Tuesday 2 February 2021

Gormless Shopper...

This miserable repast is what counts for lunch today.  There have been many mistakes made in recent days, the major one being daft enough to stand on the weighing machine early in the morning, screaming "It's broken, I need a new one!" and discovering it was not broken after all.  The lack of exercise is taking it's toll.
Therefore, action was instigated, less fattening stuff eaten, fruit much used, and no difference recorded.  There are other problems however, as this eating regime does not supply sufficient nutrition to the brain and therefore results in strange effects.  
Here is an example of this.  Today, as the sun was waning at lunchtime, I crossed the park seeking exercise and whisky.  Our curate has at last found a church (five actually, all under him!) to accept him as Vicar, and we are all pleased about this.  Crossing the park, avoiding others, I made my way to Tesco and acquired a special whisky and a bottle of sherry.  I thought if he is a Vicar soon he will need to have a bottle on the table so he can offer this to those who do not drink, charity and thrift you see, all in one.  The queue was long at each checkout, so I headed to the self-service machines, which we love!  Now whisky in boxes (even if on offer as here) means you collect an empty box, thus detering thieves and making you wait while someone gets a box with a real bottle inside for you.  I got to the machine, it spat at me, I think I must have used this one before, and began the long operation of filling a bag.  First I gave the young chap the box to fill, then put the sherry through the machine and into the bag along with all the other stuff.  When he returned I thanked him, added the whisky and pressed 'Pay.'  Naturally it all went wrong.  Eventually, with a young lassies help, I paid, left and headed out.  As I left the shop the magic alarm bells rang for theft as I wandered through the door!  I carried on, all things being well and nobody responded.  Glad my fight with the self-service machine over I headed home for what you see was a substantial lunch.  
It was later that I realised a problem.  Around the sherry bottle was a large tag!  It appears that being concerned with the whisky, being malnourished, and being gormless, all at the same time, I had not noticed the electronic tag on the bottle, one which a checkout girl would have removed.  That explained the alarm bells when I left!  
What an idiot!
Back home I tried to undo the tag, this is not possible, and after several poor attempts I decided to leave it, drink the blasted stuff myself and get the man a bottle via the checkout later.  
Anyone for nutritious sherry....?        


5 comments:

the fly in the web said...

That is your reward for being thoughtful......a bottle of sherrry to yourself.
Eschew that fruit and water....you will make yourself ill.
Make a good Scotch broth with neck of lamb, pearl barley and plenty of veg. Nothing fattening there, especially if you put it in the fridge and take off any fat rising to the surface.
Or boiled beef if you can still buy salt beef in the U.K.....
Good stews will keep you warm and fed and won't put on the weight.
Just eschew half a loaf to eat with them.

Jenny Woolf said...

But you must admit it is lucky that they didn't run after you and arrest you. And you did get to drink the stuff. Look on the bright side! :)

The Padre said...

First Outing With Friends - Flipping Brilliant

Cheers

Dave said...

I think you really wanted the sherry for yourself. Great photo.

Adullamite said...

Fly, A kind of broth may be made at the weekend. Salt beef may be found in Jewish areas.

Jenny, The security was busy atthe other end! Simple, but embaressing to sort out. Sherry is stronger than I thought!

Padre, Any outings a good one these days.

Dave, Sadly, I have no choice...