Looking for work is harder than working, especially when there are limits in what you can do.
So I buy the relevant papers, lookup the pertinent websites, and ask around, or network as they call it now, in order to see what might be available.
But depression is not far away.
Why? No matter how good or bad you are. No matter your age, talent, knowledge, experience and willingness there is always the problem that suitable employment just does not exist!
If you have a degree employers think you are 'over qualified for the job. If you are like me, you have not got enough qualifications! You can be to old or young, even though they will not say so now, too inexperienced, or wrongly experienced. There may be something you lack, in my case a driving license, or the distance is too much. Disability, as with my arthritic knee, will be a problem, however some look for a disabled employee to make it look like the company 'cares!'
And in the end, the money is poor. Round here anyway.
One major problem is caused by living in a small town. Even major cities can make job finding difficult, but little market towns leave little leeway for those with few skills.
So, if you know of a vacancy for a no nothing who likes photography, history, football (naturally) and is trained only in humping things, who is not keen on dealing with people, wants to work more or less on his own, is broke, can't drive, and is a headcase, please call!
I sit here in my depression, waiting.
Wednesday, 4 October 2006
Tuesday, 3 October 2006
Somerfields
Yesterday I went to Somerfields. I go there in the middle of the day because it is always empty. The poor quality of the goods and the cheap, off hand staff make it by far the least of the supermarkets in the town, if not the country! However it was mid morning when I turned up there. Lo and behold it was stuffed full of staff, all running around like headless chickens shelf filling! Never before have I seen so many workers in Somerfields.
The customer count was high also, with some folks doing the weekly, or is it monthly shop that morning. Imagine, buying every thing you need from this store! Jings! But here once again the true nature of the store showed through. While the chickens filled the shelves no-one bothered to serve the customers! Only two tills were opened, both staffed by unsmiling snails. Here also Somerfields absurd checkout system shows its weakness. The far too small, and clearly cheap, bags hang on rails at the end of the far too small checkout. While the goods pile up folks struggle to fill the bags and get on their way. This is excaberated by the fact that most are female, and as you know, slow at everything that requires simple logic
I headed for the cigarette kiosk where small baskets can be served. No quicker, and the glum fat sixteen year old, more intent on getting home to watch some imitation Oprah type programme, was doing her best while other staff bundled around beside her helping no-one and doing less.
Somerfields, the down market, less classy store! I wonder if they ever ask themselves why Tesco make a £billion half year profit eh?
The customer count was high also, with some folks doing the weekly, or is it monthly shop that morning. Imagine, buying every thing you need from this store! Jings! But here once again the true nature of the store showed through. While the chickens filled the shelves no-one bothered to serve the customers! Only two tills were opened, both staffed by unsmiling snails. Here also Somerfields absurd checkout system shows its weakness. The far too small, and clearly cheap, bags hang on rails at the end of the far too small checkout. While the goods pile up folks struggle to fill the bags and get on their way. This is excaberated by the fact that most are female, and as you know, slow at everything that requires simple logic
I headed for the cigarette kiosk where small baskets can be served. No quicker, and the glum fat sixteen year old, more intent on getting home to watch some imitation Oprah type programme, was doing her best while other staff bundled around beside her helping no-one and doing less.
Somerfields, the down market, less classy store! I wonder if they ever ask themselves why Tesco make a £billion half year profit eh?
Sunday, 24 September 2006
Neurotic Women
Why must women be so neurotic? Watching a Gran and daughter walk through a park with the six year old boy and his dog I got the impression this kid will never survive the year!
'Watch the road!' they yelled, even thought the road was a hundred yards away. 'Do this , do that!'When the kid was happily running around bothering no-one. I almost cried out 'Leave him alone you stupid women!' 'There is no danger so why the fuss?'
Such needless vexation just irritates the child, and could lead to long term damage. For one thing he is male. Therefore he will not think, act, or understand the world as they do. Will they comprehend this? I doubt it. Does he have a father? I wonder. Too many stupid girls get themselves pregnant, expect the state to provide for them, and raise a child in circumstances God did not intend. There are many unbalanced kids growing up and raising similar kids today because of such poor parenting. Of course not all kids suffer badly, nor do they all go wrong. Many turn out to be excellent citizens. But why is their life made harder by having a dysfunctional family from the beginning?
Mothers need to worry less. Today's mums do show their neurosis all to freely. In the past women recgnised the dangers and made sure kids did also. Now angst is the order of the day all to often. Why? Because they feel for the child as a mother should? No! Because they feel for themselves. It is not the child but them that counts. He is not a child brought into the world to be reared in the right way, he is an extension of her personality. This is not good. The child ought never to leave a mother, but has to be regarded as an individual, not a continuation of the mothers ego.
The answer? Mothers, and women in general need to spend less time reading magazines that feed their deep seated need to be reassured, and more time just getting on with it. Assurance will follow. It is the same for us all. It is the way for millions of women in deprived countries, who have a real need to worry. So why not here in our fat over developed land?
