Public Transport

The sky was blue and the sun shone brightly as I trundled unwillingly down to the station this morning.  While I usually enjoy these little journeys into the big city it was a tired grumbling lump that joined the grumbling queue at the ticket desk. The usual cheery efficient member of staff passed me my tickets and called me "Sir," something I am not used to. As I approached the 12 coach train, a normal length at commuter time, I chose an empty compartment towards the front, and as I reached the door two men came from the small covered shelter to the side.  One moved to a door behind and the second followed me on. He murmured some words, as some people occasionally do, but I thought nothing of this grabbing the free 'Metro' that lay on a  seat intending to merely flick through it, and chose a filthy seat at the front. The coach was empty yet this man, muttering about seating, chose to sit on the other side opposite me, still talking. 


"Hmmm" I thought, "a talker," and suddenly became interested in the news I found in front of me.  Now some folks on trains share a few words as they settle into the journey and some choose to talk like an old women, this was one of they!  I remembered the hour long discussion of 'Uncle Joe's toe' on the bus that time and buried my head in the paper. Buried being the word as my glasses are meant for distance and not close up.  I pushed them to the end of my Romanesque nose and used my short sight to read the paper from three inches from the print.  I noticed my neighbour glare and turn to his (Paid for) paper.  I continued to remain absorbed in the adventures of glossily dressed female 'pop' singers, actors with well paid dentists, African 'spiritual healers' with 'POWER,' and women who wished me to call them at 35pence a minute (they say) for a friendly chat. I also then realised why the other fellow from the platform shelter entered by a different door!  Now in my world a train journey gives a great opportunity to see the world.  Trains not only give you countryside but also show you those backyards and hidden places normally missed during our lives and some of us like looking into the back end of industrial estates, peoples gardens and sometimes their windows! The view on some lines can be spectacular, on others merely interesting, so why do some folks insist on talking in very loud voices about last nights' "X" Factor' or Simon Callow show?  Do we really need to know about 'Uncle Joe's toe' while outside the sun shines, horses trot and the occasional sheep stares at the train as it passes.  (The horrid thought strikes me that some on my train may not know that sheep provide their Sunday lunch!)  But I digress. As we approached my station I concentrated on the football league divisions, all of them!  Crawley Town top League two at the moment, did you know?  As the train slowly, oh so slowly, round the bend I concentrated on the Welsh League, Llanelli doing well aint they? Soon we arrived and as I rose my talker glared at me again, I forgot to smile back.  Now I rarely object to sharing a few pleasantries, but an old woman man was not what I required today. Being friendly surely includes not talking too much as well as too little?  I felt a little guilty but I suspect he will soon have bored the pants of those who joined after I left.


Business done I returned to the station and headed home.  Sharing a friendly word with the bored guard at the entrance I noticed a train for Liverpool St standing there.  Would it stop at my stop I wondered?  As is typical on that strangely laid out station there was no screen at that point to find out, so I, along with several others, jumped on. Nowadays all trains play passenger announcements. A lass with a 'come on voice' will inform you, as if speaking into your ear that "The next stop will be Witham." With that town being the delightful London overspill that it is she might as well say "The next stop will be Kabul!"  As she gives you her 'come on' voice a message runs along the narrow indicator informing the deaf the name of the next stop.  All good information and a credit to the railway company! Naturally today this did not happen. No voice was heard and the scrolling message simply stated 'This train is for Liverpool St.' A cold thrill ran through me as I saw myself at Liverpool St station fifty minutes hence attempting to explain to several large National Express Gestapo officers my plight. However we did in fact stop at the usual stations and I relaxed.


I would have relaxed more but for the one thing worse than a talker, a ned with headphones!  The gentle hum of the modern train was accompanied by a 'shish shish shish,' from behind.  I look at my watch and wonder if I, or any other passenger, can avoid decapitating the cretin before the next stop.  I like music, I like loud music, but I do not like meaningless 'shish shish shish,' while observing the world pass me by (as it often does). Would you believe that two more young neds were found on the second train? Surely murder is acceptable in such circumstances?  I changed trains and hung about the platform for an age while awaiting the second journey.  The sky was blue, the wind chill factor high, but although my fingers began to freeze I enjoyed watching the trains pass by.  I loved the other recorded not so sexy voiced lassies announcement that "The train approaching platform 3 does not stop here," which begins as the train is already a third of the way up the platform at 80 miles an hour!  Which brings me to the notice. Those notices, small yellow things, which inform the reader to 'Keep back from platform edge,' and helpfully inform that "Passing trains cause air turbulence, Stand behind yellow line." Now at first sight this appears sensible, but as I read this the yellow line was behind me.  If I then stood behind it I would have found myself sitting on top of a 'Sealand' container and half way to Felixstowe!  Tsk, these signs need to explain the point better I say.  You would be disappointed if I was to end up on the 3:45 and be found half dead in Shanghai wouldn't you?  What...? oh!






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