. This will be difficult under proportional representation, as this does not give one party an overwhelming lead. Pity. I am not keen on the type of PR used in the Scots election. However, the SNP will probably join with the Lib Dems and work something out. What exactly, remains to be seen.
Emotionally most Scots want independence. Rangers fans and Tories do not. One because of a twisted view of Ulster, and the other fearing for their wallets. I wonder if the folk in Perthshire have houses in East Anglia?

What real difference will all this make for you and me? Little I suppose. More boring political half truths on the radio and telly. Much too much in the way of conjecture from the chattering classes. But overall, the man in the street will see little change. Prices rise, the economy fluctuates, his job may or may not continue, his wife will nag and feel she could do better elsewhere, his kids will rebel and cause upset, the cat will be sick on the bed.

Overall, life continues as normal for the most part. Hey ho. Isn't democracy great?

The Great War for Civilisation

This book by Robert Fisk is well worth a read. It may have 1286 pages, not counting the addenda, and it may take a while to peruse, but I recommend it to those who wish to understand the Middle East today.

The lack of concern for human life shown by the folk from all sides stands out. The tortures, imprisonment, brutality, murders and general callousness shown by Arabs and Persians, Americans and French, by British and Saudis, by Muslim and so called Christian never seem to end. Everybody is under threat from someone, so all fight back, often before they are attacked. Muslim groups fight their own leaders and each other. Dictatorial leaders brutally put down any suspected of rebellion, whatever their religion.

And of course the West comes to bring 'democracy.' As long as that 'democracy' leads to capturing the oil fields for themselves. 'Democracy' can be foisted on Iraq, but not Saudi Arabia, they are our friends after all. Iraq can be made 'democratic' especially if Israel wants it broken up. It never fails to surprise me just how influential Israel is in American politics. Another surprise is the weakness before this of the 'Most powerful man in the world' the president of the United States. Serious questions need to be asked here by the American people, especially those sent to die for a cause not their own. The president elected on the back of $345 million dollars from big business and oil money (his business) gives out contracts, without tendering first, to those who backed him. The oil fields are guarded more heavily than peoples lives. Just who and what is running the American government at any given time I ask? What is the purpose?

Israels behaviour is clearly seen as outrageous. Not just the land grabbing, but the treatment of the Palestinians who object. Israel may have been returned to the land God gave them, and that is what I believe, and God may still have a place for them in this world, but the must turn to their God and do things his way. This they do not do. None of the leaders have been religious Jews. Most of the settlers appear to have an unhappy habit of being Americans who think they are winning the 'wild west' all over again. God wants all to know his Messiah, Jesus of Nazareth, and knowingly firing 'Hellfire' missiles into ambulances full of women and children is not the way to do it! A change of attitude and a clear answer to the Palestinian problem is urgently required if there is to be peace in the Middle East. However, I do not believe this will happen. It is not for us to know they way God is working in Israel, it is for us to know God through his Son, and then live for him where we are. Pray for Israel, but ask the Lord what he wants, not what we want.

I reckon this book covers around five million deaths in the time span presented to us. So it is not the sort of thing to read out to the kids last thing at night! But Fisk's travels in Afghanistan (where he meets Bin Laden) , Iraq, Iran, Saudi, Algeria, Pakistan ( a friend of the West even though the Taliban and Bin laden may be based there. And don't mention their nuclear arms please), and elsewhere show several things. People from all backgrounds and cultures, religions or not, can be kind, helpful and well worth knowing. It also shows they can torture, murder, and hate forcefully and brutally. Politicians from all sides are assailed from all sides by all sides, and usually compromise by taking the easy way out. Or what benefits them the most. All tell lies, all misuse their own forces as well as the enemies (real or imagined) all justify their actions and rarely are called to account. Mostly what we see is suffering. Suffering of the innocent, call them insurgents, terrorists, or threatening, call them anything, but justify the murder and pain and walk away seems to be the order of the day.

Fisk does not attempt to offer a 'fix' for the area he has covered. However, he does let us see the results of our meddling among people we once despised and now fear! Political chicanery, regarding the locals as unimportant or 'lesser peoples' has come home to roost. We have pushed them too far and now bear the cost. The unwritten answer is to let them have the freedom they want in their lands. Ensure 'democracy' exists in all the lands, not just some, and stop using them for ourselves. There is an amazing lack of understanding in the west of the Muslim mind.
A thought that we are more 'civilised' and a great fear of what we do not know.
Especially when it now resides amongst us!

Time for us to consider others quite a bit more. Time for a radical overhaul of Middle East policy, and time for the United Kingdom to stop being a lackey of the corrupt United States Government. Time also for the American people to take their government back into their own hands. If, that is, they have the courage and if they have the desire.

Church Services on TV

What is it about televised church services? Why do they have to go to a large cathedral to portray Christianity? I am watching a service for Easter from Coventry cathedral. The cathedral is a vast open space built after the second world war to replace a building destroyed during the blitz. Those in charge decided to rebuild the church and offer forgiveness to the enemy. Since 1940 this church has worked worldwide to bring reconciliation between enemies. This is a work that needs to be congratulated.

However, the service involves the usual Anglican choir, loud organ, and leader led responses. All this leaves me cold. There is no spontaneity here. No reaction to Jesus the man, and what he has done. Indeed, what he is doing. The hearts may be right, the performance is wrong.

