Heart of Midlothian

Once again we see this great football club in a spin!
Romanov, who has always been 'different' in his approach, may have gone too far this time.
Pressley, Gordon and Hartley appear at a press conference and the talk is of 'player unrest.'
Too many mediocre east European players coming in, and this at a time when the squad has never been so strong! Vlads intention to raise young Lithuanians and sell them on is a dud! They are just not good enough. No matter how many Russian coaches he produces they will never replace what is already there!

Will he stay? Yes. Will things improve? Who knows.
Another typical day at Tynecastle!

Strange Flu Symptoms

My friend Blackberry Juniper has been suffering from the strange flu like symptoms that have arisen in recent years. Colds and flu used to arrive in their time, destroy your life for a while, then move on. Now the bug arrives, and lingers. One day, or more, in the throat. One day, or more, in the head. Slowly it moves around the body affecting various parts with malady. This goes on so long that I have suffered one bug for a time and it has rolled into the next one. Why?
Is there a reason for this new style cold? It cannot in truth be called flu, even though we use that name. But it debilitates, causes suffering, and is a nuisance. Symptoms can be dealt with, sometimes. But the disease just will not end!

The Cave of Adullam

The sun shining in the cave opening brightens the whole place. Sunshine, in the worst of circumstances, cheers all things. What a great invention! However, looking round into the hidden depths the environment is far more gloomy. Cobwebs hang in the corners, whole generations of spiders have made their homes here undisturbed. The dank air is suffused with the odour of ageing onion leftovers, the traditional British foodstuff curry, and a wide variety of human foulers that need not be mentioned here!
The rusting washing machine, in good working order until the handle came off, sits sullenly in a recess. The trouble and stress required to have running water installed, or electricity and gas knows no equal. Utility companies, especially privatised money greedy ones, have no concern for 'service' of any kind. A disgrace began by Maggie Thatcher and her money obsessed friends! What passes for a kitchen lies deep under a crust off fallen breadcrumbs, left over pasta, tattie peelings, empty rusting tins, and so on. All coloured by a variety of splashes of sauces which now energetically are turning a bright green with the mould. Maybe I should start a penicillin factory?
The video recorder, which doesn't record, the wireless, with an out of control volume knob, and the broken community of PC's lie covered in a thick gray dust. Newspapers, colour supplements and half read books cover the floor. Mice hold parties in one of the tunnels to the left. Beasties of all sort crawl, wriggle and slime their way around the walls.
It's true what they say. There is no place like home! Well, when the sun shines.

Sick!

Why am I always sick?
I'm convinced these cold symptoms have been with me since 1987! Constantly I am assailed by a bug in the head, or throat or somewhere. An underlying tiredness comes and goes with amazing regularity. WHY? I have tried all the usual things, and one or two unusual, which I won't go into! But again I find myself down with this virus! In days of yore a cold came, caused deathly suffering, and went in three days! Now it comes one long lasting symptom after another and starts after the previous one has just gone.
Good job I'm not one to comlpain.
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Madonna adopts a child from Africa. I hope she does this for the child's sake and not her own. I wonder if the better idea would be to spend some of her wealth enabling the child, and others, to be brought up in their own country? Too often the woman's emotions rule the head. When the woman is a celebrity I think questions need to be asked.
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Think on this. God creates us. Because he is perfect we cannot be near him, so he gives his Son to die for us, as a substitution. Many respond to this grace, and struggling maybe, find a new satisfying life. So how come with all I know, and with all the grace I have received, how come I am so bad? I still want you God. But, well....but......you know.

Writing

This writing lark is not as easy as it looks. I wrote a small item for some friends and when I looked it over I had to make one or two changes. It took several days to complete those changes! As I wrote all seemed well, but later the wonderful text turned into total drivel! Similar happenings occur when I am lying half asleep in my bed. In my mind I write wonderful articles full of drive, inspiration and constructive thinking. By the time I reach the keyboard this has dissipated faster than an ice cream in the desert! Where does it go?
A year or so back I started to write my tome on the Great War. It naturally got forgotten in the rush to make a living and find sufficient sleep at the same time. When it came back to my attention I could not believe what a load of rubbish stared me in the face! I reckon someone had sabotaged my effort!
If you have stumbled through this I congratulate you. I tell you I am not going to re-read it, just in case.

Press Coverage

Never fails to amaze me how the press twist things to suit themselves. Football reporting is the clearest example of tabloid spin imaginable! If the team win by a lucky goal they may well be called 'all conquering' but if they lose that way it is 'shockingly poor!'
Last night England (always shockingly poor it has to be said) lost a second goal from a back pass that bobbled past the keeper. Today it is called 'His mistake' or 'blunder.' But it was neither a blunder or a mistake. Just one of those things that happen. The fact that England are rank rotten (amen) is ignored so long as one man can take the blame. Poor journalism!
Scotland meanwhile did Ok against the Ukraine. However the refs dodgy decisions undid us at the end. No way should Pressley have been sent off. No way was Shevchenkos dive a penalty! But the English press will concentrate on Scotland being beat, not Scotland losing!
Overall while the English struggle to accept they are not one of the worlds top sides, and never have been, Scotlands slow progress from the past few years continues. While there is a long way to go hope is there for the future. The young Scotland sides, Under 19s, 16s etc are doing well.
For us the way is up. Until England accept their failings and lose the needless unjustified arrogance they have only failure ahead. Failure and a long line of scapegoats no doubt.

Some journalists exist. Why is football lacking in them? Why is there so little good football writing? The fanzines of the recent past showed that some folks out there could write. How come the press ignore this and concentrate on 'loving' or 'hating' individuals or clubs?
We deserve better.
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Good also to see the two Irish sides ad Wales sorting themselves out. Northern Ireland in particular are doing well for such a small nation.

Withholding Self From Jesus

For far too many years Jesus has loved me.
For far too many years I have found myself withholding my self from him!
After all he has done, after all those answers to prayer, all the reaching out to me, I sit here in the Adullam cave, keeping myself, and merely existing.
It is one thing when among Gods people to respond, one thing when the Holy Spirit moves on me, but another thing altogether when early morning comes. Then I hold me tight. I want to follow my way. Work may call, things to be done, places to visit, fun to have and Jesus can wait, sometimes for days.
Many times he has been here. Close and real. But have I not clammed up within myself? Have I not withheld my self, me, from him? I use logic and realise I must let go to him. I work it out in my mind, and understand the situation, but hang back. He yearns for my love. He gets offhand responses, unless I am in trouble of course!

Jesus, why must I be like this? I must let go, I must let you, I must..... But I sit in the cave, empty.
I have me, and nothing but....

Muslim veils

Should Muslim women wear veils in the UK?
Well now I think about it the wearing of such veils seems wrong to me. It sets up a barrier between the woman and the world around her. Worse, some wear the vile not because they want to, but because their man dictates that they do. To me that is wrong! It is one thing for a man to want his wife to do something, it is another when she is just an object that belongs to him, as it appears to often to be the case with some immigrant attitudes.
For many years the UK policy has been 'diversity.' That is, encouraging folks who come here to be themselves and feel welcome. However, far too many have misused this, and incomers have become more important than the indigenous population! No wonder the BNP find a following!
It is time people were treated equally and as 'people' not objects! Immigrants ought to learn the so called 'British way of life.' By doing this they, as the majority are already doing, are able to keep most of the lifestyle they have left and enjoy the fruits of work in this nation. Very good too!
But some seem determined to live their way, and claim racism when they are opposed. Too bad I say. These are the vociferous minority, and must be listened to, but disagreed with. One sign of such people is the vile. It is not a Muslim religious necessity, but a cultural one, and as this is not British culture it needs removal!
Democratic we may be, but pragmatism in all things is needful.
Should Muslims be free to follow Islam? Yes! But the veil should be removed, now!

Hard Work Looking For Work!

Looking for work is harder than working, especially when there are limits in what you can do.
So I buy the relevant papers, lookup the pertinent websites, and ask around, or network as they call it now, in order to see what might be available.
But depression is not far away.
Why? No matter how good or bad you are. No matter your age, talent, knowledge, experience and willingness there is always the problem that suitable employment just does not exist!
If you have a degree employers think you are 'over qualified for the job. If you are like me, you have not got enough qualifications! You can be to old or young, even though they will not say so now, too inexperienced, or wrongly experienced. There may be something you lack, in my case a driving license, or the distance is too much. Disability, as with my arthritic knee, will be a problem, however some look for a disabled employee to make it look like the company 'cares!'
And in the end, the money is poor. Round here anyway.
One major problem is caused by living in a small town. Even major cities can make job finding difficult, but little market towns leave little leeway for those with few skills.
So, if you know of a vacancy for a no nothing who likes photography, history, football (naturally) and is trained only in humping things, who is not keen on dealing with people, wants to work more or less on his own, is broke, can't drive, and is a headcase, please call!
I sit here in my depression, waiting.