'Watch the road!' they yelled, even thought the road was a hundred yards away. 'Do this , do that!'When the kid was happily running around bothering no-one. I almost cried out 'Leave him alone you stupid women!' 'There is no danger so why the fuss?'
Such needless vexation just irritates the child, and could lead to long term damage. For one thing he is male. Therefore he will not think, act, or understand the world as they do. Will they comprehend this? I doubt it. Does he have a father? I wonder. Too many stupid girls get themselves pregnant, expect the state to provide for them, and raise a child in circumstances God did not intend. There are many unbalanced kids growing up and raising similar kids today because of such poor parenting. Of course not all kids suffer badly, nor do they all go wrong. Many turn out to be excellent citizens. But why is their life made harder by having a dysfunctional family from the beginning?
Mothers need to worry less. Today's mums do show their neurosis all to freely. In the past women recgnised the dangers and made sure kids did also. Now angst is the order of the day all to often. Why? Because they feel for the child as a mother should? No! Because they feel for themselves. It is not the child but them that counts. He is not a child brought into the world to be reared in the right way, he is an extension of her personality. This is not good. The child ought never to leave a mother, but has to be regarded as an individual, not a continuation of the mothers ego.
The answer? Mothers, and women in general need to spend less time reading magazines that feed their deep seated need to be reassured, and more time just getting on with it. Assurance will follow. It is the same for us all. It is the way for millions of women in deprived countries, who have a real need to worry. So why not here in our fat over developed land?
Friday, 22 September 2006
Uttar Pradesh Christians
India is a secular country, so why is it that Christians, and Muslims, suffer persecution?
The present government, the BJP, is a nationalist Hindu party. They see other religions as 'foreign' influence so do their best to oppose them. An anti Muslim feeling has of course been strong in India for a very long time. Independence in 1947 saw some terrible suffering for all peoples.
However in recent times the persecution of Christians has become a major problem. Churches, sometimes long established, come under fire in many ways. Buildings are vandalised, individuals are attacked, in some cases murder has been committed. If this causes difficulties for large churches in major cities, imagine the hassle endured by those in small towns or villages. Areas where authority is poor, or supports the transgressor. State governments and police often offer subtle support for such crimes. While many may keep to the rule of law,the law can be abused depending on the pressure from the top. Pressure from the top, that is local and state government, often comes. For instance in Uttar Pradesh false accusations are laid at the door of pastors. Some are charged with 'converting' people from one religion to another, a crime in some states. Lies and rumours are used to attack the churches. Little is reported in the press, local or national.
Why is the Indian government allowing such things to occur? How come other nations do not attack this abuse of human rights, at local and national level? Violence against Christians is not new, it has occurred since the beginning, but questions must be asked of the Indian nation as to its secular status.
Christians need to give more prayer help to those in Uttar Pradesh and the rest of India suffering such abuse. Governments need to pressure the BJP to live up to the constitution which they are supposed to uphold!
The present government, the BJP, is a nationalist Hindu party. They see other religions as 'foreign' influence so do their best to oppose them. An anti Muslim feeling has of course been strong in India for a very long time. Independence in 1947 saw some terrible suffering for all peoples.
However in recent times the persecution of Christians has become a major problem. Churches, sometimes long established, come under fire in many ways. Buildings are vandalised, individuals are attacked, in some cases murder has been committed. If this causes difficulties for large churches in major cities, imagine the hassle endured by those in small towns or villages. Areas where authority is poor, or supports the transgressor. State governments and police often offer subtle support for such crimes. While many may keep to the rule of law,the law can be abused depending on the pressure from the top. Pressure from the top, that is local and state government, often comes. For instance in Uttar Pradesh false accusations are laid at the door of pastors. Some are charged with 'converting' people from one religion to another, a crime in some states. Lies and rumours are used to attack the churches. Little is reported in the press, local or national.
Why is the Indian government allowing such things to occur? How come other nations do not attack this abuse of human rights, at local and national level? Violence against Christians is not new, it has occurred since the beginning, but questions must be asked of the Indian nation as to its secular status.
Christians need to give more prayer help to those in Uttar Pradesh and the rest of India suffering such abuse. Governments need to pressure the BJP to live up to the constitution which they are supposed to uphold!
Thursday, 21 September 2006
Job Search
This job search lark is a bind eh? I knew it would not be easy, especially with the leg limiting the work I can do, but even though the internet is a great help it remains a slog! I have just looked through several sites listing a wide variety of work vacancies, few which I could fill I may add, and now I am worn out! Maybe it is just because I am one of natures lazy folks, or maybe I have worn myself out just too much doing the last job I am not sure but this work search is hard work! So, I have searched the web, got the papers, asked all and sundry, and here I am, nowhere! Some things never change eh?
Soon I must report to the Employment folks, sign on and explain myself to the little corporals who infest those places. Then I will be free from their attention for another fortnight. Unless the disability man calls of course.