Yet this is what the public see. They do not see lives changed, just nice folks being nice. We need church services on TV which reflect the church as she is today, not an image that suits television producers expectations. We need to see one of the lively young churches which abound through the land. Certainly they have been featured on occasion, and 'Spring Harvest' has hosted 'Songs of Praise' on occasion, but far too often a church seen on television is old fashioned and worse, out of touch, or middle class.

Still, at least the secular liberals are forced to portray the church so many despise. The message that 'Christ died for our sins, and was raised for our justification.' is published and heard. Now of course, I must let him live in me and live it out. That way his message will be seen in a cold lonely world, full of need and desperate for the Love of God to reach them.

Easter Weekend

I almost missed the Easter weekend. I knew it was coming but suddenly it is upon us. Today I suddenly realised is Thursday, clever of me, and this means tomorrow is Friday, Good Friday! The intellect is straining now. This weekend is therefore the Easter weekend. This explains why the traffic is rushing by my window so early. Everyone is desperate to be off and relaxing at home, or wherever. Sainsburys will be crowded with shoppers stuffing the bags full of groceries they do not need, desperate to ensure they will not starve to death during the break. Only one person died at Easter, and he rose again, so relax a bit folks. Come Tuesday, all their bins will be full of uneaten food, wasted when thousands starve elsewhere in this world. And in this house when I consider it.

Strange experience watching people flock to their breaks. The idea of a few days off is meaning;less to someone with too many days off already. A day or two of work would be an experience, and now the weather is improving, the sun shines and one day soon the warmth will reach us, the idea of work seems inviting. Of course this depends on what work actually is available. So far, nothing. I may as well just continue to sit here and peddle this rubbish day by day eh? What's that you say...? Oh!

Another Essex Spring Day

You can tell by the cloud overhead. Not dark, but not quiet what one would call light either. The difference between Essex and Edinburgh is striking. Here the East wind is several degrees warmer, in Edinburgh it always cuts through the natives like a knife. There is cloud here while the sun shines on Edinburgh (no I will not say 'Sunshine on Leith' - drat! I did.) this is unusual. Now Easter is approaching we can expect the snow to return at any moment.

Easter! This occasion in which we remember the dying and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth for all our sins, in an attempt to reconcile us to God! We celebrate this by buying over wrapped and overpriced needless chocolate eggs, sending overpriced cards and indulging in a long weekend romp. Sometimes we even consider the religious side of it, but hey! lets not be a fanatic about this eh?

Sunny Easter (hopefully) approaches. The kids will be out en masse shoplifting, the parents, if not dozing at work, will be otherwise occupied, and most probably uncaring, well some of them anyway, not all parents are bad even if the kids are. many at this very moment are crowding Stansted Airport waiting for the 'Easyjet' to Spain. Their idea of fun is to sit in a bar drinking foul Spanish wine or imported lager, read the 'Daily Mirror' or 'Sun' daily to ensure they do not miss anything important, and spend the rest of the day catching cancer lying in the sun smoking cheap fags. I envy them......

April Fool

First day of April. Several papers and no doubt, radio and TV stations will have played 'April Fool' jokes on their followers today. I sit here, cold, hungry, tired and wondering how I got into this mess, thinking there is only one 'April Fool' in this house.

And it's me.

Eleven Years In This Flat

Eleven years to the day when I moved in to this flat. What a change from the London place. It took me a while to get used to this, although the couple downstairs with loud music for the first few days made it difficult. However they moved out, and as Easter Monday came upon us immediately, and I had to use those wee cards to pay for electricity which I did not have, I soon felt at home , cold, hungry and penny scraping. It was lonely, boring and I was not too happy. However, one day a few weeks later, I walked down 'The Avenue' and noticed the blue sky, birds singing and decided it was better than London after all.

Times of unemployment, which went on and on, temp work, packing work and later the Royal Mail job followed. Now the circle is complete as I am broke and unemployed again. Good things did occur. Nina being the best. What a wonderful woman she is. I thought she was ideal for me in every way, except regarding God. Her opinions were different. However she made me feel like a man, taught me about loving someone, and being loved, and I miss her still. No woman can replace her, and let's face it, none have wanted to.

So, eleven years on I find myself broke, unemployed, with no chance baby. Lonely for a woman, without a church to be involved in, no friends, no jobs, and staring bankruptcy in the face, if I can afford it. Are you depressed yet? Neither am I! I believe God still loves me. I just wish he would show me the way out of this mess. Happy anniversary........

I Told You it Couldn't get Worse!

I lied of course. This morning my delightful niece sent me a little note, black paper, silver pen, great for the postman's eyes that! She enclosed a pic of her two dogs, excellent photo it as at that.
Along with that came the 'Scots Magazine', and a brown envelope. As expected it meant my JSA has stopped. As I then went on to look up the money paid into the bank, so did my heart. Instead of £114 I got £49. Oooer, I thought. As I had calculated I had only £12 left to live on throughout April, this came as a surprise. I forgot I may not get the whole amount.

So I have done the only thing possible. Asked Jesus what to do? I am looking for the reply that brings a quick and pleasing answer. None has come. I am beginning to think that maybe he will not answer this one. I may have to take a job that puts pressure on my knee (and wallet) again. It is at times like this I wish I had been better educated,less lazy, and had some specific skill other than humping things (not people, that is not very skillful where I'm concerned). But if I cannot get one, or one quick enough, then what?

Is God behind this? If so, what is he saying to me? I wish I could hear, and knew what to do?
Interestingly I did a joke test this morning and discovered I was 73% Stupid.
Doh, I knew that already mate!

The test. http://www.stupidtester.com/index.php?ftrd