Somerfields

Yesterday I went to Somerfields. I go there in the middle of the day because it is always empty. The poor quality of the goods and the cheap, off hand staff make it by far the least of the supermarkets in the town, if not the country! However it was mid morning when I turned up there. Lo and behold it was stuffed full of staff, all running around like headless chickens shelf filling! Never before have I seen so many workers in Somerfields.
The customer count was high also, with some folks doing the weekly, or is it monthly shop that morning. Imagine, buying every thing you need from this store! Jings! But here once again the true nature of the store showed through. While the chickens filled the shelves no-one bothered to serve the customers! Only two tills were opened, both staffed by unsmiling snails. Here also Somerfields absurd checkout system shows its weakness. The far too small, and clearly cheap, bags hang on rails at the end of the far too small checkout. While the goods pile up folks struggle to fill the bags and get on their way. This is excaberated by the fact that most are female, and as you know, slow at everything that requires simple logic
I headed for the cigarette kiosk where small baskets can be served. No quicker, and the glum fat sixteen year old, more intent on getting home to watch some imitation Oprah type programme, was doing her best while other staff bundled around beside her helping no-one and doing less.
Somerfields, the down market, less classy store! I wonder if they ever ask themselves why Tesco make a £billion half year profit eh?

Neurotic Women

Why must women be so neurotic? Watching a Gran and daughter walk through a park with the six year old boy and his dog I got the impression this kid will never survive the year!
'Watch the road!' they yelled, even thought the road was a hundred yards away. 'Do this , do that!'When the kid was happily running around bothering no-one. I almost cried out 'Leave him alone you stupid women!' 'There is no danger so why the fuss?'
Such needless vexation just irritates the child, and could lead to long term damage. For one thing he is male. Therefore he will not think, act, or understand the world as they do. Will they comprehend this? I doubt it. Does he have a father? I wonder. Too many stupid girls get themselves pregnant, expect the state to provide for them, and raise a child in circumstances God did not intend. There are many unbalanced kids growing up and raising similar kids today because of such poor parenting. Of course not all kids suffer badly, nor do they all go wrong. Many turn out to be excellent citizens. But why is their life made harder by having a dysfunctional family from the beginning?
Mothers need to worry less. Today's mums do show their neurosis all to freely. In the past women recgnised the dangers and made sure kids did also. Now angst is the order of the day all to often. Why? Because they feel for the child as a mother should? No! Because they feel for themselves. It is not the child but them that counts. He is not a child brought into the world to be reared in the right way, he is an extension of her personality. This is not good. The child ought never to leave a mother, but has to be regarded as an individual, not a continuation of the mothers ego.
The answer? Mothers, and women in general need to spend less time reading magazines that feed their deep seated need to be reassured, and more time just getting on with it. Assurance will follow. It is the same for us all. It is the way for millions of women in deprived countries, who have a real need to worry. So why not here in our fat over developed land?

Uttar Pradesh Christians

India is a secular country, so why is it that Christians, and Muslims, suffer persecution?
The present government, the BJP, is a nationalist Hindu party. They see other religions as 'foreign' influence so do their best to oppose them. An anti Muslim feeling has of course been strong in India for a very long time. Independence in 1947 saw some terrible suffering for all peoples.
However in recent times the persecution of Christians has become a major problem. Churches, sometimes long established, come under fire in many ways. Buildings are vandalised, individuals are attacked, in some cases murder has been committed. If this causes difficulties for large churches in major cities, imagine the hassle endured by those in small towns or villages. Areas where authority is poor, or supports the transgressor. State governments and police often offer subtle support for such crimes. While many may keep to the rule of law,the law can be abused depending on the pressure from the top. Pressure from the top, that is local and state government, often comes. For instance in Uttar Pradesh false accusations are laid at the door of pastors. Some are charged with 'converting' people from one religion to another, a crime in some states. Lies and rumours are used to attack the churches. Little is reported in the press, local or national.
Why is the Indian government allowing such things to occur? How come other nations do not attack this abuse of human rights, at local and national level? Violence against Christians is not new, it has occurred since the beginning, but questions must be asked of the Indian nation as to its secular status.
Christians need to give more prayer help to those in Uttar Pradesh and the rest of India suffering such abuse. Governments need to pressure the BJP to live up to the constitution which they are supposed to uphold!

Job Search

This job search lark is a bind eh? I knew it would not be easy, especially with the leg limiting the work I can do, but even though the internet is a great help it remains a slog! I have just looked through several sites listing a wide variety of work vacancies, few which I could fill I may add, and now I am worn out! Maybe it is just because I am one of natures lazy folks, or maybe I have worn myself out just too much doing the last job I am not sure but this work search is hard work! So, I have searched the web, got the papers, asked all and sundry, and here I am, nowhere! Some things never change eh?

Soon I must report to the Employment folks, sign on and explain myself to the little corporals who infest those places. Then I will be free from their attention for another fortnight. Unless the disability man calls of course.
This disability thing is a laugh right enough. Throughout the nation there are folks who claim disability benefit while they have nothing whatsoever wrong with them! The benefit folks have been active though. Secret cameras have filmed 'injured' men with 'bad backs' working quite happily carrying heavy loads. Successful prosecutions have ended their benefits and made them pay large amounts back to the Benefit Agency. Quite right too! However, many who are on benefit now carry walking sticks, even though they do not need them! Just in case a camera is around when they are out! In some parts of the country I think such sticks must be a big seller for the local shops!
I am not that disabled though, just limited by the arthritis. No more lugging things for me!
Not that I am in a hurry to return to work I must say. This rest is great for me. How I needed it! I really need another two months of this before I go on a real thorough search for work. But for the moment I am content, as long as I have enough to keep me going. But it must be a new way off life. Something constructive and worthwhile. After all, at 55 this is my last chance to do something now!

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Muslims

Why is it Muslims get so excited these days? The Pope makes a comment re a 14th century king and riots break out throughout the Muslim world. Why? The Pope apologises, Muslim leaders accept this apology, yet political leaders in some Islamic states press for more. To me it seems to often Islam is used to benefit political endeavors and has nothing to do with religious concerns.
But in recent days we have had many agitations in the Muslim world. Danish cartoons were the cause of riots, now the Popes comments follow suit, Iraq and Afghanistan cause protests in many places. Why the outrage? If Jews, Christians or Hindus dislike things there are rarely such demonstrations, and those that occur are usually peaceable. Why do the recent demonstrations regarding a comment on 'Islam spread by violence' result in such violence? Posters calling for 'Death to infidels' cannot reflect well on Islam. Does 'Islam' not mean 'peace?'
Quite simply if Islam worldwide wants to be taken seriously and respected then it needs to change. Change in the sense of understanding the West, which it tends to regard as 'Christian,' a term that means nothing to most living in the West! You can have a Muslim country, but you cannot have a Christian country, you can only get Christian individuals. A huge difference and one not understood, nor explained to Islamic societies. A huge cultural gulf exists between Islam and the rest. It is time for islamic societies to comprehend better nations outside their own. It is possible, most Islamic immigrants to Western nations settle in well. Few would actually want to return to their, or their parents origins. That alone speaks volumes!

Islam will never back down, why? Because to many use it for their own ends. As in days of yore Christianity was often used in this way by political leaders, Spain in South America is just one obvious example, Islam is used this way today. In fact it always has been used this way. So the Roman Catholic Pope was right to say Islam was a violently spread religion. He forgot to add, so was the Roman Catholic!

Jesus does not spread his 'good news' by violence, but in the hearts of individuals. You cannot force people into true love and faith in the person of Jesus, it has to be offered freely. That, in itself, is harder than being forced to obey without thinking. The giving of the self, self denying, is the most difficult act any man can endure!