This disability thing is a laugh right enough. Throughout the nation there are folks who claim disability benefit while they have nothing whatsoever wrong with them! The benefit folks have been active though. Secret cameras have filmed 'injured' men with 'bad backs' working quite happily carrying heavy loads. Successful prosecutions have ended their benefits and made them pay large amounts back to the Benefit Agency. Quite right too! However, many who are on benefit now carry walking sticks, even though they do not need them! Just in case a camera is around when they are out! In some parts of the country I think such sticks must be a big seller for the local shops!
I am not that disabled though, just limited by the arthritis. No more lugging things for me!
Not that I am in a hurry to return to work I must say. This rest is great for me. How I needed it! I really need another two months of this before I go on a real thorough search for work. But for the moment I am content, as long as I have enough to keep me going. But it must be a new way off life. Something constructive and worthwhile. After all, at 55 this is my last chance to do something now!
************************************************************************************************
Soon I must report to the Employment folks, sign on and explain myself to the little corporals who infest those places. Then I will be free from their attention for another fortnight. Unless the disability man calls of course.
This disability thing is a laugh right enough. Throughout the nation there are folks who claim disability benefit while they have nothing whatsoever wrong with them! The benefit folks have been active though. Secret cameras have filmed 'injured' men with 'bad backs' working quite happily carrying heavy loads. Successful prosecutions have ended their benefits and made them pay large amounts back to the Benefit Agency. Quite right too! However, many who are on benefit now carry walking sticks, even though they do not need them! Just in case a camera is around when they are out! In some parts of the country I think such sticks must be a big seller for the local shops!
I am not that disabled though, just limited by the arthritis. No more lugging things for me!
Not that I am in a hurry to return to work I must say. This rest is great for me. How I needed it! I really need another two months of this before I go on a real thorough search for work. But for the moment I am content, as long as I have enough to keep me going. But it must be a new way off life. Something constructive and worthwhile. After all, at 55 this is my last chance to do something now!
************************************************************************************************
Tuesday, 19 September 2006
Muslims
Why is it Muslims get so excited these days? The Pope makes a comment re a 14th century king and riots break out throughout the Muslim world. Why? The Pope apologises, Muslim leaders accept this apology, yet political leaders in some Islamic states press for more. To me it seems to often Islam is used to benefit political endeavors and has nothing to do with religious concerns.
But in recent days we have had many agitations in the Muslim world. Danish cartoons were the cause of riots, now the Popes comments follow suit, Iraq and Afghanistan cause protests in many places. Why the outrage? If Jews, Christians or Hindus dislike things there are rarely such demonstrations, and those that occur are usually peaceable. Why do the recent demonstrations regarding a comment on 'Islam spread by violence' result in such violence? Posters calling for 'Death to infidels' cannot reflect well on Islam. Does 'Islam' not mean 'peace?'
Quite simply if Islam worldwide wants to be taken seriously and respected then it needs to change. Change in the sense of understanding the West, which it tends to regard as 'Christian,' a term that means nothing to most living in the West! You can have a Muslim country, but you cannot have a Christian country, you can only get Christian individuals. A huge difference and one not understood, nor explained to Islamic societies. A huge cultural gulf exists between Islam and the rest. It is time for islamic societies to comprehend better nations outside their own. It is possible, most Islamic immigrants to Western nations settle in well. Few would actually want to return to their, or their parents origins. That alone speaks volumes!
Islam will never back down, why? Because to many use it for their own ends. As in days of yore Christianity was often used in this way by political leaders, Spain in South America is just one obvious example, Islam is used this way today. In fact it always has been used this way. So the Roman Catholic Pope was right to say Islam was a violently spread religion. He forgot to add, so was the Roman Catholic!
Jesus does not spread his 'good news' by violence, but in the hearts of individuals. You cannot force people into true love and faith in the person of Jesus, it has to be offered freely. That, in itself, is harder than being forced to obey without thinking. The giving of the self, self denying, is the most difficult act any man can endure!
But in recent days we have had many agitations in the Muslim world. Danish cartoons were the cause of riots, now the Popes comments follow suit, Iraq and Afghanistan cause protests in many places. Why the outrage? If Jews, Christians or Hindus dislike things there are rarely such demonstrations, and those that occur are usually peaceable. Why do the recent demonstrations regarding a comment on 'Islam spread by violence' result in such violence? Posters calling for 'Death to infidels' cannot reflect well on Islam. Does 'Islam' not mean 'peace?'
Quite simply if Islam worldwide wants to be taken seriously and respected then it needs to change. Change in the sense of understanding the West, which it tends to regard as 'Christian,' a term that means nothing to most living in the West! You can have a Muslim country, but you cannot have a Christian country, you can only get Christian individuals. A huge difference and one not understood, nor explained to Islamic societies. A huge cultural gulf exists between Islam and the rest. It is time for islamic societies to comprehend better nations outside their own. It is possible, most Islamic immigrants to Western nations settle in well. Few would actually want to return to their, or their parents origins. That alone speaks volumes!