Female Historians

What is it about these females who think they are historians?
Why is it they always write about women, and always, 'feisty' or 'independent' or 'heroic' women? Are they studying history or themselves?
Not for one moment can it be said these women need their stories told to enlighten us about the past. Nothing in the many volumes produced in recent years changes our understanding of history. No, all we have is a desperate attempt by middle class lassies, who have never had a real job, to live out the prejudices built up during their formative years. The benefit to those girls working on Sainsburys checkout, delivering the post or driving lorries is hard to define.
The fulfilment in writing a book that satisfies one girls desire to right a wrong that never existed, except in her own mind, is a vacuous one.
Come on girls, write about a historical subject that is not an extension of your angst, but a subject that will enlighten us all, even if it will not sell to like minded middle class wasters!

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First Week of Unemployment Nearly Over

I am so glad I had this week. The pressure is off and I have had some rest. Never realised how tired I had become. The bug still lingers but another week will remove that. The job seeking begins in earnest today when I (at last) get to speak to someone in the job shop! I spoke on the phone to a central office on Monday, was called again the next day and asked more or less the same questions, and received the paperwork yesterday to check it over. Today I speak to what may be a human being. I suspect it will be a bored functionary with an agenda to remove me from their little list and fulfil their main object of paper pushing! If it looks good on paper folks upstairs will be happy, the effect on me means little! The numbers game matters more!
The questions, what can you do? Nothing. What skills? None. Hindrances? Bad leg, dumb, old. Have you considered becoming a suicide case maybe? This will be asked with official blank look.

In truth the future looks bleak but I am too dumb to realise it yet! So I plod along. Once the food runs out, the bills fail to be paid and I am dumped on the street then I may begin to think things are not going well. So while I collect together the vast quantities of paperwork I need for this heartless interrogation you sit back and enjoy the weight increasing as you stuff your fat mouth with foodstuffs you don't need. Don't worry about me, I can survive malnutrition.........

Time

How lovely it is to have time! Without the requirement to rise at 3:40 a.m. there is the chance to stay awake and watch football, even at ten in the evening! Fantastic! By waking up at six I can face the day, well almost! It must be difficult for some to appreciate these simple things in life. But early risers will understand, and, if still rising early, be very jealous. The relaxation that comes without the requirement to work is just what I need!
The physical side of the job, coupled with my mental tiredness was playing havoc with my life. Bugs would not leave me, concentration was often difficult, energy lasted no longer than the Tuesday, and my temper did not manage that long! I want this rest period to continue for a month or two yet. I hope some money comes to ease the time mind you. Could this get boring? Will I actually miss meeting people? Time will tell. And I have lots that I can do. There is the feeble attempts at Latin, Russian and improving my written English which could be attended to. Many parts of this flat need attention, where is the Hoover anyway? I could even attempt to write things, and maybe see if I can produce something worth reading. I might attempt the J.Net lads today. They will stomach experiments. And be honest about them!
Of course I may even meet the lovely Blackberry Juniper at the weekend for a short while. Unless her man forbids it, or rain puts her off. We will see.

Unemployed

Adullamite


So now begins a new life. Searching for a new job
But in truth I don't want one just now. I just want to sleep for two months and rest my knees. Then I want something worth doing!

Church Traditions

How many differing traditions there are in the church.
If we consider those churches holding to the basic truths of the Gospel we still find a wide variety of liturgy, worship, outfits, and procedures on show.
Should this be so? Would it not be better for all to do things the same way?
Well yes, but then we lose the many cultural differences that exist. And I refer here to the ones that do not clash with Gods ways. All cultures have good and bad.
For me, the simple way is best. No need for dressing up, no need for Episcopal heirachy, no need for anything but useful buildings. Simple, and straight forward is best. The way Jesus himself appeared.
Churches need authority and to cling to the truth. That way we appeal to the majority.

Some Days Later

So instead of completely falling apart sanity, of some sort returns.
Prayer to the living God works.
Naturally it meant changing my ways, removing the hate, and beginning to do things the right way.
Now there is movement in the secondary things. Possibly I may get the Medical Retirement I seek form work, just possibly. There is a chance the folks I objected to may be dealt with, in the future.
But mostly I have found a slight return to biblical fact! I had put Jesus aside, and let me take over.

The fear of being lost is great. I have no doubt about the existence of Hell. But I seem to forget everything during daily life. I can no longer keep Jesus in my head as it were during worktime, and forget him at most others also.

Thing is, he has put himself out for me many times, I have seen him acting for me in a wide variety of ways. Why then can I not throw myself into him? How come I hold back so often, and end up in a mess so much? Mentally I am too tired to make the effort, and physically this job is making that worse. So I need the job to end, and my mind to rest also.
But it is in the heart I need to give all to the one that really loves me.
Help me do this Jesus, help me truly 'worship' you now!

Falling Apart?

It seems I am falling apart. Every thing seems to go wrong. I look for an answer and the only answer is, it's your fault! As if I didn't know!
Last week God appeared to be so near. I prayed, began to study the book again, wanted to 'do' things and live the life. Suddenly I find someone at work a real bother. For hours it rankles and leaves me fretting. As this subsides others do the dirty on me at work. Not in a real malicious manner, but again I am so angry I let everybody know what little thought is in my mind! I think they hear..... This ruins my weekend. I am angry, and although I know I ought to just forgive and move on, I don't want to. I want to hurt them, badly! Back at work, vexed, the cloud continues. More trouble.
I have a problem with the knee, and have asked for early retirement so I can be paid off. After too long a wait this is refused. So, vexed from the circumstances around me I ask for medical retirement, and am yet to hear the result. I intended to leave even if I failed to be compensated.
However, it strikes me this company will be unwilling to pay. So I am unsure what to do. Then another situation strikes me. I look for help from the notoriously lazy and don't get it. I complain to management, and believe I have got a positive response. When I return later that day I am shocked to discover I have not. Hiding behind the unions lazybones gets his own way again!
Now I am still angry from other things, and forgiveness is far from me now. I decide that if refused a pay off I will stay and refuse to do work that interferes with the knee. A tribunal may be needed.

But that is the outward signs of my disposition. Inwardly I am angry and ready to yell at anyone, friend or foe. Consideration for others has long gone. Is it selfishness, spoiled brat syndrome, or what? Recent years have seen a tiredness creeping through my mind. This job has added to it. Now I have no resistance to such attitudes.

Once again I see myself for what I am. Small and worthless. Failure at everything, and surrounded by the studies, works and good intentions that litter my life and have never reached anything like fulfillment. The bible verse, 'I am a worm and no man' seems relevant.

I feel lost again. Far from Jesus, aware of his attitude and kindness to me, but not concerned with mending anything. It does seem every time I say OK God, let's go, that it goes wrong. Satan or God testing me? No need for either to do that, we know the result beforehand.
What to do? Run away? No money. No future either at this point. If I lose the job I have nothing but debt and little chance of another. Age and limited prospects see to that. Mind you, I would much rather just lie on my bed and sleep for a month to end this weariness that is with me always. Sleep, oh how I want to sleep!

Work

I have to give up work. The doctor informed me that there is a touch of arthritis under the knee. Therefore I must give up the job. Being a postman with a lot of walking and short term cycling is doing the knee no good. Mind you, the state of the knees are not very good anyway. The climbing six story flats has left the knees aching. Since then things have got worse. Too many hills, steps, and strain on the knee have left it sore and now it is time to move on. So I have applied for the early retirement opportunity,but nothing seems to happen there. Maybe I ought to apply for medical retirement. It is important I get one or the other, otherwise I have no money to pay off the debts. I was smiling smugly a few weeks ago as I thought it would go through easily, but I was wrong. Now I fear I may get nothing, and leave soon I must! There are problems of course. I have no money, and debts to pay. At fifty five I have little chance of any other job in this small town. I am trained in things that need a strong knee! Hmmmmm, not looking good for an unemployable idiot eh? I am aware Jesus does not leave us, but am I following him? The things I am doing, are they what he wants? Am I really trusting him, or doing it myself?

Cooler Air

So, cooler air is heading this way, behind the rain!
Yes let it come! We need it. But I have enjoyed the sunshine. Ninety degrees some days, out in it all the time. Good stuff, but in truth a bit much really. Burning hot and leaves my arms brown. From my elbows up everything is the normal peelywally white however! Global warming has its advantages and this is one of them, sunshine!
I look forward to working in heavy constant rain again. You have no idea how much fun that is!
( that's sarcasm by the way) Weather around the 70-80 degrees is the best I reckon. Hot enough to make you smile, but allows you to breathe! More of that this summer and I will be grateful.