Islam will never back down, why? Because to many use it for their own ends. As in days of yore Christianity was often used in this way by political leaders, Spain in South America is just one obvious example, Islam is used this way today. In fact it always has been used this way. So the Roman Catholic Pope was right to say Islam was a violently spread religion. He forgot to add, so was the Roman Catholic!
Jesus does not spread his 'good news' by violence, but in the hearts of individuals. You cannot force people into true love and faith in the person of Jesus, it has to be offered freely. That, in itself, is harder than being forced to obey without thinking. The giving of the self, self denying, is the most difficult act any man can endure!
Monday, 18 September 2006
Female Historians
What is it about these females who think they are historians?
Why is it they always write about women, and always, 'feisty' or 'independent' or 'heroic' women? Are they studying history or themselves?
Not for one moment can it be said these women need their stories told to enlighten us about the past. Nothing in the many volumes produced in recent years changes our understanding of history. No, all we have is a desperate attempt by middle class lassies, who have never had a real job, to live out the prejudices built up during their formative years. The benefit to those girls working on Sainsburys checkout, delivering the post or driving lorries is hard to define.
The fulfilment in writing a book that satisfies one girls desire to right a wrong that never existed, except in her own mind, is a vacuous one.
Come on girls, write about a historical subject that is not an extension of your angst, but a subject that will enlighten us all, even if it will not sell to like minded middle class wasters!
*******************************************************************************
Why is it they always write about women, and always, 'feisty' or 'independent' or 'heroic' women? Are they studying history or themselves?
Not for one moment can it be said these women need their stories told to enlighten us about the past. Nothing in the many volumes produced in recent years changes our understanding of history. No, all we have is a desperate attempt by middle class lassies, who have never had a real job, to live out the prejudices built up during their formative years. The benefit to those girls working on Sainsburys checkout, delivering the post or driving lorries is hard to define.
The fulfilment in writing a book that satisfies one girls desire to right a wrong that never existed, except in her own mind, is a vacuous one.
Come on girls, write about a historical subject that is not an extension of your angst, but a subject that will enlighten us all, even if it will not sell to like minded middle class wasters!
*******************************************************************************
Friday, 15 September 2006
First Week of Unemployment Nearly Over
I am so glad I had this week. The pressure is off and I have had some rest. Never realised how tired I had become. The bug still lingers but another week will remove that. The job seeking begins in earnest today when I (at last) get to speak to someone in the job shop! I spoke on the phone to a central office on Monday, was called again the next day and asked more or less the same questions, and received the paperwork yesterday to check it over. Today I speak to what may be a human being. I suspect it will be a bored functionary with an agenda to remove me from their little list and fulfil their main object of paper pushing! If it looks good on paper folks upstairs will be happy, the effect on me means little! The numbers game matters more!
The questions, what can you do? Nothing. What skills? None. Hindrances? Bad leg, dumb, old. Have you considered becoming a suicide case maybe? This will be asked with official blank look.
In truth the future looks bleak but I am too dumb to realise it yet! So I plod along. Once the food runs out, the bills fail to be paid and I am dumped on the street then I may begin to think things are not going well. So while I collect together the vast quantities of paperwork I need for this heartless interrogation you sit back and enjoy the weight increasing as you stuff your fat mouth with foodstuffs you don't need. Don't worry about me, I can survive malnutrition.........
The questions, what can you do? Nothing. What skills? None. Hindrances? Bad leg, dumb, old. Have you considered becoming a suicide case maybe? This will be asked with official blank look.
In truth the future looks bleak but I am too dumb to realise it yet! So I plod along. Once the food runs out, the bills fail to be paid and I am dumped on the street then I may begin to think things are not going well. So while I collect together the vast quantities of paperwork I need for this heartless interrogation you sit back and enjoy the weight increasing as you stuff your fat mouth with foodstuffs you don't need. Don't worry about me, I can survive malnutrition.........
Thursday, 14 September 2006
Time
How lovely it is to have time! Without the requirement to rise at 3:40 a.m. there is the chance to stay awake and watch football, even at ten in the evening! Fantastic! By waking up at six I can face the day, well almost! It must be difficult for some to appreciate these simple things in life. But early risers will understand, and, if still rising early, be very jealous. The relaxation that comes without the requirement to work is just what I need!
The physical side of the job, coupled with my mental tiredness was playing havoc with my life. Bugs would not leave me, concentration was often difficult, energy lasted no longer than the Tuesday, and my temper did not manage that long! I want this rest period to continue for a month or two yet. I hope some money comes to ease the time mind you. Could this get boring? Will I actually miss meeting people? Time will tell. And I have lots that I can do. There is the feeble attempts at Latin, Russian and improving my written English which could be attended to. Many parts of this flat need attention, where is the Hoover anyway? I could even attempt to write things, and maybe see if I can produce something worth reading. I might attempt the J.Net lads today. They will stomach experiments. And be honest about them!
Of course I may even meet the lovely Blackberry Juniper at the weekend for a short while. Unless her man forbids it, or rain puts her off. We will see.
The physical side of the job, coupled with my mental tiredness was playing havoc with my life. Bugs would not leave me, concentration was often difficult, energy lasted no longer than the Tuesday, and my temper did not manage that long! I want this rest period to continue for a month or two yet. I hope some money comes to ease the time mind you. Could this get boring? Will I actually miss meeting people? Time will tell. And I have lots that I can do. There is the feeble attempts at Latin, Russian and improving my written English which could be attended to. Many parts of this flat need attention, where is the Hoover anyway? I could even attempt to write things, and maybe see if I can produce something worth reading. I might attempt the J.Net lads today. They will stomach experiments. And be honest about them!
Of course I may even meet the lovely Blackberry Juniper at the weekend for a short while. Unless her man forbids it, or rain puts her off. We will see.
Tuesday, 12 September 2006
Unemployed
Adullamite
So now begins a new life. Searching for a new job
But in truth I don't want one just now. I just want to sleep for two months and rest my knees. Then I want something worth doing!
So now begins a new life. Searching for a new job
But in truth I don't want one just now. I just want to sleep for two months and rest my knees. Then I want something worth doing!
Friday, 1 September 2006
Church Traditions
How many differing traditions there are in the church.
If we consider those churches holding to the basic truths of the Gospel we still find a wide variety of liturgy, worship, outfits, and procedures on show.
Should this be so? Would it not be better for all to do things the same way?
Well yes, but then we lose the many cultural differences that exist. And I refer here to the ones that do not clash with Gods ways. All cultures have good and bad.
For me, the simple way is best. No need for dressing up, no need for Episcopal heirachy, no need for anything but useful buildings. Simple, and straight forward is best. The way Jesus himself appeared.
Churches need authority and to cling to the truth. That way we appeal to the majority.
If we consider those churches holding to the basic truths of the Gospel we still find a wide variety of liturgy, worship, outfits, and procedures on show.
Should this be so? Would it not be better for all to do things the same way?
Well yes, but then we lose the many cultural differences that exist. And I refer here to the ones that do not clash with Gods ways. All cultures have good and bad.
For me, the simple way is best. No need for dressing up, no need for Episcopal heirachy, no need for anything but useful buildings. Simple, and straight forward is best. The way Jesus himself appeared.
Churches need authority and to cling to the truth. That way we appeal to the majority.
Tuesday, 15 August 2006
Some Days Later
So instead of completely falling apart sanity, of some sort returns.
Prayer to the living God works.
Naturally it meant changing my ways, removing the hate, and beginning to do things the right way.
Now there is movement in the secondary things. Possibly I may get the Medical Retirement I seek form work, just possibly. There is a chance the folks I objected to may be dealt with, in the future.
But mostly I have found a slight return to biblical fact! I had put Jesus aside, and let me take over.
The fear of being lost is great. I have no doubt about the existence of Hell. But I seem to forget everything during daily life. I can no longer keep Jesus in my head as it were during worktime, and forget him at most others also.
Thing is, he has put himself out for me many times, I have seen him acting for me in a wide variety of ways. Why then can I not throw myself into him? How come I hold back so often, and end up in a mess so much? Mentally I am too tired to make the effort, and physically this job is making that worse. So I need the job to end, and my mind to rest also.
But it is in the heart I need to give all to the one that really loves me.
Help me do this Jesus, help me truly 'worship' you now!
Prayer to the living God works.
Naturally it meant changing my ways, removing the hate, and beginning to do things the right way.
Now there is movement in the secondary things. Possibly I may get the Medical Retirement I seek form work, just possibly. There is a chance the folks I objected to may be dealt with, in the future.
But mostly I have found a slight return to biblical fact! I had put Jesus aside, and let me take over.
The fear of being lost is great. I have no doubt about the existence of Hell. But I seem to forget everything during daily life. I can no longer keep Jesus in my head as it were during worktime, and forget him at most others also.
Thing is, he has put himself out for me many times, I have seen him acting for me in a wide variety of ways. Why then can I not throw myself into him? How come I hold back so often, and end up in a mess so much? Mentally I am too tired to make the effort, and physically this job is making that worse. So I need the job to end, and my mind to rest also.
But it is in the heart I need to give all to the one that really loves me.
Help me do this Jesus, help me truly 'worship' you now!
Thursday, 10 August 2006
Falling Apart?
It seems I am falling apart. Every thing seems to go wrong. I look for an answer and the only answer is, it's your fault! As if I didn't know!