Summer Rain

The aroma that hangs in the air after a few minutes of summer rain is a delight. The trees, shrubs, and flowers that look so good now scent the air. The heat quickly dies the wet streets and the air clears and breathing is easier once again. It always seems to me that rain in the evening leaves a much deeper, longer lasting fragrance. The 'cool of the day' after the heat of the sun is relaxing, and all seems well with the world.
Spring and Summer,the best parts of the year. How can people live in the far north among rain, constant cloud cover, or floating ice packs? Warmth for me every time!

Israel and the Present Conflict

Hamas decision to kidnap an Israeli soldier was clearly intended to cause trouble. Did they do this in conjunction with Hezbollah? Their attack on an army post, killing three and kidnapping two others, was clearly planned in advance. Why? What was the point of disturbing the peace, such as it was? So far we have no real idea of the reasons, except hate of course, maybe we might never know.

Some see this from a biblical point of view. They will tell off the many prophecies concerning the last days, and cheerfully point out that Israel's return to the land God gave them is a fulfillment of one of these prophecies. Even more cheerfully, they will let you know only twenty remain to be fulfilled! Smile, your doomed!

For me, I believe the biblical prophecies will come true, God does not lie. However, for you and me it does not matter. Why? Because we could die tonight and not be around when it all explodes. Our task therefore is not to read into scripture, but to live it out! The end times, so beloved of many, are in the hands of our God, we merely have to live with him!

So, worry not about the end. Do not be infatuated with it either. But seek Christ now, love him, let him love you! Put aside all the things which entangle, money, sex, jobs, daily life. Put them aside in the sense of letting Jesus be first, and they second. This is where the cross comes in. For it is hard to do, but in the end it is worth it.

God is in control, glory to him!

Things You Miss

The view from the Edinburgh window was once something I missed so much. Looking north over the Forth the lights of Burntisland would glitter all night, ship would pass along the Forth giving life to the scene. The skies in late Autumn would be magnificent, and the only fault that could be found was the haar and rain that so often assails us there.
Londons view was to the East. Marvelous in the morning, the bright sun shining over the church opposite, crows circling above noisily chasing the occasional Kestrel. But in the afternoon it was dire. How I missed those Edinburgh skies!
Now, here in the wilds of Essex the view North brings lovely skies. It is understandable why Constable spent so much time painting clouds! When in London it is so hard to 'see' the sky! Here at least that is possible, and we do not realise how much daylight and space is needed in our lives. But the twinkling of lights in the distance is missing. No ships pass by in the distance, only the occasional ned yelling his way home.
I realise there are many things more important to some of us that we can miss. However, for me, the sight of a sky, an interesting view, makes life more attractive.

62 Year Old Gives Birth

So a woman has had a child at sixty two years of age?
Should we rejoice? I think not. When she is Eightytwo, the child will be twenty. Instead of being a mother she will be a grandmother, or even a great grandmother! How very sad.
How sad a woman would put her selfish desires before care of the child.
This happens so often these days, and the child is just a prisoner of the circumstances.
Very sad.

What is England?

During Euro 96 the English nation discovered they had a flag! After many years of regarding the Union Flag as 'English' the St George's Cross was rediscovered as their own. Devolution, far too long in coming, had at last woken the English up to the idea that Britain was not 'England' but a 'United Kingdom.' Since then of course the cry has been for separation of The Scots from the English, not by the Scots, but by resentful Englishmen who dislike the idea of paying for devolution. The fact of abusing Scotland for three hundred years can be ignored of course, the abuse of Scots oil to feed an English governments policy problems is never mentioned!
However, while the occasional 'English National Party' springs up full of umbrage, the English nation begins to recapture what it is to be English. The only problem they have is knowing what 'being English' actually is! What is England?
Scots have their own idea of Scotland. A mythical land of mist covered hills and bagpipes, with drunk, drug abusers in the cities and a football team that should be at the highest level in the game, but isn't. Well, maybe. The Welsh are standing at this moment on hillsides singing their hearts out, well the men are anyway, the women are in bingo halls or shopping centres.

But what is 'England?'
The English do not know. Vast numbers of flags have flown from cars and vans, buses and bicycles for weeks. Shops and houses are bedecked with a multitude of the things, but is this 'England?' Or just a herd to enlist in?

The nation is split into two halves. North and South, with the bit in between neither one nor the other. The South East cares nothing for the rest, is overcrowded and affluent. The North West is overcrowded, full of violent drugs gangs and surrounded by wonderful countryside. The South West speaks a language all of it's own, and has a greater rainfall than Yorkshire, the Anglian region, while wealthy, is flat and ignored. What is England? Can it be found in poetry, either of the past or present? Shakespeare maybe, though he wrote only what was acceptable to the king or queen of the day. Historic buildings? War hero's? Sporting achievement? Irony? Attitude? What is England?

Do the English know, or do they even care enough to find out? What if they search for 'England' and find there is nothing there? Then what? Nationalism is only skin deep after all.

History Societies

Spent an hour or two at the local History Fair. Excellent idea I say.
History is of course the most important of subjects after 'reading, 'riting and 'rithmatic!
With no understanding of where we come from, and the previous history of the world around us, with only a vague idea of the society in which we live, we are left with a distorted view of our nation. This indeed is something which troubles many Englishmen these days. Devolution has broken the false image of 'Britain' and brought the reality of the unions sham to the fore.
But that is a debate for another time.

This fair included stands from many local history societies, showing the interest folks do have in their local past, museums and re-enactments from Roman gladiators! That was something that got the crowd going. A very well acted show indeed.
Yet among the WW2 stands, the Record Office Bibliophile preservers, and the Police museum the stand that I enjoyed most was the metal detectors. These folks who wander through the fields gathering metal items that have lain untouched for, sometimes, thousands of years do a great job in bringing the past to life for us! In fact I held in my hand a gold coin, not very large but quite heavy, that was minted by the last Celtic King of the are before the Romans took over.
I was informed that I was only the twentieth person to hold it for over two thousand years!
That is bringing history to life! Mind you, I wonder if twenty people ever held this rich mans coin before it was lost.
This is the history to give folks! Now, if only I could work out some way to make a living out of history.......

Arguments

How is it that when a point of discussion comes up, it soon becomes an argument?
Now, when does a debate become a fight? Well I suggest this happens when you are tired, annoyed by self centred attitudes, or just wrong and refuse to admit it!
Obviously, this does not include me. I am open minded, nice, polite, and right! Right!
Good. I am glad you agree.

But once an argument becomes heated how do you stop it? Humour can help, confessing your wrong might do it, if your wrong of course. Or just realising that dealing with the closed mind of a woman will never lead to a happy debate. Logic is removed when her emotions are involved. Ever heard yourself say 'What is it about the word 'No' that you don't understand woman!' Often I hear you say.

Ah well. Life is a bitch and then you meet one.........

Women Tennis Players and Money

The girls at Wimbledon claim they are being paid less than the men, why? They play less sets, three at most instead of five, and feel that being given less money for doing less work is 'unequal!' The truth is these selfish greedy women take MORE money out of Wimbledon than the men! How? By playing in more tournaments! by having to play longer matches the men are less inclined to join in the doubles or mixed doubles games. This however does not matter to the 'two sets at most' girlies. Not only do they make money by entering these matches they have more time to sit around feeling sorry for themselves. Poor dears. If only equality was what it ought to be! Men being men, and women being women. Each being the best they could be and free to be themselves and develop themselves into the best possible. To accept the physical, mental, emotional differences that exist, and to LIVE WITH IT rather than force an unreal world on themselves and others. Then we could have equality. Then pay would matter less, but be rewards for ACTUAL work, and not just earned by going into a huff! And let's face it, tennis is boring!

Where Has the Time Gone?

This World Cup is good stuff, but it does leave no time for having a life! The gap in between games, the need to work for a living, leaves no time at all for those somewhat important things. Things like shopping, fixing the bike, or cleaning the mess left after the last game! Having to rise at three thirty in the morning means I can finish in time to watch the games but I am asleep during some of them! The second half of the last game is usually a mystery to me!
However, I sit here on a Saturday, the sun shining, the sky blue, and I have no time to enjoy it.
After finishing work I have reasonable time to snatch a quick snooze, have a bath, make dinner and prepare for the first game of the day. Nothing else gets done!
There are papers on the desk asking to be dealt with, dust, thick enough to write your name in, on everything that surrounds me, many important topics to be discussed on this blog, yet all are ignored. All, just lying in a queue, all being ignored because of this feast of football. Feast that is, when the game is good! Some could be better.

Oops, must go. The next game comes up soon and I have lots of things to forget before then.........

World Cup Wednesday

Wednesday, and still going!
I have seen millions of hours of football and we are not yet through the first games!
It is difficult trying to fit life in between the games, two hour gaps are not enough!
That's three exclamation marks! Four! Fiv...
Anyway, I am enjoying the games, and hopefully when Englandshire get beat tomorrow I will be able to spend a day at work surrounded by Englishmen in despair.
Love it! Love it!

Hey ho, on we go.......Germany v Poland coming up.

Started Well

Yes a good start to the World Cup. Lots of goals, some good footy, and some strange parts also. But a good beginning. Germany 4 Costa Rica 2. Hope the standard keeps up!

World Cup

So the hype ends here. And just how much has there been? TOO much I say!
At last the game, eventually, gets under way. Once the never ending ceremonies come to an end.
So may the best team win! I hope this is a good world cup, there has been far too many poor games in the past, and that I enjoy the winners for a change.
Please Lord, don't let it be England!
Please Please!!!!!!

Behaviour patterns

There is a school called 'Somerville' if I have it correct, where children are 'left to find their own way.' That is avoiding lessons if they wish and developing at their own level. That at least is the educational theory employed. Now alas, the head has decided that after 40 years the school must insert certain rules of behaviour. Something not known there previously. The reason is the parents failure to teach their kids the basic rules of life!
In short, up till now the school with no rules has always had rules. Rules inculcated by the middle class parents into their kids, so that while at this 'open learning experience' everyone knew how to behave. Alas this is no longer the case!
This indicates how far the nation has fallen. The middle class liberals have allowed the loose living pendulum to swing so far that liberal schools need rules of behaviour.

The truth is that self has won! The self indulgence of recent years is producing fruit. That fruit is self indulgence, a lack of concern for others, seeking only for ones own needs and pleasures at the expense of whoever gets in the way, and the sad thing is no one wants it to change! How could they, it would mean sacrifice! Self sacrifice at that, and no one wants that nowadays do they!

After the deprivation of the nineteenth century folks looked to a good future. This was rudely destroyed by the Great War, however improvements all round continued, in spite of the depression and another conflagration. This led to a desire throughout the nation to have a better life for all. When the money began to roll in folks found that having enough was not enough, instead the consumer society bred upon itself and led us into the self centred world in which we now live.

This does not mean there is no good to be found today. There are many who give all the time, and a great many who give much of the time, but overall we are increasingly becoming a shallow inward looking state. Concern for others has not quite died, but is taking more and more of a back seat.

And who is responsible for this state of affairs?
You and me, no-one else.

Rainy Day Off

I can see numbers of round ripples I the puddles caused by the rain which teems down this morning. This fills me with a sense of joy. Why? Because it's my day off! While I am sitting here, drinking coffee, snoozing, reading or whatever, Big Rab is wandering the streets cursing the weather and pushing bundles of paper mache through peoples doors. A postmans life is not a happy one during inclement weather! Still, I'm all right Jock! When the posties begin to appear I will go to the window and wave as they pass.
They always wave back.............

Football less weekends

As I watch the game on Setanta on Sundays I miss football then more than on the Saturday. I am so tired after work that I usually doze my way through the Saturday games, enjoying it all the same. But on Sunday I can see Scots football, hidden behind the Old Firm bias, and not having that experience leaves me with lots of free time.
So what have I done with it?
Nothing.
There are things to do, but the adrenalin is down, the effort is too much, and ...well, er..... em...I just exist, not live these days.
I have dawdled on the messageboards, leaving an occasional comment, picking a world cup fantasy team, and clearing some junk from the p.c. I have made and eaten soup, had what passed for lunch, listened to Radio 3, Classic FM and Radio 7's listen again for old comedies. Not much else. And it is not even five o'clock yet!
I would wander the streets but the rain is falling quite hard. Mind you, this can leave a lovely aroma in the air at this time of year. Maybe I will wander anyway.
It is nice not to have to consider the football for a while. However, soon it will be missed and the world cup will take its place. Who do we support? Anyone playing England! That's who!

Women's Magazines

What is it with women and trauma?
The pages of their mags are full of terrible sagas of pain and despair, and trial and tribulation. Never anything sensible or worthwhile, just trauma! On the plane the girl next to me read one such magazine and each page gave more lurid headlines than the previous. 'Surgeon Healed my Melted Face,' or 'My Son Was Switched at Birth with His Schoolmate,' it gets worse, do you remember 'My Lover Was An Anorak?'
Interspersed between these tales of woe we find meaningless celebs telling us of their trauma in'relationships' or how many kids they want, though what they will do with them later is something to discuss. Children are not a toy!
Oh yes these mags have recipe's and what passes for fashion, and of course the nonsense of a horoscope, 'You will be lucky today, the time is right for a decision, be brave!' Bolox!
And these girls have the vote!

women's, mags, only a woman would read them!

Scottish Cup Win

As expected the Heart of Midlothian won the Scottish cup again, and as was also expected, they made hard work of it. The Hearts are notorious for beating all the big teams, and struggling against the small ones. This game was no different! Still, I am used to it, and was very glad for Stephen Pressley when he lifted the trophy on behalf of everyone. Great moment.

Of course it's good being home, but hard work. Being force fed soap operas is not my idea of life. Why are such things allowed? They live on false confrontation, encourage selfish behaviour, and are contrived rubbish! Ban them now!

Lovely to see folks, and enjoyed all of them. One day when rich, I will travel up there more often.
And this in spite of the cheerless folk I met on the way. Many good ones, but too many sour faces.

Weather

So I get sunburn last week, the Spring birds entertain me in the morning, and now, the rain drenches me during the day.
Spring rain. The sort that comes down in torrents when far from shelter.
My language was not nice.......

Dawn Chorus

The dawn chorus is one of the joys of Spring! This past few days it has become a cacophony of noise as I trot off to work. The trees down The Avenue appear to have become home to a dozen or more Blackbirds let a lone the others. Each morning at four thirty the Babel of voices as I pass makes sure I am awake!
This morning I awake as always at three forty, soon enough the blackbirds song was heard. One bird appears very close, I think he is under the roof of the building, and he was loudly proclaiming his dominance of this area. By four thirty many others joined the clamour and I wondered whether they were announcing their presence or just chatting? By five thirty our boy was still at it, though by now the rest had moved on. Maybe they have mates who insist on them getting the breakfast in? Now, after seven thirty, there are still blackbird voices to be heard all around.
The musical voice which adds all sorts of everyday sounds to the melody. Car alarms, phone rings, any passing note is included by these clever birds.
They say that birds in warmer climes have more colourful outfits, while the birds in the UK have better songs. Listening to them this morning I can believe this.

Graveyards in the Rain

Spring rain can be an attractive entity. While I normally object to being soaked through I find this type of rain to be atmospheric. Early in the morning, with the light dimmed only by gray clouds, the birds singing as they chased one another through the treetops, and the occasional dog walker shuffling along beside his happy tail wagging pet, is a good time to wander on wet bank holiday days like these. Listen to the quietness, there is little traffic, streets almost deserted, noise from water rushing down into the drains, or rain pattering of rooftops. Plant life is refreshed at such times, vegetation gives of an atmospheric aroma, plants, blossom in trees, and early flowers combining to freshen the air. Walking through the graveyard behind the Congregational Church at such times rejuvenates the whole man, while contemplating the memorials concentrates the mind.
Churches which have been established for several hundred years are bound to contain the resting places of the great and the good from years past. This one is no different.
What one notices first of all is the ages of the dead. Many are children, many others young women who clearly have died in childbirth. Still others reveal how being rich, as those who could afford a gravestone had to be, could not prevent the diseases of the day carrying them away.
We never realise how healthy we have become since the establishment of the NHS. But are we grateful? Teens and twenties abound as much as those in their seventies and eighties. In fact, they probably outnumber them! The fear of graverobbers, the ghouls as they were called, is apparent in those many stone blocks which lie over the vaults, sometimes these contain several bodies, even complete families. Occasionally metal bars are used to surround the grave. Most however, reflecting their wealth, consist of a tombstone, three or four feet high, engraved with the details of the deceased. The poor have no gravestone, and in many graveyards are buried together at the rear, unmarked, possibly unmissed!
Being believers, as most in non conformist churchyards would be, many are embellished with biblical terms. 'With Christ, which is far better,' 'His works have gone before him,' and the like.