Last week God appeared to be so near. I prayed, began to study the book again, wanted to 'do' things and live the life. Suddenly I find someone at work a real bother. For hours it rankles and leaves me fretting. As this subsides others do the dirty on me at work. Not in a real malicious manner, but again I am so angry I let everybody know what little thought is in my mind! I think they hear..... This ruins my weekend. I am angry, and although I know I ought to just forgive and move on, I don't want to. I want to hurt them, badly! Back at work, vexed, the cloud continues. More trouble.
I have a problem with the knee, and have asked for early retirement so I can be paid off. After too long a wait this is refused. So, vexed from the circumstances around me I ask for medical retirement, and am yet to hear the result. I intended to leave even if I failed to be compensated.
However, it strikes me this company will be unwilling to pay. So I am unsure what to do. Then another situation strikes me. I look for help from the notoriously lazy and don't get it. I complain to management, and believe I have got a positive response. When I return later that day I am shocked to discover I have not. Hiding behind the unions lazybones gets his own way again!
Now I am still angry from other things, and forgiveness is far from me now. I decide that if refused a pay off I will stay and refuse to do work that interferes with the knee. A tribunal may be needed.
But that is the outward signs of my disposition. Inwardly I am angry and ready to yell at anyone, friend or foe. Consideration for others has long gone. Is it selfishness, spoiled brat syndrome, or what? Recent years have seen a tiredness creeping through my mind. This job has added to it. Now I have no resistance to such attitudes.
Once again I see myself for what I am. Small and worthless. Failure at everything, and surrounded by the studies, works and good intentions that litter my life and have never reached anything like fulfillment. The bible verse, 'I am a worm and no man' seems relevant.
I feel lost again. Far from Jesus, aware of his attitude and kindness to me, but not concerned with mending anything. It does seem every time I say OK God, let's go, that it goes wrong. Satan or God testing me? No need for either to do that, we know the result beforehand.
What to do? Run away? No money. No future either at this point. If I lose the job I have nothing but debt and little chance of another. Age and limited prospects see to that. Mind you, I would much rather just lie on my bed and sleep for a month to end this weariness that is with me always. Sleep, oh how I want to sleep!
Last week God appeared to be so near. I prayed, began to study the book again, wanted to 'do' things and live the life. Suddenly I find someone at work a real bother. For hours it rankles and leaves me fretting. As this subsides others do the dirty on me at work. Not in a real malicious manner, but again I am so angry I let everybody know what little thought is in my mind! I think they hear..... This ruins my weekend. I am angry, and although I know I ought to just forgive and move on, I don't want to. I want to hurt them, badly! Back at work, vexed, the cloud continues. More trouble.
I have a problem with the knee, and have asked for early retirement so I can be paid off. After too long a wait this is refused. So, vexed from the circumstances around me I ask for medical retirement, and am yet to hear the result. I intended to leave even if I failed to be compensated.
However, it strikes me this company will be unwilling to pay. So I am unsure what to do. Then another situation strikes me. I look for help from the notoriously lazy and don't get it. I complain to management, and believe I have got a positive response. When I return later that day I am shocked to discover I have not. Hiding behind the unions lazybones gets his own way again!
Now I am still angry from other things, and forgiveness is far from me now. I decide that if refused a pay off I will stay and refuse to do work that interferes with the knee. A tribunal may be needed.
But that is the outward signs of my disposition. Inwardly I am angry and ready to yell at anyone, friend or foe. Consideration for others has long gone. Is it selfishness, spoiled brat syndrome, or what? Recent years have seen a tiredness creeping through my mind. This job has added to it. Now I have no resistance to such attitudes.
Once again I see myself for what I am. Small and worthless. Failure at everything, and surrounded by the studies, works and good intentions that litter my life and have never reached anything like fulfillment. The bible verse, 'I am a worm and no man' seems relevant.
I feel lost again. Far from Jesus, aware of his attitude and kindness to me, but not concerned with mending anything. It does seem every time I say OK God, let's go, that it goes wrong. Satan or God testing me? No need for either to do that, we know the result beforehand.
What to do? Run away? No money. No future either at this point. If I lose the job I have nothing but debt and little chance of another. Age and limited prospects see to that. Mind you, I would much rather just lie on my bed and sleep for a month to end this weariness that is with me always. Sleep, oh how I want to sleep!
Wednesday, 2 August 2006
Work
I have to give up work. The doctor informed me that there is a touch of arthritis under the knee. Therefore I must give up the job. Being a postman with a lot of walking and short term cycling is doing the knee no good. Mind you, the state of the knees are not very good anyway. The climbing six story flats has left the knees aching. Since then things have got worse. Too many hills, steps, and strain on the knee have left it sore and now it is time to move on. So I have applied for the early retirement opportunity,but nothing seems to happen there. Maybe I ought to apply for medical retirement. It is important I get one or the other, otherwise I have no money to pay off the debts. I was smiling smugly a few weeks ago as I thought it would go through easily, but I was wrong. Now I fear I may get nothing, and leave soon I must! There are problems of course. I have no money, and debts to pay. At fifty five I have little chance of any other job in this small town. I am trained in things that need a strong knee! Hmmmmm, not looking good for an unemployable idiot eh? I am aware Jesus does not leave us, but am I following him? The things I am doing, are they what he wants? Am I really trusting him, or doing it myself?