The rain, the blossoming trees, uncut grass and the bird life making the most of the wildlife found here, combine to create an atmosphere that reinvigorates the soul. Something those 'couch potatoes' among us miss out on. We spend too much time wrapped up in our work, our problems, our 'self,' and need to wander through such places in gentle rain, alone, and with our own thoughts to get a better perspective on life.

Writing

Every so often I take to writing, but I never get far. Recently I had an idea for a short story. I began to scribble the main idea, some of the characters, and one or two relevant points. I got no further. Somewhere on a disk is the beginnings of my major work, 'The History of the First World War.' The war lasted from the fourth of August 1914 until 11th of November 1918. My book makes it to midday on the fourth of August 1914 and falls asleep! There are several more, history based, items I have found. Not one is going anywhere, a sad reflection of the author!
Others are more able to make use of their talents. The word 'talents' I use there of course depends whether you like what is written or not! There are those who write weighty volumes, with hundreds of pages, that I would not use to kindle a fire with.
Woman's fiction is a good example of wasted paper if ever there was one!
When I first came to this backwater I looked into the charity shops for cheap books. In London these shops were always full of a wide selection of books able to satisfy every taste. Out here the predominate taste was Joan Collins, or Barbara Cookson! Dozens of similar volumes filled the bookshelves awaiting another feeble minded, self centered lassie desperate to escape into an unreal fantasy world. Yet , something to consider, these folks can vote! Time for a rethink I say!
Is it possible to find a woman who can write properly? A female who understands the world and has experience of life? Do thinking women exist?
Well yes as it happens. I admit you have to look for them, sometimes it takes a bit of digging, but they can be found. I found one once, beautiful, intelligent, kind, thoughtful, full of charm, grace, and all things good. I was in love!
She ran off with a Frenchman!
But there are still others around. I know another, and she is an author in waiting.
Blackberry Juniper has attempted novels, short stories and the like. Possibly she has put her mind to non fiction also, she certainly has the ability! Maybe she ought to combine the two and write a historical novel, set in the Victorian era, and become world famous?
This would be the least she deserves after all her troubles.
One day one of her attempts, and maybe one of mine, will end in print.
The world waits.....

Great Saling

Went for a little jaunt this morning. First time in years I was in the mood to cycle. The sun was up, the wind a bit chilly, coming from the North and all, but not too bad I thought. I cut across to the old railway line, now called the Flitch Way, and trundled uphill into Rayne.
This is an excellent way of using old railway lines. Walking, cycling, or in some parts at least, horse riding along them makes a grand day out. With blossom on the bushes and trees, birds singing overhead, the remnants of what appear to be badgers setts, and of course rabbit holes aplenty, there is much going on all around. Middle age women jogging , younger ones jogging with a push chair, can also be seen. Hope the kid appreciates it!
Stopping on occasion and just listening is worthwhile. Not much sound, a bird or two, rustling leaves, something dashing through the undergrowth, not very exciting maybe, but after town life a welcome change, and just plain enjoyable!
being brave or stupid I decide to venture down the Shalford Road. I knew it went on for a bit, but I intended to cut off and make my way past the old Andrews Airfield, and once again wonder how B17s took of from there during the war! Those big lumbering airplanes, loaded with bombs, on that small field trundling uphill and rising into the sky one after the other must have been some sight. And, I imagine, some noise too! The thoughts and feelings of men in their teens and twenties heading over the channel and crossing well defended enemy territory known only unto themselves. The thoughts and feelings of those left behind, giving the orders, not much different.
However, I passed into Great Saling and decided it was a bit much to continue down the Stebbing way, not being sure how far it was and all that, and instead made my way back past Blake House farm and into Rayne once again.
Country roads, when not being used by white van man or baileys feed lorries, are refreshingly quiet. Sure some use them as a chance to pretend they are in a Ferrari at Monza, but I found few, and most were careful of the bike. The road allows time to stop and stare at the fields and the distant hamlets. To wonder what history has gone before over these quiet places. Who has passed this way in times gone, the famous, the infamous, the vassals working the fields as slaves, or the big house owners jealously guarding their lands.
Did any leave these fields and join the 'peasants revolt' all those years ago? This area certainly took part. How many had survived the plague? The fields, now worked by one man and his machine once had twenty or thirty at one time working all the hours God sent. What work that would have been at harvest time!
Airmen, drunkenly making their way here from Braintree or Rayne, winding up the hilly roads, not that hilly but try it after a few pints mate! Vassals and peasants. Lords and Ladies,Kings and Queens maybe passed along this small narrow, roadway in times past.
And here was I also!
Great Saling has little to show the world. The 'Orangery,' whatever that is, was clearly an important red brick complex from times past. What it is now I am unsure. A few old world style thatched houses and little else to see. The village shop has closed. How will the gossips get their news now?
Back down the rail track and home and into the bath was all that remained.
An enjoyable way to spend your leisure, if the sun shines!

History

History is, after reading, writing and arithmetic, the most important subject to learn. Not only does it teach us what went before, but tells us about ourselves. 'What will be has already been, and what was will come again!'
We learn where we come from and this gives us a place from where to view the world. We learn how folk handled situations, usually much worse than our own, and note that they are just like us. We see how people are just the same now as they were two thousand, five thousand, and even ten thousand years ago, people were just the same as us!
On top of that, it is just interesting!
Who doesn't find old buildings, be they castles, churches, or strange mounds in the earth, something to investigate. The success of such programmes as 'Time Team' show this to be true!
History also shows up the myths that most of us grow up with. Each nation has a mind set, often built on tales of activities in it's past history. But investigating these shows that the myths never fit the facts. While they may not be always wrong, they are all to often glibly misinterpreted to suit the wishes of the day. The population would prefer a myth to reality.
Many are happy to watch 'Braveheart' and reckon it tells us of Scots history, when in fact it does no such thing. The actual facts, while similar, are very different, but it suits us to have half a story rather than the truth. The truth of Scots abuse by the English invader is much worse, but not so straight forward as it seems.
Learning other subjects have their place, and such study ought to be encouraged, but knowing our history, and that of others, helps us understand the world, and our place in it.

The Self

The Self is the centre of the world. That place deep within us that only we know, and sometimes that is the place we do not wish to know. Deep within our heart is a centre in which I am god! I am what counts, and I alone matter.
Now many will say that people are good at heart, that many do wonderful acts of goodness and mercy around the world, and I agree wholeheartedly. But they too share the creation within of a heart, a self, that considers that self to be the first and only.
occasionally we let it escape. When we do, the best of us can be seen for what we are. What is revealed is not nice! A vicious, deceitful, hard, uncaring, self lies in the very centre of our being.
Getting it to change is impossible.
Jesus is the only one who can change us. He died to give us a new heart, as the old one is so bad.
But obtaining that new heart, the amended self,while simple, is not easy!
Why? Because the heart does not want to die! The Self wants to rule!
No Christian who attempts to seek the best has ever found it easy!
Simple to test this. Just stand in front of Jesus and say, all that I have, all that I am, belongs to you, and mean it. If you do there will be only seconds, maybe minutes, before you realise you have taken back what you said. The Self dies hard!
DOMINUS FLEVIT. And no wonder.

Tired

How come I am always tired?
I thought it was just work, it's too physical, and being on my feet or using a bike all day is wearing me out. But add to that the virus (or is it 'virii?) that seem never ending and I think I have the reason!
I hoped this week off would help but so far no good. The thing is the brain is more tired than the body. This makes me more irritable than normal, and that is normal, and I just have not got the energy to bother or care any more.
What is the answer? Change jobs, well, with the condition of my knee that may happen anyway, but to what? I am getting old, I know nothing, and am discovering just how dumb I have always been! This has not been good for me I can tell you!
Still, I had better go and eat some foul concoction and see if it gives any sign of revival, fish maybe, but I doubt it.
Gloomy? Me? No, this is me positive mate!

Fridays Highlight

The highlight on Friday was the six year old who came out to me from number 9 and gave me a Cadbury's Easter Egg. One of the famous little ones that nobody can resist. 'Thanks for delivering our post,' she said. Then ran back indoors. I often speak to those at that house, and she usually opens the door once the mail has gone in, and shouts 'Thank you,' as I move on. Made my day that. Lovely!

Explaining God

I can never get over the difficulty of explaining God to people. In times past it was accepted that some believed and others didn't really. Now, it is considered mad to actually believe in the God who created the world and then gave his Son in an attempt to save it! So, how do you get folk to listen? I am talking here about decent, thinking folk, not callous, off hand types.

I can tell them how Jesus drew me to himself, proved that he was who the bible said he was by answered prayer, and give account of the things he has done for me. But even those closest to me call me mad for believing this! I cannot deny what Jesus has done! I cannot change the facts! Yet my words cannot make others see what is real, and what has been done to make me what I am. Well, what I could be if I had not mucked it up so badly!

Only the Holy Siprit of God himself can open us up to him.
If only he would let it shine through me.
If only I would let him.......

Cycling Idiot

Royal Mail bikes as you know are old, but stout beasts. On the front they have that nice little basket to hold the huge bag of mail the postie will endevour to deliver that day. This is a fine idea.
However, at the end of the day the postman has several of these bedraggled red bags on his bike. 'So?' You might ask, but probably will not bother asking, as you are not reading this are you? Anyway, at the end of the day the postman has too many bags on the front of his bike. There is little in them, except packets folk are to pig ignorant to be in when they arrive, and 'signed for' letters, and the occasional missort, which we will not mention as they are not supposed to happen. So, the man has five bags on his bike. A handfull of light letters in the topmost bag, and heads for home.
Home is the sorting office, you know, the one at the bottom of the hill. All he has to do is drift down the hill and round the bend (something he knows all about going around I can tell you) and up into the bike shed. Simple. Only an idiot could fail to accomplish this simple, straightforward chore.
Ah yes, there is one thing. The wind.
See, as you go forward the air pressure around you meets you. On the bike this 'wind' is much more noticeable and can hold you back. Indeed, when going downhill, as our hero has to, means he meets a bit more of this air coming up to meet him. This means the topmost bag, you know, the light one with not much in it, tends to rise of the basket and fly up into the air.
Simple again. Put out a hand and push it back down. Easy.
Well, yes. But, if the bag begins to float to the postmans left side, and a taxi is right behind him at the time, and he is negotiating an obstacle, and he then loses control of the bike and the front wheel juts against the kerb, then what?
Then I can humbly tell you, he loses it altogether!
He stops pushing the floating bag, sticks a foot out towards the ground, lets go the bag, grabs the handlebars, far too late, feels the bike going from under him and heads for a meeting with the pavement. That's what!
Why is it he asks afterwards, that the taxi does not stop, GIT! But the next car does, enquiring after your health, and wondering if the taxi had hit you. Again I ask why is it that behind him are several other cars, each occupied by men sneering with straight faces and leaving you feeling embarrassed and with a bruise on the shin?
I don't know, but I am that man. Where's the germoline eh?

Spring Colours

The colours of Spring stood out today.
Daffodils aplenty have opened and their yellow heads brightened up many a garden. Alongside were deep blue and red flowers, the occasional snowdrop hanging it's head, blossom burgeoning on the trees, and the sunshine bringing out the various hues therein.
That is what has been missing in recent days, colours! The depressing darkness that winter brings, gray clouds overhead for days on end, rain, hail or snow, all wrapped up into a biting wind oppresses the spirit. Spring lightens that melancholy. Daylight is the best cure for depression. Bright sun and colourful gardens replaces glumness with cheerfulness.
Those who spend six months of the year in darkness in Scandinavia suffer much from despondency. Sometimes leading to suicidal tendencies. No wonder the Vikings wanted to come here! And we know how cheerful they were!
Maybe it's time to move to the sun. Anyone got some spare cash?

Early Morning

One of the joys of starting work at four thirty in the morning is the sounds of Spring. Dark it may be, with the stars, and occasional planet, shining brightly above. Chilly often, made worse by winds trying to keep the winter temperature going, yet the sounds are joyful. The trees resound to the early bird telling all and sundry that they are alive, and this is their home.
The sound of a Blackbird early in the morning is a wonderful tonic to one who has a long weary slog ahead of ageing tired bones. One by one the birds call out. The trees by the Police Compound harbour many, mostly Blackbirds, with a variety of other species hang around the houses and gardens opposite.
The noise lifts as I pass, not that they notice me, but as one starts further beaks are opened and an announcement of their presence is made. None can be seen of course. Too dark to make out the nest. Still bare trees ought to make them known, but the early hour, an unsteady bicycle, and a weary eye make finding them difficult.
However, seen or not, they make the morning. I am glad of them

Hearts 4 Hibernian 0

WoooooooooooHoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Nae bother at all eh?
I was never worried! Four goals to nil against the 'young flair' team.
Why two of them bothered to get sent off escapes me. I mean, it doesn't help your lost cause does it eh?
Ah well. Now for Gretna in the final. Another 'wee team' to destroy!

Semi Final

Just about an hour to go.
I have not got SKY so I will not see it, unless I cvan find it on the web.
The Hearts World option may be the only one.
But, if they score first it is sooo hard to listen and not see what is happening!

Maybe I will just go out.......

Heart of Midlothian v Hibernian Semi Final

The tension mounts.
Now we know that our opponents in the final will be Gretna, the up and coming team from the lower leagues. Surely we ought to beat them! However, the Heart of Midlothian often make hard work of small teams. So nothing is going to be easy!
Oh yes, we still have to play Hibernian, so that is why the tension is mounting. But really, we ought to beat them, we usually do! The overall scores since the eighteen seventies shows the Heart of Midlothian as well ahead on victories over the 'Wee Team!' So tomorrow it stands to reason that will not change.
Well, except that Stuart Dougal is to be the referee of course.
That is one thing in Hibs favour eh?

'Digging up Jerusalem'

Just finished this book by Kathleen M Kenyon, its a review of the dig in Jerusalem in the years 1961-67. This book was published in 1974, bought about ten years ago, and I have just got around to reading it! I am on top of things here I am!
I find some fascination about digging up such places, be they famous old cities or little houses and business areas such as those features in 'Time Team' on Channel 4. Standing on a piece of ground, however unkempt it may now be, which has some connection to an event from the past which has had a an impact on my life, or indeed is just famous for whatever reason, has always made a deep impression on me. Having wandered around Jerusalem some fifteen years ago,and therefore able to comprehend better the subject of this book I found the archeological evidence for the city of David and Solomon fascinating. Clearly, being written in the early seventies the information re dating etc has moved on, however, the details of the study are well worth a read for those interested in ancient Jerusalem.
What I liked most about this book was the steady, clear writing. Kathleen tells the story in a clear manner, detailing what is needed and missing out much that would be superfluous. detailing first the history of the attempts to investigate the ancient 'City of David' and in a chronological manner telling the history as revealed by the finds themselves.
The pre Israeli city inhabited by the Jebusites, until taken by David the king around the 7th century B.C. still has remnants of the walls remaining. Alterations by the Kings following, especially Solomon and his temple platform, are indicated by the masonry and pot sherds that still abound in the slopes of the old city. That is the old city of David, as opposed to the present 'old city.'
The story follows through the times of Judah, the Babylonian sacking of the city, the return from exile some seventy years later, the times of the Hellenistic influence, the Maccabees, and the rebuilding by Herod the Great. He of course had to do things in great style, so the temple platform as we now find it was his creation.
Herod, famous for killing the chidren, but less well known for his monumental works. This tells us something about how we perceive people I feel! Without the tale of the child killing, in a vain attempt to stop another king taking his place, we would no doubt acknowledge Herod the Great, as Herod the great builder. Jerusalem , Masada, and Ceaserea to name some of his accomplishments. As it is, he is just a murderer, and a power mad thug. Which, in truth, he was!
following the Jewish war of 66-70, the Romans destroyed the temple to fulfill Jesus words that, 'Not one stone would stand on another.' Today, some of those very stones can be seen under what is called 'Robinsons Arch.' In some places skulls were found, without bodies it seems, from the time of this destruction. Not one of Jerusalems better moments!
The Romans of course rebuilt Jerusalem after the rebellious Jews tried another upset in A.D.135. This time they called the new city Aelia Capitolina, a name which stuck for a while.
Finds reveal a little of the city after this time, and the story passes through the Moslem, Crusader times and after Saladin rebuilt the walls the outline of the city has remained almost unchanged.

In short, a dated book, well written and full of information based on the remnants of walls and pottery found after much strenuous digging. An excellent story which only encourages the seeker to search the web for more info on the finds, and be grateful to those who search so diligently.

Spring

You can tell it's Springtime. Folks everywhere are running around complaining that it's cold, that it's wet, there is snow falling, hail also, and dull gray clouds overhead!
'Why it is so?' they ask?
Because it is Spring and this is the UK! That is why! It is like this EVERY YEAR!
It never fails to be like this yet, they still complain and moan and ask daft questions!