Saturday, 29 July 2006
Cooler Air
So, cooler air is heading this way, behind the rain!
Yes let it come! We need it. But I have enjoyed the sunshine. Ninety degrees some days, out in it all the time. Good stuff, but in truth a bit much really. Burning hot and leaves my arms brown. From my elbows up everything is the normal peelywally white however! Global warming has its advantages and this is one of them, sunshine!
I look forward to working in heavy constant rain again. You have no idea how much fun that is!
( that's sarcasm by the way) Weather around the 70-80 degrees is the best I reckon. Hot enough to make you smile, but allows you to breathe! More of that this summer and I will be grateful.
Yes let it come! We need it. But I have enjoyed the sunshine. Ninety degrees some days, out in it all the time. Good stuff, but in truth a bit much really. Burning hot and leaves my arms brown. From my elbows up everything is the normal peelywally white however! Global warming has its advantages and this is one of them, sunshine!
I look forward to working in heavy constant rain again. You have no idea how much fun that is!
( that's sarcasm by the way) Weather around the 70-80 degrees is the best I reckon. Hot enough to make you smile, but allows you to breathe! More of that this summer and I will be grateful.
Sunday, 23 July 2006
Summer Rain
The aroma that hangs in the air after a few minutes of summer rain is a delight. The trees, shrubs, and flowers that look so good now scent the air. The heat quickly dies the wet streets and the air clears and breathing is easier once again. It always seems to me that rain in the evening leaves a much deeper, longer lasting fragrance. The 'cool of the day' after the heat of the sun is relaxing, and all seems well with the world.
Spring and Summer,the best parts of the year. How can people live in the far north among rain, constant cloud cover, or floating ice packs? Warmth for me every time!
Spring and Summer,the best parts of the year. How can people live in the far north among rain, constant cloud cover, or floating ice packs? Warmth for me every time!
Sunday, 16 July 2006
Israel and the Present Conflict
Hamas decision to kidnap an Israeli soldier was clearly intended to cause trouble. Did they do this in conjunction with Hezbollah? Their attack on an army post, killing three and kidnapping two others, was clearly planned in advance. Why? What was the point of disturbing the peace, such as it was? So far we have no real idea of the reasons, except hate of course, maybe we might never know.
Some see this from a biblical point of view. They will tell off the many prophecies concerning the last days, and cheerfully point out that Israel's return to the land God gave them is a fulfillment of one of these prophecies. Even more cheerfully, they will let you know only twenty remain to be fulfilled! Smile, your doomed!
For me, I believe the biblical prophecies will come true, God does not lie. However, for you and me it does not matter. Why? Because we could die tonight and not be around when it all explodes. Our task therefore is not to read into scripture, but to live it out! The end times, so beloved of many, are in the hands of our God, we merely have to live with him!
So, worry not about the end. Do not be infatuated with it either. But seek Christ now, love him, let him love you! Put aside all the things which entangle, money, sex, jobs, daily life. Put them aside in the sense of letting Jesus be first, and they second. This is where the cross comes in. For it is hard to do, but in the end it is worth it.
God is in control, glory to him!
Some see this from a biblical point of view. They will tell off the many prophecies concerning the last days, and cheerfully point out that Israel's return to the land God gave them is a fulfillment of one of these prophecies. Even more cheerfully, they will let you know only twenty remain to be fulfilled! Smile, your doomed!
For me, I believe the biblical prophecies will come true, God does not lie. However, for you and me it does not matter. Why? Because we could die tonight and not be around when it all explodes. Our task therefore is not to read into scripture, but to live it out! The end times, so beloved of many, are in the hands of our God, we merely have to live with him!
So, worry not about the end. Do not be infatuated with it either. But seek Christ now, love him, let him love you! Put aside all the things which entangle, money, sex, jobs, daily life. Put them aside in the sense of letting Jesus be first, and they second. This is where the cross comes in. For it is hard to do, but in the end it is worth it.
God is in control, glory to him!
Tuesday, 11 July 2006
Things You Miss
The view from the Edinburgh window was once something I missed so much. Looking north over the Forth the lights of Burntisland would glitter all night, ship would pass along the Forth giving life to the scene. The skies in late Autumn would be magnificent, and the only fault that could be found was the haar and rain that so often assails us there.
Londons view was to the East. Marvelous in the morning, the bright sun shining over the church opposite, crows circling above noisily chasing the occasional Kestrel. But in the afternoon it was dire. How I missed those Edinburgh skies!
Now, here in the wilds of Essex the view North brings lovely skies. It is understandable why Constable spent so much time painting clouds! When in London it is so hard to 'see' the sky! Here at least that is possible, and we do not realise how much daylight and space is needed in our lives. But the twinkling of lights in the distance is missing. No ships pass by in the distance, only the occasional ned yelling his way home.