No doubt they will soon be complaining about the heat, the water shortages and sun burn.
Why? They will ask, because it is SUMMER numpty! To be followed by winter and questions about blocked roads when the snows come in earnest.

The United Kingdom is overrun by folk who complain about the weather. The weather that has remained unchanged, in spite of global warming, for thousands of years. Will this questioning ever change? NO! Complaining about the obvious is hereditary in this land.

Bush & Afghan

At least Dubya has made an attempt to do something about a Christian man threatened with death in a country his, and our, troops and giving succour to! Time Blair followed suit!
If our troops go there, they have to listen to us, or lose out!
Come on Blair, speak up for justice.
I still await the outrage from the secular left, wonder why they are quiet?

Afghanistan

"41-year-old Abdul Rahman was arrested last month after his family accused him of becoming a Christian, Judge Ansarullah Mawlavezada told The Associated Press in an interview. Rahman was charged with rejecting Islam and his trial started Thursday.
During the one-day hearing, the defendant confessed that he converted from Islam to Christianity 16 years ago while working as a medical aid worker for an international Christian group helping Afghan refugees in the Pakistani city of Peshawar, Mawlavezada said." (AP)

Strict islam will kill those who reject it, especially if they become Christians.
We are sending 3000 men to stave off the Taliban, will it make any difference to Rahman?
Should we be there while this man is sentenced to death for his beliefs?

Funny how the secular liberals are not shouting about this eh?
Christianity has led to a tolerance of other beliefs in the UK. However much it is abused by the secular fascists. But such democracy and tolerance is unlikely in many Islamic nations.
Tony Blair and Bush must ensure this type of behaviour is stopped!

Women eh?

Things they say.

When watching the news on TV, the announcer speaks of war and rumours of war, of death and destruction, earthquakes and violence, storms and drought.
She says,'Look at your hair darling!' Or, 'What is she wearing now?'

Passing someone we know in the street she will comment,'She is depressed.'
'How do you know, she seemed fine to me?'
'Her fringe is over her eyes.' ????? Fringe over her eyes??? This means she is depressed???
Bald men cannot get depressed then?

Another is 'You ought to have known I was in a bad mood!'
'How?'
'I was wearing red!' ?????? Red???? Eh?

Trainilng through a department store we can go upstairs to the top floor via every department in the building to reach the chosen land. Grabbing a piece of cloth in between her fingers she will stoke it for a nanosecond and murmur, 'Hmmmm.' Then say 'Let's go.'
Hours spent wandering around a store to say, 'Hmmmm!'
Asked why, the reply is, 'Because.'
'Because!' ?????

We have spent the last thirty years being lied to by feminists. Each one saying different things about women's needs. Each one attempting to say women and men are the same. How glad I am that many women are realising they are not. They are meant to be different, that is how it works! Anyone who cannot see that has chosen to be blind, for reasons of her own.
Women's logic? There's no such thing!

Essex the driest county?

When I landed here ten years ago I was informed that this was the driest county in England. Note, that is England, and not the UK as a whole. It is not possible for there to be a dry county anywhere in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland! Being in the South East, and further East than any other part of the mainland, means that the winds, mostly from the West, bring the rain in from the Atlantic and deposit it cheerily on everyone else.
This I have to say, I don't mind in the least!

However, along with the other lie, the one that tells you how flat Essex is, I have discovered, especially since becoming a postman, that it rains quite a lot in Essex! Not only does this town have several hills far too steep for my liking, but there has been occasions when attempting to cycle up them with a heavy bag in a downpour has made me wonder at the aridity of the region.
I can go so far as to say that only a year or two ago they were talking of how wet it was, and how could this be? People blamed global warming! Somewhat earlier, in the first year or two since my arrival, the weather had been very hot and dry. People blamed global warming!
Since becoming a postman, the English around me have blamed me, because 'You are used to this sort of thing!' I am not actually! I have spent more time here than in Edinburgh! And even if I was, I still dislike coming home with boots squelching, and having my outfit drying all around the house. Worse is the morning after when nothing is completely dry.

Today another county has announced a hosepipe ban. The water folk have asked people to shower instead of bath, and to use water carefully. They themselves are going to be kind enough to attempt to stop the water leaks which account for a third of all lost water.
A THIRD! A third of water is lost throughout leaks!
May I suggest a lowering of profits while these anomalies are attended to!

Meanwhile Essex may have to have such a ban imposed, not that it will affect me, I have no garden, just a couple of dying plants here on the window. I suppose I could do my bit to save water by sharing a bath with someone, that would help. Wanted, female for back scrubbing, any takers?

How to be an Idiot

First, buy glasses. The old pair are of course broken by being dropped carelessly on a hard floor. Take a trip to the cheape...er best optician in town. Be open to the suggestion of having 'Varifocal' lenses. Pay large sums for what seems a good idea. At first sight it works! Hooray!
Within a week you realise, it doesn't! Booooo!

Buy a laptop! Super idea. Great for trips up north to Edinburgh, and using back there. Discover modem don't work. New modem sent, no instructions on how to fix it. Discover old modem works on Com 6, but new one uses com 5! Why? Don't know, but doesn't work either. E-mail tech. 'Use the disk to put it right.' OK. Disk says, 'use DOS.' DOS says, 'Insert diskette.'
THERE IS NO DISKETTE! So that don't work. Explain why to tech. 'Use disk,' they say.
%$"@!#* say I.
Like a weegie it still don't work......

So, the bath is separating from the tiles on the wall. Simple. Buy some of that white stuff in a tube, and apply. Well, first buy the gun to actually get the stuff out of the tube, then apply. When finished going around the bath, putting the loose tiles back, and breaking in...or two, leave it to slowly begin setting while I do the same in the kitchen. Return to the bath to smooth it all out and tidy the work. Find it has already dried hard! No-one mentioned it was quick drying! Oh, we will fix that....tomorrow......

Get Freeview TV. Buy box. Spend hours fixing the 'simple' cables. Discover it doesn't work!
Decide a new ariel is needed. Rush to Argos. The slowest moving company in the world. Watch headless chickens run around in the back shop, while NONE attend to the ever growing mass of people rushing to the collection point at the bodyless instructions behest. Hours later, receive new ariel. Spend afternoon building it, then rebuilding it properly. Doesn't work! It does not pick up the digital signal! Visit Tesco. Buy cheap indoor ariel, which works. Also buy connector box to bring Tv, Freeview box and VCR onto one control point. Video does not work! Wrong box.
Burst into tears.........

Support the Heart of Midlothian. Wait forty to fifty years for success. Be inspired when George Burley is brought in buy new Lithuanian multi millionaire, and success dawns! Burley sacked when top of the league and many points clear. New man, Rix, brought in amidst recriminations and crocodile tears. Rix lets slip the fact that Vlad insists on picking team. Outcry! Again world about to collapse. Remain in second spot even now, awaiting the defeat of Hibernian in the semi final of the cup, glory is just around the corner. We know what that means eh!

Just back from Tesco. No need to buy anything till Monday. Then I will do the main shop. Great, Saturday with the shops full makes for no pleasure whatsoever!
Discover I have forgotten the bread!
Burst into tears again........

How to be an idiot? Easy, very easy.....

Saturday night

All over the nation people are out there! Yes, out there! Not sitting at home wondering where the energy has gone, wondering why a social life is a thing of the past. Now many people in my position are wondering this. For me it started the day I became a postman. From that day, and very early in that day, my social life died. From the moment I get home my existence comprises eating, sleeping and trotting round Sainsburys or Tescos looking for cheap stuff to eat and drink! By the time I have eaten whatever I found it's time for bed!
Life? Not any more.
The desire to go anywhere has long gone. Now when younger I just could not stand being indoors at night. Every evening was for some form of socialising, I mean life was out there. It still is, but now I just don't care any more.
To tell the truth, I am happy enough. If I have the energy I have the desire to read the many books I am working through. I have the p.c. my door to the world. I have the radio and the CDs which fill the background. I must say, I could do with much more in the energy stakes. This would help greatly, but this lifestyle of early rising and working physically is too wearing for me.
The weekends are the worst. If I do have time and will to do something it leaves me hating the idea of returning to work. From joy to despair in one early rising! Wooppeedoo!
Do you feel the same? I can tell you do! You fell asleep long ago reading this. And I think I might have done also zzzzzzzzzzzzz