I realise there are many things more important to some of us that we can miss. However, for me, the sight of a sky, an interesting view, makes life more attractive.
Londons view was to the East. Marvelous in the morning, the bright sun shining over the church opposite, crows circling above noisily chasing the occasional Kestrel. But in the afternoon it was dire. How I missed those Edinburgh skies!
Now, here in the wilds of Essex the view North brings lovely skies. It is understandable why Constable spent so much time painting clouds! When in London it is so hard to 'see' the sky! Here at least that is possible, and we do not realise how much daylight and space is needed in our lives. But the twinkling of lights in the distance is missing. No ships pass by in the distance, only the occasional ned yelling his way home.
I realise there are many things more important to some of us that we can miss. However, for me, the sight of a sky, an interesting view, makes life more attractive.
Saturday, 8 July 2006
62 Year Old Gives Birth
So a woman has had a child at sixty two years of age?
Should we rejoice? I think not. When she is Eightytwo, the child will be twenty. Instead of being a mother she will be a grandmother, or even a great grandmother! How very sad.
How sad a woman would put her selfish desires before care of the child.
This happens so often these days, and the child is just a prisoner of the circumstances.
Very sad.
Should we rejoice? I think not. When she is Eightytwo, the child will be twenty. Instead of being a mother she will be a grandmother, or even a great grandmother! How very sad.
How sad a woman would put her selfish desires before care of the child.
This happens so often these days, and the child is just a prisoner of the circumstances.
Very sad.
Sunday, 2 July 2006
What is England?
During Euro 96 the English nation discovered they had a flag! After many years of regarding the Union Flag as 'English' the St George's Cross was rediscovered as their own. Devolution, far too long in coming, had at last woken the English up to the idea that Britain was not 'England' but a 'United Kingdom.' Since then of course the cry has been for separation of The Scots from the English, not by the Scots, but by resentful Englishmen who dislike the idea of paying for devolution. The fact of abusing Scotland for three hundred years can be ignored of course, the abuse of Scots oil to feed an English governments policy problems is never mentioned!
However, while the occasional 'English National Party' springs up full of umbrage, the English nation begins to recapture what it is to be English. The only problem they have is knowing what 'being English' actually is! What is England?
Scots have their own idea of Scotland. A mythical land of mist covered hills and bagpipes, with drunk, drug abusers in the cities and a football team that should be at the highest level in the game, but isn't. Well, maybe. The Welsh are standing at this moment on hillsides singing their hearts out, well the men are anyway, the women are in bingo halls or shopping centres.
But what is 'England?'
The English do not know. Vast numbers of flags have flown from cars and vans, buses and bicycles for weeks. Shops and houses are bedecked with a multitude of the things, but is this 'England?' Or just a herd to enlist in?
The nation is split into two halves. North and South, with the bit in between neither one nor the other. The South East cares nothing for the rest, is overcrowded and affluent. The North West is overcrowded, full of violent drugs gangs and surrounded by wonderful countryside. The South West speaks a language all of it's own, and has a greater rainfall than Yorkshire, the Anglian region, while wealthy, is flat and ignored. What is England? Can it be found in poetry, either of the past or present? Shakespeare maybe, though he wrote only what was acceptable to the king or queen of the day. Historic buildings? War hero's? Sporting achievement? Irony? Attitude? What is England?
Do the English know, or do they even care enough to find out? What if they search for 'England' and find there is nothing there? Then what? Nationalism is only skin deep after all.
However, while the occasional 'English National Party' springs up full of umbrage, the English nation begins to recapture what it is to be English. The only problem they have is knowing what 'being English' actually is! What is England?
Scots have their own idea of Scotland. A mythical land of mist covered hills and bagpipes, with drunk, drug abusers in the cities and a football team that should be at the highest level in the game, but isn't. Well, maybe. The Welsh are standing at this moment on hillsides singing their hearts out, well the men are anyway, the women are in bingo halls or shopping centres.
But what is 'England?'
The English do not know. Vast numbers of flags have flown from cars and vans, buses and bicycles for weeks. Shops and houses are bedecked with a multitude of the things, but is this 'England?' Or just a herd to enlist in?
The nation is split into two halves. North and South, with the bit in between neither one nor the other. The South East cares nothing for the rest, is overcrowded and affluent. The North West is overcrowded, full of violent drugs gangs and surrounded by wonderful countryside. The South West speaks a language all of it's own, and has a greater rainfall than Yorkshire, the Anglian region, while wealthy, is flat and ignored. What is England? Can it be found in poetry, either of the past or present? Shakespeare maybe, though he wrote only what was acceptable to the king or queen of the day. Historic buildings? War hero's? Sporting achievement? Irony? Attitude? What is England?
Do the English know, or do they even care enough to find out? What if they search for 'England' and find there is nothing there? Then what? Nationalism is only skin deep after all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)